Secret Life of an Expat: Homesick and Grumpy
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a blogumn by Gudrun Cram-Drach
Just to warn you, I’m in a very bad mood. I’m in one of those places where life sucks and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it. I’m also quite sure that it’s a geography thing. Being in France, that is. Sure, it’s great to live in (near) Paris, the city of lights, it’s so beautiful and the way of life is so evolved, but yeah, no, not all the time. I binged on American television all afternoon, in hopes that seeing Don Draper and Restaurant Wars might ease my homesickness, but it didn’t work. Part of the problem is, it’s August.
August in France, means everything comes screaming to a halt and people leave. Offices, restaurants, and bakeries close down. If you’re looking for a job, or waiting for an overdue check in the mail, forget it. Our neighbor’s house has been shuttered up for weeks.
Parisians go to the coasts and the countryside, to their summer homes and the homes of their friends. Their void is filled with American picture-snapping tourists, and no it does not comfort me to go to the Champs-Elysee and listen to their accents. This year, our family is unable to take an August vacation, in fact, M has been working twice as hard for all of August, which leaves me feeling quite isolated. When I was invited to spend a few days in Deauville, a little beach town on the coast of Normandy, I jumped at the chance. The only problem is, now that I’m back, I’m even more bummed out than when I left.
The friend I went to see is a fellow American-married-to-a-Frenchman. She’s been here for eight years, as opposed to my one, and we met through our writing. It was a lovely visit, and whenever North American expats get together, they spend a considerable amount of time commiserating on the difficulties of life in France.
How ridiculous is it that the French tend to wait until a small problem becomes a catastrophe before they do anything about it. Like my friend Jennifer who can’t get her landlord to care about a leak that is filling up four buckets of water a day.
How dumb is it that their drug stores actually sell “magic” products like anti-cellulite cream and powdered shark fin, while at the same time they tell us that Americans over-medicate and whatever we take is too strong.
We expats remark to each other when French people are friendly with us, even though we tend to believe that the “mean French waiter” phenomenon is a myth.
We twist our hair and try to one up each other with annoying yet amusing anecdotes about the bizarreness of our in-laws, our French neighbors, the paperwork we had to do to stay (and continue to stay) here, our incompetent yet affordable doctors, job interviews, language teachers, and how, even when you have friends in a new place it’s hard to feel at home there. I know this would be true in the U.S. as well: it takes a long time to place roots, but it’s especially challenging if you’re a foreign plant.
It’s the little, and I mean little things that make me feel better. For example, I learned that I’m not the only one who brings tubes of Neosporin over in my suitcase, or keeps a copy of the Toll House Cookie recipe handy, or whose husband puts butter on his cheese. And you know? There’s nothing wrong with missing 24 hour drug stores, four-way stop signs and cable on demand.
In between these long conversations we visited Deauville, a coastal, touristy town with two casinos, two racetracks and a multitude of hotels and villas. I hadn’t heard of it, and while I was there we only came across other Americans one time. It made me feel like I was on the inside of something, on the down-low.
When someone comes to visit me from the States, be it family or friends, I almost always suffer an emotional dip after they leave. I thought it was because I knew I would miss them, but now I think it’s more. Now I realize that what I will miss more is being able to act like myself, like an American in her comfort zone (communicating effortlessly, sharing cultural references) for a few days, and then losing it again, is what really brings me down.
Um, I don't want to be dismissive, but you know this is a side effect of the writing process, right? I'm feeling really grumpy and restless right now and that's just because I'm confronting my rogue novel rewrite every single day. Wait until you get to like the last five chapters. Suddenly the feeling will lift and you'll coast through to the end on a cloud of happiness.
I should actually do a blog about how hard the middle of your novel is on your emotions.
Um, I don't want to be dismissive, but you know this is a side effect of the writing process, right? I'm feeling really grumpy and restless right now and that's just because I'm confronting my rogue novel rewrite every single day. Wait until you get to like the last five chapters. Suddenly the feeling will lift and you'll coast through to the end on a cloud of happiness.
I should actually do a blog about how hard the middle of your novel is on your emotions.
un ballon rouge pour vous
(translated that on Babel Fish, so apologies if it's incorrect)
Thank you for venting that, even in France, blues come and go. You can always make those Toll House Cookies. I'm a bit more hesitant on that butter/cheese combo.
Amy did you just tell that girl to get a red balloon in French??? I seriously love you for that. I also love that we now have an inside reference on Fierce and Nerdy.
un ballon rouge pour vous
(translated that on Babel Fish, so apologies if it's incorrect)
Thank you for venting that, even in France, blues come and go. You can always make those Toll House Cookies. I'm a bit more hesitant on that butter/cheese combo.
Amy did you just tell that girl to get a red balloon in French??? I seriously love you for that. I also love that we now have an inside reference on Fierce and Nerdy.
thanks ladies… Ernessa I hope you're right – Amy, I'm gonna go out and buy me a red balloon :)
thanks ladies… Ernessa I hope you're right – Amy, I'm gonna go out and buy me a red balloon :)
Hugs to you, I know LA isn't France, but being a 3 day drive from my family tends to make me homesick as well. And you know the vast difference between east and west coast. After our recent wedding, when all of the family had gone, I had a huge bout of homesick that is still lingering on it's way out. I don't think you ever truly get over it. It was nice having a bunch of people who love and accept me the way I am around for once rather than ones I'm always trying to seek the approval of. But I keep reminding myself that LA, as bizarre as it can be, has a much better chance at being the place where I can make my dreams come true than Pittsburgh does!
