The Grammar Fuzz: The Hollywood Lexicon

. A blogumn by Kasey Bomber Oh Hollywood.  How I love walking down your star-embedded sidewalks on a Sunday afternoon.  I can entertain myself with all my favorite games – i.e.:  Bluetooth or Schizophrenic?  Hip or Homeless? and Gay or European?  I might get a slice of pizza, mingle with las turistas, and wonder at the fact that people from all over the world save up for a lifetime to visit a place with far more cheap T-Shirt shops than celebrities.  And if those celebrities are in fact within spitting distance of the transvestite shoe stores, the Armenian suit shops, or the hip hop-booming tacky electronics stores that smell like the 6 sticks of nag champa they have burning in the window, they are probably holed up in some restaurant/lounge that wouldn’t let a tourist inside if said tourist owned the whole of Eastern Kentucky – mostly because the celebrities have to eat fast before that restaurant spontaneously becomes another soon-to-fail trendy restaurant overnight. But the magazines tell us that not only are celebrities teeming in the streets of greater Hollywood, but also that they might be “just like us!”  Hey, look, Cameron Diaz goes to a laundromat!  Wow!  Leonardo DiCaprio just ordered his 6th latte of the week!  Hey, guess what, Julia Roberts shits out more than just kids! And speaking of kids, we come to my latest pet peeve in today’s gossip magazine lexicon:  the baby bump.  Lest you need clarification, a baby bump is officially the new term indicating pregnancy.  As in: “Is that a baby bump we spy on J-Lo?”  or “New Dresses to Accentuate Your Baby Bump Because Pregnant is the New Rehab.”  Under no uncertain circumstances should the baby bump be confused with “lovely lady lumps” which seem...