Stay-At-Home Nerd: One Man and a Baby
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a new blogumn by Josh Pullin
Photo Credit: Tim Rogers
2008 was limbo. Home prices were high. So was unemployment. Newspapers were dying. The market was down, as were my prospects. I’d left the warm embrace of a good job with excellent benefits at the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program to pursue the high wire act of a screenwriting career. I also enrolled in school for film editing, you know, in case the whole writing thing didn’t work out. My wife beat a layoff with the floundering parent company of the Los Angeles Times and returned to her previous employer, a family-friendly ad agency that specializes in nonprofits. This allowed us to move into a new apartment with more square footage in a less cool neighborhood. It wasn’t the feature spec sale, South Pasadena home purchase, new parent living we imagined when we married at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood back in 2007, but we had dreams, damn it!
All of a sudden it was 2009. The screenwriting career, as often happens in Hollywood, stalled. School came and went. Even so, hope was in the air. We had a black president and health care debate. Home prices came down. So did interest rates. I can’t be unemployed forever we thought. Against our better judgment we bought a condo in Burbank and we got pregnant. I say we got pregnant because if you’re anything like me, then when your wife is pregnant you will experience sleepless nights, frequent urination, weight gain, mood swings and mild to severe nausea. And that’s just from thinking about college tuition.
The purchase of a condo earned us a federal tax credit (thanks Obama) and because it was new construction we garnered a state tax credit too (thanks Arnold). Luckily, our 8 pound 11 ounce, twenty-one and half inch baby boy was born before January 1st. And, you guessed it; he will bring us yet another tax credit (thanks baby). As the tax credits piled up our financial situation looked fine. Better than fine, we were going to make it. If I only had a job, a real job, we could start saving, pay for daycare, and take that long overdue trip to Portugal.
Nine months goes faster than you think. Twelve weeks will go even faster. Thanks to Ted Kennedy and the Family Leave Act my wife gets twelve weeks of disability to spend with the baby. Since I don’t have a job, I have twelve weeks as well. And, since I’m not looking for a job, I have a whole heck of a lot of time after that to take care of the baby. That’s right, I’m joining a growing number of men and becoming a stay-at-home dad. I’ve already been peed on, pooped on and spit up on. I’ve changed fifty-seven diapers in seven days. I’ve swaddled, I’ve rocked, I’ve sung, I’ve danced. I got 4 hours of sleep last night and almost 2 hours this afternoon. I feel great. I’ve finally got a job. Make that a career.
I have often wondered if I could be a stay at home Dad. I equate it to being on call 24/7 you can never call in sick or do just enough work to "get by".
I'm excited to read your story
I have often wondered if I could be a stay at home Dad. I equate it to being on call 24/7 you can never call in sick or do just enough work to "get by".
I'm excited to read your story
Me too. It was one of my biggest heros, John Lennon, who got me fantasizing years ago about being a stay-at-home dad. As a writer, the dream goes two ways, of course: the fantasy of staying home, raising your kid, and writing. I'll be interested to track how it goes in real life. Anyway, suggestion: check out the book of The Playboy Interviews with John Lennon and Yoko Ono and get caught up Lennon's joy over his stint on your particular job.
Me too. It was one of my biggest heros, John Lennon, who got me fantasizing years ago about being a stay-at-home dad. As a writer, the dream goes two ways, of course: the fantasy of staying home, raising your kid, and writing. I'll be interested to track how it goes in real life. Anyway, suggestion: check out the book of The Playboy Interviews with John Lennon and Yoko Ono and get caught up Lennon's joy over his stint on your particular job.
Thanks CH. It might be the only job where you are up 24/7, are always sick (had a cold since I left the hospital ironically), and are hoping you do just “good enough” to get by.
And, Jeff, I’ll have to check out those Lennon interviews. Fresh perspectives on fatherhood are what I’m looking for.
Thanks CH. It might be the only job where you are up 24/7, are always sick (had a cold since I left the hospital ironically), and are hoping you do just “good enough” to get by.
And, Jeff, I’ll have to check out those Lennon interviews. Fresh perspectives on fatherhood are what I’m looking for.
Hey Josh, I didn't know! Congratulations! I know you'll be fantastic at this whole kid-raising thing. Good luck with the craziness, and enjoy. :)
Hey Lisa, Thanks. It's great to hear from you. Babies are fun when they are not crying, pooping, eating or sleeping!! Hmmmm.
No – I'm having the time of my life!!
Hey Josh, I didn't know! Congratulations! I know you'll be fantastic at this whole kid-raising thing. Good luck with the craziness, and enjoy. :)
Hey Lisa, Thanks. It's great to hear from you. Babies are fun when they are not crying, pooping, eating or sleeping!! Hmmmm.
No – I'm having the time of my life!!
you are such an amazing writer – I'm so happy I get to read a blog of yours. miss you terribly!
you are such an amazing writer – I'm so happy I get to read a blog of yours. miss you terribly!
Hi Josh. Congratulations to you and Kelly. I think it's great that you're on dad-duty. It's also great that you're blogging because it'll give you a nice adult break from Sesame Street and Gymboree or whatever it is that babies are watching and doing these days. Unfortunately, the whole blog thing arrived about 25 years too late for my sanity. Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is a blogumn?
Hi Cindy. As far as I can tell a blogumn is just a column on someone else's blog. Thankfully, I don't need to know what one is to write one. I refuse to watch Teletubbies, but I'm plain nostalgic for some Sesame Street!!
Hi Josh. Congratulations to you and Kelly. I think it's great that you're on dad-duty. It's also great that you're blogging because it'll give you a nice adult break from Sesame Street and Gymboree or whatever it is that babies are watching and doing these days. Unfortunately, the whole blog thing arrived about 25 years too late for my sanity. Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is a blogumn?
