Undercover Christian Discovers Heavy Metal Fans Not Possessed By Satan; Bad At Sports [Daily News Brief]

Topeka, KS – Friday
By Joshua Mauldin

As part of a church outreach to hellbound youth, Marcus Walsh infiltrated a local group of high school heavy metal fans and was shocked to discover that none of the kids appeared to be possessed by the devil; most just couldn’t throw a football or run particularly fast.

“I was taught by my youth leader that heavy metal is one of the ways Satan literally gets into our head,” said a suprised Walsh. “Unless Beezelbub’s main objective is to make us socially awkward, that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

Walsh even credits the affinity for bands like Slayer, Judas Priest and Megadeth as a valuable resource in the fight to remain chaste before marriage. “Many kids in my youth group struggle daily with abstinence, no one wearing a KISS shirt has that problem.”

Image Credit: Wikipedia