Dear Dr. Miro, Why does a man have to cheat to make himself feel secure? I keep dating these guys who HAVE to go screw other women in order for them to feel OK. The way they have worded it, after I catch them, makes sense but then I step away and I realize it’s a load of bulls**t. Sincerely, Hurt Too Many Times Dear HTMT, First off, no one has to cheat to make his or herself secure. Feeling good about yourself is something that comes from with in. No amount of extra curricular sexcapades will increase a person’s self worth. Sounds like you have been with a few too many insecure jerks. Not that I like to put a negative label on anything but, smooth talking boys and girls who claim they need to lie and cheat are just not the type of people you need to be around. What is it that keeps you going into relationships with fellows who not only feel crappy about themselves but insist on being unfaithful? I am definitely NOT blaming you for these dalliances outside of your couplings but I think it is important to notice patterns. If the same thing keeps happening and the only constant is you, then that is who needs to make adjustments. Most men and women have old stories from childhood. These tend to play out in their adult relations. This could be connected to how you interacted with males as a kid or even how you saw men and women relating to each other around you. There are so many ways to look at this but mainly, I want you to take a step back and think about what it is you are trying to get from these “men”. Are they really going to be able to provide what you desire? Maybe you feel insecure, as well, and part of you does not yet feel worthy of being with someone who will devote himself to you and you alone. Essentially, any man who has to cheat on another person to feel better is not really a man, yet. The same holds true for women. If a person wants to have a lot of different experiences, they should. But, not at the expense of another person’s heart. This is where maturity and honesty come in to play. Figure out what you are looking for. It is out there. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit:...
Alcohol & Mature Sperm! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Although my man never drank excessively, he quit alcohol about 3 weeks ago. How long does it take for his sperm to not be effected? We want to make a healthy baby. Sincerely, Ready & Waiting Dear R&W, Since it takes between two to three months for sperm to fully mature, I would give yourselves that for fresh, never tasted alcohol, swimmers. However, keep in mind that many intoxicated folks have made babies – healthy ones, even. It is true that extreme drinking (or any other excessive behavior) may lead to fetal complications so be aware of other factors in your lives. Eat right, drink (non-alcoholic) fluids, get sleep and avoid stress as much as possible. ONE glass of wine or beer after dinner is not going to greatly hinder sperm’s production or motility. Also, and very importantly, have as much sex with each other as possible! Making healthy babies can be a lot of fun. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit: Chris...
OH O – Where Are You? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm. My boyfriend noticed after sex I still want more and my clitoris isn’t sensitive so I’m not coming, right? And, he’s very insecure because he feels like he hasn’t done his job in making me come. He does everything he can but I feel like it’s me… Like I just can’t and I don’t even know what that feeling is supposed to feel like. I’ve asked him for more foreplay and to last longer – he does but I don’t think there is anything he can do. I’m really attracted to him and wonder what’s wrong with me. What are your suggestions into how to have an orgasm and is there anything I can do to have one? Sincerely, Searching 4 My Orgasm Dear S4MO, Aw, the elusive orgasm – you would KNOW if you had one – or perhaps not. There more than likely is nothing wrong with you. I suggest figuring out what makes you tingle *the most* by investing in a few sex toys. Start out small with something you can vibrate on your clitoris and work up to “insertables”. A classic simple vibe can be a Bullet or you can find something in the shape of anything you want from a to . Do not let him take all the credit for “making you come”. This is something for you to investigate on your own. Sure it would be delightful if your partner knew exactly where to touch you in ways you could never imagine making you shudder to your very core but he is going to need some help. Practice a bit on your own so there is not as much fumbling while getting all squelchy with your man. Keep in mind there are different positions for different bodies. You may not be able to have a Big O in Doggy Style but jump on like a Cowgirl and you could be good to go. In fact, I want you to try that Cowgirl position in which you are on top and facing him as he lies down. This way you can control the speed, depth and everything else during penetration. Your clitoris will get a lot of stimulation this way, too! If the right parts of your anatomy are not getting the rubbing they need, it doesn’t matter how long your fellow lasts. Nothing is going to happen besides frustration and eventual soreness. Another piece of this is to get you both to stop blaming your selves. You will have an orgasm someday. Hopefully, it will be with him but if it is not, that is OK, too. It is not his fault. This does NOT reflect on your desire for him. Change up your sexual repertoire with the Cowgirl position and appreciating the journey instead of trying to catch this mysterious, thought-to-be-out-of-reach Orgasm. Lust & Happiness, Dr....
Do Thin Condoms Break Easier? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro: My man has a hard time staying, well, hard with regular condoms and likes using the thinner ones but I’m worried they won’t be as strong and maybe break on us? Is this true? I’ve had condoms break in the past and it was TERRIBLE! Sincerely, Helpless For His Hard On Dear HFHHO, Regardless of how thin a condom may be, it must pass the same rigorous tests as all of the other ones set down by the U.S. Food And Drug Administration. The ultra-thin condoms may be easier to tear with jewelry or raggedy nails so watch out for that but as far as the usual (or unusual) thrusts and explosions, the thinner prophylactics will be as effective as their thicker colleagues. In fact, there are such high standards for testing the strength, packaging integrity, leakiness, stretch capabilities and quality of lubricant, it is incredibly rare condom breakage is due to manufacturers, no matter where they are made – it is almost always user error. Here are some ways to avoid being one of the “user error” statistics: – Use before expiration. That date is NOT arbitrary and is there for a reason. – Use a properly fitted condom. Yes, there are different sizes – try a few out in different brands and sizes to see what fits! – Do not use condoms that have been exposed to extreme temperatures or have been in direct sunlight. Keep them off your windowsill and out of the laundry. – Do NOT reuse. This is not the time to be green. – The package should be sealed with no holes. You can find out by feeling for an air pocket. If it is, proceed. If it is not – get another condom. – Stick with water or silicon based lubricants (as opposed to oil based) to maintain the integrity of both the condom and you. If you see a lube next to where food is displayed, you cannot use that with condoms. – Use a lot of lubricant that is specifically made to be used with condoms – especially with anal sex. The less friction, the less likelihood of it breaking. Plus, it just feels better! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit: The Real...
High Altitude Sperm Production! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I travel a lot. My wife and I are trying to have a baby. I heard that sperm production is reduced at high altitudes. Will my frequent flying affect our chances? I know I could Google this but I prefer your answers. Sincerely, Guy In The Sky Dear GITS, Studies have shown sperm production reduces at high altitudes but then, it returns after being at sea level for a bit. What folks experience at high altitudes that more likely effects sperm production and motility is the lack of oxygen. As long as the plane you are on has proper air levels you should be fine. The other thing to look out for is that sitting on your testicles (where your sperm is manufactured) can have a negative effect on baby making. Men in sedentary jobs like taxi drivers or office workers, tend to have more fertility issues. By sitting for long hours on an airplane, you may have more difficulty conceiving than had you been sitting by the ocean. If there are not conscious efforts made to get up and let those boys swing free, yes, you could be interfering. Also, stress levels affect sperm count. If your constant traveling is stressing out you or your wife, that is something to look into as well. To make lots of healthy sperm there may have to be some life style changes. Avoid skinny jeans, alcohol, tobacco and those other drugs like marijuana and amphetamines. Increase exercise, fruits and vegetables and get some sleep. This will all give you more energy for the best part of babies: the making of! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image...
Stop Thinking And F Me! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend and I have been together five years. We recently attempted to engage in intercourse. While doing foreplay, we try and do everything to each other: all the needs are satisfied and he has a nice erection but when it comes to having sex he becomes flaccid due to nervousness and having thoughts of getting me pregnant. Of course he wears condoms but still he gets the thoughts. We tried everything. I know there’s nothing wrong with his penis. It’s just the thoughts he gets messes up the whole mood. This is really frustrating both of us. What can we do to erase the thoughts out of his head so he lasts? Sincerely, Need Him Hard Dear NHH, Of course this is incredibly frustrating for both of you! I am happy you are wearing condoms, engaging in foreplay and all of that but, as you have been experiencing, something is still in the way. Those pesky thoughts can be such a nuisance! The technical term is Cognitive Dissonance. It is when you cannot quiet the chatter in your mind and it distracts you from other pursuits. In this instance, the pursuit is his ability to maintain an erection. The tricky part of all this is the more you focus on the problem, the worst it gets. He will be worried about his inability to perform and you will be just waiting for it to happen. Try to cut this cycle of self fulfilling prophecy by becoming more fascinated in the moment. The outcome needs to go on the back burner for a bit. Engage in non-goal oriented sex. I will not suggest any methods for thought or mind erasure. However, I will recommend a technique for re-focusing thoughts on the present tense. Take turns talking in a descriptive manner about what is going on while you two are getting sexy. Describe the smells, tastes, movements, girths, fluids and more out loud. Focus on what is actually going on. By tuning in to what is actually in front of you, most of those distracting thoughts will not have room right then. At a moment when you are not being sexual, talk out what exactly he is afraid of in regards to getting pregnant. Acknowledging it can be a scary thing and then focusing on the reality of your situation may take some of his fear away. He may have had some sketchy experiences in the past that are coming up and presenting in your bedroom. Try to eliminate all goals while being sexual other than feeling pleasure and see what unfolds. Lust & Happiness, Dr....
Player Gets Played! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’m way open to all my sexual partners about not wanting to be monogamous and wanting to have fun. Be a Player. This should set the place up for honesty, right? But, just the other day I find out that one of my Girls has been seeing this dude & not telling me. I asked her about it & she shut me down saying, “We are not having this conversation!” What? What happened to communication? This guy’s a friend and now things are not cool. Sincerely, Feeling Betrayed Dear FB, It feels terrible to get shut down and experience betrayal on any level. That you are honest and open to your sexual partners about “Being a Player” is somewhat fantastic. Do you tell all of your sexual partners exactly who you are seeing and when? I am unsure as to how deep you actually go with this particular Girl. Had you, in fact, set the stage for open dialogue or did you simply mumble something about not wanting to be monogamous so you would not “get in trouble” when news of your dalliances spread? Just because you tell someone you are not dedicating all of your time to him or her in the sexual arena does not mean they will simply wait for your return or be happy about it. Were there clear parameters? For example: no sleeping with mutual friends could top the list. Consider this a learning experience in which you begin to more clearly define what you want to get and give in the context of a relationship. Also, have a conversation with your friend, the guy, so you can clear the air. Since you had no desire to maintain a monogamous partnership, examine why “things are not cool.” Maybe you are not as free spirited as you believe. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit: La...
Cam Wank! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I love masturbating for women while being degraded. The problem is trying to find women to do it in front of. I recently discovered a website where you can broadcast yourself and if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who wants to watch you jerk off. My question is, is this legal? Do I have anything to worry about? Sincerely, Love To Show & Blow Dear LTS&B, As long as you are displaying yourself in situations where everyone is on board with your actions, things are fine. There are quite a few websites for ADULTS ONLY where you can do this. Since there is no money exchanged AND all parties are consenting, over 18 years of age individuals, it is legal. It is great you have found this outlet. Make sure you stick to sites that require guests be of legal age so there is no question of exposing yourself to children. Also, make sure when you do this off camera, the women you involve are fully aware and desirous of their participation in your excitement. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Feature Image Credit: Real...
Double Standard!! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I REALLY like this boy, let’s call him “Y”. Every time we hang it’s INCREDIBLE! Y makes me so turned on but he refuses to say what our status is. I ask point blank, “Are we exclusive or are we friends with benefits” but he never gives a straight answer. THEN, I find out Y is dating other girls so I thought, “that is my answer.” I went out with some friends, met this other boy (let’s call him “F”) and we got pretty close. My friend posted a picture of us snuggling on her bed and now Y won’t return any of my texts. I know he saw the picture but really?! I can make-out with guys if he can be with other girls, right? I still want to be with Y but it feels like a double standard and something doesn’t feel right. What do I do? I would be exclusive with him if he would be with me but why should I bother saving myself for someone who can’t give me a straight answer? Sincerely, Annoyed & Lusting Dear A&L, If what you want is an adult relationship, you will need someone with whom you can communicate. I am happy you were able to have a delicious experience with “Y” but it seems he wants to play childish games. Do not be sucked into this double standard he insists upon. You get to do whatever you want with whomever you want until specific boundaries are established. Even then, those boundaries will be YOURS so you will still get to do what you want within the parameters YOU have set for yourself and the lucky object(s) of your affection. You know exactly what is going on. Your instincts have guided you correctly. If what you want is confirmation from me then you have it. Do not “bother saving yourself for someone who can’t give you a straight answer.” Always listen to that gut feeling because when something feels wrong, it usually is. Do NOT allow him to interfere with your intuition. Pay attention to what feels authentic. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Feature Image Credit: Men’s...
Meaningful VS Boring Sex! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, When I was in a relationship with a girl for about two years the sex was not good, I mean it was OK but not great. I could get hard and perform and everything except I couldn’t cum. After a while I decided to cheat and the sex was amazing so I ended the other relationship. Then THAT sex got boring and I stopped cumming every time so I ended that one too. This keeps happening, or not happening, I guess. Does this mean I will never be able to have a meaningful relationship because I NEED great sex? I’m a 22 year-old man and feel I should be able to do this. Sincerely, Where’s The One Who Will Rock My World? Dear WTOWWRMW?, This all depends on your definition of “great sex.” If what you find makes your sexual experience amazing is being with a new person then, at this juncture in time, yes: you may have trouble finding a meaningful relationship that involves incredible sex. If getting to know someone takes the mystery and excitement out of your hot nights, and you do not want to bother figuring out how to keep things new and fresh, you may have to forgo serious couplings at this juncture. Perhaps you are not ready to have a long-term monogamous partnership. That is OK. Go with that. What is your need to have a steady girlfriend? Seeing as you are twenty-two, try enjoying yourself and not get too hung up on needing to settle down. If this problem persists six years from now, you may need to take stock of your situation. Think about what it is making your interactions boring. Are you feeling confined or distracted? It may be that you are confusing the thrill of the chase with actual desire for a person. That would make your interest wane as soon as you feel these ladies are becoming attached. Sometimes when you feel bored it is because you are boring. Other times it is because you were wrong about what you actually want. Lust & Happiness, Dr....
Urethral Orgasm? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, How come when I’m having sex it sometimes feels like I have to pee and it’s not from G-Spot stimulation? I’m looking at biology books and can’t figure out how the urethra is connected to sexual arousal but it must be because it’s right there and sometimes when I hold it in for a long time I can actually have an orgasm! Please explain. Sincerely, Full Bladder Bertie Dear FBB, The urethra and the bladder are squished in there with all of your sexual organs. When you get turned on, there is a lot of swelling. In males it is obvious because you see the penis become tumescent, or erect. In females it is not as obvious but they have erectile tissue too! Not only can you see the labia majora and minora lips become puffier and darker as the clitoris becomes engorged and swollen but what you are not seeing is the majority of the clitoris “underground” below the lips. Other organs begin to enlarge and shift as well. While this is happening, the urethra gets a bit pushed upon because of all the moving around. If you are engaging in penetrative sex, things are getting even more mashed together so it would make sense that there is less room for your urine. In fact, the G-Spot, which is in between the vaginal wall and the urethral sponge, is getting stimulated by all the pressure coming at it from a multitude of directions. There are a lot of people who liken having an orgasm to the release of urinating or sneezing. That moment when there is no control and it is all about giving in to the bodily needs and desires can be highly erotic. There are many examples of folks who get off on sneezing. Also, I have heard quite a few stories from women who learned how to self-pleasure, as girls, by rubbing against their beds with full bladders. But try not to do that so much as the holding in of urine may result in other issues such as urinary tract or bladder infections. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit:...
