Facial Hair Makes Me Bristle [Piping Hot Nerd]

I was recently standing on the subway platform waiting for the 2, 3 to go to work. Normally I walk, but I deemed it too cold. My walking, or not walking, has nothing to do with what I want to write about, but I just want it to be known that I pride myself on walking to work, thus saving money and getting some exercise. I even think it helps me lose weight. It really does not. But I love to put on my headphones and look at all the people swimming downstream on 6th Avenue as I hide unseen behind these magic headphones and check them all out. Perhaps it is hiding that I want to write about so this fits. Back to the subway platform. There are always billboards to read on the subway platform. I hate most of them, but they always get me thinking. A new film starring Katherine Heigl got me thinking “Why?”  A poster for the Metropolitan Museum gets me thinking that I don’t go enough and this gets me thinking that life is slipping through my hands. Thank God the Met billboard does not depress me sufficiently to turn around and jump in front of the oncoming express train. After I think about “why oncoming and not incoming?” I am calm. But talk about a selfish act; suicide stops the subway running for hours. Recently I saw this billboard that was an ad for the Braun Cruzer, which is some intricate electric shaver that would let you write your name in your neck in hair I think. It had the five boroughs of New York City represented by five different ways to have facial hair. Manhattan was an effete “we stole everything from alls y’all” Wall Street handlebar mustache; Brooklyn was the goatee, of course. Staten...