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Return The Favor! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

Why is it that EVERY time my partner & I make love he wants me to give him oral (and I do!) but he seldom returns the favor. We do it at least four times a week and my boyfriend only goes down on me twice a month at the most! What should I do? Shouldn’t he KNOW this is unfair?

Not Just Another Giver

Dear NJAG,

Sounds like he is communicating his needs and perhaps you need to learn how to express yours. Boyfriend may be under the impression that all is well in your sex life. Since you did not mention whether or not you have discussed this with him, I will assume you have not. It is that idea of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. It would be a wonderful world if our lovers all knew intuitively exactly what we wanted them to do but that is not the way it is. In order to get what you want, you must ask for it.

How great you are such an accommodating partner but it is only building ill feelings if you are not being pleased in the way(s) you wish. I would venture to guess if your BF was aware of these feelings of injustice he would step up his game. Speak to him directly about how you would really like to have him go down on you more often. Have a conversation in which you firmly state your desires – no wishy washy ‘uhm, it would kind of be sort of nice if you would consider…’ type nonsense. Just come out and say what YOU want without accusations or tip toeing.

Of course, there is the possibility your man may not enjoy “returning the favor”. If this is the case, you may want to find out why. Is it a bathing issue? That is easily turned around! Figure out if this is a deal breaker or not for you. There is also that option of “going on strike” until he comes through but you may not want to start down that path. This is a method most certain to cause long lasting resentments on both sides. Getting everyone on board with the same sexual menu can be tricky and not always possible. Explore your options with him and hopefully you will come to an agreement.

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: Tinker*Tailor loves Lalka