Anyone else had enough of the relentlessly unending stream of “social issues” being shoved down our throats? With the 24/7/365 election cycle there’s just no rest for the weary. As you recall, this approach to politicking can be traced back to 1994 and Newt Gingrich’s “Contract With America” (or as it should be called Contract ON America) that led Republicans to a sweeping mid-term victory during President Clinton’s first term. Fast-forward almost twenty years and our political discourse has virtually no substance, certainly not enough to produce substantial action. Instead, we’ve become obsessed almost solely with “social issues,” those wildly personal characteristics and decisions that, frankly, ought not to matter to one another. In truth, the Right displays more of a mental disorder about this (having spawned the Teabaggers), but those on the far left certainly aren’t innocent. It is exhausting. Rather than rail against this – which is as effective as using a teaspoon to remove floodwaters of say, Hurricane Katrina – instead, I think we should, in a manner of speaking, lay back and think of England. I propose a third political party with a platform made up of only meaningless social issues and whose singular purpose is to create divisiveness and intolerance. By having this party exist, those so compelled can have a legitimate and codified outlet for their ignorance, hate and foolishness. Meanwhile, the Dems and Reps can stop pretending most of this shit actually matters, escape from their self-erected loony bin and get back to the business of doing good stuff like fixing infrastructure, creating jobs, and returning America to a country that made shit instead of acting like the massive glutton of rapacious consumption we’ve become. This new party shall be called The Wedgies. And here is their...

If you ask me, I blame the Prius. Recently, a big name celebrity came to see a show at the theatre where I work. For security and convenience reasons, we allowed him to park in the loading zone in front of the theatre rather than the slightly farther Peon Lot. Since this isn’t exactly legal, I arranged with his people (He has people. I want people! Even midgets would be fine. Do they work cheap? Can I get two for the price of one? I could stack them on top of each other, put them in a really long trench coat and pretend they are a super-tall publicist named KiKi. That would get me in to Sky Bar) that I would hold on to his car keys and watch his car while he was watching the show- never mind the fact that giving me car keys is about as useful as handing a bone to a monkey and telling it to drive the big black monolith around the block in case the cops come. You’re just going to end up with a smashed cow-skull and a big parking ticket. As I waited for him, I fantasized about the sort of supercar that would soon be at my disposal. Certainly, it would be some kind of Italian Dream Machine- a Maserati or Lamborghini or some other juicy word that sounds like food but isn’t food but still makes you drool like lasagna made out of money. A car designed to look like a spaceship if spaceships were designed to look like naked ladies (NOTE TO NASA: Next time, hire Italian designers. Endeavor is whatever but Endeavero is magnifico!!!) Maybe I would slip inside and sit behind the wheel in the tan leather interior all snug...

Seriously, isn’t that cool, colorful picture absolutely mouthwatering on this hot summer day?  During my trip to New Orleans, I was introduced to Snowballs, a most refreshing dessert.  They’re much more than just syrup and water!  While many cities have their own version of Sno-cones, the south does them best! Let me know if you can find one of these in a city near you! Snowballs are well known in the southern United States.  A Snowball is not a slushie, not sherbert, and not your standard ice with flavoring.  The consistency is just like new fallen snow. Fresh ice is shaved superfine from a brick of ice, and then doused with home made flavorings. Hansen’s Sno-Bliz was the location I visited to sample the dessert.  According to their website, the stand located at 4801 Tchoupitoulas Street in New Orleans opened in 1944; after selling the dessert on the street since 1938.  The ice is still served the very same way as it was in the beginning.  A worker shaves each cone from a massive block of ice, for every customer’s unique order, using a specially designed, saw-like machine. Standing at the counter waiting for your treat, you can see the gloved man shaving away.  From what I’ve been told, it’s hard job, so cold the ice shaver must wear gloves to avoid frostbite on his fingers. Each and every one is home made.  No machine pushing syrups with CO2.  There are also a massive variety of sizes, from a tiny cup to a giant trash can size that was for a frat party! The dessert can be served with multiple home made fruit flavored syrups, or a splash of condensed milk, marshmallow, crushed pineapples, crushed strawberries or whipped cream. Even ice cream can be added.  I...