Frankie says… Try to pretend every now and then. I heard this author speaking about her most recent book on NPR the other day. She was saying how her four main characters were so different, but were all really just pieces of her. I envied her ability to make things up, her obvious grasp on fiction – something I’ve never had when it comes to writing, nor in life for that matter. I’m horrible at making things up, pretending I like people, masking my emotions. If I could just master that art of fiction, of make-believe and pretend, I do believe my life would be a lot easier… like when I was a child. As a kid, I could read for hours, fictional tale upon fictional tale. And then I’d imagine myself as those characters – be it the damsel in distress or the charming go-getter busy bee. Now, I can’t even read fiction let alone pretend I’m part of it. And that’s sad. Really, it is. Why do we lose that ability to mimic our deepest and most secret desires? I know that sounds like some soupy and metaphysical, stick-a-pipe-in-your-mouth kind of question, but it’s really been bothering me lately. This loss of innocence is weird, really. As we grow, we tend to think of how we gain things – boobs, bodily hair, money, wisdom, and many more things. There aren’t too many things that we lose, and by far the biggest of them is this ability to believe in fiction. I’m not talking about the ability to believe in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy, I’m talking about the ability to suspend our non-fiction lives for a few moments to enjoy, say, a fictional story from a book. I think the only...

Happy Book Week! Here’s why you don’t have to read books anymore. I’m kidding, but only a little. Like many people who choose to write things for the Internet that exceed 140 characters, books are and have always been an important part of my life. Books are the ultimate comfort form of entertainment, because they not only pass the time better than any other diversion, they give the sense of enriching it as well. Of course movies and television can be enriching and informative, but there was never a deliberate campaign aimed at young children that offered free personal pan pizzas for watching more T.V. (Thank you Book It!) Throughout my early childhood, our school always pressured us to read, which was really no pressure at all, since I loved to read. I was a little annoyed when they were pushing for Beverly Cleary while I was much more interested in Tolkien, but somehow we got by. Then in high school we seemed to hit the brick wall that was standardized testing. My high school didn’t read. We weren’t often assigned books, and those we were assigned were always short and usually more suggested than actually explored (I don’t ever remember discussing anything longer than a short story other than for extra credit). What time did we have to read novels when my rural Western Pennsylvanian school district was busy trying to cut costs and get more funding by forcing us to take standardized tests constantly? (This irks me more in retrospect and was a reason that I was against Dubbya’s “No Child Left Behind” before it was cool to be against it.) Besides, we were mostly being counseled to go technical and trade schools anyway. In desperate hope to force myself to have...

Want to win a free McRib? Then play Fierce & Nerdy’s Search for the Great McRibiography! Here’s how to win your FREE McRib: 1. Read Ryan’s Dixon’s now classic manifesto: The Five Reasons Why the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food Item of All Time 2. In the Comments section below, share your own personal McRib story or why you think the McRib is the Greatest Fast Food Item of All Time. 3. Fierce & Nerdy’s Blue Ribbon panel (made up of Ryan Dixon, Jersey Joe, and F&N editors Ernessa T. Carter and Amy Robinson) will select the best stories that touch upon the core values of the McRib. (What are those values, exactly? We’re working on it.) 4. Winners will be mailed a coupon for one free McRib! And that’s it. It’s easy. Almost as easy as going to going to your local McDonald’s and ordering yourself a McRib. But hurry, just like the McRib, our contest is for a limited time only: all stories must be posted by TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1st. And now, let’s get on with the show… INTRODUCTION TO THE FIVE REASONS WHY THE MCRIB IS THE GREATEST FAST FOOD ITEM OF ALL TIME Why Me? How did an always poor, mostly anonymous and only occasionally witty blogumnist living in Burbank, CA suddenly find himself as the protagonist in a real-life, 21st century Horatio Alger novel? In 2010,  I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal, my voice was heard on NPR and perhaps the greatest corporation in American history became my follower on Twitter. And I owe it all to one saliva-inducing, two-syllable word: McRib. My journey to becoming a PhD in Pork Product and being hailed as the world’s foremost expert on McDonald’s legendary and enigmatic sandwich all...

INTRODUCTION TO THE 2010 EDITION: Why Me? How did an always poor, mostly anonymous and only occasionally witty blogumnist living in Burbank, CA suddenly find himself as the protagonist in a real-life, 21st century Horatio Alger novel? During the past three weeks I’ve been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, my voice was heard on NPR and perhaps the greatest corporation in American history became my 69th follower on Twitter. And I owe it all to one saliva-inducing, two-syllable word: McRib. My journey to becoming a PhD in Pork Product and being hailed as the world’s foremost expert on McDonald’s legendary and enigmatic sandwich all began with a seemingly innocuous FaN blogumn that I wrote last December arguing that the McRib, an object of both mirthless odium and near-religious devotion, was simply the Citizen Kane of rapidly-processed culinary cuisine. I had resolved myself to the fact that this blogumn had probably sunk to the never-to-be-read-again seabed of the fathomless internet ocean until a few weeks ago when a reporter, working on his own McRib story for the Wall Street Journal, read the post, contacted Fierce and Nerdy and interviewed me. With the publication of that front-page article, I stepped upon the national stage to take my rightful place as the Susan Boyle of fast foodies. (Google “Ryan Dixon McRib” and 3,390 results come roaring back at you. Google “Ryan Dixon” and I don’t even make an appearance until the second page.) Unfortunately, for the past sixteen years only select pockets of the country were able to celebrate the annual arrival of those banners, draped under the Golden Arches, inscribed with that immortal phrase “The McRib is Back.” But this year, for the first time since 1994, the entire nation, in a period of great...