Woman Given Honorary Ph.D. In Husband’s Shortcomings [Daily News Brief]
Pittsburgh, PA – Friday
By Joshua Mauldin
The sociology department at Carnegie Mellon University announced this morning that they have awarded 64-year-old Pittsburgh resident Margaret Sanders an honorary Ph.D. in Negative Marital Observance.
“We’re convinced that no human being has dedicated as much time and effort to a subject as Margaret has in studying what’s wrong with her husband,” said Cooper Elliot, Chair of the CMU Sociology Department.
“From the way he inadequately brushes his teeth, to how he oddly sits off-center in a chair, to his annoying habit of dropping the ‘R’ in certain words. Margaret has compiled a lifetime’s worth of data, more than most sociologists could ever dream about.”
The official ceremony will be held this Sunday at the CMU Graduation Hall, assuming Harold doesn’t take six hours to put his damn tie on or get lost like usual.
Image Credit: Boring Old White Guy