The Awesomest Thing About Being Single [Single White Nerd]

Y’know what the awesomest thing about being single is?  You can go anywhere and do anything!  Last week, for example, I just picked up stakes and drove up to Fresno.  Sure, it was for work, but I didn’t need to clear my schedule with anyone or check in.  I just rented a Kia and zipped up through the hinterlands of California. Man, there’s nothing like being on the open road.  Nothing but semis and farmland around you.  The wind whipping through the window and caressing your bald head.  Like mom patting a cowlick down before sending you out into the world.  That’s what moms do.  I’ve seen it in the moving pictures. And you get to your destination.  Fresno.  You don’t have to check in with anyone.  It’s great.  You get your work done and go to your hotel.  You banter with the front desk lady who, taken with your wit and charm (or maybe just out of rooms), offers you a free upgrade.  “It’s too bad your wife isn’t here,” she says, “to enjoy this deluxe suite with you.” You smile politely.  You swallow the urge to say “Wife?!  HAH!  I plan to take full advantage of this deluxe suite by jumping up and down on the bed and throwing my clothes about the room willy nilly!”  You go up to your room. The deluxe suite isn’t spacious, but does have a living room and a really big bed.  You empty your bag onto the sofa.  You jump up and down on the bed.  It’s fun!  You have a momentary twinge of wanting someone there to join in the fun and then remember that other people might not like jumping on the bed.  You realize that you’re hungry. You take your branded electronic...