The One that Got Away? [Stay-at-Home Nerd]

My wife lost her pregnancy on a Monday. I held out hope ‘til Tuesday, but by then it was over. The disappointment I felt was real, although for me, the pregnancy hadn’t quite felt real yet. We’d just begun telling family and close friends. My wife wasn’t showing. We didn’t know the sex of the child to be. We didn’t have a due date. We hadn’t even gone to the doctor. In hindsight I guess we did this as early as we did (less than 2 months in) as a way of sharing the joy of being pregnant and establishing a support system should anything go wrong. Still it was awkward receiving messages of congratulations from people who found out about the pregnancy, but hadn’t learned of the miscarriage. And it’s always weird to have someone you haven’t seen in a while ask how you’re doing when you haven’t told them about either. Various people had various reactions to the news. Most just said they were sorry for us and hoped we were okay. My sister was particularly upset because I think she’s done having kids and she loves being an aunt. It hit the grandparents hard as this would be their second grandchild, or third in the case of my mom, and they’re a huge part of our lives and the life of our son. Some friends shared their stories of miscarriages. Some we knew. Some we didn’t. All of them, though, went into the big melting pot of feelings we experienced that week. None of them, however, helped explain the panic attack. My wife took the week off work and mostly we held our son closer than usual and stayed together as one. If it weren’t for the miscarriage, it would’ve been...