Wow! It’s Wednesday! A Different Kind of Scrooge
Hey Guys, as many of you know I’m abstaining from Christmas gifts this year. I’ve never really like the gift bit of Christmas, and I like even less, feeling guilty for not finding just the right presents for my family and friends. Also, it seems really silly to do a gift exchange when so many charities have gotten hit so incredibly hard by our current economic crisis.
So, sorry, work Secret Santa, I’m using the $25 to donate to a local theater as opposed to getting you a gift certificate this year.
Sorry sis, I found a purple sweatshirt that you would have loved, but I’m going to spend the $50 on a donation to Nothing But Nets. Five poverty-stricken people will receive a bed net to protect them against malaria-causing insect bites because you didn’t get yet another item for your already extensive and purple wardrobe. Isn’t that nice?
Monique, I thought of the perfect gift for you back in July, but alas that money is now going towards the L.A. Food Bank. They’re food pantry demand is up 41% this year, and they’re in dire need with more needy families to feed than ever before.
And that $200 we usually spend on Christmas cards? Well, we haven’t chosen a charity for that money yet, but I’m leaning towards Planned Parenthood, since they provided for all of my OB/GYN needs during the two times in L.A. that I didn’t have health insurance. And with all of these layoffs, I imagine that there are a lot of women out there right now who don’t have health insurance.
I should feel good about these decisions, I know I should. But instead, I feel really, really terrible. As gifts and cards roll in from people who aren’t abstaining from Christmas gifts this year, I feel guilty about not having gotten them anything. Worse than guilty, really. I feel stingy. Let’s face it, I’m much better at giving to charity than I am at shopping for just the right gift. And I worry that “charitable donations” are just a mask for the convenience of not having to spend time I don’t really have on an activity I don’t really enjoy.
So next Christmas, I’m going to have to come up with a solution for this. A happy medium that allows me to feel like I’m a good citizen and a good friend. Has anyone else figured out how to do this? If so, please let me know how you did it in the comments.
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Don't feel bad! I was pretty pleased that I gave my sister & her wife a gift certificate to Kiva, the microlending group. They can loan money to folks (mostly women) for their small business ventures and then do it again when the money is paid back … or cash out and go buy themselves something. http://www.kiva.org
Just heard a story on NPR yesterday about charity gift cards. You buy the gift card and pay $5 processing fee and the receiver gets to choose what charity they want to donate the money to and it can all be done online (a very green option). Below is a link to the story. Happy Holidays!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor…
I am all about charity, and as a pleaser I want people to be ecstatic over their holiday presents. This year I found a website where you can buy cool gifts and a portion of your moolah heads to feed people, animals, cancer research, etc… You can see a breakdown of where your money will go on each item page (or you can just donate the cash). It's a nice blend of bling and charity.
http://charityusa.com/chausa/index.html
I did not have an issue with getting you a gift even though I knew you were abstaining. The gift that Brian and I got you and CH is because we love you and we thought you'd like it. No obligation to return the favor. The only thing I'd suggest is perhaps emailing people or sending them a card and letting them know what or where you donated. Or maybe you could ask them for a list of two or three causes they care about and donate accordingly. I think the donation in lieu of gifts is cool. In my opinion, if you have friends who only give gifts with the expectations of getting something in return…..you might want to exchange them for new ones.
By the way, the food bank is really cool. Thanks!
This will mostly be a repeat of my comment to Josh's post of yesterday, but I think this solution might work for you, Ernessa, as that happy medium. Or some customized version of it that you'll work out.
To me, much of what's great about the giving of gifts is the actual personal interaction of it. So my policy is basically this: if I'm going to see you over the holidays, I'll get you a gift. If I'm not, I won't. And I don't believe I'm being stingy. If I give a gift, I'll be generous about it.
But let's face it, gift giving can be a burden on everybody. On the person giving the gift: the cost of the gift, the time spent procuring and wrapping it, the pressure that not just you but probably most people feel to find the perfect gift.
It can also be a burden on the recipient. Having to pretend to like it if you don't. Worrying about reciprocity–did they get the gift that matches your gift in care and cost? What do you do with the thing once Christmas is over, if it isn't in fact just what you always wanted? After January 1st it morphs from "gift" into "stuff," maybe.
What counter-balances all of that is the fun of an actual, live, human gift exchange. That makes it worth it. If you're going to see the person and share a moment over the gift, see their face when they open it, talk about it, play with it together, etc.
I have two step-families: step-brothers from my Mom's remarriage; step-sisters from my Dad's remarriage. (Sort of a contemporary Brady Bunchier situation.) My step-sisters have another step-family too. I get together with one or the other of these families every few years, and when we all get together, we go all out. We shop, we put creativity into the wrapping, we pile the gifts under the tree, we have a big breakfast and do stockings, then open the gifts one at a time all morning long. It's a celebration, and it's shared.
