Tall Glass of Shame: GWAAAAAR!!!!
a blogumn by Zack Bunker
I am a firm believer in stepping out of your comfort zone. Sometimes it is taking a class at a local college, or buying that dress you think might be too skimpy. Sometimes escaping your comfort zone is pushing yourself to say hi to that person you have had your eye on that doesn’t know you exist. Hell, it might even be dressing up like a fool and attending a GWAR concert when you feel you have been too “safe” in your recent musical tastes. I was 20 years old and chose to do just that all with the mindset that you have to see GWAR live at least once before you die, that is of course if I didn’t get killed that night at the concert.
My friends Jen and Brandi picked me up and whisked me off to be “dressed up” pre-concert, they had this idea that my look might be too preppy so a bit of blue glitter hair horns were in order…. (yeah that’ll make me blend in.) Anyways, we got all dressed up and headed off to the venue with our tickets in hand. I had no idea what to expect. I had seen a few pictures and heard that this crazy Shock Rock Band from Virginia named GWAR dressed up in outrageous alien outfits and spewed “blood” and “urine” into the crowd. I knew this concert was gonna be a big crazy fun mess when my friend Jen said she was just dying to get up to the front to get splashed with blood.
The concert was loud as hell and the stage show made me die with laughter, especially when the giant talking toilet came onstage and proceeded to eat several crowd surfing members. The guitarist with testicles for a chin seemed to be really excited about this and ran over to a large blade covered wall and severed himself, spewing red juice out into the crowd some of which hit my shirt. I was laughing so hard it was hard not to kind of fall in love with this bizarre experience.
While more various “bodily fluids” were shot into the audience from large fake props, we took a break at the back of the hall. Jen and Brandi hit the ladies room while I waited, sitting on a small wall that ran along the space. I was absorbed in taking in the weird event before me when a man named “Bogey” introduced himself to me. He was sweating profusely and shaking a bit in odd jerky moves — the first signs this conversation was gonna be fun.
“These damn young ‘uns don’t even know what they are missing…. they called me old man, can you believe that?! I’m only like 40… GWAAAAAAAAAR! I just love this band man!” He reached over and shook my shoulder with tears in his eyes. The conversation continued with random moments of him turning toward the stage shouting “GWAAAAAAAAAAR!” and going right back into his story as if it was an uncontrollable tick. “I found this stash behind Safeway man, I cooked it up and used it man…. GWAAAAAR! I think it might’ve been bad man…”
I ran through my head thinking of what drugs he could be talking about. I was hoping in a strange way he was telling me about some old meat and not heroin he decided to mess with. “I guess I’ll find out later dude, gotta go crowd surf man! GWAAAAR!” he screamed as he jumped into the crowd and landed sideways on the concrete as the audience swallowed him up.
I was relieved he was gone and at that moment my friends walked up asking what he was all about. “Just GWAAAAAAR man!” I screamed and we ran toward the front to get a nice second coating of fake blood.
GWAR on the Joan Rivers Show:
A sneak peek at a GWAR show:
If GWAR isn’t quite your thing and you are more of an Insane Clown Posse kind of person, you might just be a Juggalo. This is the term for the crazy fans of the band that have an annual gathering each year in Ohio. They wear face paint and drink the inexpensive soft drink from Detroit: “Faygo.” It appears to be a strange kind of slacker woodstock with the focus being getting drunk and seeing “boobs.” I’ll let you all make of it what you will, I’m sure you’ll all run out and buy your face paint to get on the bandwagon… A somewhat frightening look at the 2009 “Juggalo Gathering”
Check out this amazing parody: Juggalo News! Take it away Murderbitch….
And now, if you’re brave enough: Death Metal Rooster!