Sadistic Sammy! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Do men who watch sadistic and degrading porn tend to have these desires? I found some pretty awful stuff on my boyfriend’s history stream and now I’m worried he’s really warped in ways that could be illegal. Not that it’s anything really illegal to look at (like kids or animals) but, seriously, intense stuff. Sincerely, Not Exactly Vanilla Dear NEV, Some men who watch sadistic and degrading porn want those desires enacted in real life, but for the majority of people, NO. Whatever someone enjoys experiencing in fantasy world is usually just that: FANTASY. That is what is so wonderful about human beings–the ability to use our imaginations in all sorts of manners. You can do anything you want, as anyone you can think of, with or with out anybody else. Fantasy Desires are amazing because they allow our imaginations to run wild without hurting or interfering with anyone else. In fact, the ability to act out things in our imaginations is quite beneficial toward preventing warped illegalities in real life. Enjoying these darker recesses of ours minds gives an outlet to otherwise possibly hurtful situations. So, getting these desires out in Porno Land, in the safe confines of his home, is not a problem. If you are uncomfortable with these scenarios, examine that. Has he ever brought up a need to enact any of what you saw in his history? Figure out what it is that is triggering you as well as why it is you feel the need to check his history. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image...
Touching the Yeti? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I feel very insecure. I’m on the hairy side, so when interacting with my partners (sexually) I don’t let them touch me how they want to touch me or how I’d otherwise want to be touched. I don’t want to gross them out, but I also want to feel good, so I don’t know what to do. Sincerely, Sad Yeti Dear SY, You have a few options: First is hair removal. If your body hair is interfering with your quality of life, do something about it! From permanent solutions like laser hair removal to mere shaving, there are many options for all genders and body parts. The second option is to accept what your body does, more or less – and in your case, sweet Sad Yeti, it is more. Everyone’s body is different. We are like snowflakes in our delightful individuality! From hairless Porn Stars to burly Bears covered in furry mysteries, there are so many visual flavors. If it has been with you for an extended period of time, removing hair can sometimes feel like a removal of self or history. See what works for you. After viewing most media, one would think we are all supposed to be these hairless, odorless, fat and cellulite free creatures. This is just not realistic. Our differences are what make us sexy, unique humans. What is important is how we feel. Adult humans are supposed to have some hair on them. That does not mean it is wrong to remove it all or to have an excess. Again, we are all different. You may find out that your sexual partners are already aware of your hirsute situation and may be attracted to that. However you decide to prune your tresses and hedges is up to you and how YOU feel most comfortable. After all, it is about learning to feel good in YOUR OWN body. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image...
Return The Favor! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Why is it that EVERY time my partner & I make love he wants me to give him oral (and I do!) but he seldom returns the favor. We do it at least four times a week and my boyfriend only goes down on me twice a month at the most! What should I do? Shouldn’t he KNOW this is unfair? Sincerely, Not Just Another Giver Dear NJAG, Sounds like he is communicating his needs and perhaps you need to learn how to express yours. Boyfriend may be under the impression that all is well in your sex life. Since you did not mention whether or not you have discussed this with him, I will assume you have not. It is that idea of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. It would be a wonderful world if our lovers all knew intuitively exactly what we wanted them to do but that is not the way it is. In order to get what you want, you must ask for it. How great you are such an accommodating partner but it is only building ill feelings if you are not being pleased in the way(s) you wish. I would venture to guess if your BF was aware of these feelings of injustice he would step up his game. Speak to him directly about how you would really like to have him go down on you more often. Have a conversation in which you firmly state your desires – no wishy washy ‘uhm, it would kind of be sort of nice if you would consider…’ type nonsense. Just come out and say what YOU want without accusations or tip toeing. Of course, there is the possibility your man may not enjoy “returning the favor”....
Too Shy To Orgasm? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend says she can’t cum with another person. Before you ask, YES! She does get off when she’s by herself but just not in front of anyone else or with anybody. I REALLY want to give her a big O but she gets too embarrassed and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. (When I found her vibrator, she almost started crying!) I’m becoming kind of obsessed. I’ve always been able to make my girlfriend’s come. What do I do? Sincerely, Feeling Bad ‘Cos I Want to Please Dear FBCIWtP, First of all, back off of the idea of giving your girlfriend an orgasm as an ultimate goal. This has become about your self-esteem wrapped up in whether or not your lover can climax. It is understandable how you would want to help her have this ultimate pleasure as well as how this can injure your image of yourself. It is not about MAKING someone else have an orgasm. This needs to be re-framed as a journey of feeling good and comfortable rather than a goal that MUST be reached. Stop bugging her about it as she is obviously suffering severe stress and shame regarding her sexual pleasure. This is only going to create performance anxiety. Not only is she going to feel as if she is failing as a woman by not being able to do this thing that every magazine says she needs to do, your Lady is now having the double pressure of failing YOU. Imagine the stress she must be experiencing. Your prowess as a lover is not being reflected in whether or not your woman comes. Of course you want to help her have this experience. It is great news that not only is your...
Back Off Nag! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, This isn’t really a sex question but it is because it’s affecting my sex life. My boyfriend keeps getting angry at me every time I try to help him with anything. All I do is offer my opinion and he says that I need to get off his back or that I’m being a nag. I don’t get it. I thought we were supposed to be a team but whenever I try to do stuff with him he gets annoyed. We can’t even wash the dishes together! He has become almost totally turned off and avoids me or makes a huffy noise when he sees me coming toward him claiming that he’s now just waiting to hear how he’s doing something wrong. We love each other very much but now he isn’t as interested in me sexually. Worrying about it seems to make everything worse and awkward. Sincerely, Guy Who Wants to Stand By His Man Dear GWWtSBHM, One of the best pieces of advice I have heard was, “Just because you know the right way to do something, does not mean you have to let everyone else know.” Sometimes, when offering unsolicited advice, the person you are trying to assist will interpret this as An Interference. And in essence, you are interfering with his flow! Whatever it was he was doing before you stepped in was going fine and if it was not he would have, hopefully, asked for your guidance. It may not have been the way YOU would have done it but that is part of releasing control and allowing others to be themselves. The idea of being in a partnership requires you to have faith that your significant other is capable of making decisions on his or...
Beard Burn! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Every time I have an intense make out session with a boy my face gets hella messed up. Dry rough skin on my chin and upper lip, small pimples – EWW! I know it’s from guys that aren’t clean shaven but WTF?! Am I so muy sensitivo? Is there anything I can do to help post make out? This is embarrassing. It must be totally obvious to people about what I’ve been up to. I’m just beardy boy crazy!!! Sincerely, Ouchy Face Frieda Dear OFF, What you are describing sounds like beard burn and it can happen on your face or anywhere that a bearded person may be rubbing against for any amount of time. It’s that stubble combined with fluids and a lot of friction. There are quite a few home remedies available to those who are fond of lip-locking with the hirsute faced. Use either soy or skim milk with a bit of warm water. Soak a rag or t-shirt in the mixture, we ring gently and apply in a compress to your beard burn. Instead of the milks, you could brew some green tea and after it has steeped apply the cooled down tea with the afore mentioned soaking cloth. Do not use a wash cloth as it is too rough. Allow this to remain on the affected area 4-10 minutes. Do not rinse after. Then apply a bit of aloe vera gel (cooled in the fridge feels the best) and/or a bit of 1% hydrocortisone. The hydrocortisone is definitely not the most natural option but you will see faster results. This can all be done up to four times daily. Two more things to keep in mind: 1. Do NOT exfoliate your face at least five hours...
Cum On Already! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, One of my newest lovers claims it always takes him forever to come. What is up with that and how can I help move things along? Is this a thing? I got sh*t to do. What if I need a quickie? Sincerely, Woman On the Go! Dear WOtG, What does he mean by forever? Make sure not to use condoms or lubricants that have numbing agents. Certainly some guys take longer than others – this is human – but I wonder why he was even telling you this. Since this relationship is in the beginnings, it is possible he was nervous and simply babbling. Perhaps he was trying to impress you and wrongly believed you would be intrigued by his claims of stamina. Do not put too much thought into him until you have decided you are sexually compatible. If you need a quickie, I suggest going to one of your other lovers until you figure this one out. After all this, if you still need suggestions about speeding things up, get back to me. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit: Keith...
Gimme Your Lovin’! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I love sex and maybe that’s an issue. I’m 22 and live with my girlfriend who’s 12 years older than me. In the beginning of Us, it was sex all the time and now I’ll be lucky when I can get some. When she says “no” I get mad and sometimes I want to call someone to “hang out” with. I work overnights and when I come home instead of being tired I’m all horny for her and trying to turn her on but she pushes me away! I want to have fun, but she doesn’t understand me. The most frustrating thing is that my love for her is strong and I can’t see myself with someone else. I just want this to work but she acts like there’s something wrong with me. She says this is what happens to lesbians is that true? Sincerely, Want it From HER Bad Dear WIBFH, There’s nothing wrong with loving sex as long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself, against his or her volition. It sounds like you are in dangerous territory in that you are beginning to look elsewhere to fulfill your cravings. You cannot force someone to get “in the mood”. In fact, that is really disrespectful. I get how being rejected by your woman can be frustrating, to say the least. You need to have a conversation with your lady, letting her know where you are coming from. Even tell her you are considering “straying” from the relationship and how this constant refusal of your advances is taking its toll on your relationship. You mention not being able to see yourself with anyone else but that you are tempted to “hang out” with others. Figure out what is something...
Doggie Style! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, For a third date, with this guy I REALLY like, I invite him over to my place for dinner and what I was hoping would be more. Then, Dude brought his dog with him even though I was VERY clear before he came that it was a BAD idea. This really really bothered me. He also didn’t want to wear a condom when I asked him to!? On just our third date? So, the dog tore apart my room, got dirt everywhere and there was no way I could relax enough to get lucky. Generally I love animals, in fact I have several birds and a cat – which made the dog’s presence even more complicated, and maybe I could learn to love this dog but in the mean time how do I see this guy without his pet that he takes everywhere? Sincerely, Frustrated Fanny Dear FF, This all sounds like deal breaker material. Why some people insist on forcing their pets on folks who are simply not interested is an entire thing in and of it self. Hey people: nobody finds your fluffy friend as amazing as you do! The bigger issue is the fact you requested a few pretty important things and were ignored. This dismissal of your feelings in regards to bringing his pet with him is completely congruent with not wanting to use a condom. If this guy is unable to hear such simple things in the beginning throws of a relationship, it will be next to impossible later on. No one is questioning your love of animals. What I will call into question is why you would put up with someone who so blatantly ignored your needs. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...
Shattered & Broken [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I was just dumped by the love of my life. All my friends say this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. That’s BullS**t! The best thing that ever happened to me walked away from an amazing relationship and now I feel like I’m going to die. What do I do? He’s already with someone else so I don’t think I can fight for us. How do I deaden this pain? Sincerely, Broken Reject Dear BR, I know it feels like you are going to die. This is why it is called heart break. Your heart is actually in pain! I understand how much situations like this hurt. Sometimes you have to just feel those awful feelings for a while. It does not sound helpful right now but the old adage “time will heal” is pretty dead on. Using the word “dumped” is problematic because it reinforces that garbage feeling. Trash gets dumped. Remember: you are a human and NOT refuse. Words are really important in recovery. So much so that it often helps to simply do an old fashioned journaling technique in which, once a day, you write whatever comes to your head for three pages. Get out all those emotions un-edited onto the paper OR you can write letters to yourself and him. Whatever you do, do NOT send him these rants. It will only serve as fodder in ways you are too delicate to handle at this juncture. Having imaginary conversations that he does not in actuality participate can be incredibly cathartic. One woman I know kept a box filled with all her letters to her ex that she knew better than to send. When it was full, she held an amazingly beautiful bonfire exorcism...
V-Day & Broke? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I really want to do something special for my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day but I don’t have any money. Suggestions? Sincerely, Broke & In Love Dear B&IL, Love does not require money. Hopefully by now, your love has realized you are not rolling in moolah and accepts you for the tax bracket you are nuzzled in together. There are lots of sweet things you can do for a significant other that are not pricey. Men and women are not really all that complicated when it comes down to romance. If you want to do something tender and loving, you can start off with a nice hand made card that has a picture of the two of you in it. How about an old-fashioned coupon jar that has a bunch of deliciously filthy things you would like to do to him and have him do to you? Making a nice dinner or possibly just a dessert can work as well, especially if you are the main course! If you are musically inclined, write a cute little song for him and perform it wearing nothing but his favorite panties and a guitar. There are so many DIY sites now that have lovely little ideas for making bouquets and other fun tokens of your affection. The most important thing is to remember that this is simply one day out of the entire year to remind each other of your feelings towards each other. Try to take some of that pressure off yourselves and remember to simply enjoy one another. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...
Sex Block In Paradise? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I went on Winter Break to Maui with my cousin and she totally turned on me. We were in a bar and these hot guys invited us to their yachts and she made a big scene about how we couldn’t go because of how dangerous it was and so I tried to bring them to our room and she FREAKED on me. Am I really as stupid and slutty as she proclaimed to the entire floor of our hotel? Sincerely, Frustrated & Hurt Dear F&H, Not knowing all the details I choose not to make a blanket statement of yes or no to your query. It is a pity your cousin needed to be so loud with hurtful words. That must feel really awful! However, what I will say is that there IS something to being cautious even when, or rather, especially when, on vacation. Sure it seems like there are no consequences when you are on a far away tropical island but sometimes, there are. It is hard to predict what will happen when you are partying, but that just means you need to talk with your travel companion about what you both can agree on ahead of time. Sure your cousin may have been out of line to explode publicly, as opposed to taking you aside and calmly relating her fears. If she was in an altered state of consciousness, it may not have been that easy for her. Perhaps she was concerned about both your welfares and was unable to express it in a manner you could hear. Going with unfamiliar men to a yacht has a lot of deliciously fun potential but it could also result in a terrifying disaster. When sharing a room or any kind...
Great Girl – Bad Lay! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I think I’ve met The One. She is the GREATEST girl. My problem is that she is BORING in bed. I feel like we can work on this, but I don’t know, so I’m looking to you for answers. Can you turn a bad lay into amazing sex? I want this to work. She accepts everything about me & everything is perfect about her to the point where we should spend the rest of our lives together. It’s just this sex thing is gnawing at me. Sincerely, Round Peg Square Hole Dear RPSH, For some, sex is not important. Whether bad or good they are not really affected. For most people, there is not enough time on this earth for perpetually boring and bad sex. The “rest of your life” is more than likely too long for a situation such as this. If your love life is a big yawn at the beginning when you have all the love endorphins pulsing through your bodies, how do you intend this to work 10 years down the road? Of course a dissatisfaction with your sex life is gnawing at you. Listen to that! Typically in the budding stages of a romantic relationship, when you are still fascinated by each other, the sex is automatically hot, or there is not much hope for the future. Of course there are exceptions to every rule – arranged marriages come to my head in that regard. I am glad you used the phrasing “my problem” because that is exactly what it is. You say she is perfect but complain about a massive part of a long term sexual relationship! Why not be dear friends with this person as opposed to sexual partners? The best portions of your...
