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Wonderfully Awful: CBS Cares (about your private parts)

I’m not going to lie – when it comes time to write this blog, sometimes I really struggle and, at times, come up blank when trying to think up a topic. One would think there would be an endless supply of Wonderfully Awful things in this world to write about, but now.

However, once in a great while, a topic falls from the sky like manna from heaven and just plops right in my lap. Thankfully, today’s idea didn’t just fall into my lap, but rather crashed like the Hindenburg and created a nuclear explosion-level mushroom cloud of Wonderfully Awful fallout.

I’m talking about the CBS Cares Holiday Pap Smear Campaign. I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but that’s what I’ll call it for now.

I can just imagine being snuggled up with my fiancé next to a toasty fireplace and twinkling tree. He hands me a gift and as I open it says, “I hope you like it.” As I pull off the wrapping and open the box, I see a gift certificate for the local women’s clinic. “Good for One (1) Pap Smear” is written across it. At that moment, I tell him that the engagement is off and storm off. Not exactly my holiday dream.

By the way, pap smears as gifts are not just limited to those who celebrate Christmas. Jewish women, rejoice, as you may be receiving eight checkups for your lady parts, thanks to this Hanukkah-specific PSA:

Sure, the intentions are good and CBS’s heart is in the right place when it comes to this campaign. But I’m pretty sure I speak for most women here when (1) for a number of reasons, we prefer to not have pap smears compared to cream cheese and (2) anything that involves a speculum is not on the list of things that “light up our menorahs”. A pap smear is not even 137th on the list.

Now gentlemen, if you do insist on giving us the gift of a healthy hoo ha for the holidays, don’t you worry. Thanks to CBS, we have the perfect gift for you. And we’re not talking about a 55″ flat screen TV with Direct TV NFL package:

And Jewish men, we didn’t want you to feel left out. CBS made sure you had your own PSA, and the kooky Hanukkah music really helps drive in the importance of saving your prostate. Though I’m particularly disturbed at how sexy she seems to find the prostate itself:

As far as I know, these are all very real public service announcements featuring very real actors from CBS shows (though I can’t confirm since I only watch The Amazing Race on CBS and I have yet to see Phil talk about the importance of yeast infection treatment). But the more of these I see, the more they seem like parodies. The “Don’t Die of Embarrassment” tagline certainly doesn’t help.

But then again, these are the same people who gave us the Colonoscopy Sweepstakes:

Perhaps the wink-nod approach is what they have been going for all along. I can’t imagine that makes it any less jarring to see during NCIS.