Too Nice To F**K! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I keep getting told by women I want to date, that I’m “too nice”. What’s that even mean? Shouldn’t I be good to women? Am I supposed to get all Douche-y on them? It seems that a**holes always end up with the girls I like but it just doesn’t seem right to me. What should I do?
Nice Guy Who Can’t Get Laid
I will venture a guess that the women you are interested in are not turned off by you being nice to them as much as they may want someone with a particular kind of swagger you do not possess. Maybe it is not a matter of being “too nice”, as in considerate, but rather you come across as a bit wimpy. Then again, do you really want to be with a lady who does not want to be treated well? There is a misnomer in our society that you must either be a Nice Fella Pushover or a Jersey Shore Jerk Dude. Being polite and aware of others is great! However, there is often a disconnect between being kind and being a man. Do you not stand up for yourself or ask for your needs to be met? There is a happy medium to be discovered within these extremes.
Let me level with you. Telling a person “you are too nice” as a way to stay in the “Friend Zone” is a supposedly polite way of saying, “I am not turned on by you. You do not get my juices flowing.” That is NOT to say you will never meet anyone who will get excited by you. It is to say, that the women you are attempting to have relations with are simply not in to you. Do not try to change yourself to please these women. Start accentuating the positive aspects of your personality and you will eventually find someone who will appreciate you.
Lust & Happiness,
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featured image credit: Thomas Hawk