I’ve been thinking a lot about my 2011 resolutions as you do at this time of the year. I got a surprising number of them done and in the bag, including “get pregnant.” However, unlike every year since 2005, I won’t be calling this my best year ever. Mainly, because I didn’t stay pregnant. Twice. And that kind of throws a permanent shadow over all of the good stuff that happened this year. The truth is I learned more about how to be sad this year, than perhaps any other year on record. So just in case you also had a sad year, or have sad times coming up in your future, here’s my advice on how to be sad: 1. Give yourself time. If you’re impatient like me, being sad is even more annoying, because you really don’t want to waste time with being sad. However, I found that once I accepted that I was sad and would be sad off and on into the unforeseeable future, I started getting less sad. 2. Take on projects that you love. Really, nothing takes your mind off of being sad like doing the work that you love. If you don’t love what you do at your main job, consider taking on a side project. If you’re really sad, now’s a great time to write that novel, take that class, or go after that social life you’ve been dreaming of. 3. Question yourself, then trust yourself. The sad thing about sadness is that it creeps into the areas of your life that it has no business creeping into like work and play and everything in between. If you’re sad, accept that you’ll have to add an extra step in your decision-making process. For example, if you...
How to Watch TV [2011 in Review]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Oh my gosh, guess what we just sent out to all our FaN bloggers. That’s right, the end-of-the-year survey. You know I’m just crazy about our bi-annual BOOK WEEKs, but my second favorite two weeks of the FaN season is when we take time out to round up our favorite and least favorite books, movies, TV shows, songs, and moments of the retiring year. I so can’t wait for the 2011 round-up, which kicks off on Dec. 19. 13 More Days to go! Til then I’ll be going over all the stuff I learned this year in my personal blogumns. First up: How to Watch TV. Last week, I watched the final show of my Fall 2011 TV watching challenge, I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER, with a sigh of relief. And though, I’m grateful to no longer have to watch a new show in order to get in a timely review of a new one, I realized that I’ve become a way better television watcher over the course of the challenge. Here’s what I’ve learned. 1. Put Television in Its Place: Don’t watch it unless you either have to, or there’s something you really, really want to watch on. Otherwise, work on your side hustle and dream projects or read a book. I got an insane amount of reading done this year. And one of my sidehustle projects paid off big time — tell you about that in January. 2. If you really want to quit TV, write about it. It’s funny, once I took on this challenge, TV became work. Suddenly I started procrastinating with other stuff (like books and side hustle work) in order to avoid watching TV. Actually getting involved in the process makes you watch less TV. Kind of how...
HAPPY FEET 2: No Girls(‘ POV) Allowed [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Le sigh. I wanted to love HAPPY FEET 2. I truly enjoyed the first one, and this sequel pretty much had me at baby penguins singing “Mama Said Knock You Out.” However, three things derailed that enjoyment: 1) The super-violent Warner Bros. Sylvester and Tweety short that ran before the movie. It made me realize how much better children’s TV is now and that I should always pay attention to the MPA ratings. I assumed that because HF2 is a movie about dancing, singing penguins, it would be rated G. But when I checked the parental rating afterwards, there was a PG staring right back at me. 2) Our daughter literally walked out after the first 30 minutes. She loved the last Winnie the Pooh movie, but after the “new experience” mesmerization wore off during HF2, she was like, “Okay, I’m out of here,” and headed for the door. CH chased after her, and texted me outside the movie to stay and finish watching it with my MIL, since we’d paid for the tickets. She was refusing to come back in and he was going to take her to the park. 3) There’s nothing here for girls. I watched the original HAPPY FEET before I had a child. That movie had one main POV, and was pretty much a Hero’s Journey story, so I barely even noticed the lack of female perspective. However, this time, the movie spreads into an ensemble story and we get many main POVs — none of which are the girls. In HAPPY FEET 2 the women are there to be desired by the male penguins and to nurture the male and boy penguins. Seriously, the Gloria character gets one solo song for pure entertainment, and then she spends the rest of...