Hi Cindy. As far as I can tell a blogumn is just a column on someone else's blog. Thankfully, I don't need to know what one is to write one. I refuse to watch Teletubbies, but I'm plain nostalgic for some Sesame Street!!
This is a great read and congrats to you for taking the plunge to do one of the hardest jobs out there.
Thanks Brandy. I'd ask the boss for a raise, but the boss is me.
This is a great read and congrats to you for taking the plunge to do one of the hardest jobs out there.
Thanks Brandy. I'd ask the boss for a raise, but the boss is me.
A lifelong career, none-the-less. The pay is non-exsistent, but the benefits are positively indescribable, everlasting, and life-changing. Having the opportunity to be a stay-at-home daddy is a blessing, just try to remember that between the "pee, poop, and spit-up." I was lucky, Jordan slept through the night at 2 weeks old ;-) It's now that he's 12 when I'm having sleepless nights thinking of him. It's parenthood, that lifelong career…
A lifelong career, none-the-less. The pay is non-exsistent, but the benefits are positively indescribable, everlasting, and life-changing. Having the opportunity to be a stay-at-home daddy is a blessing, just try to remember that between the "pee, poop, and spit-up." I was lucky, Jordan slept through the night at 2 weeks old ;-) It's now that he's 12 when I'm having sleepless nights thinking of him. It's parenthood, that lifelong career…
Just curious if the persons commenting would be equally positive about this if it was a woman who said she was becoming a stay at home mom? I ask that because I was just reading the famous opening of "The Feminine Mistique" in which Betty Friedan was expounding on how miserable women were because they were stay at home moms. Which started a movement to encourage women to have careers rather than stay at home. Do you agree with that? Thanks.
Excellent questions LMN and I hope to address them in detail in a future blogumn. My answer to your first question is yes. I do think the commenters here, and people in general, are supportive of stay at home moms.
My answer to your second question is I don't know. Today's stay at home mom, or parent for that matter, is not the January Jones character of Mad Man fame. If someone "chooses" to stay at home it is hard to imagine that they would make this choice if it made them miserable. That suggests to me that Betty Friedan was wrong. Women weren't miserable because they were stay at home moms without careers. They were miserable because they weren't able to choose whether or not they would have a career or be a stay at home mom. Of course, without her motivating a generation of women we wouldn't be having this discussion. And, I believe that having this discussion is the important thing.
Just curious if the persons commenting would be equally positive about this if it was a woman who said she was becoming a stay at home mom? I ask that because I was just reading the famous opening of "The Feminine Mistique" in which Betty Friedan was expounding on how miserable women were because they were stay at home moms. Which started a movement to encourage women to have careers rather than stay at home. Do you agree with that? Thanks.
Excellent questions LMN and I hope to address them in detail in a future blogumn. My answer to your first question is yes. I do think the commenters here, and people in general, are supportive of stay at home moms.
My answer to your second question is I don't know. Today's stay at home mom, or parent for that matter, is not the January Jones character of Mad Man fame. If someone "chooses" to stay at home it is hard to imagine that they would make this choice if it made them miserable. That suggests to me that Betty Friedan was wrong. Women weren't miserable because they were stay at home moms without careers. They were miserable because they weren't able to choose whether or not they would have a career or be a stay at home mom. Of course, without her motivating a generation of women we wouldn't be having this discussion. And, I believe that having this discussion is the important thing.
What a great question, LMN. I have wondered about that myself. And my answer to that, at least for myself, is that there's a lot out there about the stay-at-home mom experience, but not so much about the stay-at-home dad experience. Having gone to the same college as Betty Friedan and being a write-at-home mom, I think that this has become a matter of choice. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, as long as you've made that choice for yourself as opposed to society or cultural dictates. I think it's up to every parent to figure out what form of parenting is best for their and their child's peace of mind. I don't think anyone wants a miserable stay-at-home mom, and I don't think children suffer from not having 24/7 access to a parent.
However, one thing Friedan didn't cover is what happens when a person becomes and "accidental stay-at-home." I quit my job and made a firm decision to be a write-at-home mom, but I know that this recession has forced many women and men to be stay-at-home parents, when they would rather be working, and I would love to see more said about that. M/b it could be called "The Recession Mystique."
What a great question, LMN. I have wondered about that myself. And my answer to that, at least for myself, is that there's a lot out there about the stay-at-home mom experience, but not so much about the stay-at-home dad experience. Having gone to the same college as Betty Friedan and being a write-at-home mom, I think that this has become a matter of choice. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, as long as you've made that choice for yourself as opposed to society or cultural dictates. I think it's up to every parent to figure out what form of parenting is best for their and their child's peace of mind. I don't think anyone wants a miserable stay-at-home mom, and I don't think children suffer from not having 24/7 access to a parent.
However, one thing Friedan didn't cover is what happens when a person becomes and "accidental stay-at-home." I quit my job and made a firm decision to be a write-at-home mom, but I know that this recession has forced many women and men to be stay-at-home parents, when they would rather be working, and I would love to see more said about that. M/b it could be called "The Recession Mystique."
Just came across your story, Josh. Thanks for sharing the adventure and keep up the great work! It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Just came across your story, Josh. Thanks for sharing the adventure and keep up the great work! It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Josh:
nice website. You must have the parenting thing down with no sweat at this point. How are you?
Jim Craig
Century 21
818 271 1681
Josh:
nice website. You must have the parenting thing down with no sweat at this point. How are you?
Jim Craig
Century 21
818 271 1681