Secret Life of Nerd Girl: Doing the Limbo
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a blogumn by Gudrun Cram-Drach
Secret Life of a Nerd Girl needs a revamp. The original idea: single girl in LA, with a splash of animation, doesn’t work anymore. But what to do with it? Ernessa suggested I talk about limbo.
You could say a soul in limbo is a soul waiting for its life to begin. Or, maybe it’s the soul of a 35 year old woman waiting for the next stage of her life to start, a plastic flake twirling in the snow globe of space and time, preparing her things and her mind for the day, sometime in May, that she flies to France.
On my 18th birthday, my uncle gave me 40,000 frequent flier miles, enough to go backpacking in Europe. I used them to fly to Ghana for a summer, then I did a semester in Madagascar. The few visits to Europe in my twenties proved my opinion that it was too expensive, too dusty, just one gray city after another full of old churches and museums. “I’ll do Europe later,” I thought, and then I forgot about it until last year, when I went to the French Alps for an animation festival.
I am not a big fan of the Hollywood system and felt the European animation industry suited me better. A place where a group of people could believe in a small project and spend a reasonable (read: small) amount of money to create a work of art, like The Triplets of Belleville or my fave film from last year Les Trois Brigands, was the kind of place I wanted to be.
I made some friends on that trip, and at other festivals, and with their help I have been working ever since to relocate to Paris. While I am in Maine I am working to prepare myself for the journey.
What’s most important is reducing baggage. Both kinds of baggage.
I’m meditating every day, though I am (so far) very bad at it. I want to know this is not a geographical cure. I want to resolve nagging emotional issues. If there is an issue that requires time to clear out of my mind, I want to give it that time and usher it to the door. I want to read all those books I thought would do me good, take time to inventory myself, and feel ready for the next stage. My whole life I’ve felt like I’m jumping ahead without doing the homework, I hit the ground running, as my mother says. Just this once let me feel prepared.
Physically, I need to reduce my stuff. In the last two months, I haven’t once needed to run down to the 25 U-Haul boxes in the basement and tear them apart in search of something I can’t live without. Please remind me of this when I start reorganizing them, because I’m sure every single item I own will be cherished again as I pull it from its box.
There are other things too, closing accounts, getting new glasses, studying the French language, history and culture before I arrive (a handful, to be sure). I am going to yoga every day, and by the time I arrive in France I want to have a steady home practice, to keep me sane as I search for affordable classes in Paris. There are small projects I need to wrap up, and my own portfolio to refine, so one day perhaps I’ll be able to work in the industry that attracted me in the first place. The cats need shots and papers, and I have to work on my debt, so it’s more manageable when I arrive in uncertain circumstances.
I want to bring a few boxes, a few suitcases, and my self. What do I really need besides a clear mind, a fast laptop, comfortable shoes and a sketchbook? A coin for Charon and I’m all set. So welcome to Nerd Girl Doing the Limbo, because she probably won’t settle until I straighten out again.
i have to tell you that your column always speaks to me! when i moved from LA to seattle i reinvented myself. it's much easier to do that at 25 than 35, but completely possible and life-affirming. i went from 1000 square feet in los feliz to about 400 sumpin' in the PNW. i went from a huge circle of friends to the 2 people i knew out here. i now live in a bigger space and have to turn down social engagements due to a busy calendar.
while this limbo period is temporary, it is only going to solidify your choices as you move forward in this experience. you are about to embark on this wonderful new chapter of your life and YOU are calling the shots! for me, i am becoming the woman i've wanted to be. it's kinda totally weird! but i'm loving it & wouldn't have it any other way!
GO YOU!!!!!
i have to tell you that your column always speaks to me! when i moved from LA to seattle i reinvented myself. it's much easier to do that at 25 than 35, but completely possible and life-affirming. i went from 1000 square feet in los feliz to about 400 sumpin' in the PNW. i went from a huge circle of friends to the 2 people i knew out here. i now live in a bigger space and have to turn down social engagements due to a busy calendar.
while this limbo period is temporary, it is only going to solidify your choices as you move forward in this experience. you are about to embark on this wonderful new chapter of your life and YOU are calling the shots! for me, i am becoming the woman i've wanted to be. it's kinda totally weird! but i'm loving it & wouldn't have it any other way!
GO YOU!!!!!
I am both scared and thrilled of limbo, but I've always ended up looking back on my times in limbo with fondness.
I am both scared and thrilled of limbo, but I've always ended up looking back on my times in limbo with fondness.
At the beginning of the year, I discovered that I could stream my Netflix immediately to my laptop….INCLUDING MY YOGA AND PILATES!!! They have SO many different fitness videos that you can watch instantly. I just put my laptop on a small table in front of my mat and pick a video every morning. You can have a ton of different yoga "classes" at your finger tips for 9 bucks a month :-)
At the beginning of the year, I discovered that I could stream my Netflix immediately to my laptop….INCLUDING MY YOGA AND PILATES!!! They have SO many different fitness videos that you can watch instantly. I just put my laptop on a small table in front of my mat and pick a video every morning. You can have a ton of different yoga "classes" at your finger tips for 9 bucks a month :-)
Thanks Keldoo! It’s always encouraging hearing other people’s stories. I know the initial landing may be rough but it’ll work itself out. And I’m closer to a 25 y.o. in a lot of ways anyway, as it’s taking me so long to settle down.
And I’ll check out netflix, though the last time I looked the instant viewing dealie was for pc’s only. But great idea! I wonder when we’ll be able to stream netflix to our iPhones…
Thanks Keldoo! It’s always encouraging hearing other people’s stories. I know the initial landing may be rough but it’ll work itself out. And I’m closer to a 25 y.o. in a lot of ways anyway, as it’s taking me so long to settle down.
And I’ll check out netflix, though the last time I looked the instant viewing dealie was for pc’s only. But great idea! I wonder when we’ll be able to stream netflix to our iPhones…
Thank you Keldoo! It's always so affirming to hear other people's stories, I love yours and that you've made it to a happy place. I'm sure things may be a bit rough to start but they'll even out eventually, and I'm really more of a 25 year old anyway, because it's taking me so long to get settled.
Delia, I will definitely check out the netflix thing, but last time I looked at the instant play dealie it was only for PCs. I wonder when we'll be able to stream netflix on our iPhones?
Thank you Keldoo! It's always so affirming to hear other people's stories, I love yours and that you've made it to a happy place. I'm sure things may be a bit rough to start but they'll even out eventually, and I'm really more of a 25 year old anyway, because it's taking me so long to get settled.
Delia, I will definitely check out the netflix thing, but last time I looked at the instant play dealie it was only for PCs. I wonder when we'll be able to stream netflix on our iPhones?