Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed and we don’t use condoms. I have a drug test next week. Can I test positive for THC from him coming inside me? Sincerely, Naturally Paranoid Dear NP, If testing positive for THC from ejaculate intake was possible, there would more than likely be a Seth Rogen film with that as a sub-plot. THC is short for Tetrahydrocannabinol, which is the principle psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. We have all heard of the false positives for opiates after eating a poppy seed muffin and so the silence on this matter pushes me to the conclusion of NO. As this is not a good method for reaching scientific conclusions, I began further research. Amielle Moreno, a Seattle based Research Scientist, had this to say, “Let’s go over facts: THC is fat solvable and it’s also found in hair which is protein. Semen includes a large amount of protein, but the amount of THC in semen would be negligible. The THC has already been processed by one person before it gets in contact with a vagina, mouth or rectum. I don’t think it would be enough to test positive.” Since fats are processed through an entirely different system than that of the reproductive, their transference is highly unlikely in detectable quantities. You see, THC is metabolized mainly in the liver. It is detected through hair, urine, blood, “oral fluid” and sweat. There seems to be no evidence of it being found in genital fluids. Another researcher, who wishes to remain anonymous, brought up the additional argument against THC being transferred through sperm with the following, “Semen, as a vehicle for genetic material, would have no evolutionary advantage in bringing along extraneous chemicals like THC in the ejaculate....

Dear Dr. Miro, What lowers sperm count? Sincerely, Brad Pitt Dear “BP”, An estimated eight million US couples have fertility issues, half of which involve men with poor sperm quality. There are SO many contributing factors to lowering your count. I am not sure if that is what you are trying to do or if that is what you are trying to avoid but here it goes… To understand this topic better, it is important to get a handle on where your sperm is hanging out and manufactured which is, inside the scrotum. So, first of all, beware of those skinny jeans! You have got to let those boys breathe. Careful of long exposure to extreme temperatures like standing in the freezing cold or severely hot baths. The Cremaster Muscle, responsible for letting the balls hang low or come way up tight, depending on the weather around your manly danglers, can only do so much. Sitting long amounts of time can lower sperm count. This is a major concern for cabbies, pilots, students and any other testicle-baring male who has a sedentary lifestyle. Take caution in regards to radiation emitting technologies. Try not to store your phone in the front pocket for long amounts of time and keep your laptop off of the genital region. You feel how your computer is getting hot? That is a sign TO MOVE it! An epidemic decline of sperm counts in modern man is also being blamed on environmental pollution, plastic chemicals, pesticides and unhealthy diets like junk food and sodas. Pharmaceutical drugs are another major cause of decreased swimmers. For example, the common selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant drugs can literally bring a man’s sperm count to zero! The men of today have much poorer sperm...