Today, I made someone cry. I didn’t hit them or shove them down the stairs. I wasn’t screaming at them, brandishing a weapon, or kidnapping their child. I made them cry without any desire or plan to reduce them to weeping in public. I did it simply with words. A vast majority of my life is spent in the company of words. Whether searching for the right synonym, stringing a few together to create irony or a laugh, or toiling over just the right adjective, words to me are what butter, cream and salt are to the chef – the basic ingredients of pretty much everything. Words are also the things in which I take comfort and solace, like my old friends, because in many ways that’s what they are. I’m comfortable with words the way a fireman is running into a burning building to save someone. Which is why I was stunned into silence as the kind, sane and intelligent person sitting across from me in a meeting that was really and truly about nothing important, began to well up and then whispered, “I feel like I’m being attacked” as tears spilled. And in that moment, my insides violently turned themselves inside out. My face burnt with the fire of embarrassment and the bile rose so quickly from my gut I didn’t even feel the sting in my throat, just the sour taste rolling across my tongue. I excused myself, went to the bathroom and vomited. I rinsed my mouth and washed my face with cold water and caught my own eye in the mirror, feeling the deep, abiding, and consuming shame that makes us human. I hadn’t felt it since I was trying to pray the gay away in long sessions, prostrate...

Dear Dr. Miro, Can you be a good man AND pay a woman for sex? I just found out that while I was working overseas, for a year, my husband not only went to strip clubs with his friends but also saw a prostitute and this is freaking me out. I always thought of him as so respectful and loving, but now I see him as a monster female exploiter! Not only that but he cheated on me! He says it’s not cheating and that he loves and adores only me but I’m just confused and questioning everything that I thought was sacred in our life together. Sincerely, Hurt & Confused Dear H&C, Of course you are hurt and feeling confused. This was not anticipated. It is understandable you would have intense feelings of inadequacy, questions regarding the “sanctity of marriage” as well as possible emerging issues of abandonment. Those are all OK to have, at this moment. Feel your feelings. Discuss with your betrothed what is so upsetting to you and try to truly hear what he says. Get it all out so that this will not continue to rear it’s ugly head. A lot of the time, couples argue about things that have nothing to do with the actual feelings that may or may not be coming up. This is more than likely triggering your attachments to each other. He may fear that you will not love him anymore while you fear that you are not good enough… Time apart is so very difficult and it is important to acknowledge both that AND how hard it is to come back together after even a few days, let alone a year. This is tricky territory. If you feel the two of you cannot...