Super Blah – A Nerd’s Review of the XLVII Commercials [Tall Drink of Nerd]...

Hey, news shows, can you please, for the love of all that’s holy, stop showing the GoDaddy commercial. It grosses me out. And you keep telling me that it grosses you out, but then you say “Let’s take a look at it.” STOP IT! Don’t make me go all Eric Sims on your arses.(And I’m not mentioning that ad anymore. Other than to say, I think the GoDaddy team really hates women. It isn’t just the “oh we’re so controversial” nudity and gross necking. Their GoDaddy.co (totally different than GoDaddy.com) ad featured nagging wives and a “sky waitress”. WTF? Also, I’ve used GoDaddy before and they suck.) Now that that is over, let’s talk advertising. Everybody and their brother Al has opinions on the Super Bowl ads. They are all wrong, here’s the only recap you’ll want to read. (In no particular order): Sweet criminy, I love goats! Granted, I’ve never owned a goat. I did used to feed them my bus transfers when I would stop by the petting zoo that was in the park next to my apartment in Chicago. They’re cute, and apparently smart as dogs. After the past few years of picking on animals in their commercials, I was glad to see Doritos give the goat the upper hand (hoof?): Screaming Goat Doritos commercial: Cute baby goats you need to see that have nothing to do with the Doritos commercial: Full disclosure, I hate Budweiser products. Ok, smarty pants, I know that Stella Artois is now made by the same people, but for some reason Bud, and any Bud derivative gives me an instant headache. To me, Bud Light seems like something I’d drink while smoking Marlboro Menthols. Thought you should know that before I told you that the new...

Ad it Up! The Smartest and Dumbest Ads of the Game [Tall Drink of Nerd]...

Ernessa asked “Are you going to do a column on the Super Bowl commercials again?” I had a good time doing the reviews last year, so the only possible reply was “Hell, yeah! I get to watch TV and be judgmental?! Sign me up!” So here are my Ultimate Pronouncements on the Best and Worst ads of the game. (I totally didn’t see the pre-game. Let me know what I missed.) Everyone has been talking about the Ferris Bueller Honda CRV ad for the past two weeks, so I’m starting off our Super Bowl recap with my thoughts on that. (Please feel free to add your thoughts on any commercials, game action, Faith Hill’s sparkly pants, etc., in the comments below). I thought the CRV ad was clever but sad. Clever as an homage to a classic movie. Loved that Chinatown parade. Sad because only Matthew Broderick was a player in this show. Where were Cameron and Principal Rooney (is he still in prison?) and girlfriend Mia Sara (Sloane) and Jennifer Grey? If this commercial had been sprinkled with the original cast, it would have been a classic. It wasn’t. Now can we please talk about something else? The Good Ads – You Get My Vote/Money Vrooom: Maybe I’m a little biased, because I am a proud Hyundai owner (2012 Cherry Tucson y’all!), but I thought The Dude and the creative team working for Hyundai brought their top game to Super Bowl 46 (that’s right…no Roman numerals for me. Keepin’ it simple.) The employees singing the Rocky theme was awesome and inspiring. My fav part was the bumpy road-test singer: The surprise for the Cheetah trainer in their Veloster commercial made me happy. I always root for the animals! If I weren’t a happy...

The Ever-Sinking Ship: The Historic Losing Streak of the Pittsburgh Pirates: The Ryan Dixon Line [BEST OF FaN]...

.500. For any fan of baseball’s Pittsburgh Pirates, this number now has more significance than Barry Bonds’ home run record, DiMaggio’s hit streak or Cal Ripken’s consecutive games played. When I wrote the following blogumn in March, it looked like the chances of  the Pirates  finally ending this season with as many wins as losses after a record 18 consecutive years of failing were about as good as Newt Gingrich winning the Republican nomination. Then a funny thing happened: the Pirates started winning. And they’ve kept winning with as much regularity as they’ve been losing. And now the wins are starting to outnumber the losses. We’re about halfway through the season and if the Pirates keep going, this blogumn will be forever outdated. Never before have I ever wanted my writing to be so wrong... Originally published 03/25/11 How do the Pittsburgh Pirates compare with other infamous losers of history? On Thursday, April 7th, Major League Baseball’s Pittsburgh Pirates will take to the field of PNC Park to play the Colorado Rockies. If all goes as planned (and there is little reason to doubt that it won’t) sometime in early October, the Pirates will finish their 19th consecutive losing season. The only records that will be broken will be their own: In 2009, their 17th  losing season tied them with the Philadelphia Phillies for the longest streak of consecutive losing seasons in North American sports history. And last year, the Pittsburgh Pirates celebrated their final descent to the bottommost throne in Loserdom’s decaying garbage heap with the most losses (105) in their 123 year existence. In terms of embarrassment, ignominy and defeat, the Pittsburgh Pirates are now only competing with themselves. Of course many people will argue that Pirates’ fans really have no right to complain....