Worst of 2012: The Movies… [FaN Boos]

Ernessa says: While my Best of picks are most often pleasant surprises, my Worst of one are usually movies, which I was really anticipating, but which severely disappointed. For example, BRAVE, the first Pixar movie with a female lead, was shockingly boring with a lead who managed to be both annoying and less clever than any other Disney princess since — well, the other redhead, Ariel. And my least favorite movie of the year, PITCH PERFECT, was also a huge disappointment. I adore acapella, and even more so, all-women ensembles — I mean, I did go to an all-women’s college, which boasted no less than five acapella groups, and I think they have even more now. So how disappointed was I, when the first movie about a female acapella group turned out to be tone deaf where jokes where concerned and written so clumsily that I wondered how the underbaked script ever got greenlit to come out of the oven.

However, there’s only one other comedy on the list this year — surprising, since our Worst of list was chock full of them last year. But no, this year, the actions films — especially BATTLESHIP — were the subject of most of our venom.

 

WHO SUNK MY ACTION FILM?

 

THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN. I do not, for the life-of-me, understand why so many people liked this movie. It had plot problems, continuity problems, energy problems, casting problems. The best thing I can say about this movie is that it gave me a lot of material to make fun of. It moved me to write a whole blog about it.

Amy Robinson, Blogumnist Editor and writer of Tall Drink of Nerd

 

BATTLESHIP. What were they thinking when they green lit this dud?  Has Hollywood officially run out of ideas?  The thoughtless script with cliché after cliché and pointless dialogue should have never made it out of Final Draft.  I really tried to have fun with this, but the writing killed it.

Jersey Joe from Kicking Back with Jersey Joe

 

I didn’t see either, but I’m had a hard time choosing between BATTLESHIP and RED DAWN. On one hand you have a movie about a board game, really? But I guess I’ll go with RED DAWN for 2 reasons: 1. I saw the original and my 11 year old THE OUTSIDERS loving heart was broken by the utter crapiosity of that movie. I never really recovered. 2. North Korea? Really? I’m offended on behalf of the American military. We get taken over by North Korea?!? Even I have more faith in us than that!

Madam HR from HorroR Stories

 

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. I define least favorite here by my ratio of excitement vs disappointment. I mean, it was filmed in my hometown of Pittsburgh, it was the third of a (so far) amazing trilogy, and it’s Christopher Nolan!  But, what I ended up seeing was a long drawn out story that needed about 30 minutes edited out of the middle and a main idea that just didn’t seem plausible. Like one of my friends said, it’s sometimes better to tell a Batman story about one night or one case; he doesn’t have to save the entire city every time. Some stories are too grand for their own good.

Matt Udvari from Gamer by Design

 

PROMETHEUS (Honorable mentions: KEEP THE LIGHTS ON, EXCISION and INNOCENCE OF MUSLIMS)

Charles L.Cron from Thought Chuck

WRATH OF THE TITANS. Scantily clad males in leather aside, this mess couldn’t keep my attention. I enjoyed the first one enough to go see a second round, but in the end just wanted my time and money back.

Zack Bunker from A Tall Glass of Shame and The Runway Rundown

 

 

EVERYTHING ELSE

FRIENDS WITH KIDS. It’s actually a really sweet movie, but I could see the ending from the very beginning. So, it pissed me off that they didn’t surprise me at all, but the acting was good.

Jennifer May Nickel from Gal About Town: Fashion and Travel at Your Fingertips

 

Yeesh, there were also some horrid pieces of film this year. SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN comes to mind, but my least favorite smh is going to THE WATCH.  It’s troubling that a flick with so much promise that tugged at my geek sentimentality by throwing in some Richard Ayoade (from the IT CROWD) for good measure could fail so spectacularly. It’s a mess of crude humor that’s brainless to the point of insult, made worse watching Vince Vaugn awkwardly channel his OLD SCHOOL performance ad nauseum.  Crude humor at its finest is hilarious when implemented cleverly, but rendered bland and ineffective when you picture the source being a room full of marketing people pointing at a whiteboard that says ‘ALIENS + BEN STILLER = PROFIT’.

Joshua Irish from Game On

 

THE VOW. I haven’t seen many of the unanimous stinkers of 2012, but I’m fairly confident this one smells rotten enough.  Based on a true story featuring characters with only a passing resemblance to actual human beings, this cloying romance boasts a third act resolution so clunky the plot machine programmed to write it shut down from logic errors.

Joshua Mauldin from FIERCE ANTICIPATION

 

….AND ERIC SIMS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

Every year you keep asking me this fucking question and every year I tell you the same thing- they all suck! Suckidy suck suck suck! Sucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksuck!!!!!!!!

So, by way of protest and because I’m a dick, I’m gonna tell you what my favorite play was instead- it was WAITING FOR GODOT at the Mark Taper Forum. Barry McGovern and Alan Mandell gave a master class in Beckett, but it was Hugo Armstrong as Lucky who stole the show. The chaotic nonsense of his single speech spewed from his mouth with the righteous fury of one who demands to be heard but has nothing to say. The moment when his hat was removed and he collapsed face first, never to speak again, was one of the most electrifying I’ve ever seen even though I realize it sounds sort of lame when I’m describing it here.

Much better than Transformers 3 or Battleship or Hungry Hungry Hippos 5: Would Somebody Feed These Fucking Hippos Already? or any other wad of brown phlegm that the Marketing Department at Hasboro coughed up and spit all over the movie going public. So, hey, there you have it- I guess BATTLESHIP was the worst movie of the year. Happy now?

Eric Sims from California Seething