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Ask Dr. Miro: Email Cheater [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

I read my boyfriend’s emails and found a lot of very sexually suggestive correspondences between him and other women. I confronted him about them and he denied that anything happened. He seems to think I should just get over it but I can’t seem to. I can’t figure out what I did to drive him to this and feel so bad about reading his private emails but still! What do I do? I love him so much but I’m so angry and hurt.

Snoopy Shatters

Dear SS,

What an immensely difficult situation to find yourself in! I feel for you in that I know your trust is going to be absent for a while, if not forever. And, when you cannot trust your man, what is left in your relationship? Let us pretend he did not have anything more than these flirtatious indiscretions, like he claims. If that is the case, he has still been unfaithful to you emotionally, which is more than most couples can survive. Unfortunately these situations are pretty common in the age of email. We are so far beyond the simple lipstick on the collar days.

Since I do not know anything more than what you have told me I will not tell you what to do other than to take stock of your relationship and your self. Understand it is NOT your fault that he has behaved badly. OK, yes – you read his emails. And, yes – that is a breach of privacy and trust, but perhaps you did so as a result of your intuition telling you there was something happening you should know about. Of course you are hurt and angry. The man you love has betrayed you! Allow yourself to feel these things.

I want you to think about whether YOU deserve to be dating someone with whom you can trust completely and utterly with your heart, body, soul and mind. If not, then by all means keep trying to get over it by smoothing things out between you two. Eventually you will get past it and hardly ever think about the fact that he shattered your heart. (Of course, the situation will rear its ugly little head at rather inconvenient times.) However, if you do believe you deserve those things, let him know and then make the necessary maneuverings to move on, without him, in a way that honors what you had together prior to the email discoveries. I know both options are ridiculously hard but you know inside yourself what to do. Even though you cannot trust your fellow right now, you can trust your intuition. LISTEN to what you are telling yourself deep down.

Lust and Happiness,
Dr. Miro

featured image credit: purplemattfish