A Whole New Nerd [Single White Nerd]

On Friday night, I found myself in a sharing circle.  Actually, it was a birthday party.  We happened to be sitting in a circle and sharing.  It was much more fun than it may sound.  We had pizza. At some point, the circle splintered into smaller groups.  I talked to an artist for a while; we gabbed about nonprofits, art, all sorts of stuff.  A few feet away, three guys and one girl talked about online dating.  They shared a few horror stories, whipped out their cell phones that had a mobile dating app installed.  Compared profiles, checked to see if anyone interesting was in the area. As they talked, the three guys, in subtle and less subtle ways, vyed for the one girl’s attention.  Subtle shifts in body position, laughing a little too loudly, invitations to future cultural events.  She was attractive, can’t blame the guys.  Anyway, I watched all this happening and realized at some point that I was happier talking about a van that doubles as a pinhole camera (awesome!) than about dating. A year ago, I might have participated in the dating story-share.  Hell, that was kind of my thing.  I’d go to parties and people would be all, like, “Hey, Kass, tell us about that time you did that thing with that girl that involved the sex!”  And I’d tell tales, sometimes a bit grotesque, about various misadventures, the lengths to which I may have gone to grab a few minutes of empty pleasure, moments of unexpected vulnerability in the midst of tawdry assignations.  I’d cloak myself in these stories, assuming the identity of the weathered, bitter veteran of the Dating Wars, holding myself up as an example of singlehood in LA.  Assuming that folks were looking for a...

Sultan of Singapore [Piping Hot Nerd]

Things like this do not happen to nerdy bagpipers, but then again it did, so I guess it does. I am here in Singapore on business. I am tired, just off the flight and standing in line to check in at my hotel. This woman whom I’ve never met hands me a guava juice and welcomes me to Singapore. I assume that she works here. “Thank you, “ says I. We discuss that this is my first time here and blah, blah, blah. She leads me to the desk where this lovely lady tells me that they are upgrading me to a suite. “Thank you, that’s lovely,” says I. I then think, “Ah a couch and a coffee table in addition to the bed, that’s nice.” I go up to my floor. It is the top floor. I put the plastic key into my door. It is the corner door. I open the door. I cannot see a bed. All I see is an exploding birds of paradise arrangement in my entryway. Slightly to my left is my living room with giant TV and fresh flowers and chocolates. To my right is my dining room with dining table for 8 with full kitchen and servant’s entrance. In between is my patio with gas BBQ and zen fountain. I start to shake. They have clearly mistaken me for Madonna. It is too much. I walk all the way through this palace with a balcony in every room to my bedroom. My bed is out of focus; it is miles away. There is another living room set-up and a desk as big as a small boat. My bed is a throne for some sort of lazy tyrant. In between finding this too much, I start to...

BFFs for…Life? [Frankie Says…] Feb23

BFFs for…Life? [Frankie Says…]

Frankie Asks… Does growing up have to mean growing apart? Every time I’ve seen my best friend, J., over the past few years there’s been just a little more tension than the last time. Is it all in my head? Does she feel it too? Am I the only one that feels that ever since we moved out of the same apartment, five years ago, our relationship has diminished to – dare I say it – good acquaintances? I find myself not telling her about aspects of my new ‘Hollywood’ life – so different from the party years spent in San Diego with her – or selectively mentioning this guy or that, when before I’d analyze every detail of every new date with her. Is it just because we’re growing into different people as we live these separate lives, or is it because we’re not a part of each other’s lives anymore that I feel this way? These questions have been haunting me for a while now, and more in the last few months since her marriage to her longtime boyfriend, C. Funny story about that, actually. The boyfriend. So back in 2006, when they first met, she’d been seeing another guy. This other guy was a friend of mine before C. and she had started dating and I was sort of his champion, even though he was certainly of questionable character and the two of them had quite the volatile relationship. I guess I thought mad love was better than a secure relationship. (I was 22, if I can use that as an excuse…) So when C. came along and started to whisk her away from mad love man, I told her that I thought she was doing the wrong thing, choosing him....