Sexing the Flu? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I have the flu. I’m still very horny and want to have sex with my girlfriend. In fact, laying around in bed all day just makes me want more sex and there’s only so much jerking off I can do before I’m going crazy for my girl. Here’s my question: Can I give the flu to my special lady friend through sex? Also, a BIG thank you for your past column! It helped me & my girlfriend realize I’m not a complete sex maniac freak. Sincerely, Sir Flu Man Chu of the Horny Knights Dear Sir FMCotHK, Influenza cannot be caught through vaginal secretions or semen. The Virus may be spread, but it will be too unhappy to flourish. Flu Virus really likes the bronchial system! So technically, you will not transmit Flu through intra-vaginal penile containment or sticking your penis into any orifice, really. This Virus spreads via airborne droplets and particles when an infected person sneezes, coughs or speaks. Sometimes it can be passed on through things someone with the virus touched, sneezed or coughed on like a doorknob or penis. When a healthy person touches these polluted items and then touches his/her mouth or nose, the Virus may enter their system. If you were to wash every part of your body AND not breathe any where near your partner, it would be feasible to have sex and not give her the flu. But really, how realistic is that? You see, although the actual “sex” part is not going to make your Lady sick, every other part of the act will. Helpful hint: If you are going to have juicy sexual activity while sick with flu, make sure there is a lot of air circulation in your room. In...
Sex Bunnies! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend and I have been like rabbits the past month: sometimes 10 times a day! Is that normal? How much is too much sex? Sincerely, Lucy Bowlegs Dear LB, Normal is different for everyone. Here is the simple answer: too much is anything after YOU decide YOU have had enough. As long as your adult activities are not interfering with your health, livelihood or any other commitments you need to keep, there is no problem. Be safe, sexy and enjoy! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit: captainsubtle If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...
Let Me Live MY Life! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I met this guy and five years later and we are going strong. I love him. He loves me. We want to be together always. That means live together. Because we are the same age, he can’t really support us because we are both in school. My family, on the other hand, wants to get rid of me as fast as they can, but not to him. They are waiting for someone to come along who they approve of, but I told them I don’t want to be with anyone else. How am I suppose to live my own life the way I want to if they don’t let me? I don’t know what to say, or do, so my family will back off and let me live my life. Sincerely, In Love & Confused Dear IL&C, This is a problem of youth as well as seemingly cultural differences. You are attempting to differentiate from your parents while at the same time being dependent upon them for economic support. It is unfortunate, but while you are under their roof, it is their rules. Like it or not you have to obey to a certain extent. This does NOT mean you need to accept being pawned off to the first or last gentleman whom your family approves. In this day and age, the burden of financial support no longer falls on just one person. Everyone has to pull his or her own weight. I am proud of you for getting an education! However, while you are being taken care of by your family, you may need to set aside your desires to live with this object of your affection until you both can take care of your selves. Right now is an...
Virgin Pressure! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I fell completely in love with this guy in my class and thought he was feeling the same way, too. We had a bunch of intense make out sessions and I just always want to be with him. The thing is, I’m a virgin and I always thought I should save myself for my future husband (even though I’ve done everything else). This boy is leaving town in a month and I will probably never see him again. When I told him my beliefs he laughed at me and still tried to get me to have sex with him. I’ve been trying to ignore him but feel like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve even heard him talking to other girls on the phone the same way he talked to me. Did I really mess up? No one else has ever made me feel the way I feel with him. Sincerely, I’m a Virgin Not a Saint Dear IaVNaS, You did not “mess up”. If you want to experience your First Time with someone who thinks you are special and respects your morals, this is not your guy. Maybe you will be a virgin on your wedding night. Perhaps you will make an intense hot yearning connection with someone, who cares about what you believe and decide to have sex – even though you are not planning on marrying him. Regardless, you get to decide when the right moment is, for YOU. I know it must really hurt right now but you will find someone, someday, with whom to experience those irresistible burning feelings you had with this fellow from your class. It certainly does not feel that way at this moment, but you are going to have to trust me when...
In Love With The Man! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’m falling really deep for my boss. This is ridiculous. I’m in a great marriage with a hubby who loves me & I love him but I’m feeling like we don’t have anything in common anymore. Maybe all these long hours are beginning to take their toll? He (my boss) just seems so smart and everything that I want to be around him all the time where as my husband has become really Meh. Nothing’s happened with my boss, physically, but it seems like it may be going that way. What do I do? I don’t want to ruin my marriage. Sincerely, Lost My Shiny & Love The Man Dear LMS<M, It is understandable that you are developing feelings for a man who is both NOT your husband AND has a position of authority. His special attention to you makes you feel unique which is more than likely missing from your marriage. That, actually, is something to keep in mind: perhaps your hubby is not feeling any special attention from you, either. Why not try to create something “shiny” between you and your betrothed? Bring this up to him. Tell him you are starting to feel as if the sparkle has faded and you want to do something about it. Be pro-active! That is, if you actually do want to change the situation. What was is it that made you fall in love with your husband? Try remembering these things and salvage what you can. Take a break from the day-to-day and go on a romantic vacation. Sometimes just getting out of your house for a long weekend together is enough to help re-kindle that dwindling fire. If you are interested in saving your marriage, first examine what it is you...
What Do I Tell the Kids? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My husband and I are in Couples Therapy, which is a good thing. We have a lot of things to work through that I feel are totally attainable. The problem is when our 5 & 8-year-old kids ask, “Mommy where are you & Daddy going?” and I say an appointment. And they ask what kind. And I say a doctors. Then they get worried that we are sick and I don’t really know what to say. I know they have had the terrible misfortune of hearing some of our arguments and must have picked up the tension in the house but what should I tell them? Also, I may need to go to rehab for 21 days and I REALLY don’t know what to tell them about that. Sincerely, Finally Trying to Do Right Dear FTtDR, Wow. I suppose I should congratulate you on taking care of your personal relationship in an adult fashion. But, to throw in that piece about needing to go to Rehab as an aside, needs addressing in, and of it’s self. The fact that you “may need to go” is a telling part of the stress, tension and erratic behavior your children and husband have no doubt experienced. The thing about kids is that they absorb EVERYTHING going on around them. This includes your behavior, emotions and, to get a bit hippy-dippy, your psychic energy. Your lovely children are more than likely aware that something is wrong with you. And, if they are not, they are at least on to the fact that you are not happy. Whether or not they internalize this notion and feel it is their fault is another thing. Everyone wants the best possible version of yourself that you may attain. Bring...
Preggers Before 1st Period? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it possible for a girl to get pregnant if she hasn’t had her first period? I thought no, but then some people told me that it was? Admittedly, my sex education wasn’t the best. Now my daughter’s 11 and I’m getting nervous about what to tell her on specifics. We’ve been having good conversations for years (just like you’ve recommended). I’m trying to be realistic because, I didn’t get my period until I was 15 so I want to clear up anything before it gets too late. Sincerely, Not Ready To Be Grandma Dear NRTBG, First, let me applaud you on your desire to inform your child! It is so great to hear from parents about their willingness to communicate with their children on all levels. The quick answer may surprise many. Yes, it is possible for a gal to get pregnant if she has not had her first menses. Now for the long answer… Just because there has been no visual menstrual blood does not mean your daughter has not started to ovulate. This happens 14 days before actual discharge, as in, her period. For a bit of a brush up on female reproductive cycles, remember Ovulation is when a mature egg has been released from the ovary through an oviduct and is ready to be fertilized. Meanwhile the uterine lining is thickening for optimum fertilized egg implantation. This is the most fertile time of month for a woman. There is a massive increase in sexual desire and lubrication, or to put it blatantly: Ovulation is when Ladies get the horniest and most likely to conceive. It is your bodies’ ways of getting on that reproduction train. If no conception happens, the egg and uterine lining get sloughed off...
Hot & Fast Quickies! – Ask Dr. Miro: What You didn’t Learn In Health Class [Book Week II]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My partner and I have become so busy that “getting busy” never happens. I really miss our long sex sessions but it’s been forever and I’m not sure where we would even fit it in – pun kind of intended. We both love reading so maybe a book recommendation? I still find her incredibly sexy but we never seem to have the time. Sincerely, Miss D. Sex Dear MDS, First of all, if your lives are really that busy, the idea of a long juicy sexcapade does not seem appropriate. Of course you miss those moments but, obviously they are not a priority. There is no quick fix to your conundrum. I highly recommend getting over the idea of having epic love making carnivals and re-start your engines with some simple quickies. I am sure that just the idea of setting aside long periods of precious moments is enough to exhaust you. A fabulous book on this is Megan Andelloux’s Hot and Fast: Sexy, Spontaneous Quickies for Passionate Orgasms. You want an easy how-to for Making It with yourself and others? Hot & Fast is YOUR book. Using humor, specific suggestions and accurate information applicable in our crazed modern age, Andelloux takes readers on an exciting journey through the world of the oft dismissed Quickie, in all it’s different options and glories. Stop taking your sexual lives so seriously and remind yourselves how “the whole wide world is basically a sexual play space”. You will find page after page of suggestions on how to make your Sexy Time convenient AND delicious. Plus, Andelloux even included a shopping guide – you have to love that! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of...
I Want MORE! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, If someone has a higher sex drive than their partner, what should they do? I want to screw all the time and my boyfriend (we’ve been together a year) seems happy with twice a week, maybe. I constantly feel horny for him but he thinks there’s something wrong with me and jokes that women aren’t supposed to need that much sex. I love him and don’t want other men (or women) but I’m frustrated and am starting to feel like he’s not attracted to me which is not helpful for my self-image. HELP! Sincerely, Veruca S. McNympho Dear VSMcN, The idea that we are all supposed to have the same levels of sexual desire is what is wrong. It is extremely rare to have precisely the same libido as your partner. What you are describing is called Discrepancy of Sexual Desire. It simply means that one partner has more, or less, of a sex drive than his or her partner. There are no limits to how much (or little) sex women, or men, are “supposed” to “need”. This is truly up to each individual person. It is understandable you would be affected by your significant other’s opinions. After all, he is obviously a very important person in your life. However, he may be extremely attracted to your loveliness and just not have as strong a sex-drive, as you. Has your man given you any reasons to feel less attractive other than not sharing your libido levels? This may be your own self-esteem issues playing out. I recommend examining your needs and desires in relation to what you expect your lover to provide. He cannot be held responsible for your insecurities any more than you his. Understand there is NOTHING inherently wrong...
Pop This! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been using Poppers for about five years to enhance my sexual experiences and I’m starting to worry that they may affect my future health. What are the long-term side effects of using poppers? Everyone seems to have them in the clubs and I’ve never heard really bad stories from any of the guys I share them with but… Sincerely, Poppin’ With the Boys Dear PWtB, First, for those who do not know, Poppers, or Amyl Nitrite, Butyl Nitrite and Amyl Nitrate, are gas substances which when inhaled, or huffed, can create feelings of excitability, giddiness, lowering of inhibitions and heightened sensual awareness for about a minute in the user. They can be very popular as the brief period of intoxication can increase the bliss of a sexual experience. Unfortunately, as the high is so short (I’m talking about a minute) the possibility of over dose is pretty high since the “huffer” will want do a bunch of hits in succession. Here is how it works: A vapor is released from a vial, which causes your veins and arteries to dilate resulting in the blood flowing faster through the heart and the brain. In other words, MASSIVE Vasodilation! Nitrates improve blood flow through blocked arteries and amyl and butyl nitrites increase your heart rate, dilate your arteries and cause your blood pressure to drop. This produces a “rush” as your heart struggles to keep blood flowing to your brain. There is a warm flash and intense sexual desire. Also, the smooth muscles are incredibly relaxed by this dilation. This means the blood vessels, stomach and other parts, yes, but more importantly for recreational use is the relaxation of the sphincter muscles making anal sex much easier. The name Popper is left...
The Sex Talk? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’m a single parent raising a boy. He’s 12 yrs old and I tried having the sex talk with him but he refused to talk to me. Is there a certain approach I should take with him? I’m scared of what he may be picking up from his friends but I’m not exactly feeling good about what to say. Sincerely, Overwhelmed Awkward Mom Dear OAM, Congratulations on even attempting something that obviously is uncomfortable to you. It can be highly disconcerting for a blossoming young man to have his mom try to talk about anything even remotely sexual. The best you can do is let him know that the door is always open, so to speak. Tell him you are there for him if he has any questions but do not try to force “the talk” on him. That is bound to end in repelling your sweet boy. Twelve is such a confusing disorienting time in anyone’s life. His peers are definitely talking about this stuff already so it may be a good idea to ask him about what his friends are saying. To back track, hopefully, you have set up an environment with as little sex-negativity as is possible. Kids pick up on any discomfort their parents have about and sex can be a big trigger! Having open dialogues with your son about everything that is going on his life, not just sex, will pave the way for easier interactions, in general. Being able to speak about his daily issues, freely, will make any serious discussions a bit smoother. I find that a lot of parents will not have a regular practice of checking in with their offspring and then out of nowhere, believe they must have this frank discourse...
Cheating With a Model Is Still Cheating! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My husband cheated on me with a somewhat famous lingerie model. He told me the entire story and claims it was a “seize the day” moment for him & he’d never have forgiven himself if he hadn’t. He was shocked I wasn’t high fiveing him over his once in a lifetime opportunity!!! Needless to say, it was a crushing moment for me. My body and trust issues were never so great to start with, especially after having two daughters with him and now… Well, I don’t know what to do with this. I love him. I know he loves me. We have a family but to think that any time a pretty lady walks by he is going to kick himself or blame me for not f-ing her?! I need to heal and I’m not sure where to begin. Sincerely, Betrayed in Mom Jeans Dear BiMJ, Wow. That is a really difficult place to be. Being with a partner who has strayed is incredibly hard and me saying something along the lines of, “Well, at least he communicated to you and it is not an ongoing thing” is NOT going to help at this moment. You have every right to be “crushed”. Do not hold those toxic hurtings inside! It may even be a good idea to have the girls stay with someone else for a few days while you deeply feel your feelings. Definitely find a therapist, RIGHT NOW, to work through your own body and trust issues as well as a Couple’s Counselor who specializes in infidelity. There are support groups, too. Use as many resources out there for support as you can so that your healing over his betrayal can begin. But what to do with this? Let...
Strengthen That Love! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What are some suggestions for strengthening my marriage? We’ve been together 2 years and I want to focus on the things that can make us stronger not break us apart. Everything I read tells me what not to do so, uh, what CAN I do? Sincerely, Pro-active Pat Dear PP, Congratulations on being proactive! Since it is so easy to get hung up on all the negatives, we can easily lose sight of the positives unless that extra effort is put in. Here is a top 10 list of things to help on your journey together. 1. Always remember what brought you together. 2. Continue to remind each other about all the things you love about the other – even when it is something as simple: I love how you ask me what I need from the store. 3. Ask what you can do for your true love. Sometimes we get so caught up in the daily routine, we can forget we may want different things. 4. Make time for romance. If that means scheduling it in, so be it. 5. Continue to take care of yourself. If you were a gym person when you first met, keep up with that. Make sure to keep hands, feet and other body parts well groomed. This will leak into how you care for each other. 6. Try to remember to do things for each other without having to be asked. That includes remembering to keep quiet about certain stuff and other times it could be as simple as using the “right” towel. 7. Strive to be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. This will (hopefully) inspire your mate to do the same. Set the bar for excellence without...