How was Deauville? Coco Chanel opened her very first shop there back in 1913 to sell boater hats and started to sell jersey knit garments, and while they didnt take on at first because jersey was only used to make men's underwear, a heatwave hit Deauville and all the corseted women (at least the ones who had not fainted yet) ran to her shop to get clothing they wouldn't die in…and thus, there was coco!
Hugs to you, I know LA isn't France, but being a 3 day drive from my family tends to make me homesick as well. And you know the vast difference between east and west coast. After our recent wedding, when all of the family had gone, I had a huge bout of homesick that is still lingering on it's way out. I don't think you ever truly get over it. It was nice having a bunch of people who love and accept me the way I am around for once rather than ones I'm always trying to seek the approval of. But I keep reminding myself that LA, as bizarre as it can be, has a much better chance at being the place where I can make my dreams come true than Pittsburgh does!
How was Deauville? Coco Chanel opened her very first shop there back in 1913 to sell boater hats and started to sell jersey knit garments, and while they didnt take on at first because jersey was only used to make men's underwear, a heatwave hit Deauville and all the corseted women (at least the ones who had not fainted yet) ran to her shop to get clothing they wouldn't die in…and thus, there was coco!
Ernessa, I am packing your book right now to take on the vacation that I love every single year, we do other vacations, but this one is special, but low a behold I will probably be homesick after two days. I was one of those kids who couldn't even to to sleep away camp without crying the entire time. It always sound so good to think about moving someplace for a month or two to get away and mix with other people, but I can just see me crying one week into the trip. I spent 3 weeks in Ireland (witout my husband and kids), good thing drinking is a way of life in Ireland, I don't think I would have ever made Actually this weeks trip is the one of the few, where I probably won't cry at all, we have been gong to this place for 35 years, so it is like a second home. I am always delighted, envious and amazed how people are able to pick up their lives and just move them to somewhere else. Now if someone gave me the chance to meet Jill Scott, I will fly anywhere, even Botswana. I am a 'fraidy cat'.
Barbara, this article was written by Gudrun. So far I've have absolutely with homesickness in other countries. I'm still a little surprised I came back to the States after my time in Japan, but am very happy that I did. But I was saying to Carleen the other day that I'm always glad to return home … for like 3 days, then I want to go somewhere again. Either way, have fun on your vacation!
Ernessa, I am packing your book right now to take on the vacation that I love every single year, we do other vacations, but this one is special, but low a behold I will probably be homesick after two days. I was one of those kids who couldn't even to to sleep away camp without crying the entire time. It always sound so good to think about moving someplace for a month or two to get away and mix with other people, but I can just see me crying one week into the trip. I spent 3 weeks in Ireland (witout my husband and kids), good thing drinking is a way of life in Ireland, I don't think I would have ever made Actually this weeks trip is the one of the few, where I probably won't cry at all, we have been gong to this place for 35 years, so it is like a second home. I am always delighted, envious and amazed how people are able to pick up their lives and just move them to somewhere else. Now if someone gave me the chance to meet Jill Scott, I will fly anywhere, even Botswana. I am a 'fraidy cat'.
Barbara, this article was written by Gudrun. So far I've have absolutely with homesickness in other countries. I'm still a little surprised I came back to the States after my time in Japan, but am very happy that I did. But I was saying to Carleen the other day that I'm always glad to return home … for like 3 days, then I want to go somewhere again. Either way, have fun on your vacation!
I was going to also add, sometimes, flowers, fresh fruit, bottle of wine, good book or dvd (if possible) will make you feel better. A little good cheese and fresh bread also.
I was going to also add, sometimes, flowers, fresh fruit, bottle of wine, good book or dvd (if possible) will make you feel better. A little good cheese and fresh bread also.
Jenny, you make a good point and I know I always need to keep in touch with why I am here. Deauville was great, and apparently the flea markets are pretty amusing. Little old ladies decked out in Chanel selling their old Chanel. The little old ladies in Chanel tend to stick together and don't mingle with the little old ladies in YSL.
Barbara, those are good suggestions. I also find cooking is helpful, and I did quite a bit of cooking today. Have a great time on your vacation!
Jenny, you make a good point and I know I always need to keep in touch with why I am here. Deauville was great, and apparently the flea markets are pretty amusing. Little old ladies decked out in Chanel selling their old Chanel. The little old ladies in Chanel tend to stick together and don't mingle with the little old ladies in YSL.
Barbara, those are good suggestions. I also find cooking is helpful, and I did quite a bit of cooking today. Have a great time on your vacation!
No Garr! I'll suffer through it – if it means you'll come visit!
No Garr! I'll suffer through it – if it means you'll come visit!
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Thanks for the Information, thanks for this useful Post. I will come back later. Also great place for real estate owners: sell your house quickly