There’s That Condom! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I had wild, drunken, “protected” sex with my non-monogamous partner. Two days later a condom fell out of me. I’m horrified and scared. We were so drunk that no one even noticed this mishap. Luckily I’m not in my fertile moment in my cycle so there’s no baby threat. BUT I’m concerned about STDs and my conversational obligation to this man regarding what has happened. I am beyond annoyed and dread having to go back to the doctor for more testing, after just having my annual exam. How long do STDs take to manifest? Should I still be concerned, even though he says he is safe with other women? Also, how do I go about telling him what happened without the blaming/shaming games? Help me Doc!
First, what to say to this guy is pretty simple. As soon as possible, tell him the condom fell out of you and he needs to get tested. It is certainly not going to be a comfortable conversation, but being straightforward will leave no room for blaming and shaming. Stick to the facts and you will get through this. Since both of you were intoxicated, there is an equal share of the responsibility. Good for you to use a condom in your drunken state! Of course you are scared and annoyed. This stuff can be pretty nerve racking. It is appropriate to be concerned in that he was “safe” with you and you know from personal experience where that has led: to a used prophylactic falling out of a body orifice!
You mention getting your annual and seeing your doctor. I assume you mean your OB/GYN where you had a pap smear battery of tests done to know your STI (sexually transmitted infection) status. If this is not what you meant, make an appointment, NOW. You also introduced your partner as non-monogamous. Are you monogamous? This may be an entire other issue you need to address with him, as well. I mention this solely as a result of you declaring his habits instead of saying you are in an open relationship.
As far as how long STI’s take to manifest, it is different for the miscellaneous infections out there. For example, it takes Human Papilloma Virus (Genital Warts) anywhere from 3-8 months to appear, Herpes takes about two weeks and Gonorrhea is there in 2-4 days. HOWEVER, sometimes these are asymptomatic. That means there are no outwardly symptoms but you are capable of infecting others. Really, if nothing looks, smells or feels wrong where your bathing suit covers, wait four months to get tested. Then again, some folks get their tests done EVERY month, just to be on the safe side, or, to perform in Adult Movies… Until you know for certain, and even after that, continue using barriers during sexual interactions whether it is in the form of condoms or dental dams.
Lust & Happiness,
featured image credit: m kasahara