Girls & Guys – “Just Friends”? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend has a few close guy friends she hangs with and I think that’s wrong. I don’t go out with any females alone – their boyfriends would get angry they’re hanging with another man. I’m pretty sure these dudes are waiting for my girl to be weak & screw her when I’m not around. I can’t get this idea out of my head & when I ask her about it she gets really pissed off and says, “We’re just friends”. This is making me crazy! I’m not OK with this. How do I make her stop? What do I do? Sincerely, Crazed with Jealousy Dear CwJ, The question of whether straight males and females can ever truly be “just friends” with no sexual tension or thoughts of wanting more has been asked through out the ages. Perhaps your instinct is correct. There are always exceptions to this but on average, the answer is NO: Guys & Girls cannot be purely platonic on both sides. Even if she believes they are “just friends” these fellows probably do see your GF as a potential mate or conquest. However, the actual problem here is not whether or not these types of relationships are possible. You ask what to do about this situation as well as “How do I make her stop?” I have a feeling your S.O. was friends with these fellows before knowing you and will be way after you are out of her life. This jealousy is going to push her away from you; possibly into the arms of whom you most fear – those attentive male friends who have been listening to all those issues she has been having with you. You see, by not trusting a person’s ability to...
Black Bull Cuckold Fantasy! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I overheard my husband talking on the phone about how hot Black Bull Cuckoo-Sex scenes are. Is he into crazy animal sex? No matter how secure I am in my sexuality, this seems like something I can’t (& don’t want to) compete with. Sincerely, Not Into Animals Dear NIA, Before you go hiding your pets, understand that Black Bull scenes have nothing to do with actual bovines. During your eavesdropping (an entirely other issue) you may have overheard a bit wrong on the “Cuckoo” part. He was probably talking about cuckolding. Traditionally, a Cuckold is a man whose wife is cheating on him. Now it is more often a referral to a fetish in which a male gets turned on by his partner having sex with other males. Sometimes referred to as Mandingo Scenarios, a Black Bull fantasy is when a black man (the Bull) has sex with a white man’s significant other. Generally, it is a scripted situation in which a well-endowed, dark skinned male has hardcore sexual relations with the white guy’s woman in front of him. Nationality is not important as long as it fulfills the white man’s fantasy of not being able to compete with this “other” fellow who has over powered his lady with his massive sexual prowess. It is a fetish that taps into the insecurity of the “cuckolded” man on quite a few levels. One, his partner is being unfaithful. Two, not only is she being adulterous, a man with whom he could never compete is sexually fulfilling her. This, of course, simply builds on old stereotypes that stick in many white American folks’ psyches. To top everything off, she does it all in front of him, rubbing salt in the wound, so to...
What’s Wrong With Vanilla? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, With all the 50 Shades of Whatever and Poly-Gang Bang Hoo-Hah that’s going on in our culture, I’ve started questioning myself and whether I’m just the most boring person in the whole world. Seriously, after making out, I like to get off with some head and then classic penetration. I mean, I believe in being both the giver and receiver and LOVE to go down on my partner just as much as getting pleasured but does that make me lame? I don’t want to be with anyone but my spouse or see my beloved screwed by someone else and I guess that means I am really into what’s derisively called vanilla monogamous sex. Is there a support group for those as sexually uninteresting as myself? Sincerely, Vanilla Shake, Please Dear VSP. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with liking what you like as long as it is consensually pleasing to all involved. If that means it is you alone, you partnered with the love of your life or involving all the (human) performers from a three-ring circus, then that is what your healthy and satisfying sexual experiences will be. Sure there are a lot of options in mainstream media today for those considered Sexually Adventurous but let us not set up black and white scenarios here (unless that is what helps get you off). Just because you may not wish to get tied up while dressed as a Sexy Elf or set up some Mandingo-Cuckold scenario does NOT mean you are boring. If YOU are bored, then you are boring. If you and your partner are happy, then bask in that yumminess! Allowing your perception of others’ judgments to affect you seems to be more the issue here rather than your sexual...
Love Me, Big Mamma! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My wife is an overweight BBW (big beautiful woman). I’m talking at least 200lbs extra. That isn’t my problem – just more to love, right? I still want her in every way but her self-esteem about her body is so low that she refuses to let me touch her. I’m certainly no matchstick and she’s never been a small woman (I’ve ALWAYS loved that about her) but what can I do? I tell her all the time how sexy I think she is, that she’s not too fat for me and try to introduce playful “adult” activities but I keep getting shut down. I’m getting resentful that she won’t allow anything close to erotic to transpire between us PLUS I am tired of being rejected. Sincerely, Tired of Being Shut Out By My Big Mama Dear ToBSOBMBM, It is not possible to force anyone to feel good about his or her self. That is something they must do on their own. It is not a pleasant situation to be with someone who thinks poorly of herself. Speak with her about your desire for all HER voluptuousness! Leave the “you’re not so fat” part out. If your wife is a plentiful woman, then she is. No reason to pretend otherwise. Verbally re-enforce your attraction to her Rubenesque loveliness while letting her know how torn up you are that she cannot see her own beauty. Perhaps the two of you could go on an exercise/diet program together not necessarily to get “thin” rather to simply start feeling good. Show her how dedicated you are through your ACTIONS, since words are simply not working. You will be heightening the endorphins folks need to feel good about themselves AND you will be doing it together....
I Want My Sexy Back! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I just had a baby and do not associate my lady bits with getting sexy anymore. My nipples are now the domain of my little one and I do NOT want them incorporated into Mommy-Daddy Time. Even my vagina seems more like a place for my sweet child to exit rather than a pleasure center. I used to be horny ALL the time and now I avoid my hubby when he starts to get that look. How do I get my sexy back? Sincerely, Lost My Groove Dear LMG, This is a common problem that comes up for many moms. Of course you are going to be focused on how to keep your little bundle of joy alive and the sexy stuff can easily slip to the way side. This is understandable. It is fantastic you acknowledge your need to re-engage in your marriage, and your SELF, sexually. This process of re-eroticizing can be difficult but in the end, rewarding. Self-pleasure is always the place to begin. Get out that dusty vibrator and remember how much fun you had pre-baby. Take, for want of a better term, baby steps. You know how sometimes you have to fake a smile to pave the way for a more pleasant experience? This can be applied to sexuality, too. If you can kick start your libido with some fun alone time – you and your vibrator, that is, you may find it will ignite a bit of that forgotten Sexy you so desire. To be blatant: get some blood back into your clitoris with what ever means necessary until you bring yourself to orgasm. Only after that will you be able to engage with your baby’s daddy in a relaxed and sexual way. PLEASE do...
Don’t Give ‘Em Something To Talk About! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend Will. Not. Stop talking about our sex life to her friends and now I find out her family knows intimate details about us, too. This makes me waaaay uncomfortable. I ask her to stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of her relationships. Demands why I want her to stop being in communication with her friends and fam. How else do I deal with this? They are my friends, too PLUS I am SO not looking forward to any family gatherings. Sincerely, Embarrassed to Leave the House Dear EtLtH, So you are involved with someone who over shares and does not respect your wishes or comfort zones. This sounds extremely awkward and rather disrespectful. Could it also be symptomatic of other facets of your life together? It does not seem like you have a very safe space together. There are certain people who do not need access to these personal experiences you two are sharing. Try to come to an agreement on who you both are all right having on that list. Let her know this is not about preventing any and all communication with her loved ones – that is ridiculous – but rather, it is about keeping some things private. Healthy relationships work when both parties are able to hear each other. If you ask, in a non-demanding manner, to limit the juicy details in discussions with others and she refuses, you may need to exit this situation. Really, it is all about what resonates deep inside you both. Perhaps, this is her way and she will never change – can you live with that? If she does not “get” how this is offensive AND you remain uncomfortable with it, there is not much potential...
Thanksgiving (Sex) Toys & the FAA [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)][Best of FaN]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
I picked this as the ‘Best Of “Ask Dr. Miro”‘ from the past year after getting a lot of personal comments thanking me for the travel assistance. Plus, it just seemed to be appropriate for all the summer travel that is going on. Dear Dr. Miro, I am flying cross country to meet my girlfriend’s family for Thanksgiving and I’m worried about what kinky stuff won’t get through security. She asked me to surprise her with “something new and spicy” since we’ll have the family’s guest house all to ourselves. I have the basics like lube, a vibrator, condoms, but I’m worried that anything with more pizazz will get me in trouble. I’m not sure if the vibrator will cause problems, even. I don’t want to check my bags because that gets me even more paranoid so what do I do to avoid looks and getting flagged? Sincerely, Future Savvy Kinky Traveler Dear FSKT, This is one of the most commonly asked questions I get and it is a good one! You are wise to be concerned especially on these crowded hectic travel days but there are some basic rules to follow. First of all, make sure to tow the 3-1-1 rule: No fluids in anything bigger than a 3.4 ounce CLEAR container. Make sure the bottle has its size marked on it to avoid suspicion. If your lubricant is called SEXY LUBE ASS PARTY, and that embarrasses you, put it in another container. Put all of these neatly packaged items into ONE quart size, zip-top, clear plastic bag which is limited to ONE per passenger. Even if you follow the rules, most importantly, look like you know what you are doing. Do whatever you need to do to avoid looking nervous. The TSA...
Give Me A Sex Guide! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class – BOOK WEEK]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been looking for a good reference book on sex stuff but I don’t want some dense college textbook. Any suggestions? Sincerely, Randy Researcher Dear RR, I highly recommend The Guide To Getting It On by Paul Joannides (http://www.goofyfootpress.com/). “The Universe’s Coolest and Most Informative Book About Sex” should be on everyone’s shelves. The Guide covers an incredibly vast sexual spectrum in language accessible to all. Extremely sex positive and non-judgmental, it is as appropriate by a couple’s bedside as upon the shelf next to a Doctoral Candidate’s other important reference materials and textbooks. Check it out! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...
Spice IT Up! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What advice do you have on how to add spice to the sex-life for a couple who’s been getting it on for 20+ years? Sincerely, Lady Content Yet… Dear LCY…, Congratulations on twenty years together – pretty impressive in this day and age! Not sure how spicy you want to get so I will start with some basics. Sometimes when couples have been together for a long time they forget the simple things that young white-hot passionate newly coupled folks do. When was the last time you sent a sexy text to your partner letting him or her know what color your panties are – or if you are even wearing any? By stimulating those thoughts, you both start thinking a bit more sexy and priming those love pumps, so to speak. Perhaps you could mention a few things you would like to do to your S.O. when you finally are alone together. Remember: the build up to the event is just as important as the finale. Have you tried talking about fantasies? Dressing up for each other? Role-playing? Recording yourselves? How about putting your tongue on a part of your loved one’s body that you have not visited in a long time, or even ever before? A good, oft neglected little spot is that area between the vaginal opening and anus (or a man’s testicles and anus) called the perineum. Use your tongue or lube to get it all slippery & rub gently in circle patterns or back and forth. And while we are on the topic of rubbing, do NOT underestimate the power of a sexy massage. There are some fabulous massage candles at Babeland (www.babeland.com) as well as delicious oils all over the place. Keep it simple and...
How Big is My WHAT? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, How much wiener can a vagina handle? I just discovered that the guy I’m dating is overly “blessed” & I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle this. It’s not my first time or anything like that but I’m just wondering how big my hoo-hoo actually is. Sincerely, Petite Miss Dear PM, Most vaginas can fit a lot more in them than we give them credit for. Just think: a baby can go through there and chances are that your fella’s penis is not that big. That is not to say a baby is a comfortable object to have passing through your lady parts, rather, this elastic muscular canal is pretty amazing and can handle a lot. Masters & Johnson referred to the vagina as “potential space” because it is capable of expanding. Think of a balloon when it is flat. The sides are folded onto each other. Then, as air fills it, the balloon expands. Your vagina does this too! During sexual excitement, not only are your inner walls lubricating, but they are also rising apart, creating a somewhat tenting effect. Pretty amazing how bodies do this sort of thing! As for the actual size of your vagina, although there is great variety amongst human females, I can give you some basic numbers. When not turned on, a vagina in a child bearing aged woman is approximately 3 inches in the front and 4 inches in the back. While you are becoming more and more aroused, your vag will start enlarging. The degree varies immensely and has a lot to do with what you are used to putting inside there. The important thing is to TAKE IT SLOW. Ease into your sexual experience. Make sure your lover gets you...
Foot Fetish! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it crazy to love women with pretty feet? And I mean LOVE. Sincerely, Foot In Mouth (Yes PLEASE) Dear FIM(YP), Depends on your definition of crazy. Sounds like you may have a bit of a Foot Fetish. Pronounced sexual interest in feet or footwear, are the most common sexual body fetishes. As long as your “love” for women’s feet does not detract from your quality of life or lead you down a path like the Baltimore Foot Stomper or Toe Suck Fairy, it is quite all right. Foot Partialism is predominantly a male predilection for female feet and their coverings (stockings, heels, etc.) but there are always exceptions. Sometimes the desire lies in the odor, coloration and/or the shape and size of the footsies. The first documentation of Podophilia was in 1220 AD! Recent investigations have shown that the part of the brain that recognizes the feet, more specifically the toes, is right next to the genitals. Sex nerd Emily Nagoski has drawn us a detailed map This makes the study of Podophilia that much more intense! A very simple crossing of signals can result in a jolt to the brain signaling extreme sexual excitement. There are other societally driven reasons to for adoring women’s tootsies. Since feet are mostly hidden beneath socks and shoes, seeing them could be as exciting to see as it was to our Great Grandparents regarding a glimpsed bit of limb! (Mind you, that was back in the days when even the legs of a table or chair needed to be covered so as not to upset anyone’s decency.) Theories abound as to where the desire to worship feet originates. The traditional idea that as a child one saw mostly feet due to crawling around...
Hanging With The Exes? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it normal for a guy to hang out with his exes? This makes me really uncomfortable. I don’t want my boyfriend around a bunch of girls he used to have sex with but he gets mad at me and tells me, “We’re besties – nothing more.” I think this is weird and so do all my friends but he says I’m being paranoid and selfish. Sincerely, Want My Man To Myself Dear WMMTM, Normal is a difficult word. What is normal for one person is completely bizarre for another. I have a few questions to ask him. What is he getting from being around his Exes? What did they have when they were sleeping together that they don’t have now? See if you can join him while he is having a hang session so you can better understand their connection and dissolve it as a potential threat. If he does not want you there, then there is a problem. Find out what it is he gets from these ex lovers that he feels is lacking in his life. It is possible to be friends with your past flames. It is even possible to be best friends with an Ex but that is an EXTREMELY rare circumstance in which both parties realize they are in no way attracted to each other physically, but yet have a definite and intense connection. One key here is to understand the difference between flirty sexual interactions and strictly platonic. The other key here is my favorite word: COMMUNICATION. You are allowed to feel those feelings. If you are uncomfortable, sit with that discomfort for a bit and locate exactly what is triggering it. Let your boyfriend know how this is percolating. Unless you have agreed...
