Project Runway Season 11: Episode 9 – Seriously… Send Them All Home! [Runway Rundown]

God! How bad did last week’s work suck?! Poor Amanda was sent packing for THE worst showings by an entire group in the history of project runway. Alas, they didn’t take me or Heidi’s advice and send them all home, so I guess we get another challenge to critique. I have to say at this point is it even worth it? Should I just pop on an episode of Small Wonder instead, because I know that will be more enjoyable and entertaining. Besides I think Vicki from that show wore one of the outfits made this week…

Spoilers abound ahead, and as always go watch the damn thing before reading any more of my rants about this god awful season.

Our episode began as usual, with Layana talking shit about the boys and people she thinks are “Bitches.” It seems her focus has shifted off her female cohorts since they are all living under one snuggly roof now, after so many designers have gone home to Jesus. After being sent off to meet Tim at Lord + Taylor for the detail of their new challenge, they all dressed themselves up in their big girl clothes.

Sidebar: What the fuck was Richard wearing?! Seriously dude, did you have to steal some poor woman from the trailer park’s cheetah print pants and rip off Lady GaGa’s ugly ball cap with rhinestones and studs? I bet this’ll show the judges that once and for all the case is closed… you have a strong sense of style and taste! (It just happens to be from Schenectady in 1993)

LnTTheir challenge this week: Make a ready to wear piece or separates that reflect: Spring 2013, the iconic “Lord + Taylor Rose,” and a strong sense of youthfulness. Each ensemble should be able to retail for under $250.00 and the winning look will be featured in the window at L&T’s flagship store, sold online, as well as throughout various L&T stores within the franchise. The groups were redistricted by judges after last week with the fallout being: Stanley and Patricia, Daniel and Michelle, and Samantha, Richard and Layana working together. Each team of two was given a budget of $150 and the team of three was given $225 to spend at MOOD. After being given their assignment they were sent throughout the store to sketch for 30 minutes. You could feel the tension rising as everyone ended up paired with someone they didn’t particularly want to work with. Let the games begin!

Layana and Richard played Middle School this week avoiding talking to each other and not even looking in each other’s direction. I kept waiting for Richard to say to Samantha: “Samantha, can you tell Layana _______?” C’mon kids… Work together now, you know you’re both probably gonna make something fairly ugly anyhow, so just kick up your heels and laugh it off! Samantha chose to act out her frustrations by sketching what can only be described as a Rainbow Bright figure skating outfit. I could almost hear her mind thinking, “Here, if I make this hideous thing they will both shut the fuck up!”

Over in Patricia and Stanley’s side of the work room, things were getting tense as a condescending fog settled in from a strong onshore flow of Stanley’s belittlement. I know Stanley, Patricia is crazy, but at least she finishes her garments, and although her process may not make sense to you, at least give her a little wiggle room here. If she fails then you get thrown under the bus for driving her design into the ground. On the other hand Patricia, wetting your fabric? Stamping it with an iron? Is this just to get your aggression out or is this to freak the shit out of Stanley? Either way, I love it so keep it up you crazy bitch.

TimVIsitThe Tim visit didn’t inspire much confidence anywhere he went really. He has the same permanent scowl this season with every crit and I dearly hope he sees just how awful these kids are all performing. At this stage in the game we should be wowed by at least 80% of the garments up there, but after last week I am not sure we will ever be wowed again. His suggestions were on course where he was able to give much feedback at all: Richard, your dress is too similar to what you have done… Layana, your look is too severe… Stanley, what is new about this look?… Michelle, ditch the vest… Daniel, your look is not sophisticated enough. “Use your team members to really look at it,” he chimed before gliding out of the work room like some soft shoeing gazelle. After Tim left, there was an explosion of “WTF” over in camp Daniel/ Michelle. Daniel cried over his choice to cut up his jacket to make a dress, while attacking Michelle for saying (as he imaged) it had to be “made for a 21 year old.” “I like to design clothes that make people happy and I lost that a couple challenges ago,” he said. Oh god girl, get a grip! You make perfectly acceptable, stylish old lady clothes. If you want to win a challenge you need to infuse it with youth and Listen to your teammates. (Not to mention ditching the antler necklace which thankfully you did this week.) Tim is right, Michelle knows how to make a young hip look and you could take a page out of her book.

Surprisingly, and probably most likely due to the fact that Tim loved Patricia’s look, Stanley was all smiles about Patricia at this point. He even added, “I learned a new chiffon technique from her!” It seemed like they had exercised their demons, but they popped right into Daniel. Michelle and Daniel went in their separate corners to work away, and it was probably for the best because Daniel looked like he was ready to focus all of his defensiveness into a pair of scissors lodged right in her forehead. Had the mad scramble not killed the designers this week, they probably would have killed each other.

This week on the runway, Rachel Roy sat in for Zac Posen and the guest judge was the President of Lord + Taylor herself, Bonnie Brooks. The designers faired better this week over-all (how could they not after last week?), but there were still some dismal results strutting down the runway. I was amazed to see all the gay boys pick barbie pinks for their ensembles, perhaps that’s what they think women have to wear every Spring? *gag*

Our “Safe” team this week coming solidly into the middle of the pack was Stanley and Patricia. Stanley’s simple mid-calf pink dress was nice, safe and boring. He belonged in middle from the moment it turned the corner. Patricia however totally surprised me this week with what I thought was a top two look! Her flouncy pink and red ruffle tank blouse with shiny over-layed capri pants was flirty, adorable, and hit the target dead on with what the challenge called for. I’m impressed Patricia, I never saw you as a strong contender but this was a great look!

PRWinningreallyOur winning team this week was not so surprisingly Michelle and Daniel. Daniel made a pretty ugly barbie pink “weather girl” dress with small shoulder pads, short sleeves, and a non-committal slit just past the knee. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel… Step it up lady, you need to start taking the critique to heart that your clothes look a little dated. Work on your silhouettes and make sure the places you are covering your model up don’t take it to old lady-ville! Also, can we talk about how much puckering that ugly dress had on every damn seam?! Michelle’s look on the other hand was perfect! She listened to Tim and ditched the long apocalyptic vest (Thank God!) and instead focussed her attentions on a really great Chartreuse and Grey mini tunic dress, of silk and leather. The minute it turned the corner I knew it was an instant win for her. It was young, simple, and very modern! Good work girl, keep stepping it up and you might just wipe the floor with these other kids.

PrLoser2Our losers this week was pretty obvious, Richard, Layana and Samantha. Layana managed to be safe with her ugly floral print, cross strapped, grecian mess. Layana honey, this look was like an ugly couch from a Cancer Center waiting room come to life. Pay attention to fabric choice, or you will be going home next week! Richard skirted by this week with a decidedly Non-Spring pink and black jersey maxi dress. Richard this doesn’t look expensive, and this doesn’t look stylish enough to feature at Lord + Taylor. Bonnie was right, this look is confusing. When does a woman wear it? It isn’t dressy enough for evening, but it is way  too dark and long for daytime.

The designer going home this week was obvious from the word go, Samantha’s Ice Skater outfit was just too fugly and too junior to make the grade. A floppy, pink and purple, layered mini skirt, with a tight spandex bodice and a heart shaped cutout in the back? Really?! I like you a lot Samantha, but boy did you miss the mark this week. I would have sent you home when I saw it in the work room if I were Tim. Auf to you my dear, I like your sensibilities a lot, even if you do seem a bit too obsessed with the 1989-1994 range of styles and colors. I’m sure we will see more out of you in the future though.

Next week: A trip to the Guggenheim and the “create your own textile” challenge!

Seriously, send them all home………..

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