I’m Looking Out for a (Blind) Hero: Books 28, 29, and 30 of 2011 [BOOK WEEK 2]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I know, I know: “What the eff, Ernessa? Why no book reports since the summer?” All I can say is that things got just ridiculously busy, but I do fully intend to get my full 52 reports in by the end of the year. I’ve actually been reading tons to the point that I’m going to be doing a lot of group posts, recommending books with a certain theme. For example, I’ve read not one, not two, but three 5-star books with blind protagonists this year — and two of them were written by Canadians! Check them out: PETER NIMBLE AND HIS FANTASTIC EYES by Jonathan Auxier What I Loved: Mr. Auxier (the first Canadian) is an alum of the same dramatic writing MFA program as me, and reading this book made me wish that we had attended Carnegie Mellon at the same time, as I’m sure I would have enjoyed his earlier works. This middle-grade novel has everything: great adventures, wonderful writing, an amazing story, and a sightless-but-wonderfully-capable hero that you can’t help but love. A lot. Suitable for ages 10 and up, I really can’t wait to read PETER out loud to my daughter when she’s old enough to appreciate this well-written tale. What I Didn’t Like: Not available as an e-book. Wha??? Get on that, Amulet. Writing Lesson Learned: If you’re going to go with an omnipotent narrator, give her or him a very strong voice. Though I read this as a physical book, it felt like being read to by a wonderful grandfather. Click HERE to buy it at Amazon and check out the trailer below: THE BROKEN KINGDOMS by N.K. Jemisin What I Loved: The second book of “The Inheritance Trilogy” by N.K. Jemisin, who is one of our...
HELL ON WHEELS: Fall TV 2011 [Worth Watching?]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I know I said that I wasn’t going to cover new cable shows this Fall, and for the most part I haven’t — though, I’ve heard AMERICAN HORROR STORY is okay to good — but still missing DEADWOOD as I do, I had to give this new AMC show, HELL ON WHEELS at least one looky-loo. Here are my thoughts: Overview: An ex Confederate soldier bent on avenging the murder of his wife by a squad of Union soldiers joins one of the outfits building the transcontinental railroad. His new job is to oversee the black workers, one of which is played by Common. This is an ensemble show, so we also get perspectives from Thomas Durant (Colm Meaney), a corrupt railroad investor; Lily Bell, the British wife of a railroad surveyor; and eventually, according to the previews, Eddie Spears, a Native American torn between the new world and tradition. What I Liked: This show is way more diverse than DEADWOOD, it’s also well-acted, and well-paced, with really great story premises and characters. What I Didn’t Like: The show has what I call the COLD MOUNTAIN problem. It’s a little too well-done, a little too poised for Emmy consideration. It makes the whole affair feel a bit bloodless, like there’s no heart beating inside of this perfectly crafted show. Also, I’m just not high-art enough to give an eff about a former slave owner/Confederate soldier’s need for revenge. Other than looking really good in a graying beard (you probably didn’t even recognize Anson Mount as the pretty guy love interest from CROSSROADS, the 2002 Shonda Rhimes-penned Britney Spears movie you saw that one night on cable, but don’t like to admit you liked), there’s nothing to really recommend him as a character. You,...
GRIMM and ALLEN GREGORY: Fall TV 2011 [Worth Watching?]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
It occurs to me that I haven’t given a golden DVR ticket to any male-led shows all season. How bizarre. Well, this weekend I had the chance to correct that with the premieres of GRIMM and ALLEN GREGORY. Did they make it on to my DVR? Let’s find out! Overview GRIMM: An NYC detective discovers that he’s descended from a long line of “Grimms” or supernatural slayers. He also happens to catch a case that mightily resembles the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale. ALLEN GREGORY: A ridiculously spoiled and precocious seven-year-old homeschooler is sent to (shudder) public school. What I Liked GRIMM: There’s an unexpected twist where the lead actually ends up getting help from an enemy werewolf. This provided some much need levity to an otherwise heavy-toned show. ALLEN GREGORY: Lots of laughs, and great situations, like a much-hated adopted sister, nerds who have a friendly working relationship with their bully, and an awesome principal, who is forced to put up with Allen Gregory’s copious amounts of BS. What I Didn’t Like GRIMM: For such an interesting premise, this show was rather boring. I could not get excited about the story. Also, it takes itself way seriously, somehow never quite capturing the humor of its extraordinary situation. It felt like X-Files meets Battlestar Galatica with all the humor and urgency sucked out. ALLEN GREGORY: This was another great premise that just didn’t deliver. I’m a big fan of ARCHER, and therefore the perfect audience for a show like this. But it felt like watching a kid be a complete douchebag to people. I didn’t care when he was bullied, and I really wanted to save his poor adopted sister from his abuse. On second thought, take that back. I’m not the perfect...
