Wonderfully Awful: The Legend of Sasquatch
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a blogumn by Robin Rosenzweig
Sasquatch (n):
(1) Large, hairy, mythical human-like beastly creature said to be found in the North American wilderness.
(2) Large, hairy, mythical human-like beastly creature said to be found at roller derby games in the greater Los Angeles area.
(3) Brightly colored furry leg warmers.
Bubba Sasquatch by Corey Bond
The idea of the existence of Sasquatch has been the stuff of legends for several centuries. Sasquatch has been a part of my life for approximately three years. I first spotted the supposedly mythical beast during a roller derby game in downtown Los Angeles. OK, so I don’t actually remember seeing him, but it is abundantly clear that the sightings have repeatedly taken place, as can be easily seen in this photographic evidence. Some may say that I simply make unattractive faces when playing a high impact, full contact sport such as roller derby. I say nay to such theories. Nay, I say!
As I continued to collect the photos exhibiting my clear and obvious Sasquatch sightings, my interest in the big-footed creature continued to grow. I began to wonder about what drew him to roller derby. Was he a fan of women beating up on each other? Was he drawn to the appeal of hiding out within a large crowd and, therefore, being able to take in an exciting form of entertainment without being discovered? Does he love beer and corn dogs?
Then, during a trip to Las Vegas, I found my answer. I was watching the Beatles-themed Cirque du Soleil show Love when I made my greatest discovery. “Help” was playing, at which point in the show, four mop-topped skaters performed daring feats atop a giant half pipe. Though they were dressed to appear as if they were the Fab Four, my keen eye noticed something distinctive that led me to believe these skaters were not as they seemed. From the knees down, their legs were covered in beautiful, long white fur. As they leapt from ramp to ramp, their furry legs beautifully blew with the wind created by their stunning acrobatics. I could hardly believe my eyes – I had found the ever-elusive French Canadian Sasquatch. And much like the American version – these ‘squatches were fans of roller skating!
From there, I was on a mission to return home and definitively spot Sasquatch. First order of business: If I dress as Sasquatch, I have a better chance of bringing him out of hiding. I immediately picked up a pair of faux-fur leg warmers to wear while playing roller derby. Then my friends at Wicked Skatewear got on board with my plan and started making their own faux-fur leg warmers so that other skaters could find sasquatches indigenous to where they live. They affectionately named these leg warmers “Sasquatches”. I now have five pairs so that I can always be ready to find Sasquatch as well as appropriately match any outfit I may be wearing. And somehow, amongst all of this work purely in the name of science, the Los Angeles Times decided that Sasquatch leg warmers were worthy of mentioning in a piece about roller derby style trendsetting. Even H&M and other trendy clothiers have gotten in on the Sasquatch hunt. It’s all getting a bit out of control if you ask me.
In the meantime, I still continue my personal quest. What will I do if I actually track down my favorite furry man beast? I’m not sure, but I imagine it involves making a terrified face before buying him a beer and talking for hours about roller skating. Yeah, that sounds about right.