What if you threw a Rapture and nobody came? [Single White Nerd]
If you’re reading this, it means the that world did not end on Saturday, May 21 at 3 PM. It means that the predictions of a 90-year-old radio host with an engineering degree did not come true. It means that I probably shouldn’t have emptied out my retirement fund (though, really, $80 wouldn’t have gotten me very far anyway).
Despite all the hoopla, no one, aside from Harold Camping, who apparently spent the day with his shades drawn, and a handful of wingnuts, really believed the world would end this weekend. Then why all the hoopla? Why did we spend so much energy making fun of Camping’s earnest, if misguided, predictions?
Because at some level, we were collectively terrified that it might be true.
Think about it. We often make fun of things because we fear them. Babies for example. I make fun of babies all the time. Babies terrify me. Therefore, I make fun of babies because they terrify me. The logic is irrefutable. Note: You should always refute logic that someone claims is irrefutable. Except this time. This time is the one exception.
So, ok, we’re terrified that the world might end. That makes sense. Inevitably, the world will end. It’s just a question of when. But what if by making fun of it and sending all that world-ending-related energy out into The Universe we ended up. . .well, manifesting The Rapture. Like in The Secret. If it works for cars, boats, and success, why not The Rapture?
At times like these, a flow chart can be useful:
Or would we? Camping predicted that The Rapture would occur on Saturday. We have to wait until October until the end of the world. What if only a couple people were deemed “truly Christian” enough to fly up into the heavens? And what if these two or three people lived in remote areas, untainted by the sin of the modern world? What if there are a couple piles of clothing somewhere out in the middle of a jungle (or a cornfield)?
The end of the world is still coming, but don’t panic. Take that vacation you’ve been putting off. Tell that girl or guy how you really feel. Buy that motorcycle you’ve always wanted. Time’s a’wasting, friends. Live every day like it might be your last. Even though it won’t be. At least not for another few months.
As for me, I’m going to run out, get some ice cream, and make a flow chart that proves, irrefutably, that making flow charts ensures that I remain single until the End of the World. In October.
featured image credit: erozen