It’s So Bad, It’s Good! (And A Playlist)

Hello all. Before we get into the insanity, let us briefly discuss the concept of musical taste.  Taste is a slippery slope.  It is subjective in almost all cases.  When visualized, most people would perceive this subjection in the context of a straight line. At the far left end of the straight line dwells the worst music you’ve ever heard.  On the far right end, you find the best of the best of the best. I disagree with this visualization.  I’d rather perceive it in the form of a circle. In my model, the best of the best of the best sits directly next to the worst of the worst of the worst. Think of that straight line, and then bend it in a circle so that the far right side and the far left side meet at the top, at high noon. Eureka!  Taste. Allow me to present this list as evidence.  This shit right here is so bloody bad that it’s brilliant. Let’s call it the Cop Rock Theory.  Or the Hasslehoff Principle, whichever you prefer.    Okay, enough of your rambling, Stillwagon… Artistic intention be damned, here are some of my favorite “so bad it’s good” moments. Enjoy!   ——————————————————————————— Bill Cosby covers the Beatles I don’t know about you, but when I think of Bill Cosby, I think of the Beatles.  It just makes sense. Cosby and the Beatles.  The Beatles and the Cos.  These two are like cookies and milk; they’ve always belonged together. Wait…I’m sorry, did you say Bill Cosby?  Oh, no, my mistake.  I was thinking of someone else. But, hey!  Let’s hear it anyway… (presses play, hears track.) Oh lord, Bill, what have you done?  What have you done??? ——————————————————————————— Zlad: Electronik Supersonik Say nothing bad about Zlad.  I’m being serious here. This guy is a fucking artiste.  Sincerely. In some alternate universe, this band is the Beatles and the Stones combined. Trust me on this one. I’m pressing the play button in 5…4…3…1!   Oh shit, where did 2 go? It is irrelevant.  The concept of 2 is meaningless in Zlad’s world, and we must respect that. After all, we are merely pawns in this universe of Zlad. ——————————————————————————— Wesley Willis: Rock N Roll McDonalds Next to Daniel Johnston, Wesley Willis is the king of the fringe.  We may have started out laughing at him, but we quickly realized we were laughing with him.  Well, maybe we’re still laughing at him a little. I mean, have you heard this shit? Willis’ song I Wupped Batman’s Ass is equally classic. R.I.P., and thank you. ——————————————————————————— THE VD SONG And now for a quick public service announcement. Protect ya junk. ——————————————————————————— Venesa Talor: Who Do I Have To Blow? Speaking of VD…Venesa Talor starred in the 1996 direct to video sexploitation fest Femalien, and it’s sequel (somehow I managed to miss both.) The awesome music video that accompanies this song features random guest appearances from former President Bill Clinton! Ha!  Because, you know…Bill Clinton…blow job….haha! Brilliant.  It is the cherry on top of this perfect shit sundae. Shake what your doctor gave you, Venesa. ——————————————————————————— Muhammed Ali vs. Tooth Decay from a review by Frank Larosa: Start with Muhammad Ali spending 40 minutes discussing tooth decay. Add appearances by celebrity guest stars like Frank Sinatra and Richie Havens, a bunch of kids, and some truly wooden dialog straight out of a dental textbook. Throw in a song that doesn’t make any sense. And if that isn’t enough for you, top it off with narration by Howard Cosell. ——————————————————————————— The Space Lady – Major Tom The Space Lady: coming soon to a street corner near you (assuming you live in the same town as her). Peter Schilling must be rolling over in his grave. Wait, he’s still alive?  Oh, so, just his career died.  Gotcha. ——————————————————————————— Okay, in exchange for subjecting you to all of that,...

Eight “MUST-SEE” Movies About Music – and a Playlist! [Tom Stillwagon]

