Wonderfully Awful: Love Thy Neighbor
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a blogumn by Robin Rosenzweig
After about four years together, my boyfriend and I finally decided to take the leap and move in together. We ended up moving into the first place we found, a reasonably-priced cute two bedroom, two bath in a secure building with underground parking for the both of us. Plus, the building has a gym and a rooftop hot tub. We couldn’t believe our good fortune! And then we discovered…the neighbors.
We are on the third floor of a four-story apartment building located mere feet away from another large apartment building. Many of the residents, including us, like to keep windows open on warm nights in order to enjoy some fresh air. There seems to be an unspoken code amongst the two buildings that we all accept a certain amount of noise by the very nature of living in a large building next to another large building. But the person who lives directly above us has signed no such unwritten contract. We discovered early on that although he watches his television at a loud volume, blasts Bruce Springsteen’s Greatest Hits (or at least three of those hits over and over), and regularly engages in loud telephone conversations, he is not tolerant of any noise whatsoever outside of his apartment.
If someone is having a get-together on their patio, he yells at them to keep it down. If a baby cries, he yells out the window telling the baby to shut up. If someone practices their violin and plays lovely music with their window open, he bellows at them to “turn it down.” In the beginning, we found him somewhat amusing, nicknaming him “The Ogre.” But when he yelled at my boyfriend’s brother for coughing too loud, that was the last straw. As much as we didn’t want to do it, we had to write a letter to our landlord. We were amazed to find that nobody had complained about this guy before.
Shortly after the letter, things started to improve. Instead of yelling when things got too noisy for him, he took the apparent high road of slamming his window shut. We decided this was a reasonable compromise. Soon, winter set in and we hardly noticed The Ogre at all. Then again, our window has been closed. But the weather is starting to warm up and we are beginning to enter what I have dubbed “Ogre Season.” We’re keeping our letter-writing pen at the ready.
We like to keep our blinds open in the evening, which has not generally been an issue as every other neighbor across the way keeps their blinds closed. But some new neighbors just moved into the apartment directly across from us, one floor down. And they like to keep their blinds open, too. This would be fine if they weren’t so into having sex with said blinds open, giving us a direct view of all the…action. One night when I came home, the boyfriend informed me that the neighbors did it not once, but twice that evening. Not only did he find this to be annoying, but it was starting to make him feel insecure, too. Each time this happens, we are faced with a dilemma: bashfully close the blinds and try to ignore, or watch the new neighbors get it on. So far, we have chosen to avoid at all costs, but if they keep it up, we may just make some popcorn, sit at the window, and enjoy the show.
I can only imagine what The Ogre has to say about our new Sexytime neighbors. I guess we’ll find out this summer.
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I pay an extra $200 or so a month for a one-bedroom house simply so I don't have to share any walls, floors or ceilings with people. So totally worth it. Although sexytime neighbors would be fun to experience. What's your address again…????
I pay an extra $200 or so a month for a one-bedroom house simply so I don't have to share any walls, floors or ceilings with people. So totally worth it. Although sexytime neighbors would be fun to experience. What's your address again…????
One of the things I really loved about apartment living in L.A. is that you can hear the neighbors. The noise of others makes me feel less alone, and I find quiet houses extremely creepy. But I grew up in the suburbs, so I have issues with too much quiet. And I love that I can hear both birds and people driving by on our street as I write this.
I think you should get out the popcorn and watch the sexytime neighbors. Free Skinemax.
One of the things I really loved about apartment living in L.A. is that you can hear the neighbors. The noise of others makes me feel less alone, and I find quiet houses extremely creepy. But I grew up in the suburbs, so I have issues with too much quiet. And I love that I can hear both birds and people driving by on our street as I write this.
I think you should get out the popcorn and watch the sexytime neighbors. Free Skinemax.
I definitely have a love-hate relationship w/ apartment living. I do amuse myself by playing Name That Tune when one of the neighbors and his buddies play Rock Band. But I can live without the bi-monthly arguments from drunken couples. And The Ogre…well, I can definitely live without him!
As for sexytime neighbors, we're definitely thinking that they want to be watched. But that said, based on the glimpses we've caught, they're partial to missionary position and not committed to a high-quality show. Not that we've watched (yet!).
I definitely have a love-hate relationship w/ apartment living. I do amuse myself by playing Name That Tune when one of the neighbors and his buddies play Rock Band. But I can live without the bi-monthly arguments from drunken couples. And The Ogre…well, I can definitely live without him!
As for sexytime neighbors, we're definitely thinking that they want to be watched. But that said, based on the glimpses we've caught, they're partial to missionary position and not committed to a high-quality show. Not that we've watched (yet!).
Okay I'm sure the Ogre and sexytime neighbors are pretty annoying – but at least you didn't spend 2 years having to live below these guys: http://tinyurl.com/cfweor
Okay I'm sure the Ogre and sexytime neighbors are pretty annoying – but at least you didn't spend 2 years having to live below these guys: http://tinyurl.com/cfweor
Sometimes, a house isn't any better. Our neighbors have parties in their backyard about 4 times a week. They employ a karaoke machine, packed with many Spanish Language standards. The sound from that microphone carries over the fence and through walls. Since the neighbors change every 2 months or so, but the parties don't, we have to go over again and again to ask them to please keep it down.
At least our neighbors aren't "doin' it" in full view. Maybe you could anonymously gift your sexy neighbors some sheer blinds. That would give it more of a Cinemax "After Dark" quality for your viewing pleasure.
Sometimes, a house isn't any better. Our neighbors have parties in their backyard about 4 times a week. They employ a karaoke machine, packed with many Spanish Language standards. The sound from that microphone carries over the fence and through walls. Since the neighbors change every 2 months or so, but the parties don't, we have to go over again and again to ask them to please keep it down.
At least our neighbors aren't "doin' it" in full view. Maybe you could anonymously gift your sexy neighbors some sheer blinds. That would give it more of a Cinemax "After Dark" quality for your viewing pleasure.
Next time, let me know when sexytime begins. I'll come over and whistle and cheer, give directions and whatnot. I mean, if they want to be watched, surely they want to be critiqued.
Now THAT would be a good party theme.
We never seem to get any advance notice before sexytime shenanigans begin. The next time it happens, I'm just going to have to send out a mass text urging everyone to come over RIGHT NOW!
Next time, let me know when sexytime begins. I'll come over and whistle and cheer, give directions and whatnot. I mean, if they want to be watched, surely they want to be critiqued.
Now THAT would be a good party theme.
We never seem to get any advance notice before sexytime shenanigans begin. The next time it happens, I'm just going to have to send out a mass text urging everyone to come over RIGHT NOW!