Too Turned ON? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr Miro, I’m constantly turned on by my girlfriend – a good thing, I realize this – I’m a very lucky Man. We have sex in the morning and then about 20 min later I have another erection and want to do it again and a lot of times we do. If I’m around her all day, I want to have sex with her maybe 4, 5 times and cum just as much each time. This is after many years together, I might add. Usually she’s game but I worry she’ll get bored, or she’s thinking ‘seriously?! Again?!’ I love my GF, I find her incredibly sexy and she gets me VERY excited – But can it be possible I want her Too Much? What’s up with the erections for her all day long?? Is this a medical condition? Did I mention I’m in my early forties? Sincerely, Hard To Know Dear HTK, How amazing you have found someone you feel so excited by! This is a good thing and as long as she is “game”, I do not see a problem. The only questions you should ask yourself are the following: 1. Do you feel the need to have sex with others? 2. Do you feel unsatisfied after ejaculating? 3. Are your erections interfering with other aspects of your life? 4. Is this interfering with HER life? If the answer is no to the above questions, keep enjoying yourselves! Mainly, it comes down to communication. Check in with your sexy lover to make sure she is not feeling pressured. Finding someone with whom you share a similar desire level with can be amazing but keep in mind, realistically, it will not always be like this. So, enjoy what you have! Sometimes it...
Autofellatio is Real? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I just saw that old SNL skit where Will Ferrell gives himself a BJ. Is that even possible? Sincerely, Inspired to Take Yoga Dear ITTY, What you are referring to is called Autofellatio, the taking of one’s genitals into one’s mouth, for sexual pleasure. And yes, for one in approximately every 3,000 men, it is possible. However, there needs to be extreme flexibility combined with a fit body and a rather long penis. It must be possible for women, as well, but I have yet to see any evidence of this either in adult movies or scientific journals. According to my research, men have been trying to do this since the dawn of time. There is even a myth that the Egyptian Sun God, Ra, created his children Shu (God of Light) and Tefnut (Goddess of Moisture) by pleasuring himself and then spitting out the ejaculate forming his offspring! The first documented case, in a scientific journal on Autofellatio, appeared in the “American Journal of Psychiatry” way back in 1938. There is footage of a 1970’s Ron Jeremy as well as quite the sub-genre/fetish today. I if you care to do your own research, Ricky Martinez is one of the more famous adult entertainers capable of this solo feat and, yes. He is quite impressive. If you are looking to Bend It Like Beckham, and are rather well endowed length wise, I suggest stretching every day perhaps after a warm bath or sauna. Remember, as I said above, being fit and flexible are necessary. Porn Star Ron Jeremy will be first to admit that due to his protruding belly, he can no longer place his penis in his own mouth. Try not to get hung up on whether or not you...
Cheater-Cheater, Pumpkin Eater! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I went on a date with this guy and everything was AMAZING. He is absolutely perfect except one thing: apparently he and his last girlfriend broke up because he cheated on her. I know the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” adage but is this always true? I don’t want to be his next victim. Should I even bother going out with him again or should I ignore his calls? Sincerely, Trepidatey Katey Dear TK, Before you completely blow him off, perhaps the circumstances surrounding his indiscretions could be looked into. There are many different reasons people cheat. I know the stock answer is supposed to be, “Run – Don’t Walk from this Jerk!” But you know, life is more complicated than instant answers. One size does NOT fit all. Although it is a rule, “once a cheater always a cheater” there are exceptions. How did this information come to light? Admitting to his dalliance could be a big bonus in this fellow’s favor. A massive way to gain closeness and increase intimacy is through the disclosure of personal information that you would only tell a significant other. Is it possible he is trying to turn a new page in his life and begin on a clean slate filled with honesty? That being said, when it comes down to it, you MUST rely on your instincts. What does your gut tell you? If you really like this guy, tell him about your trepidation. Pay attention to what is both said and not said but especially examine how you feel in and out of his presence. I am not suggesting you over-analyze, just be open to the real emotions you are experiencing and the truth will be revealed. Lust & Happiness,...
Sex On Your To-Do List? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My gorgeous, brilliant, wife and I have really busy lives between our fulltime jobs, volunteer work and newly adopted twins lets just say: not a lot of together-alone time. I’m really worried we are going to have Lesbian Death Bed and as a result I wanted to try to schedule some times for us to have sex but she got angry at the idea saying I’m being selfish, our relationship is obviously in danger if we need to plan things like that and I should’ve thought of this before the adoption went through. This all really hurt me. Also, I thought she’d like the idea of putting this on our to-do list but no. We used to have amazingly passionate filled days and nights but there hasn’t been any of that since the babies arrived. How can I bring this up again with out feeling totally rejected or sounding resentful of the kiddies (because I’m not)? Sincerely, Lacking Sleep & Sex Dear LS&S, First of all, congratulations on your twins – how wonderful and exhausting for you both! The idea of scheduling sex for busy couples is really important. Special Sexy Mommy Time is crucial for maintaining that sensual bond that brought you together in the beginning. When you are sleep deprived from such a hectic life style it is hard to react to things upon initial hearing in a sane manner so, it is understandable your wife may have reacted in the manner she did. While on the surface the ideas of having a sex life AND raising twins being mutually exclusive may seem true, it does not have to be. Of course you are feeling hurt! You were already having attachment issues and this pushed you away further. It...
Sexsomnia? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What’s wrong with my husband? At least once a week he’ll wake me up for late night sex, and the next day he won’t remember! Sometimes it even happens multiple times in a night and I have to push him away. How can he not recall this? Could it be me? Am I so unmemorable? We love each other but when I mention it he refuses to believe me. Another thing, the sex is actually really amazing with him more (ahem) attentive and, uh, giving, so I don’t exactly want it to stop completely but sometimes it’s way too much and I feel pressured and yucky. Mainly, I just want him to remember it. We aren’t on any medications and hardly ever drink so that isn’t it. Sincerely, Would Like to Make An Impression Dear WLTMAI, How crazy making for you! Sounds like your hubby may actually suffer from a condition called Sexsomnia, one of the newest classifications of sleep disorders. We all accept that there are folks who walk, talk and eat in their sleep, right? So, being intimate is not that far of a leap from all of those others. The first paper recognizing this rare disorder was not published until 1996 and labeled the condition “Sexual Behavior in Sleep” or SBS. Generally, SBS is triggered by lack of sleep on previous nights, stress, excessive alcohol or drugs. Since the latter two can be ruled out, see if there is a pattern in regards to his stress levels. Alert your betrothed to this and make sure he understands the serious implications in a frank and open discussion without any finger pointing. This can be just one manifestation of other sleep issues he is facing. Unfortunately, there is often a...
Gimme Your Password! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I adore my girlfriend of six months but lately she’s been telling me I need to give her my email and Facebook passwords. When I said that I didn’t want to she accused me of being untrustworthy and secretive. I’m not hiding anything from her but I just don’t feel right about it. Should this be a deal-breaker & just get out? Sincerely, Should I Run? Dear SIR?, In our world with little to no privacy – people publicly blogging their Dear Diaries, pictures of family on Facebook, everyone’s home address a Google search away – it is important to hold onto some semblance of the personal. Sure, your girlfriend may think it is you being “untrustworthy and secretive” but really, where is HER trust? Her faith that you will not do anything to disrespect what you have together has to get in place, too. Maybe it will not. That is something you will need to feel out. This issue is coming up more and more. There has been a big deal made about middle and high school kids sharing passwords at an attempt towards special intimacy with one another. It makes sense: what else do they have to which no one else has access? There are some adult couples that even share email addresses! However, in the case with tweens and teens, it is bound to end messy. And, more often than not, the adult couples have a lot of issues around it, as well. Since you have discomfort with your Adored One’s demands, let her know. What is it about sharing your passwords that truly freaks you out? Think about it honestly. This could be a great opportunity to communicate what is and is not acceptable to both of...
MoneyMoneyMoney! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been dating a man for about 6 months and am very much in love with him. He’s sexy and handsome and treats me like a princess and my friends all like him too. The only thing is that we have very disparate incomes. I make about 3 times what he earns in monthly income. He never asks me for money, and isn’t a tightwad when we go out, but I worry about our future together. He spends money when he gets it – I’m a planner and saver. Do you have any advice on when is a good time in the relationship to talk about money? How can I address my concerns without sounding like a worry-wart? Sincerely, Happy In Love Worry-Wart Dear HILW-W, How wonderful for you to have met this amazing gentleman! The question of money can be tricky. We are not often taught how to approach money matters and become uncomfortable when this topic is broached. A good time to talk about this is RIGHT NOW. If it is causing you worry, then he should know. Words of warning: do NOT bring this up during fore play, Sexy Time or post coital bliss out. (Although the above sounds like a no-brainer, you would be surprised!) While reminding him of how happy you are to be his, let your man know you are having these concerns about your economic future together. He may have been having some similar thoughts. Make sure to come from a place of love and confidence as opposed to insecure accusations of him not being a suitable provider. It is best to get it all out on the table instead of shoved beneath the rug where you will trip over it for years to...
There’s That Condom! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I had wild, drunken, “protected” sex with my non-monogamous partner. Two days later a condom fell out of me. I’m horrified and scared. We were so drunk that no one even noticed this mishap. Luckily I’m not in my fertile moment in my cycle so there’s no baby threat. BUT I’m concerned about STDs and my conversational obligation to this man regarding what has happened. I am beyond annoyed and dread having to go back to the doctor for more testing, after just having my annual exam. How long do STDs take to manifest? Should I still be concerned, even though he says he is safe with other women? Also, how do I go about telling him what happened without the blaming/shaming games? Help me Doc! Sincerely, Rubber Wonder Dear RW, First, what to say to this guy is pretty simple. As soon as possible, tell him the condom fell out of you and he needs to get tested. It is certainly not going to be a comfortable conversation, but being straightforward will leave no room for blaming and shaming. Stick to the facts and you will get through this. Since both of you were intoxicated, there is an equal share of the responsibility. Good for you to use a condom in your drunken state! Of course you are scared and annoyed. This stuff can be pretty nerve racking. It is appropriate to be concerned in that he was “safe” with you and you know from personal experience where that has led: to a used prophylactic falling out of a body orifice! You mention getting your annual and seeing your doctor. I assume you mean your OB/GYN where you had a pap smear battery of tests done to know your STI...
Ken Doll Crotch? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’m totally freaked out. My boyfriend keeps talking about how he doesn’t like his balls or penis & that they interfere with his ideal look: that of a Ken Doll!?!? He wants to get all his man bits chopped off. He doesn’t want to be a woman – he’s actually super masculine – just disgusted by his junk. He says he hates having his balls there. He doesn’t like me touching him or anything. I really love him. He’s an amazing man in all other ways except for this one major thing about his thingies. He’s really ashamed about this and tells me I’m the first person he’s ever shared this with but I don’t really know what to do with it. I thought I was totally open to all the variations a person’s sexuality could be but this is a bit much. Sincerely, Don’t Want to Date a Ken Doll, Dear DWTDKD, Sounds like a desire to become what’s known as a Eunuch. Throughout history, there have been men who have chosen as well as men who have been forced to become eunuchs. This Ken Doll look is not as peculiar as you may think. No, it is not exactly run of the mill, but there are thousands of other men all over the world who have this similar desire. Wait, What? Yes. Traditionally, a Eunuch is a biological man who has had his testicles removed. According to research, there are some interesting common threads to men who wish to get rid of their man bits. First, there has been found a much higher level of physical and sexual abuse in their childhood. Second, 11% witnessed or participated in an animal castration while growing up. Third, there is a high...
THC in Semen? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed and we don’t use condoms. I have a drug test next week. Can I test positive for THC from him coming inside me? Sincerely, Naturally Paranoid Dear NP, If testing positive for THC from ejaculate intake was possible, there would more than likely be a Seth Rogen film with that as a sub-plot. THC is short for Tetrahydrocannabinol, which is the principle psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. We have all heard of the false positives for opiates after eating a poppy seed muffin and so the silence on this matter pushes me to the conclusion of NO. As this is not a good method for reaching scientific conclusions, I began further research. Amielle Moreno, a Seattle based Research Scientist, had this to say, “Let’s go over facts: THC is fat solvable and it’s also found in hair which is protein. Semen includes a large amount of protein, but the amount of THC in semen would be negligible. The THC has already been processed by one person before it gets in contact with a vagina, mouth or rectum. I don’t think it would be enough to test positive.” Since fats are processed through an entirely different system than that of the reproductive, their transference is highly unlikely in detectable quantities. You see, THC is metabolized mainly in the liver. It is detected through hair, urine, blood, “oral fluid” and sweat. There seems to be no evidence of it being found in genital fluids. Another researcher, who wishes to remain anonymous, brought up the additional argument against THC being transferred through sperm with the following, “Semen, as a vehicle for genetic material, would have no evolutionary advantage in bringing along extraneous chemicals like THC in the ejaculate....
Too Nice To F**K! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I keep getting told by women I want to date, that I’m “too nice”. What’s that even mean? Shouldn’t I be good to women? Am I supposed to get all Douche-y on them? It seems that a**holes always end up with the girls I like but it just doesn’t seem right to me. What should I do? Sincerely, Nice Guy Who Can’t Get Laid Dear NGWCGL, I will venture a guess that the women you are interested in are not turned off by you being nice to them as much as they may want someone with a particular kind of swagger you do not possess. Maybe it is not a matter of being “too nice”, as in considerate, but rather you come across as a bit wimpy. Then again, do you really want to be with a lady who does not want to be treated well? There is a misnomer in our society that you must either be a Nice Fella Pushover or a Jersey Shore Jerk Dude. Being polite and aware of others is great! However, there is often a disconnect between being kind and being a man. Do you not stand up for yourself or ask for your needs to be met? There is a happy medium to be discovered within these extremes. Let me level with you. Telling a person “you are too nice” as a way to stay in the “Friend Zone” is a supposedly polite way of saying, “I am not turned on by you. You do not get my juices flowing.” That is NOT to say you will never meet anyone who will get excited by you. It is to say, that the women you are attempting to have relations with are simply not in...
Friends With Bummers! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I started seeing a guy from work in Friends With Benefits way but we only hook up when he’s REALLY drunk. I was really happy with the situation – no strings attached, etc and thought he was too but then he’s sober he goes on about how “It was such a mistake” and we shouldn’t do that again. AND, when my ex showed up at a bar we were all at together my FWB’s gave us the evil stink eye all. night. long. What gives? Sincerely, Toni Dear T, First of all, Work Guy is obviously not happy with your Friends With Benefits situation. He has deeper feelings for you compounded with layers he is not admitting even to himself. If you truly want a FWBs experience, consider someone who can actually use his or her words to articulate what they are thinking and feeling in a manner that will facilitate a fun night and not leave any residual guilt (on his end) or doubts (that I hear from you). I am not coming down on your happiness with your current set-up but, how good could the sex be if he is always “really drunk” by the time you get it on? Having a sloppy night of passion can be great for some people but I imagine being told it was a mistake can dampen the feelings. Still confused by the evil stink eye your FWBs gave you? Understand, Work Guy is not actually a Friend WITH Benefits. He is someone you work with (this in itself is going to go badly and be rather awkward) that has feelings for you, who cannot commit to an actual relationship. I am not making any value judgements in regards to committing or not...