Music!  Movies! Music movies! Nerds, rejoice!  I’m pulling together both worlds! Here is a list of eight must-see music documentaries. Have you seen all eight?  Have you seen any of them? Are you hearing a cheesy announcer voice in your head as you read this? Good! Here we go: —————————————————————————————————————————– (1) Meeting People Is Easy OK Computer-era Radiohead struggle with their new critical acclaim in this 1998 film by Grant Gee.  Yorke and company tour the world, make really cool music videos, and talk about why they’re nothing like Pink Floyd, no matter what your stoner friends think. This is a fun and trippy film that mirrors the band’s rock period perfectly.  Thom Yorke is a total jerk to everyone he meets. His youthful attitude problem is funny to watch nowadays, since in 2013 he’s a silly cuddly old jester who gives advice to thirteen year old girls in his free time. Anywho.  Check it out. —————————————————————————————————————————– (2) Dig! Dreaming of rock stardom?  Thinking about starting a band?  Watch this movie first. Dig! presents viewers with an unflinching look at the life of two bands (The Dandy Warhols and the Brian Jonestown Massacre) over the course of seven years. It is unparalleled in its realism, regardless of how real it actually is (I’ll save the validity argument for a different day.) We see the BJM and the Dandys rock empty (and packed) venues.  We watch them record in large professional studios and in the basement.  We watch them argue with their girlfriends.  We watch them argue with their bandmates.  We watch them take drugs. Then Anton kicks somebody in the face.  Then Sia plays a gig topless.  Someone desecrates a sitar.  Photo shoots.  Video shoots.  More drugs.  Then they argue. You know.  Like bands do. In the end, one group achieves relative success, and the other fades into credible obscurity.  The music is great and the story moves fast.  Strap in. —————————————————————————————————————————– (3) We Jam Econo: The Story of the Minutemen Minutemen fans are shocked when you don’t know who the Minutemen are (end the ignorance – click here!) The art punk trio from San Pedro was anchored at the center of the SST punk movement of the eighties, alongside label mates Sonic Youth and Black Flag. Interviews with all sorts of amazing bands make this film worth the 90 minutes.  Thurston Moore…Henry Rollins…the guys from Saccharine Trust???  (end more ignorance! – click here!) The road trip conversations with Mike Watt are the real showstopper, though. Hop in the van, Watt’s going shopping. —————————————————————————————————————————– (4) Pearl Jam Twenty In their heyday, Pearl Jam and Nirvana had the same exact amount of “cool” credibility. Amazing what a little dying in your prime can do. Twenty years after the Doc Martin and flannel boom, Eddie Vedder and co. reminisce about the good old days, and question how they evolved into the grizzled old veterans of rock’s yesteryear. Also, they still sound really good live, and there is lots of concert footage here to sink your ears into.  Plus, Cameron Crowe directed the damn thing.  Turns out he’s still pretty good at that, too. Seattle. Hollywood. Kurt. Drugs. Lollapalooza. Ticketmaster.  Nothing is sacred. The soundtrack is great, and so are the interviews. —————————————————————————————————————————– (5) Anvil! The Story of Anvil The sad fact about Anvil is that, although they were intensely influential to the thrash and metal scenes of the early 80’s, they were left behind when the success train left the station. The film follows guitarist/vocalist Steve “Lips” Kudlow and drummer Robb Reiner, family men in their fifties trying to make sense of the path their lives have taken.  The years playing to empty bars for no pay, while watching bands like Anthrax and Metallica make  boatloads of money, is beginning to tire out the rockers and their families.  Anvil is ready to make one last push, and the movie takes us on...

Summer Movie Wrap Up – I Didn’t See Any – You Can’t Make Me [California Seething] Aug15

Summer Movie Wrap Up – I Didn’t See Any – You Can’t Make Me [California Seething]...

If you ask me, I blame the Prius. Recently, a big name celebrity came to see a show at the theatre where I work. For security and convenience reasons, we allowed him to park in the loading zone in front of the theatre rather than the slightly farther Peon Lot. Since this isn’t exactly legal, I arranged with his people (He has people. I want people! Even midgets would be fine. Do they work cheap? Can I get two for the price of one? I could stack them on top of each other, put them in a really long trench coat and pretend they are a super-tall publicist named KiKi. That would get me in to Sky Bar) that I would hold on to his car keys and watch his car while he was watching the show- never mind the fact that giving me car keys is about as useful as handing a bone to a monkey and telling it to drive the big black monolith around the block in case the cops come. You’re just going to end up with a smashed cow-skull and a big parking ticket. As I waited for him, I fantasized about the sort of supercar that would soon be at my disposal. Certainly, it would be some kind of Italian Dream Machine- a Maserati or Lamborghini or some other juicy word that sounds like food but isn’t food but still makes you drool like lasagna made out of money. A car designed to look like a spaceship if spaceships were designed to look like naked ladies (NOTE TO NASA: Next time, hire Italian designers. Endeavor is whatever but Endeavero is magnifico!!!) Maybe I would slip inside and sit behind the wheel in the tan leather interior all snug...

Phyllis Kaelin Isn’t Inviting the NBA or Mariachi’s on Her Magic Trip [Fierce Anticipation]...

Fiercely Anticipating Please, tell me its going to happen soon – the end of the NBA Lockout. No, not football, the NFL season is firmly in place, not that I care. What I care about is basketball, specifically basketball playoffs. I love a good playoff series. However, to have a good playoff series, you must have a good season and so far it seems the NBA 2011-2012 Basketball Season is likely to be cancelled. Trouble started right after the end of last season in June. Despite a good revenue year for basketball, the NBA lost about $300 to $500 million for the season. The owners are howling. Renegotiating the contract between the National Basketball Association (NBA) and the National Basketball Players Association (NBPA) David Stern, NBA Commissioner, and Billy Hunter, NBPA Executive Director, laid out competing positions. Neither has moved in more than a month. The NBA has filed a legal complaint claiming that the players aren’t negotiating in good faith. The players are starting to look around for overseas contracts to fill in their apparently inevitable “gap year”. FIBA – the world governing body for basketball has decided that it will allow NBA players to choose an international FIBA team to play for during the lock-out, but only during the lockout. A number of NBA players, from lesser known to superstars including Boston Celtics E’Twaun Moore and the Laker’s Kobe Bryant – are interested. This doesn’t give me a good play-off season to look forward to however. While I sometimes enjoy games during the season, by the playoffs, basketball has become an aggressive interplay of strong, assertive players, sneaky moves, and astonishing throws and catches – what’s not to like? Now that I’ve got you riled up, you can track the developments here:...