ONCE UPON A TIME: Fall TV 2011 [Worth Watching?]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I tend to be a little leery of fraternal twins when it comes to Fall TV. For example it took me a whole year to give ER a chance because it premiered at the same time as CHICAGO HOPE. I actually ended up liking both shows — I even watched ER faithfully until its season finale, but still I was wary about this season’s fraternal twins, GRIMM and ONCE UPON TIME. Should I have been. Well, I’ll be reviewing GRIMM next Monday, but right now let’s talk about ABC’s entry into the fairytales reimagined race. Overview: The evil queen of Snow White fame curses all of the characters populating our most beloved fairytales to the worst fate imaginable: a small town in current day Maine where time stands still. But ahoy, a savior in the form of Snow White’s now twenty-eight-year-old daughter comes to (very reluctantly save the day) thanks to the son she gave up for adoption seven years ago. You see, he was actually adopted by the current day version of the evil queen … yeah, the premise is a bit complicated. What I Liked: Well, I loved fairytales growing up and apparently they’re not done with me yet, because I found everything about this premise fascinating, especially the promise of LOST-like flashbacks to see the “real stories” behind our favorite fairytales. I also loved the main character, who is played by Jennifer Morrison, an actress who was criminally underused in HOUSE, and masterfully reincarnated in a half-season arc of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. She’s perfect for the role of a beautiful-but-lonely-but-tough-but-sentimental bails bond person. What I Didn’t Like: Maybe this will be covered in future episodes, but the evil stepmother queen is just bizarrely over-the-top. Why does she...
Book Grief [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I’ve spoken a lot about book thrall on this blog, but I think I’ve yet to talk about book grief, which is strange because book grief and book thrall go hand and hand. My definition: Book Grief is when you remain bummed for days that a book is over. You mourn the end of the book, unable to move on to the next read. In fact you wonder if you’ll ever find a book that you love again. I’ve had plenty of book thrall this year (HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins, SILVER SPARROW by Tayari Jones, THE MAGICIAN KING by Lev Grossman, and THE BROKEN KINGDOM by N.K. Jemison — just to name a few), but this week I’ve been dealing with my first bout of book grief in a good long while. I don’t want to start another audiobook, in fact, I’ve been reading a steady diet of awesome-but-trashy romance novels since Sunday in lieu of moving to the next “really good” book on my TBR. Like some people sleep with a lot of people to get over an ex, I tend to read something completely opposite to get over a phenomenal book. Still, nothing quite compares. And it’s starting to interfere with my life. I don’t want to walk, go to the gym, or even give another really well-reviewed book a chance. I just want what I had with the finished book back. Cue the keening cry. But how about you? Have you ever had book grief? If so, how did you get over it. I’m hoping time will do the trick....
Real Talk about REAL STEEL [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So, REAL STEEL is interesting, in that it seems to have had a somewhat polarizing effect on couples. You either really wanted to see it (me) or really didn’t want to see it (CH). At the same time, it’s not like, say MIDNIGHT IN PARIS, a movie, which you’d be perfectly content to watch alone. No, REAL STEEL demands to be seen with a partner, a family member, or a friend — which is why I somewhat manipulated high-falutin’ CH (used the old “fine I’ll go by myself” okee-doke) into going to see this movie with me. Was it worth the marital strife? In a word: yes. Because this movie is — in another (this time all-capped) word: AWESOME. Listen, REAL STEEL is exactly what it looks like in the trailer. ROCKY meets OVER THE TOP meets Rock Em Sock Em Robots — really both Sylvester Stallone and Mattel deserve a cut of the gross. But seriously, when is the last time you watched a movie that wasn’t made for you, but for the 80s-era kid still lurking inside of you — and not in a craven way (lookin at you, TRANSFORMERS), but in an almost old-fashioned way, completely dependent on craft, relationships, and robots! REAL STEEL is sooooo much fun and just full of awesome sauce. I laughed, I cried, I winced, I cheered — it was easily the best movie-going experience I’ve had since I can remember. Do yourself a favor. Check your inner-movie-critic at the door, and go see this good time disguised as movie. And just in case you feel you can’t trust me on this one — CH (rather reluctantly) admitted to like it,...
WHITNEY, A GIFTED MAN, and PAN AM Reviews: Fall TV 2011 [Worth Watching?]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Yesterday I got home and watched three shows, none of which will be added to my queue. So let’s discuss WHITNEY, A GIFTED MAN, and PAN AM … with a bunch of sighing: Overview WHITNEY: An anti-marriage photographer navigates her three-year relationship with a nice guy who owns an internet company. Their friends include a divorced alpha-female; a hornball police officer; and a cutesy-wutesy, but relatively new couple. A GIFTED MAN: An asshole surgeon discovers that he can see the ghost of his ex-wife — the one that got away. With her encouragement, he starts to become a better doctor and person. The cast includes his gay millionaire playboy best friend, his single-mother sister, and his sullen nephew. PAN AM: Following the adventures of four (or five) 60s-era PAN AM stewardesses and two PAN AM pilots. They serve, they love — they even spy! What I Liked WHITNEY: It’s nice to see a woman navigating a long-term relationship as opposed to trying to fall in love. And the relationship actually seems somewhat realistic. Also, half of the cutesy-wutesy couple is Maulik Pancholy, so now I can stop complaining about how they never gave him enough to do on WEEDS and 30 ROCK. A GIFTED MAN: Patrick Wilson is a CMU grad, so I’ll pretty much watch anything with him in it. It’s always a pleasure to see him act. And his character seems dickish in a way more realistic way than House. The woman who plays his dead ex-wife is also spot-on. PAN AM: What a glossy-glossy show. It was like watching a magazine. Also, I really loved feeling lucky that I’m living in current times, and dated during the age of social media and Google searches. What I Didn’t Like WHITNEY: Seriously over...
Remembering 9/11 [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Ten years and one day ago I was running late to school. I had never been great with punctuality, and my second year in a grad program hadn’t changed that. I rushed through my morning routine, only to then have to wait for a bus that seemed to take forever to come. This, I think, is when I determined I should get a bike, as my apartment was a straight shot from Carnegie Mellon University, just far enough to make for a long walk or a short bike ride. Little did I know, while waiting for the bus, that the feeling of wanting to be in control of something, even if it was something as little as my morning commute, would become amplified within the next few hours. The bus finally came, but I didn’t wear a watch, and having only had a cell phone for a week at that point, was not in the habit of checking the time on my phone yet. I didn’t notice the excessive amount of students walking in the opposite direction, toward the bus stop, and when I arrived to the Purnell Center where our Drama Conservatory program was housed, only to find a ton of undergrad and grad students alike chattering, spilling down the steps into the glass-encased foyer, I thought maybe there was a some kind of special event that I didn’t know/hadn’t heard/had completely forgotten about. I spotted my four graduate program classmates in the crowd and waved. We were an unusual Dramatic Writing class, in that we got along from the start and continued to like each other for the entirety of our two years there. But at that point, only a week into our program, we didn’t really know each other all that...
To MFA or Not to MFA? – Girlfriends Book Club [Philosophical Monday]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
“Should I get an MFA?” — that’s a recurring question that comes up from the aspiring writers that I meet a lot. I don’t have an MFA in Creative Writing. Like quite a few novelists these days, I have an MFA in Dramatic Writing (writing for stage and screen). I’ve spoken here before about why I made the switch from screenwriting and playwriting to novel writing, but even if I had known how it would all turn out, I would have still chosen to get my MFA in Dramatic Writing. Why? Well, Dramatic Writing teaches you all the lessons that most Creative Writing MFAers have to learn the hard way: how to structure, how to outline, how not to waste your audience’s time or money, and how to write on deadline. Dramatic Writing MFA programs also tend to be more business-focused. I think a Dramatic Writing MFA was just perfect for me. But that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. There are plenty of bestselling novelists, who don’t have MFAs, but are so in tune with story and perhaps more importantly, their intended audience, that really, they could teach MFA programs a thing or two. At the same time, most of this millenium’s Pulitzer winners have Creative Writing MFAs. So really, the trick is knowing both your weaknesses and your goals… Read the rest of this post at the Girlfriends Book Club blog! If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...
What Children’s Show Do You Just Freaking Hate? [Philosophical Monday]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Last week, T.E. posted a trailer for upcoming THE AQUABATS SUPER SHOW, which might as well be called the show that only got greenlit, b/c the co-creator of YO GABBA GABBA (a very popular Nick Jr. show) is the lead singer of The Aquabats. Having watched a lot of YO GABBA GABBA vicariously through my two-year-old, I vowed to watch this new show. One FaN reader, not so much: “i can’t stand yo gabba gabba. i think it’s inane in a way that other kids shows only strive to be, and i don’t want my daughter watching a show with a giant singing dildo. i’ll pass.” This was the point where I’d usually start defending YO GABBA GABBA, but two things got in the way 1) Muno does bear an uncomfortable resemblance to a dildo, and 2) Every parent has a kids show that for whatever reason, they just effing hate. We say it’s about the quality of that show. We say that there’s something about this particular show that sets it apart from other shows, but I think that’s bull hockey. We’re adults who now have to spend a ton of time doing things we perhaps wish we weren’t like changing diapers and aspirating runny noses and watching children’s TV programming before dinner, as opposed to say, a DVR’ed GREY’S ANATOMY. The truth is, it feels good to draw a line somewhere, to say no to our children in a way that is both non-traumatizing and recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (an org that really, really wants us to limit our children’s screen time). I posit this theory, because every single parent I know has a popular show that they just won’t allow their child to watch. For example, I love...
Red Red Wine [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I’m usually pretty good at monitoring my alcohol intake, but two things happened at the wedding I attended on Saturday night: 1) I got embroiled in a great conversation with the people sitting on my left, and 2) The catering staff was so good, it took me quite a while to realize that they were surreptitiously keeping my wine glass full on my right. The result was that I woke up with a hangover on Sunday morning. This was annoying, not only because of the physical toll it took, but also because as a world traveller-former Derby Doll-stereotypical writer, I pride myself on knowing how to drink copiously without suffering the next day for it. I haven’t had to deal with a hangover since New Year’s Day 2002 — that’s how good I am at drinking. I felt a real kinship with the Russell Brand character in GET HIM TO THE GREEK — that’s how good I am at drinking. I usually only drink wine, because I know how much of it I can drink without getting so drunk that I don’t keep my systems in place: a glass of water for every two glasses of wine consumed, a cup of coffee when the drinking’s all done, and a sports drink (like Gatorade) before I go to bed. However, on Saturday night, I was so busy running my mouth that did none of that. I drank no water. I remember vaguely wondering where all these people were getting coffee from as the “time to leave” hour approached, but I never followed up that mental question. And I desperately fell into bed, without drinking a Gatorade or even changing into my pajamas. The next thing I knew, I was waking up with something I only...
How to Be a Hypocrite OR Yesterday in Tweets [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
10AM: Right before getting on the first leg of my flight to Chicago (ORD) Finally giving the revamped @ebonymag a read on the flight back LA. Let’s see… EBONY turned out to be pretty good! We’ll definitely pick one up for the flight to my St. Louis reading next month. Had soooo much fun @NBCC — betta get this next book in the can so I can go back. 12PM: While waiting for the second leg of my flight to Los Angeles Overheard: two men telling each other the long versions of how they met their wives over beers at ORD. Bit early for beer but romantic. Now they’re talking about real estate. All the flats they lived in before their current houses. Predicting next subject will be kids. Sadly, they got up and left after this, perhaps freaked out by the woman that kept side-eyeing them (I’m not a great eavesdropper) and then typing stuff into her phone. We shall never know for sure what the rest of that conversation entailed — though knowing what we do of human beings, I think we can safely assume I was right. 1:05PM: After boarding the plane so not alone!“@femme40: You are not alone. @frugalista Finally going to start reading The Help. I think I’m the last person to read it…” I should read that book if only to justify why it took be so long to read it in the first place. 2:05PM Stuck on @AmericanAir flight tarmac for hour b/c a seat belt was STOLEN. Then mechanic was insanely rude to an innocent passenger. Wow. Just after being told to put on our seat belts, the woman in the seat behind me called out to a flight attendant that she didn’t have a seat belt. After some stunned investigation,...
