SEXpectations [Frankie V.]

Frankie asks…

Is meaningful bad sex better than meaningless good sex?

This question has boggled me for years, just over a decade to be precise, since I first started having sex.

At first, like all young girls who venture into the complicated realm of intercourse, I thought that when I man had sex with me, that meant that they loved me, or at least cared very deeply for me. And so I went through the trials and tribulations of finding out that that is most certainly not true.

Once I found this out, and at the bare minimum trained my brain to think this way – that men are primal pigs and just because they sleep with me does not mean that they will call me – I began to treat them with a dose of their own medicine. I guess you could call it a personal sexual revolution – an experimental stage? – Letting go? – Promiscuous moments?

Whatever it was, I got the chance to sleep with a variety of men, all of who had a variety of skill level in the coital department.

Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t a complete slut. Really, if you compare it to guys’ numbers, I was way below. (P.S. if a man tells you he has slept with 5 women, it’s 10; 15, it’s 30; 50? It’s most definitely over 100. Don’t kid yourself.) So sometimes it was just a weeklong fling, others it was a short-term relationship…sometimes it was a one-night stand. But when I was in the relationships with someone who was subpar in the sack, I would end up convincing myself that because he cared about me and I cared about him, it didn’t matter that the sex wasn’t great.

Then, when that obviously doomed relationship would end, and I would again find myself in bed with a beautiful boy I’d meet at a bar, enraptured and excited about the skill level I was witnessing, I’d inevitably wake up satisfied and refreshed…almost relieved that I didn’t have to deal with this guy on any other level than, “Would you like some coffee?”

So is it fair for me to stop apologizing for having great sex in an uncommitted situation? I think so. And moreover, I think it’s perfectly fair that the next guy that comes along who is bad in bed, no matter how great they are, doesn’t get to be my boyfriend just because they are willing. This is my new sexual revolution.

Sexpectations should be high. And when they’re not met, get outta bed.

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featured image credit: rachel a.k.