May13

The Seven Deadly Sequel Sins: A Memo on How NOT to Kill Your Film Franchise [The Ryan Dixon Line]

To: Newly Promoted President of Production at Major Hollywood Studio

From: The Mainstream Moviegoing Audience of America

Congratulations on your new job! After years of suffering through labyrinthine lunch orders, death-defying dry cleaning runs and post-orgy organization duty, you’ve climbed to the top of the Hollywood mountain and can greenlight any movie you want!

Sorry about your first day on the job, though. Having the Chairman of your parent company enter your newly feng shuied office, plop an energy drink on your desk and ask, “How can we make this into a five-picture franchise?” is probably not what you had in mind when dreaming of cinematic glory.

But don’t panic. You can still produce your King’s Speeches, Social Networks and Black Swans, first you just need to feed the multi-national corporate beast by stuffing it full of sequels! The good news is that with a record 27 sequels scheduled to open this year (including a unprecedented collection of “Part IV’s”) the beast is hungrier than ever!

The goal of a sequel is primordial in its simplicity: make enough money to make another sequel. Unfortunately, come December 31 many of these 27 titles will most likely have failed to deliver, forcing studios to impatiently wait decades instead of mere years to “reboot” the franchise. Those decision makers who shepherded the ill-begotten cinematic spawn will be forced to live in Hollywood exile, roaming a desolate world of canceled Centurion cards, dollar menu deals and martini’s made with McCormick’s gin instead of Bombay Sapphire.

To help avoid this dark fate, we, the mainstream moviegoing audience of America, have decided to present you with a reference guide to potentially lethal sequel symptoms. We have also compiled a list of the twelve most deadly sequels of all time. The films below carried the banner of once glorious (or at least financially successful) film franchises straight into bottom rungs of the box office boondocks, ensuring that another roman numeral would never again saddle up to the title.

Best of Luck,

The Mainstream Moviegoing Audience of America

P.S. Why twelve movies and not just a nice round number like ten? Well, we’re talking about sequels and with sequels enough is never enough…until it’s enough.

THE TWELVE MOST DEADLY SEQUELS IN MOVIE HISTORY

12. Beverly Hills Cop III (1994)

Domestic Box Office: $42.6 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $194.25

Sequel Slide Percentage: 78%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor		X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone	X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

11. Hannibal Rising (2007)

Domestic Box Office: $27.6 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $129.5 million (three previous films excluding Manhunter)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 79%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”	X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs	X
Incorporated a radically different tone	X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

10. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

Domestic Box Office: $26.2 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $127.1 million (one previous film)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 79%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”	X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

9. XXX: State of the Union (2005)

Domestic Box Office: $26.8 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $142.1 million (one previous film)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 81%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel		X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

8. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

Domestic Box Office:$25.6 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $142 million (two previous films)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 82%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor		X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

7. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Domestic Box Office: $20.7 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $127.7 million (three previous films)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 84%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs	X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

6. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

Domestic Box Office: $15.6 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $100.7 million

Sequel Slide Percentage: 84.5%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor		X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs	X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

5. Home Alone 3 (1997)

Domestic Box Office: $30.8 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $229.6 million

Sequel Slide Percentage: 86.5%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

4. Daddy Day Camp (2007)

Domestic Box Office: $13.2 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $104.3 million (one previous film: Daddy Day Care)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 87%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

3. Look Who’s Talking Now (1993)

Domestic Box Office: $10.3 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $93.9 million (two previous films )

Sequel Slide Percentage: 89%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X*
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel		X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team		X

*While Look Who’s Talking Now starred John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, it did not feature Bruce Willis and Rosanne Barr as the voice of the babies, arguably the major appeal of the previous two films.

2. The Next Karate Kid (1994)

Domestic Box Office: $8.9 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $81.6 million (three previous films)

Sequel Slide Percentage: 89%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel	X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location	X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

1. Smokey & the Bandit Part III (1983)

Domestic Box Office: $5.6 million

Average Box Office of Predecessors: $101.4 million

Sequel Slide Percentage: 94%

THE SEVEN SEQUEL SINS	Yes	No
A new leading actor	X
A sequel that’s a “prequel”		X
Released four or more years after the previous sequel		X
Ignored the franchise’s previous timeline or character arcs		X
Incorporated a radically different tone		X
Copied the plot of the original and pasted it in a new location		X
Lack of involvement from original creative team	X

Want a sequel that won’t suck? Then buy a copy of my graphic novel Hell House: The Awakening to help ensure years of clever new sequel subtitles. And after you do that, you might as well follow me on Twitter @ryanbdixon.

Josh

“The goal of a sequel is primordial in its
simplicity: make enough money to make another sequel.” Well put.

A.O.
Scott of the New York Times further explores this idea in his review of
Thor: “There is no reason to go to this movie, which might be another
way of saying there’s no reason not to. Something like that seems to be
the logic behind “Thor,” and as a business plan it’s probably
foolproof.” http://movies.nytimes.com/2011/05/06/movies/thor-with-chris-hemsworth-review.html

May13

Ernessa T. Carter

EXACTLY, regarding THOR.
May13

Ryan Dixon

Scott’s THOR review is my favorite review of the year. It’s the best sort of review: one that both reviews the movie and the industry’s current situation. To understand the direction the industry is going in, all you need to do is read that review.

Ernessa T. Carter

Am I the only one who loved THE NEXT KARATE KID? It’s still by far my favorite Hilary Swank movie. Yes, seriously.

May13

Ryan Dixon

I read this reply before seeing the author and thought it was the rantings of a crazy person. How sad to discover that it is the opinion of the editor of the site I wrote the blogumn for.
May14

Josh

Better than “The Reaping?” Heresy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gad1976_aburke

Great premise for an article, but I wish there was more meat. You never discuss the 7deadly sins nor give a short recap of how awful the sequels where you blast them apart individually. It requires that little personal touch.

May13

Ryan Dixon

Thanks for the comment! I gave a lot of thought to having brief statements regarding the dubious quality of each sequel, but in the end decided against it for reasons of length and hoped that the inclusion of the trailers (which are all equally terrible) would tell the tale visually.

In terms of the Seven Deadly Sins, I crafted them with the intention that their names would be explanation enough (length was another issue), though it seems like it wasn’t as effective as I hoped. In hindsight, it might have been beneficial to have explained them a little more.

Share This

The Seven Deadly Sequel Sins: A Memo on How NOT to Kill Your Film Franchise [The Ryan Dixon Line]

8 Comments

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

Categories

Blogroll: