NOTE: This post is intended for medicinal purposes only. Even though I know a thing or two about dramatic structure, I don’t consider myself a playwright- just like I don’t consider myself a licensed plumber even though I’ve unclogged hundreds of toilets over the course of my illustrious career as Theatre Manager and Renter of Terrible Apartments (for more on the subject of theatre management, I recommend Stanislavski’s master-work on the subject: An Actor Prepares. Which Is Fine, Whatever, But Then He Goes and Takes Like this Enormous Dump in the Moscow Art Theatre’s Only Working Toilet and I’ve Got to Unclog the Fucking Thing, I Mean Jesus Christ- What Is Wrong with You People? How Is it Possible that You Can Memorize Hamlet But You Can’t Remember that Paper Towels Go in the Motherfucking Garbage Can? Don’t You Think I’ve Got Better Things to Do than Wallowing Around in Thespian Turds All Day? I’m Stanislavski, Bitches! You’re Motivation Better Be to Stop Pissing Me Off or the Only Theatre You’re Gonna Work in Is the Moscow Art Theatre of Kiss My Ass. What can I say? The man loved his book titles.) So, right, like I said, as theatre artists go, I’m far more plumber than playwright (and I’m not even that good a plumber) but I did write one play for a playwriting class in 1995. The name of the play was Dude, and here is a list of the characters: Frank: College student, stoner Bill: College student, stoner Jimmy: College student. HUGE stoner. Always broke. Smokes all your shit. Seriously annoying- like, pretend you’re not even home when he comes to the door annoying. Frank and Bill’s best friend. Sam Spade: Evil German private detective. Possible Nazi war criminal. Stoner. Only smokes kind...

The Ancient Greeks didn’t worry about whether God loved them. They didn’t wring their hands over the fact that God allowed evil to thrive in the world and didn’t struggle with the way that God permitted the righteous to suffer while the wicked prospered. That’s because, in Ancient Greece, the Gods were a bunch of dicks. Zeus was particularly nasty- he lorded over the universe like an omnipotent frat boy with lightning bolts. He was far less concerned with the meek inheriting the earth than he was in changing into a swan and fucking the meek’s wife (they had a pretty loose grip of zoology, as well.) The rest of the gods were no better- just a bunch of mean spirited, petty, vindictive, narcissistic, spiteful bastards who absolutely didn’t give a shit about humanity. It must have been wonderfully liberating in a way- like having a Republican president. After all, when Bush and co. were in power, we didn’t wring our hands and wonder WHY they were leading us into one pointless war after another for the sole benefit of their rich cronies or WHY they were making disastrously short-sighted fiscal policy decisions. We knew perfectly well why- they were dicks. They did irresponsible, self-centered, evil, destructive, selfish things because they were irresponsible, self-centered, evil, destructive selfish cocksuckers- plain and simple. All we had to do was fear them, loathe them and mock them. With the advent of Judaism, though and the election of Obama, things became more complicated. Now we have to wrestle with thorny and difficult philosophical questions like WHY does God allow bad things to happen to good people, WHY does God turn his back on his supposedly chosen people as they are persecuted and killed, WHY did Obama extend the...