Too Shy To Orgasm? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

My girlfriend says she can’t cum with another person. Before you ask, YES! She does get off when she’s by herself but just not in front of anyone else or with anybody. I REALLY want to give her a big O but she gets too embarrassed and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. (When I found her vibrator, she almost started crying!) I’m becoming kind of obsessed. I’ve always been able to make my girlfriend’s come. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Feeling Bad ‘Cos I Want to Please

Dear FBCIWtP,

First of all, back off of the idea of giving your girlfriend an orgasm as an ultimate goal. This has become about your self-esteem wrapped up in whether or not your lover can climax. It is understandable how you would want to help her have this ultimate pleasure as well as how this can injure your image of yourself. It is not about MAKING someone else have an orgasm. This needs to be re-framed as a journey of feeling good and comfortable rather than a goal that MUST be reached. Stop bugging her about it as she is obviously suffering severe stress and shame regarding her sexual pleasure. This is only going to create performance anxiety. Not only is she going to feel as if she is failing as a woman by not being able to do this thing that every magazine says she needs to do, your Lady is now having the double pressure of failing YOU. Imagine the stress she must be experiencing. Your prowess as a lover is not being reflected in whether or not your woman comes.

Of course you want to help her have this experience. It is great news that not only is your GF self-pleasuring but she is coming, too! It is important to be empathic to her fear of letting go in anyone’s presence and not push her into something she does not want. If she is shy about “performing” in front of you, start out slow. Let her blindfold you, allowing you to be beside her while she pleases herself. In this manner, she remains in control and her behavior will not be literally observed by anyone. Hopefully, this will get her acclimated to orgasming near you. See where this leads. Again, move slowly. Do NOT force the issue. Be encouraging. Leave your ego out of this.

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: markameleon

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