XY with Several Chromosomal Abnormalities [Philosophical Monday]
posted by ernessa
I think the hardest part of IVF is how plain spoken it is. You know that aunt or uncle you have, who’s all straight talk and says stuff like “I tell it like it is” in a hideously self-righteous way, while whoever s/he just straight talked cries in the kitchen? Yeah, well, IVF is way more obnoxious than that. With IVF, you don’t have guesstimated conception date, you know exactly when you got knocked up, because you, your partner, the doctor, a nurse, and a few other people were there. Suppose you forget the date, all you have to do is call up your RE, who wrote it down in several places or consult all the paperwork that was sent home with you. Then, if you do manage to get knocked up, you know that for sure within a matter of 10 days. If you get a negative pregnancy test with IVF (or a BFN [big fat no] as we call it online), it’s not like a negative home pregnancy test, where a small percentage of the time, the woman’s actually pregnant, but the test isn’t picking it up yet or whatever. No, IVF, is all like, “You’re not pregnant. Straight-up, you’re not pregnant. Don’t even hang a little shingle of hope for pregnancy, because you totally aren’t. Expect your period any day now.” If your HCG levels don’t rise, then your doctor has to tell you that you are having a very early miscarriage before you actually have it. During our first miscarriage, my husband said a few times that he wished we had never even known we were pregnant. He wondered if there was a way not to be told the next time we got pregnant, if we could just have the...
I Wish I Hadn’t Read the Book [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So I finally went to see the final Harry Potter movie last night and …. well it was good. It was fine. Really it was. It was just that throughout the entire affair, I kept on thinking that I would have enjoyed every part of the movie a lot more if I hadn’t read the book. This was a first for me. Usually I take joy in seeing how books translate into movies. But in this case, it seemed like I was missing many of the lovely surprises that happened in the second half of the book as opposed to anticipating them. For the first time, it felt to me that I had spoiled the movie by reading the book. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever come out of a movie wishing you hadn’t read the book first? If so, let me know in the comments. If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us...
The Winners of the 32 CANDLES Paperback Contest and other News
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hello Fellow Fierce Nerds, After a brutal flight back from Hawaii — having a toddler on an overnight flight is always a ton of fun — here are the four bright spots in an otherwise overcast (and seriously sleepy) morning: 1. Fierce and Nerdy is BACK! So happy as we missed you soooo much! 2. We’ve got a new co-editor. Amy Robinson from “Tall Drink of Nerd” is now our Blogumnist Editor. We’re so excited to have her aboard. Super-yay!!! 3. CH got his second (but no less exciting) Lighting Direction Emmy nomination for the fantastic Michel Gondry-directed episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live below . Other than this being a huge honor for CH, the nom means I get to throw on a fancy dress and do the whole 80s montage makeover thing again. I’m already wondering what I’m going to do with my now-much-shorter hair, what color I should paint my nails, what I’m going to wear, and of course, what 80s songs I’ll play while I’m getting ready — right now I’m leaning toward Prince… 4. Last but not least, we received an unprecedented number of entries to our 32 CANDLES Tote and Gift Card Contest. Thanks so very much to everyone who entered and helped spread the word about the 32 CANDLES paperback release. Here are our 14 Winners in the order that they were generated by the Random.org picker: Stephanie Bejune Teva Hutchinson Hope Murphy Angelia Kenisha Rhone Catherine Reid Susan J Taylor PJ Barnes Winfield Peyton Rhonda Hyde Sonia Aprill Allen Doret Ronda Atwater Congrats,...
New (to Me) Music [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Re: Motherhood, I can get over all the dirty diapers (now that we’ve potty-trained) and waking up at 6AM, even though I’m supposed to be a bohemian writer. I’m okay with the fact that I drink less and don’t have as much time to do the things I enjoy like read physical books, or talk to non-related people with a vocabulary of more than 50 words. What I really can’t stand is that I don’t have time to obsess over new music. Back before kids I used to talk to you guys about music like every other week. Sadly, it took me over three months to compile this video spread of new (to me) music. But enough with my moaning and groaning. Let’s break out the tunes: First up, my Shazam tag list: The only problem with birthing a kid in June of 2009 was that I somehow missed this release from my favorite Norwegian band, Datarock. Two years later I found out about it after Shazaming “True Stories” in a particularly loud H&M. Check it out: And I Shazamed “I Need a Dollar” by Aloe Blacc off of a commercial for some product that I can’t remember now. But the song stuck with me, so there’s that. Love that this guy sounds like he time-traveled here from the late 60s/early 70s and the brilliant key/tune change toward the end. Next up, the stuff that came highly recommended from other folks. Fan Blogger, Else Duff, told me I HAD to give Jack Littman a listen. So glad I did. Ya’ll know how I adore a tortured, effed up love song. And not only is the video 80s arty (light up traffic cones! wassup!), Littman himself is 80s pretty. Win. My favorite Jimmy Kimmel Live...
