Tall Drink of Nerd: Airport Harlequin
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A blogumn by Amy Robinson
Shopping for a Book at the Airport – Denver style
I wouldn’t recommend buying a book at the airport. I would highly recommend buying a book that you really like beforehand and bringing it with you. But, if you’re like me and go visit your parents and end up finishing Uncle Tom’s Cabin, because your parents’ house is haunted, so you stay up late reading to give your lame adult ass a reason to leave the light on, then you are forced to shop for a book at the airport.
So when, like me, you’re tired and all jittery, walking into the WH Smith Newsstand to buy a Time or Newsweek or just a People, something to keep you entertained for a 2-hour flight. AND you are just out of the 1 hour airport security line behind British folks who get stopped for having powder in their suitcase, which turns our to be lemonade powder. (Apparently you just can’t buy lemonade powder in the UK. Hilarious!) Unfortunately, every single scrap of Printed Media is splashed with the visage of Pit-Bull Be-Lipsticked Hockey Mom Sarah Palin. Can’t. Buy. That.
At Denver International Airport the books are tucked back in the corner next to the storage entrance like porn at a video store (the actual porn at this newsstand is kept just over the Times and Newsweek’s. Who buys Juggs or Barely Legal to take onto a plane?) Now you’re faced with the choice of the New York Times Top 10, the collection of Harlequin romances, and the complete collection of Chicken Soup for the Fill In The Blank. So the choices are down to 10 books.
After about 15 minutes of back of the book reading and disappointed pondering, then, if you’re like me, you’ll end up buying a package of Lorna Doones and a Wall Street Journal, promising yourself to bring two books on your next trip, just in case.
As someone who has graced the cover of many a Harlequin romance, I wonder why you haven’t given in to me yet? It takes alot of work to maintain my incredible body, and you passing by my books doesn’t fill my mattress full of enough money to keep my hair smelling so terrific. Please won’t you think of Fabio next time you’re in an airport and need a quick distraction from your boring life. Give in to me. Give in to Fabio.
BTW, as far as Juggs and BL go, how else is a single guy supposed to get into the mile high club?
Fabio
As someone who has graced the cover of many a Harlequin romance, I wonder why you haven’t given in to me yet? It takes alot of work to maintain my incredible body, and you passing by my books doesn’t fill my mattress full of enough money to keep my hair smelling so terrific. Please won’t you think of Fabio next time you’re in an airport and need a quick distraction from your boring life. Give in to me. Give in to Fabio.
BTW, as far as Juggs and BL go, how else is a single guy supposed to get into the mile high club?
Fabio
Re: BTW, as far as Juggs and BL go, how else is a single guy supposed to get into the mile high club?
Perhaps by chatting up a woman who would otherwise be turned off if he was seen reading a porno mag on a plane.
though, let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that Fabio has groupies. lots of them. sad.
THANK YOU! plus, I can’t believe it’s not butter!
F
THANK YOU! plus, I can’t believe it’s not butter!
F
Thanks for visiting Fabio! I’m sorry guy, but I’m choosing Lorna Doones over Harlequin every time. The shortbread is much more complex.
Thanks for visiting Fabio! I’m sorry guy, but I’m choosing Lorna Doones over Harlequin every time. The shortbread is much more complex.