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Accept No Substitutes [Oh, It’s Tuesday]

One of the things that I discovered after a year of making lifestyle changes (read: dieting) is that there are certain foods that I will happily substitute with a lower-calorie alternative and a certain kind of food that I will not. For instance, I happily chow on sugar free jello and pudding. And on the rare occasion that I want a soda, diet will totally do. Light or greek yogurt? Mmm-mmm! Let’s do this. And I think my turkey sandwich taste just as good on whole grain bread with lowfat provolone. But there is one kind of foodstuff for which I can accept no substitute and that is cake.

I love cakey things of all varieties. I love Starbucks lemon cake. I love a nice piece of coconut cake. Back when I was in grad school and still had a working metabolism, to the horror of my program mates I used to eat a package of those orange Hostess cupcakes every day in class. I went on several field trips as a child in St. Louis: There was the free zoo, and the free art museum, the gorgeous botanical garden, our state capital, the beautiful central library — I could go on and on. But which trip do I remember with the most fondness? The one we took to the Hostess Factory when I was in second grade. Afterwards we got free twinkies. FREE TWINKIES — seriously, who could ask for anything more?

So today, I’ll pour fat free milk over my multigrain cereal and I’ll heat up a Lean Cuisine for lunch and I’ll eat a Weight Watchers toffee ice cream bar for my evening snack, but those Weight Watchers lemon cakes? ┬áNo, dude, that’s gross. Thank the Lord for 100 calorie packs of Nabisco cakesters, or I’d be in a constant state of cake frenzy.

My MIL has a similar policy concerning milk. She just can’t stomach fat-free or even lowfat milk. She’d rather not have breakfast at all than have to suffer through what she feels to be the equivalent of pouring milk-colored water over her cereal.

How about you? Do you have a food for which you’ll accept no substitutes? Let us know in the comments.