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Sexy Sex Therapy: Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class}

Dear Dr. Miro,

I’m in therapy with someone who specializes in sexual issues. I’m a very sex-positive, open to nearly any sexual experience, person. I’m married to a person with a lot of body shame, doesn’t seem to like sex. I love this person more than I can verbalize, I really wish my partner and I could just be free and without inhibitions. To me that is the definition of intimacy. I’m sure patients often get sexual feelings for their therapists, but my fantasies about my therapist make me feel so guilty. And I feel like I’m betraying the person I love and objectifying my therapist. Is it still okay to see my therapist when I’m attracted to him and attached to another? I’m sex positive and my therapist is sex positive, how do I not fantasize about him? Maybe I should get a new therapist.

Sincerely,

Guilty & Smitten


Dear G&S,

This actually comes up a lot in my practice. Understand it is perfectly normal to have this type of transference onto your therapist. You are in an extremely intimate setting, speaking of things that are so personal and sacred to you. Of course you are going to have feelings for the one person in the world that knows all of your everything! Let your therapist know about these thoughts you are having so the two of you can work those out. As someone trained in sexuality issues, this will not be awkward for your therapist but it may be very difficult for you. When we feel as if something is missing in our relationships, it is human nature to begin attempting to fill that void with anything else. Fantasizing about your therapist is a pretty reasonable, healthy and safe route to go.

How difficult it must be for you to be in a relationship with someone holding such different perceptions of sex than yourself! It would benefit your marriage to go to a Couple’s Counselor so that you may better address the issues coming between you. How does your spouse feel about the body shame issues that seem to be preventing this intimacy you crave? Hopefully, your betrothed is in therapy to address these concerns!

Do not switch out your therapist just yet. Remember, fantasies are great. You can have them about anything, or anyone, and be perfectly all right. Fantasies are the most amazing outlets for many of the frustrations in our daily lives. Plus, no one needs to know about them. They are yours to do with what you like! Although, if they are creating guilty feelings, bring them up in your next therapy session.


Lust & Happiness,

Dr. Miro

featured image credit: pigpog s