Germaphobe Sex? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My wife and I, while having a pretty good relationship overall, do not connect on a sexual level. She has a much lower sex drive than I, and body shame coupled with germaphobia limit the range of our activities. She’s made it clear that anal intercourse is off the table (and when I told her she could ”peg” me in return there was no interest at all) but recently I’ve been obsessing about licking her asshole or having her pee on me, and I’m afraid that even confessing these desires to my germaphobe wife is going to have her thinking of me as weird, dirty, and disgusting, and not someone she can kiss or hug without thinking of how unclean I am. What do I do? Sincerely, Feeling Dirty Dear FD, This must be a really difficult place to be. I see it a lot in my practice – both differing levels of sexual desire as well as the significant other’s reluctance to participate in activities that would turn their mate on. Try taking baby steps. Start off slowly with oral sex that does not involve her bum. Is she ok with you licking her lady parts? If that is too “dirty” or shame invoking you could use a barrier such as a dental dam or even Syran Wrap to assist in the purity factor. As you are feeling denied access to certain things, it is natural to start fantasizing about more forbidden zones. The thing is, you are married to your wife for better or for worse and part of that is respecting each other’s limitations. Everyone has fantasies whether they are obsessing over this season’s Prada heels, lasagna or even Golden Showers, sometimes you cannot get what you want....
Good Men Pay For Sex? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Can you be a good man AND pay a woman for sex? I just found out that while I was working overseas, for a year, my husband not only went to strip clubs with his friends but also saw a prostitute and this is freaking me out. I always thought of him as so respectful and loving, but now I see him as a monster female exploiter! Not only that but he cheated on me! He says it’s not cheating and that he loves and adores only me but I’m just confused and questioning everything that I thought was sacred in our life together. Sincerely, Hurt & Confused Dear H&C, Of course you are hurt and feeling confused. This was not anticipated. It is understandable you would have intense feelings of inadequacy, questions regarding the “sanctity of marriage” as well as possible emerging issues of abandonment. Those are all OK to have, at this moment. Feel your feelings. Discuss with your betrothed what is so upsetting to you and try to truly hear what he says. Get it all out so that this will not continue to rear it’s ugly head. A lot of the time, couples argue about things that have nothing to do with the actual feelings that may or may not be coming up. This is more than likely triggering your attachments to each other. He may fear that you will not love him anymore while you fear that you are not good enough… Time apart is so very difficult and it is important to acknowledge both that AND how hard it is to come back together after even a few days, let alone a year. This is tricky territory. If you feel the two of you cannot...
Spermatozoa Woes-ah? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What lowers sperm count? Sincerely, Brad Pitt Dear “BP”, An estimated eight million US couples have fertility issues, half of which involve men with poor sperm quality. There are SO many contributing factors to lowering your count. I am not sure if that is what you are trying to do or if that is what you are trying to avoid but here it goes… To understand this topic better, it is important to get a handle on where your sperm is hanging out and manufactured which is, inside the scrotum. So, first of all, beware of those skinny jeans! You have got to let those boys breathe. Careful of long exposure to extreme temperatures like standing in the freezing cold or severely hot baths. The Cremaster Muscle, responsible for letting the balls hang low or come way up tight, depending on the weather around your manly danglers, can only do so much. Sitting long amounts of time can lower sperm count. This is a major concern for cabbies, pilots, students and any other testicle-baring male who has a sedentary lifestyle. Take caution in regards to radiation emitting technologies. Try not to store your phone in the front pocket for long amounts of time and keep your laptop off of the genital region. You feel how your computer is getting hot? That is a sign TO MOVE it! An epidemic decline of sperm counts in modern man is also being blamed on environmental pollution, plastic chemicals, pesticides and unhealthy diets like junk food and sodas. Pharmaceutical drugs are another major cause of decreased swimmers. For example, the common selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant drugs can literally bring a man’s sperm count to zero! The men of today have much poorer sperm...
V-Day Loser [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I thought I was OK with being single until all this chaos for Valentines Day got up in my flow. What can I do to avoid becoming more depressed about being an alone loser than I already am? Sincerely, Juan Is the Loneliest Number Dear JITLM, First of all, there is no shame in being alone. In fact, it is a great place to be to truly understand yourself. You are certainly valid in your feelings about having Valentine’s Day shoved down the masses’ throats. Honestly, even those entrenched in couple-dom get a bit uncomfortable with the pressures of having to prove their love on this one particular day. From my research, it is not really even understood who this St. Valentine was! (Seemingly a conglomerate of about fourteen different martyred fellows all with the same name. Although, one in particular tried to convert someone he should not have and ended up, well, quite uncomfortably martyred.) But back to your question… Keep in mind that this is a Hallmark Holiday with little to no relevance to the rest of the world. Try to hang out with your (single) friends and just have a good time. There is also the fabulous option of taking the time to honor your self. Give some love to you! That can mean different things to different people. Some manners to do this may include getting a massage, splurging on that new techno gadget you have had your eyes on and some good old fashioned self pleasuring! Avoid restaurants as they will be filled to over flowing with folk attempting to make romantic memories. Keep in mind that being single is not a sign of being a loser. I know it can be tough when it feels...
No Sex ‘Til Fresh Breath! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend always wants to have sex right as we wake up but I’m really embarrassed of my morning breath. When I go to brush, he gets annoyed. That’s the main time we have to get it on and I don’t feel sexy so then I’m all pressured. What am I supposed to do? Sincerely, Hallie Tosis Dear HT, It is pretty difficult to feel sexy when worried about how you are smelling let alone feeling pressured. Here are a few super simple ways to combat Dragon Mouth. One is to leave a small cup of mouthwash on your bedside table before you go to bed. When you start to gain consciousness the next day, swirl that stuff around in your maw and spit back into the cup. A second easy breezy method is to have a tin of Altoids waiting for you upon first morning jab. Another suggestion that does not directly address the Dawn Death Breath is to have your morning intimacy from behind. This provides incredible closeness while avoiding any exchange of oral cavity odors! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Mike...
Open MY Marriage! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I have been faithful to my husband for the entire 19 years we have known each other. With all the news focused on Newt Gingrich and his open marriage attempts, I’m beginning to think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to cheat but I’d really like to have some new adventures that don’t involve him. Am I terrible for wanting this? I don’t think it will make everything in my life better but it certainly will make me feel better about some things. Sincerely, Wanting More Dear WM, Are you asking me for permission to redefine your present marriage confines? You may simply be bored and need to liven things up in the bedroom so try to figure that part out, first. Are you ready to open this Pandora’s Box in your marriage? Start simply by watching some adult movies together and see where that leads you. Wanting to open your marriage is nothing to feel badly about. In fact, why should one mode of sexual intimacy be applied to all people? It is rather unrealistic to believe that everyone will be completely satisfied by one person for the remainder of his or her years together. You say you want some adventures that do not include him. Consider traveling alone or with a girlfriend. How about skydiving, horseback riding through Arabian deserts or white water rafting? Is it possible your desire for more may not even be tethered to the sexual realm? If you truly want to explore alternative dynamics to “traditional” marriage, there are many options available to you. However, the MOST important part of all this is to keep in mind that what separates cheating from an open relationship is COMMUNICATION. Everyone involved in your relationship(s) must understand...
Dude, Where’s My Erection? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My wife of six years, who I love very much, and I are trying to have a baby. This is really embarrassing. I used to be so excited by her and barely able to contain myself. Now, I’m not able to seal the deal. Sometimes I can’t even get hard and when I do, I can’t cum. I think she’s beautiful and such a good woman so that’s not it. Our schedules are pretty hectic with her in med-school and me finally getting a position in the firm I’ve been after, so it’s one more thing stressing me out. We’ve been able to do everything else and I’m really comfortable with our lives so what’s my problem? Sincerely, Can’t Seal the Deal Dear CSD, There is a lot going on here. First, make sure this is not a physical problem. Are you able to get erections and orgasm when you self-pleasure? If not, go see your doctor and get some tests done to rule out diabetes, low blood pressure or a multitude of other possibilities. If yes, then it is definitely psychological. You say you are comfortable – maybe too comfortable? Many times when you get to know somebody really well, the hotness and mystery can dissipate. The yearning, animalistic lust that got you going may have gone away. It’s a lot pressure on a man when he feels like he MUST perform. With everything you are dealing with, no wonder you are stressed! You are NOT a circus animal, jumping through a hoop when commanded. A step back to alleviate some of that command-based sex will help. Even this act of love, which should be a stress reliever, has entered onto the list of things you need to do. Take...
Condom Allergy? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve insisted on using condoms with my girlfriend but she says she’s allergic to them. Is that even possible? I’m trying to be a responsible man but she’s making it really difficult and accusing me of not trusting her. So far this has resulted in me not getting ANY. I don’t feel like arguing about this and want to be with someone I can have sex with. Sincerely, Have Condoms Will Travel Dear HCWT, Good for you for trying to use condoms! First of all, a responsible grown up man deserves to be with someone who does not accuse him of mistrust when in reality you are doing the most trusting of all things. Your current girlfriend may indeed be “allergic” to something having to do with the condoms. Does she get a rash when using latex gloves or some band-aids? This will be a big indicator as to whether or not she has a latex sensitivity. Latex allergies are a lot more common than most people imagine. If this, indeed, is the problem, you have great options! You could get a Poly-Urethane prophylactic, like the Trojan Supra, which is actually stronger and thinner than latex while transmitting body heat. Or, you could go with a Poly-Isoprene love glove. Both Durex’s Avanti Bare and Lifestyles’ Skyn will meet that choice. These are the newest technology and cost less than other materials. PLUS, they are amazingly soft, stretchy and strong. If your GF’s sensitivity is not latex related, she may be reacting to chemicals and spermicides used in the pre-lubricated condoms, such as Nonoxynol-9. Though a seemingly a good idea, and as the name suggests, spermicides utilize substances that kill sperm. However, this happens due to the bleach like properties, which can...
Pre-Marriage Therapy? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What are the benefits of couples counseling before marriage? My girlfriend thinks we need it. I thought she would be happy that I proposed after three years. I mean, seriously, if she thinks we are having problems isn’t that a huge red flag? I do love her. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. If we can’t handle our own problems shouldn’t I just call this whole thing off? Sincerely, Getting Cold Feet Dear GCF, There are actually quite a few benefits to couples therapy regardless of whether or not you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. If your girlfriend thinks you need it, take it to mean there are a few wrinkles she wants to smooth out in order to start off the remainder of your years together. One of the major plusses in taking this healthy step with your fiancé is that you enter a room in which a professional will be holding safe space for you both. Often times, it can be initially scary because the partner who did not suggest this thinks that he willl be blind sided by many issues that he will then have to defend himself against. Hence the need for a qualified therapist who will put you at ease and let you understand this is not about having a referee to say who is right versus who is wrong. Rather, it is about strengthening the relationship. She may just want to know you care enough about your relationship to work on things together. Sometimes, simply agreeing to go is enough! It will prove to her you are in this for the long haul – no matter what life may throw in your way. Reacting by saying, “We...
Insecure Beauty: [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I think my new girlfriend is really insecure. It doesn’t make any sense because she’s gorgeous, sexy & brilliant. Is it possible for me to get her feeling better about herself or is this a big red flag that I need to pay attention to by cutting my losses. Sincerely, Shirley She’ll Change Dear SSC, No matter how much love and encouragement you give, a gal (or anyone, really) has to find self esteem within her own person. Sure, you will be able to assist her in gaining some feelings of security but there will always be that burden of proof upon you. If being gorgeous, sexy and brilliant was not enough for her innate feelings of worthiness, how are you going to help? Be careful she does not take you down with her in a crazed spiral of not being good enough. It sounds like you know what to do with this crimson flag. Pay attention to your instinct. Those lost, insecure, souls of the world are so easy to love and so difficult to untangle from when it is no longer fun. Perhaps you should consider adopting a shelter dog if you want to improve a gorgeous creatures life. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Etna’s...
Healthy Sexuality: Whaat? [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, What is meant by a “healthy” sexual relationship? I hear this term but it confuses me. What is healthy sexuality & how can it get it? Sincerely, Struggles the Clown Dear StC, A healthy sexuality means very different things to different people. What a lot of folks mix up is acts versus authenticity. Says the ever brilliant Sexuality Educator, Media Mogul and Sex Worker Rights Activist Audacia Ray, “It’s not about the mechanics of what kind of sex you’re having, or what that looks like or how many people are involved, it’s more about being truthful with yourself and your partner.” By avoiding self-deception and listening to what truly makes you feel like a better, more whole person, you will be maintaining a healthy sexuality. Think about what makes you happy. What turns YOU on? You cannot simply “get” a healthy sexuality by figuring out a definition. “There’s not a list of activities that you should be doing or not doing”, says Ray. Tune in to this perpetual process. When you are actually paying attention to your desires, that cumulate over the course of your lifetime, the concept of a healthy sexuality simply falls into place. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit: Icon Photography...
Safer Sex – Really? [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it really necessary to take “safe sex” precautions when you are having sex with just one person? What about someone you know very well? Sincerely, Juana Lose D’Barriers Dear JLD’B, Just because you may be “having sex with just one person” does not mean that one person is only having sex with you. The same applies to someone you know very well. Exactly how well do you know this (potential) sex partner? Are you aware of every one of their past and present conquests and sexual interactions? The answer is: even if all that information were available to you – probably not. No, it is not necessary to have safe sex but come on! You know it’s definitely advised. Honestly, you do not have to do anything, and should not do anything you truly do not want to do in regards to sexual matters. What you can do is look at the possible ramifications for not taking safe(r) sex measures and, decide if it is worth it to you. That whole gamble with your life and health thing may not be a big deal to you, so behave accordingly. Of course there is no such thing as completely “safe sex” unless you are going solo but there can be measures taken to have safer sex. Discuss with your partner what you both feel best about. Suggest getting tested together! If you are not comfortable or ready to have this kind of discussion with your lover(s), perhaps you are not ready to be engaging in such behavior. Remember: adult behavior requires adult conversations. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving...
Erotic Scrap Book: Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend’s birthday is in a few weeks and I have NO extra money. Things are so tight that I won’t be able to pay rent AND get him something as meaningful as he deserves. My guy is so thoughtful and giving and I want to do something amazing to show him how special and sexy he is to me. Suggestions for this pauper girl? Sincerely, Poor & In Love Dear P&IL, Times are tough and as the old saying goes, “money can’t buy love” or happiness for that matter. Unless, of course, you find happiness and love on yachts in the Caribbean and strip clubs… But back to your issue. If you want to be thoughtful, how about putting together an Erotic “Scrap” Book? Write out some fantasies your special guy is turned on by interspersed with a few exciting escapades you two have shared. Make some suggestive drawings, cut out kinky pictures and print some self portraits of you looking all ready for action. You could simply illustrate your stories with photos of things like the messy bed left in the aftermath of a passionate night, the lingerie you wore or the view out the window of where one of your tales takes place. You do not actually have to be explicit unless that is what you want. Get creative! Put all of your material together in a book form to make an Erotic Book he will cherish and reference through out your years together. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...