If we aren't getting together, we don't get gifts. Then it's shopping on the internet, choosing the box that says "wrap it" and having something shipped somewhere. Who knows if they liked it, who knows if they even opened it? Who cares? Why bother? It's not scroogy; it's practical and real.
By not getting each other gifts when we're not together, we release each other from that burden. We can all spend our money and time on people we're going to be with; and save the rest for ourselves, for our peace and relaxation, for our celebration. We'll call each other on Christmas, or maybe we won't, and we'll wish each other a Merry Merry, and everything's great. Doesn't mean we don't love each other. In fact, it means we love and trust each other and it doesn't take a disembodied gift exchange to prove it.
Funny thing is, none of that's ever been explicitly stated. It's just evolved that way. (Exceptions are made, of course, for children. I pick out and ship gifts for kids. Gotta make the most out of those kids years when they've got 'em. That's a whole different ball game.)
In your case, you might want to make it explicit–tell people up front if you're adopting this practice. (In case they don't read your blog.) Get charitable stuff for people you won't see. Only get gifts for people you're getting together with. Happy medium. Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas!
Don't feel bad! I was pretty pleased that I gave my sister & her wife a gift certificate to Kiva, the microlending group. They can loan money to folks (mostly women) for their small business ventures and then do it again when the money is paid back … or cash out and go buy themselves something. http://www.kiva.org
Just heard a story on NPR yesterday about charity gift cards. You buy the gift card and pay $5 processing fee and the receiver gets to choose what charity they want to donate the money to and it can all be done online (a very green option). Below is a link to the story. Happy Holidays!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor…
I am all about charity, and as a pleaser I want people to be ecstatic over their holiday presents. This year I found a website where you can buy cool gifts and a portion of your moolah heads to feed people, animals, cancer research, etc… You can see a breakdown of where your money will go on each item page (or you can just donate the cash). It's a nice blend of bling and charity.
http://charityusa.com/chausa/index.html
I did not have an issue with getting you a gift even though I knew you were abstaining. The gift that Brian and I got you and CH is because we love you and we thought you'd like it. No obligation to return the favor. The only thing I'd suggest is perhaps emailing people or sending them a card and letting them know what or where you donated. Or maybe you could ask them for a list of two or three causes they care about and donate accordingly. I think the donation in lieu of gifts is cool. In my opinion, if you have friends who only give gifts with the expectations of getting something in return…..you might want to exchange them for new ones.
By the way, the food bank is really cool. Thanks!
This will mostly be a repeat of my comment to Josh's post of yesterday, but I think this solution might work for you, Ernessa, as that happy medium. Or some customized version of it that you'll work out.
To me, much of what's great about the giving of gifts is the actual personal interaction of it. So my policy is basically this: if I'm going to see you over the holidays, I'll get you a gift. If I'm not, I won't. And I don't believe I'm being stingy. If I give a gift, I'll be generous about it.
But let's face it, gift giving can be a burden on everybody. On the person giving the gift: the cost of the gift, the time spent procuring and wrapping it, the pressure that not just you but probably most people feel to find the perfect gift.
It can also be a burden on the recipient. Having to pretend to like it if you don't. Worrying about reciprocity–did they get the gift that matches your gift in care and cost? What do you do with the thing once Christmas is over, if it isn't in fact just what you always wanted? After January 1st it morphs from "gift" into "stuff," maybe.
What counter-balances all of that is the fun of an actual, live, human gift exchange. That makes it worth it. If you're going to see the person and share a moment over the gift, see their face when they open it, talk about it, play with it together, etc.
I have two step-families: step-brothers from my Mom's remarriage; step-sisters from my Dad's remarriage. (Sort of a contemporary Brady Bunchier situation.) My step-sisters have another step-family too. I get together with one or the other of these families every few years, and when we all get together, we go all out. We shop, we put creativity into the wrapping, we pile the gifts under the tree, we have a big breakfast and do stockings, then open the gifts one at a time all morning long. It's a celebration, and it's shared.
If we aren't getting together, we don't get gifts. Then it's shopping on the internet, choosing the box that says "wrap it" and having something shipped somewhere. Who knows if they liked it, who knows if they even opened it? Who cares? Why bother? It's not scroogy; it's practical and real.
By not getting each other gifts when we're not together, we release each other from that burden. We can all spend our money and time on people we're going to be with; and save the rest for ourselves, for our peace and relaxation, for our celebration. We'll call each other on Christmas, or maybe we won't, and we'll wish each other a Merry Merry, and everything's great. Doesn't mean we don't love each other. In fact, it means we love and trust each other and it doesn't take a disembodied gift exchange to prove it.
Funny thing is, none of that's ever been explicitly stated. It's just evolved that way. (Exceptions are made, of course, for children. I pick out and ship gifts for kids. Gotta make the most out of those kids years when they've got 'em. That's a whole different ball game.)
In your case, you might want to make it explicit–tell people up front if you're adopting this practice. (In case they don't read your blog.) Get charitable stuff for people you won't see. Only get gifts for people you're getting together with. Happy medium. Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas!