Veterinarian Says Cats Won’t Go In Litter Box Because Screw You, That’s Why [Daily News Brief]
Chicago, IL – Thursday
By Joshua Mauldin
After a ten year study of feline behavior, Veterinarian Genesis Allen, concluded this morning that cats who won’t defecate in their litter boxes are punishing their owners for reasons only they understand.
“You may have cuddled with them too much,” said Allen regarding possible causes. “Or you may not have cuddled long enough. Maybe they didn’t like their new food. Maybe they’re tired of the old food. Maybe they didn’t appreciate you petting a dog. Maybe they didn’t like the way you ignored a dog. Who the hell knows?”
Dr. Allen went on to say that after spending a decade “chronicling these bastards” all he can say is, “scientifically speaking, cats are hairball-puking judgement machines with the ethical standards of a tyrant and the emotional stability of an overweight teenage girl.”
The 150 page study entitled Why Didn’t I Listen To My Mother And Become A Dentist is available for download on Dr. Allen’s website.