Rough’N Stinky: [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Can rough sex make my Vag smell? Sincerely, Stinky Puss Dear SP, The quick answer is no, rough sex does not result in vaginal odor. However there are some things to clarify. First of all, you are assuming rough sex means the same thing to everyone when really it can entail anything from light spanking with a gentle pull on the hair to being hogtied and flogged during a gang-bang. Another thing is that everyone’s body is unique. What may affect a person one way may have a completely different result on anothers. Unpleasant smells emitting from your Yoni are due to miscellaneous factors. Have you been checked for Sexually Transmitted Infections? If you have crossed STI’s off as a possibility, the next place to look could be improper hygiene. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but even if you are washing after your sexual escapades you may be causing harm and odors as a result of improper techniques. What I mean by that is, you could possibly be using a soap that irritates your Special Lady Parts and in retaliation, your Vag will try to heal it’s self by producing more than her usual flora and fauna, so to speak. This same thing can be applied to douching. I could go on and on about that “D Word” but will make it simple: Do. NOT. Douche. It is unnecessary. The chemicals in most all douching products are akin to shooting bleach up in you. While on the topic of irritants, check and see if the condoms or lube you are using have Non-Oxynol 9. That stuff can produce rashes and bad reactions, which can turn stinky. Another factor contributing to an unsavory Vagina could be in your diet. It...
Herpes Hullabaloo [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, How do I tell someone I’m with that I have an STD without scaring them away? When should I even do that? How could anyone want to be with me when they find out I have genital herpes? It’s not like I’ve been with that many people but I still feel totally gross. Sincerely, Depressed & Dirtied Dear D&D, First of all, I am sure you have way more to offer than what’s going on between your legs. Having an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) does not imply you have had a lot of partners or you are a bad person. It simply means you may not have been well informed. It only takes once to contract an STI. The time for disclosure is a tricky one in that it does not need to be the first thing your potential sex partner knows about you but it should be addressed before you get naked together. Really, it depends on the situation. If you are dating, disclosure is definitely not suggested, or necessary, on the first date. Let your love interest get to know you a bit. Make sure when you do bring this up, you are both planning on sleeping together. Since you will already be in a vulnerable state, it a wise idea to broach the topic while you are both fully clothed. Understand, if your potential sex mate gets uncomfortable and cannot handle your reality, they may need to get up and sort it out in his or her head. As you decide upon the right time, stay in your place of personal power and authenticity. Remind yourself: you are a good, loving, sentient being who just happens to have made this one mistake. Based on the fact you do...
Dream Man Crazy! [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class)])...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I met my Dream Man and am on the springboard of crazy. I can’t get him out of my head. Since he’s a famous actor, there are many shots of him online so I find myself staring at photos of him much more than I should and losing myself in daydream. We only spoke for a few minutes and yet I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t want to Facebook him, even though he said I could, because that embarrasses me and I wouldn’t even know what to say. How can I stop thinking about him? Should I stop thinking about him? Please don’t say I should go out and hook up with someone else. I did that and it did not suit me. I guess I’m just a dreamy lover of love… Sincerely, Hopelessly Devoted to My Dream Man Dear HDTMDM, If this is truly a dream of yours, follow it. See where it may lead! What’s the worst that can happen? At least you will have tried. All you have to lose is the fantasy and if you are OK with that, I say: Go for Him!! I know that a lot of people may advise you to forget about this Dream Fellow and move on with your life, but I am not sure as to where you are supposed to move. We are encouraged to turn many of our dreams into realities so why not in the realm of Romance? When I look around at what people (possibly including you) are capable of accomplishing, things like raising families, starting their own companies, creating better worlds for us to live in… questions about talking to the woman or man of your dreams seems like a no-brainer. Putting yourself...
Objectify THIS! [Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class)]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, In my fantasies, I objectify women. If I think about them too much as real life people they cease being sexy. I love my wife but as a loving caring brilliantly pure being. It’s only when I see her as a sweet piece of ass am I turned on by her. I understand that there are two different types of energies in a relationship: one for the heart & mind (the relationship), and then that other for the genitals (the sex). Both are important but how can I avoid killing that animalism of sex? I’m talking about that thing that disconnects the mind – the part that loses sight of “relationship stuff” like figuring out what couch to buy. Obviously, objectification is unhealthy. But isn’t that part of sexual attraction? Maybe it’s just a male thing or at least a masculine trait. Will this haunt me the rest of my life? I feel bad turning my wife into an object. Sincerely, Mr. Love2Love Her Dear Mr. L2LH, The quick answer is yes, there is a major element of objectification in sexual attraction and no, it is not a purely male thing. Read on if you want more details… Objectification is not unhealthy, in and of it’s self. Really, it is how you manage it. You are right in thinking that there are different levels of relating to each other, all very important, depending upon what type of interpersonal connections you desire. Objectifying another being can be extremely liberating if there is some understanding before and after of the person behind the object. This is specifically true for long-term situations. If we were discussing one-night stands or booty calls, this would not surface as an issue, in that all you have is...
Mas Macho! Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I love my sensitive boyfriend. I really do. He is amazing in so many ways but sometimes I wish he could be more manly. How do I get him to be more macho? Sincerely, Woman Wants Man Dear WWM, This is an all too common issue for more and more women these days. Lines are blurring on what is and is not “manly” which can be both positive and negative. On one hand you want somebody who is sensitive to your needs, a great listener and an all around good (though often somewhat weenie) guy. On that other hand, it can feel really good to be caught up with a strong jerk of a stereotype. Here is the key: you can not and will not change him. He is what he is. If you truly love Hombre Sensitivo, as you say you do, learn to accept him for who HE is – not who you hope he will be someday. Whether he is a big lovable wimp or your adored lug of a He-Man, you are not going to change him. Decide what you can and cannot live with and go from there. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...
SICK (in the Bed)! – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Why does my husband want to get down and dirty when either of us have a fever? There I am in bed feeling awful and SO not sexy and he tries to start something. Who wants to have sex when they are sick? Sincerely, Let Me Be Sick Dear LMBS, Who wants to have sex when they are sick? Well, a lot of men do. This question reminds me of the Larry David quote, “The closest I ever came to death, was when I masturbated with a 104 degree temperature.” For a lot of men, lying around in bed, regardless of what else is going on, will inspire sexual desire. You name it: mourning a loss of a loved one, the flu, wisdom tooth removal and more. There they are with nothing else to do but feel their feelings and yes, play with their Ding-a-Ling. In a sense, your husband may be attempting to “do unto others as he would have done unto himself”. Unfortunately, it is not exactly what the majority of women want as they are lying in bed trying to recover. Another part of this could be the trigger of seeing you lying all vulnerable, warm and snuggly. The part of his brain that connects having sex with his wife and the conditions in which this occurs will go all haywire, creating a big Hubby-Chubby. It goes the other way, too. Say you are giving him special, loving attention as a result of his feeling under the weather. This may get translated into your man becoming massively turned on by all the tenderness being received. You see, what you are experiencing is YOUR reality of snotty tissues, endless coughing and pounding headaches (that will not be cured by...
Take Me Downtown! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My wife doesn’t like me to go down on her. She gets weird about letting me see or get near her vagina with my face. Well, she seems to like it a little bit at the beginning but then pushes me away quickly after I get started. We have sex, no problem, and she goes down on me all the time but I never get to return the favor. Two questions: How do I get her to like it more? How do I get near my own Wife’s Juicy Bits with out it being a big scene? Sincerely, Juan T’Slurp Dear JT’S, Have you asked your Betrothed why she does not want your face between her legs? Has she been comfortable with oral sex with past lovers? Is your face scratchy? What is it that makes her push you away? These would all be good places to begin. A lot of women are uncomfortable with their Vulvas after being told their entire lives “it” is a dirty, shameful, smelly part of their personhood that should be hidden. I do not know Your Better Half’s background but that could possibly be coming up for her. There is also the issue of women believing they need to pleasure their partners without receiving any pleasure in return. You know, that whole martyr thing to which humans can fall prey. It is difficult for some people to let go and allow others to please them. Make sure Wifey knows how amazing you think her Special Lady Parts are. Go into details with this. Declare your love of her smell, taste, juices, texture and coloring. Let her know how much you adore turning her on with your tongue and lips. Reiterate how giving the woman you...
Hystera [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My doctor told me I should get a hysterectomy as a preventative measure because the meds I took to fight breast cancer may cause uterine issues. She claims that since I’m 41 years old and don’t plan on having any children that this is what I should do and that it won’t effect me in any way. This doesn’t sound right but it’s what my insurance company agrees with. Won’t this screw with my orgasms somehow? I’m totally freaked out because everyone’s telling me something that doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to say good-bye to my uterus but I certainly don’t want to create more medical problems. Sincerely, Scared and Mistrustful Dear S&M, Of course you are freaked out. One of your defining organs, as a female, is in jeopardy. Removal of an organ is a last resort – NOT a “preventative measure.” This seems like a lazy and careless manner of treatment. Not only does your experience sound incredibly dismissed but also, it truly feels like an inhumane quick fix. Keep in mind, there are many instances in which removal of one’s uterus is a necessary procedure and has created a better quality of life, but it does not sound like you are in one of those situations. There is much research clearly showing how hysterectomies negatively impact women. Quite a few women have uterine orgasms, so that would be the end of that. Also, from studies conducted over the past half century, it has been found that hysterectomies can result in diminished sex drive, insomnia, short term memory loss, decrease in stamina, increased irritability and anxiety, just to name a few. I highly recommend you check out Hers Foundation http://www.hersfoundation.com/ for specific percentages and more data. You are...
Oral ICK! Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’ve been dating a guy for a couple months and I really like everything about him except one major issue. He has the worst breath EVER!!! The last time he picked me up for a date I couldn’t kiss him because his pie-hole smelled ROTTEN. I made up an excuse as to why I had to stay home. Am I being shallow for dumping him? Sincerely, Freshness Lovahh Dear FL, When something smells rotten, it usually is. When his mouth, an extremely exposed portion of his being, is gross, how can you even consider exploring what may be in his pants? When a fellow cannot handle simple oral hygiene it makes us question what other aspects of his life are beyond him. I do not think it makes you shallow to want to avoid mouth-decay. However, if this guy means a lot to you, let him know a visit to the dentist is in order. He may have a few cavities as well as bigger tooth and gum issues. Kissing is so important in a loving sexual relationship. It is hard to get things started in passionate deliciousness when there is a cloud of Ick wafting from your potential lover’s lips. Smells are major in what may turn you on and off. Pay attention to what your senses are telling you. You know what you need to do. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...
Rock Me Like A Hurricane – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it really weird that I got all crazy horny during all the excitement about the hurricane? I think there is something really wrong with me because I keep trying to figure out what to put in my emergency kit in case I want to hook up with someone? I want to be prepared but I’m not sure what the essentials should include. Sincerely, Potential Girl Scout Dear PGS, It is not “weird” to become turned on by danger and potentially life altering situations. In fact, after the tragic events of 9/11, there was a surge in what the media called “Terror Sex”. The idea, that all may be gone tomorrow so why not have lots of slutty-delicious adventures and live a little, is a natural phenomenon that many humans become wrapped up in. When we are told that the world we live in is about to end in some extreme way, our adrenalin starts to surge. This creates miscellaneous coping mechanisms. Everyone handles things differently. Whelming sexual urges is just one way. With all the hype over Hurricane Irene, it is no wonder you were turned on! As for putting together an emergency kit, whether it is for hurricanes, earthquakes or monthly ovulation time, there are a few ways to go about it. After making sure you have things like an extra battery for your wireless devices, CASH, tampons, medications, water, food, candles and matches, you can get to the fun stuff. Here’s a handy starter list: – charged vibrator (because you need to be clear headed) – head lamp (to keep your hands free) – chocolate – condoms – lube – blindfold (also helps you sleep) I would love to hear what other essentials FaN readers have for their...
Sx Addict? – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, When do you know you have an addiction to sex? Everyone keeps telling me I’m a sex addict! Sincerely, Can’t Get Enough Dear CGE, Labeling someone with an addiction is dangerous territory. A lot of times a person will not take any personal accountability for their behavior if it can be brushed off as something outside their control with a, “I can’t help it. I’m an addict!” mentality. It is important to distinguish whether or not you have a problem. Perhaps you simply have a higher sex drive than those around you. When there is a problem is if your behavior is interfering with your daily activities; that life in general stuff. The following are a few questions to ask yourself: Are you engaging in risky behavior as a result of a compulsion to have sex? Have you lost jobs, friends or valuable resources because of your predilections? Has the ability to focus on anything besides Sexy Time evaporated? If the answer is yes to any of these, you may have a problem. However, if you are simply having fun, managing to keep all the rest of your life in order and feel healthy about your choices, what is the problem? Sometimes labeling others helps to control them. Investigate why these folks around you are so set on the title: Sex Addict. While you are delving deep into things, you may also want to look into what it is that creates a feeling of ‘never getting enough’. Is there a hole (psychological or emotional) you are trying to fill literally and physically? Regardless of the answers you come up with, understanding your own behavior and figuring out why YOU do what you do will be a great asset to you throughout...
Intimate Toddler Problem: Ask Dr. Miro (What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class)...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it normal for a four year old to touch herself down there? I don’t want to give my daughter a complex but it makes me really uncomfortable. How do I make her stop? Her pre-school teacher told me that she keeps rubbing against things in the middle of the class room! I’m not a prude, but this is totally embarrassing, especially when she does it in front of Grandma in the living room. Help! Sincerely, Mommy Freak Out Dear MFO, It is perfectly normal for children to touch themselves. If it feels good, why would you not? Just like adults, children have different levels of desire in regards to touch and sexual feelings. They are individuals. The problem comes with ill-defined conceptions of time and place. Many children pick up clues of what is and is not appropriate while others do not. How you react to your daughter’s early sexual explorations, regardless of your (dis-)ease, is super important as it will effect her throughout her life in ways she may not even realize. Children can read discomfort on adults much more clearly than you may believe. Explain the concept of time and place. Most kids understand there are certain things you do in public and other things you keep to yourself. I do not believe you should figure out how to make her stop touching herself. Merely tune her in to where and when is appropriate. She probably knows, by now, it is not acceptable to poop on Grandma’s rug, right? Utilize this fully developed concept. Acknowledge what is going on before it sinks into her subconscious as a filthy thing to be ashamed of. Have a heart to heart with your budding lass. Something along the lines of, “I...
F The Pain Away! Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it true that sex can get rid of headaches? I think my girlfriend is making this stuff up. Sincerely,Tylenol Man Dear TM, Not all sex can get rid of headaches but full on orgasm is capable of removing blockages and decreasing pain of all sorts! Have you noticed that right before you come, more intensity of everything is needed? It works like this: when you have an orgasm, your body releases serotonin and endorphins. Serotonin is that fabulous neurotransmitter that helps improve desire, pain perception and mood. Endorphins are opiate-esque chemicals your body releases at orgasm which have been proven to increase pain thresholds. All that, is to say: Orgasm is a natural painkiller. Keep in mind, not only are the endorphins and serotonin levels at play, but headaches are generally caused by blood vessels in the brain constricting. This is what causes the tension and pain. During Petite Mort, there is an increase in blood flow, dilating those tiny vessels and eliminating the pain in your head! This would not work for a migraine but a headache? Definitely. The old, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” is a giant load of crap. If there is a headache, sex is the best thing to try. Of course, self-pleasuring would probably be the safest route to go so you do not have the additional pressure of finding someone with whom to have an orgasm. On a side note, thanks to Masters & Johnson, orgasm is medically recognized as the best remedy for menstrual cramps. The big O disperses pelvic edema, a fancy term for those stuffy, bloaty, crampy feelings a lot of gals get before they begin menstruating. My professional opinion is to follow the teachings of Peaches and F...
Caught My Man Watching Gay Porn! Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I caught my boyfriend watching gay porn. I mean, really gay porn… He’s totally not into my vagina anymore, right? Sincerely, A. Lotta Vagine Dear ALV, It is possible you snagged yourself a closeted beau but not necessarily. Before you spin out of control with negative accusations, keep in mind there is an entire spectrum of desire in regards to sexuality, existing in us all. Just because he enjoys some intense Man on Man action does NOT negate his desire for your lovely lady parts. I know there are some out there who will read this and say, “EW – no way! He’s into dudes.” but take a pause before continuing down that road. Women can enjoy Lesbian porn and not get worried about whether or not they are gay so you can see, in a lot of ways, this becomes a societal prejudice against male sexuality! Seeing one or more people engaging in juicy passionate sexiness can be a super hot turn on, regardless of the orientation(s) and gender(s) involved. It is helpful to think of what Dr. Joe Kort says, “As if the sex act itself makes you gay!? It’s not the act; it’s really your orientation… This is separate from the sexual fantasies!” Even if your boyfriend likes putting things where the sun doesn’t shine, either with the help of a friend or on his own, it does not mean he is gay. (See Peg Him!) Look at it this way: if you fantasize about burning down your old high school, does that make you an arsonist? Instead of freaking out on him, calmly ask about this newly discovered predilection. Applaud your lover on his ability to explore his desires without caving to Society’s labels. It is quite...
Fantasy Girl Freak Out: Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I told my girlfriend that I fantasized about her when I was Jilling-Off and she freaked out!! I’m not sure what upset her because I think it’s the highest compliment I could give someone. She called me a disgusting freak and now I feel like she is telling all our friends I’m a pervert. What went wrong? How do I stop feeling guilty about rubbing one off? Sincerely, Guilty Hornster For My Girl Dear GHFMG, Try not to allow yourself to succumb to this guilt. It is perfectly healthy to satisfy yourself sexually. In fact, it is an important skill that should be mastered! This is tricky because on one hand, you are correct. How amazing to know you are someone’s fantasy – when you could “have” anyone you desire while fantasizing and you chose your significant other! I think that is a beautiful thing and yes, a great compliment. What may be at work here are preconceived ideologies that simply do not match up. Is she offended by the fact you indulge in self-pleasuring or was it that you “used” her as material? For some, the concept of Solo-Sexy time is hard to swallow, rendering them extremely uncomfortable. Even though an awful lot of folks participate in such activities, it may be viewed as wrong as a result of their specific moral compass. Have a conversation with your Lady about some of the benefits of Tending Your Skittles, such as better vascular and muscular health as well as a fabulous stress reducer. You may be a disgusting pervert but it has nothing to do with your fantasies! It could be fun to talk a bit about the role of fantasy and the discovery of your favorite erogenous zones both on...
Don’t Stir the Dragon! – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend has been dropping massive hints about wanting a couple’s massage for her birthday but I’m not sure what to expect. What exactly is it? What if I get a hard on? I’d be really embarrassed, but if some random woman is touching my junk and I’m relaxed, how can I not get stirred up? Sincerely, Easily Excited Dear EE, If you want her to happily remain your GF, book that couple’s massage NOW. Listen, all that happens during one of these is you and your partner receive massages at the same time, in the same room, by different professionals. What if you do get turned on? I would think that a sign of a successful massage. It is not as if this should be an unusual occurrence for a seasoned masseuse. So you get hard. Not really a big deal. Let’s reframe: you and your girlfriend are in a darkened room with soothing music and aromas, in a relaxed state of bliss, being pampered, touched, rubbed and… In this circumstance, I would think NOT getting slightly aroused would be peculiar. I know a masseuse who claims if her client is not drooling she did not do her best! Things happen. I can understand how you might be shy but let the practitioner gently know “what’s up” if your penis just happens to respond to her touch. There are ways professionals can squeeze a thigh to make your dragon go back to sleep without causing undo embarrassment. Bottom line: do not be afraid to try something new. Especially if what you are afraid of, is liking it too much! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...
Ask Dr. Miro: A Feeldoe in the Bed is Worth Two in the… What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class [BEST OF FaN]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
C0-Ed. Note: We’re re-running this “Ask Dr. Miro,” b/c not only is it super-funny, but it also got us flagged by Google Ads. And as you know, we nerds just love to get in trouble — makes us feel baaaad. Originally published 01/05/11 Dear Dr. Miro, I am so embarrassed! I spent the holidays with my family and for the first time, brought my girlfriend. Things went really well. Everyone seemed to get along and play nice with each other. The problem came after we got home. You see, I bought my GF a Feeldoe for Christmas and gave it to her in PRIVATE at my folks’ place. She loved it. I loved it. It was incredible! Honestly, I can’t say enough good things about how amazing our sex was. However, when we got home, we realized that it wasn’t in our bags. Not only that, we realized exactly where we left it: in the bed. I know my mom. I know she has already stripped the bed and done laundry and she must have found it. She has not mentioned it. My GF is mad at me and says that I am making her look bad in front of my family and, that she wants her present back. But that’s a 5 hour flight away. I guess this is more of an etiquette question, but PLEASE, what should I do? Mortified, Red-Faced Rita Dear RFR, Well, if you want to get into etiquette, perhaps you will strip the sheets yourself next time you are a guest in anyone’s home. Even if it is your family, your mother should not be treated like a maid, having to collect your extremely soiled linens. Why do I say extremely without even being there? Because, Ms. RFR,...
Fighting Fair! What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class: Ask Dr. Miro [BEST OF FaN]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Learning how to Fight Fair and Communicate are crucial skills for all aspects of life. I understand how difficult it is to employ these “rules” when caught up in the emotional moment which is why I am choosing this Blogumn to repeat: a refresher for both my readers and me. Originally published 06/08/11 Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend and I just had our first major fight. We’ve never disagreed this majorly before and I’m wondering if this is “it”. We moved in together a year ago. I worry that he’s doing similar things as my ex-husband and fear maybe I should cut my losses right now before it gets too deep. He agreed to pick me up from an appointment next week and then scheduled a guy’s weekend in Vegas for the same time! How irresponsible! My ex made many promises to me that he didn’t keep and so you can see why I’m freaking out. He claims he forgot but still wants to go to Vegas AND suggested a friend of mine pick me up!!! I should just find a new apartment and dump him, right? Sincerely, On the Way Out Dear OtWO, Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is your first big fight and you have been co-habitating for a year? That, in itself, is amazing. A couple’s first argument is an important milestone! I know it sounds strange, but this is an incredible opportunity for growth and has the potential to truly bring you closer together. Obviously, you were greatly hurt by the carelessness of your ex-husband but here is a new guy and a totally different situation. It is not fair to pile up all your hurt feelings from your past marriage onto this new man....
The Honey Moon’s OVER, Are We? – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I know all about that Honeymoon phase of a relationship and I’m pretty sure I’m leaving that “stage” with my partner, but is there any point to continuing our relationship? I like the steamy passion and cravings for my lover and don’t want to be in a relationship where that doesn’t exist. What’s the point of being romantic with someone without the romance? Sincerely, Running Out of Steam Dear ROoS, You seem to be mixing up the concept of having to rip someone’s clothes off with that of romance. I agree that in the context of a long-term relationship, there is not much point to being involved sexually with someone, with whom there is never any romance. However, it is quite possible to maintain a romantic edge that incites that delicious fever over a period of time. Not having a red-hot butterfly in the stomach feeling each time you think of your partner is a reality. but it does not exclude the ability to have exciting lava flow eruptions with your significant other. It just means you have passed to another level. I believe you can have even deeper, more meaningful encounters as you get to know another person’s being on psychic, physical and emotional levels. This is something you have to be ready for. Is it possible you are not ready to delve deeply enough into a relationship in which there is more than just teenage lust and devouring? This is perfectly all right. Before you decide whether or not something has a point, think about whether you actually need a reason to stay in the relationship, or if it is simply not relevant to your state of mind right now. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit: paul...
Sexy Bookworm: Ask Dr. Miro – What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class [BOOK WEEK]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I would like to read some lesbian erotica but everything I find is too blech. Please suggest something I can read to my girlfriend on our summer vacation that isn’t so explicit I can’t say it out loud but sexy enough that it makes me blush. Sincerely, Lesley Bookworman Dear LB, If you have not read TIPPING THE VELVETby Sarah Waters , go get it now. And when I say now, I mean yesterday. Gently sexy and yummy while remaining a charming story. Perfect for an intimate read on the beach beside your bathing beauty or in a hammock under the stars. Lust & Happiness, Dr....
Porn VS Real: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class [Ask Dr. Miro]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it true that watching porn will desensitize me to real sex? Sincerely, Shawna Na Dear SN, Do you feel romantic comedies affect your expectations towards actual, intimate relationships? It is the same idea in that Adult Entertainment can be great to experience both by yourself or with company but keep in mind, it is not how “real” life sexuality works. Not even porn stars have “Porn Star Sex” when away from the camera. If you are watching X-Rated movies as help to get you over that edge, what is the problem? I see it as visual and auditory lubricant – and most people need lube at least once in a while! Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro featured image credit:...
My Boyfriend of Ten Years Says He Might Not Love Me Anymore [Ask Dr. Miro]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My boyfriend says he’s not sure if he loves me anymore. We’ve been together for over10 years so I can understand how people can lose that hyper passion in-love feeling but to not love me at all? What do I do with that? It’s not like we need to stay together for the kids or even cats since we don’t have any pets (we share only a Ficus tree), but is there a possibility that he does still love me and just doesn’t realize it? Sincerely, Hoping For Love Dear HFL, So your beau is not sure of his love for you. Ask him what he is sure of. That will tell you a lot. Is it possible Boyfriend is having his own personality life crisis and cannot figure out up from down? If this is the case, you will need to take an honest assessment of how willing you are to put things on hold until Mr. Confusion figures out where he is. This is an extremely painful place to be. Try not to allow his flighty comments to affect your sense of self. In truth, it sounds like Man-Child simply does not hold those love feelings anymore. This happens. Be honest: are you willing to be with someone who no longer loves you? You know you deserve to be in a relationship in which the feelings are mutual. Yes, things are often uneven in some way or manner but usually in workable ways. Of course it is nearly impossible to maintain that passionate fascination with your partner over the long term, but to not be sure about simply loving and caring about you?! Those are unacceptable words to have come out of your mate’s mouth – unless of course...
Happy Ending? – Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My husband has back issues and has been going to a chiropractor for a few years now. At least that’s what I thought. I found an email where he is recommending to a colleague “a happy ending place” he likes and even wrote how “Your wife will never know.” What exactly is “a happy ending place”? Am I right to assume he’s actually been getting jerked off at these “therapeutic” appointments? I’m totally devastated and don’t know what to do. Am I such a bad lover that he has to go outside our marriage? Am I jumping the gun by assuming this is sexual? Sincerely, No Happy Endings For Me… Dear NHEFM, You are correct in assuming a Happy Ending place is sexual. Basically it is an illegal massage parlor tailored to giving men sexual release under the auspices of a relaxing massage. Technically, when all is said and done, it is a relaxing massage! Please keep in mind that this is not a reflection of your erotic skills, but since I do not actually know what goes on in and out of the bedroom in your marital life, I cannot comment on whether you are a “bad lover.” Many people find the idea of an impersonal and ‘professional’ sexual interaction a major turn on and do not see it as cheating, per se. This is because of a belief, held by some, that with no emotional connection, it is a business transaction, and therefore a safe outlet in which nothing unfaithful is occurring. Unfortunately, something unfaithful IS occurring since he has been lying to you. This has most likely shattered your belief in everything he tells you. The fact that your husband has been blatantly untruthful to you is a...
Sexy Sex Therapy: Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class}...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I’m in therapy with someone who specializes in sexual issues. I’m a very sex-positive, open to nearly any sexual experience, person. I’m married to a person with a lot of body shame, doesn’t seem to like sex. I love this person more than I can verbalize, I really wish my partner and I could just be free and without inhibitions. To me that is the definition of intimacy. I’m sure patients often get sexual feelings for their therapists, but my fantasies about my therapist make me feel so guilty. And I feel like I’m betraying the person I love and objectifying my therapist. Is it still okay to see my therapist when I’m attracted to him and attached to another? I’m sex positive and my therapist is sex positive, how do I not fantasize about him? Maybe I should get a new therapist. Sincerely, Guilty & Smitten Dear G&S, This actually comes up a lot in my practice. Understand it is perfectly normal to have this type of transference onto your therapist. You are in an extremely intimate setting, speaking of things that are so personal and sacred to you. Of course you are going to have feelings for the one person in the world that knows all of your everything! Let your therapist know about these thoughts you are having so the two of you can work those out. As someone trained in sexuality issues, this will not be awkward for your therapist but it may be very difficult for you. When we feel as if something is missing in our relationships, it is human nature to begin attempting to fill that void with anything else. Fantasizing about your therapist is a pretty reasonable, healthy and safe route to go....
Ice Cream Puss – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, My super sweet roommate always dates creeps but this last one is the worst! They have a long distance ‘relationship’ and I’m sure he cheats on her, but she thinks it’s love. She’s always way too excited to get anything from him especially his emails and she forgot to sign out last weekend, so I read some just to see if it would explain what she sees in him. These emails were beyond graphic sex scenarios about stuff he wanted her to do to herself. Not a big deal but in one he wrote for her to put ice cream in her Cootchie and have the cat lick it all up! That freaks me out AND it’s MY CAT! Isn’t that considered either a. gross or b. animal abuse? I mean, I guess you are not hurting the animal, but it just seems so morally wrong. I’ve heard stories about guys doing that with peanut butter on their genitals, although it seems could be dangerous depending on the pet. Sincerely, Anita Neu Dormmate Dear AND, Reading your Roomie’s private sex correspondence aside, you would be amazed at how many women are getting it on with their beloved animals. I just know I am going to hear it from the animal lovers out there but here it goes… There is quite a large population of folks who enjoy a bit of licking on their special sexy bits by their kitties with those rough tongues or by their dogs with all that canine saliva. Talk about receiving love from your pet! In this context it may sound bizarre, but when there is no damage to the animal it is therefore not animal abuse. Sure it may be gross to one person but it...
Don’t Call Me Sausage! Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, The last time I was having sex with my husband he stopped right in the middle and said he couldn’t stay hard because I look like a fat sausage and no one could possibly be turned on by me. So I’m not a perfect 10 but I’m not overweight. I have been trying to lose extra pounds and even though we can’t really afford it, have hired a personal trainer. Yet I still feel like crap. I’m really upset by how mean that was. All I want to do is tell him the long list of things I hate about him. You know, hurt him the way he hurt me. I know I shouldn’t because I will regret it. It’s not like he’s eye candy, by any means, but I love him and try to be a good and loving wife. He has made this a difficult and thankless task. What can I do? Sincerely, Notta Jolly Fat Girl Dear NJFG, What a terribly hurtful thing to say! That is so not appropriate. How dare he blame you for his inadequacy! Honesty is an important aspect of any relationship but there are certainly more tactful ways of being honest than what your hubby has displayed. You are right in holding back the list you want to tell him out of anger, to a certain degree. However, if these things are still on the tip of your tongue when you have cooled off, you should speak your truth. Let your Betrothed know how his comments have affected you and what they triggered. If you do not feel safe telling him your feelings, PLEASE see a relationship therapist who can provide a space in which both of you can express what has been...