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS Review [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
When T.E. reported on Friday that X-MEN: FIRST CLASS was getting all sorts of great reviews, I got a bit excited and wondered if this would be the movie that would turn the summer around for me action-wise. I’m a big James McAvoy fan, and I loved the thought of getting to see the origins of some of my favorite X-Men characters, like Mystique, Beast, and of course, Dr. Charles Xavier. Did the movie live up to the hype? Not exactly. What It’s About: It really is the X-Men origins story. The movie even starts off with scenes featuring, prepubescent Professor X, Mystique, and Magneto. What Makes It Different: While all the other X-Men movies have only payed lip-service to the whole idea of mutants being a disenfranchised group, this movie puts that idea at the forefront. It also helps that this theme is set against the backdrop of the early 60s, featuring a CIA that is mostly male and lily white. Four Things I Loved 1. Mystique. In a world where a young woman’s coming of age usually involves a pretty extensive makeover, it was refreshing to see one female character working toward self-acceptance. 2. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? This film is intelligent in that it offers us no easy answers to the questions that have been presented to disenfranchised minorities since the dawn of time: should we work with the powers-that-be or overthrow them? Both sides have strong arguments in their favor. 3. Xavier and Magneto. It was so nice to see these guys be friends as opposed to enemies. Their chemistry was so good, I kept on rooting for them to kiss when they had deep conversations. As a writer, it made me realize that at the end of the day,...
No Philosophical Monday Due to Potty Training
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So after a look at our summer schedules, we saw that the only free weekend we both had to potty train our daughter before she starts preschool in the Fall was this long one. The process has been both harder and easier than we thought it would be. Easier because it’s basically cleaning up accidents and establishing routines until our little one figures out that when she has to pee or poop, it goes “in the potty” as opposed to in her now-diaperless-pants. But the process has also been harder than originally thought, because it requires lots of diligence, patience, and spending every one of your kids waking minutes watching to see if she might poop or pee. Keep in mind, I’m a writer with a short attention span who gets bored easily and who has a real need for at least an hour of alone time for every 12 spent awake. So if this sounds like a miserable way to spend Memorial Day Weekend, that’s because it is. Still, we think it’s all worth it if just for the chance to pull out this picture of our daughter playing the harmonica on the potty (completely her idea, we didn’t even hand it to her) sometime during her wedding festivities. Because that’s what good parents...
Dubious Talents [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
You know what I love? Dubious talents. I’m talking about those talents that one doesn’t work to cultivate, those talents that others don’t necessarily acknowledge as talents, but when it comes right down to it, definitely are. I bring this up, because we had something confirmed on Saturday that we’ve been suspecting for awhile now: my daughter has inherited my most dubious talent. A termite inspector that we had been warned would come, but whose pending visit we promptly forgot, rang our doorbell on Saturday. He only had to check for termites in three places: at the outside gate, someplace else that I now can’t recall, and in the attic. “Wait, we have an attic?” I said. “Yes, it’s going to be in a closet in one of the bedrooms,” he answered. Well, we knew it couldn’t be the master b/c our closets are too thin. And my MIL’s closet was too small. The only place it could be was our daughter’s room, and we had just put her down for a nap 30 minutes ago. “Could you come back some other time?” my husband asked. The termite inspector who had been charged with searching for signs of termites in several of our complex’s townhouses that day looked pained. But it occurred to me that this might not be an issue, because after months of the unexpected construction and sirens that comes with living in a bustling urban environment, I had become to suspect that my daughter, who has continued to be a good sleeper in our latest residence despite the noise pollution, might have inherited my most dubious talent. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to sleep through anything. And I do mean anything. I got in trouble twice...
BRIDESMAIDS REVIEW [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I don’t want to call my favorite movie of the year yet, since most of the Oscar fare won’t be released until the latter months of 2011 and I have a short attention span. But BRIDESMAIDS is definitely my favorite movie of the year so far. Here are five things that I just loved about it: 1. Not the usual rom-com heroine. In a way more interesting twist, instead of getting the nthteenth reincarnation of Meg Ryan’s uptight, Sally, the script explores the life of Annie, a woman who not only doesn’t have everything together, but whose life proceeds to further unravel right before our horrified (but laughing) eyes. 2. Totally relatable. I haven’t and perhaps never will be asked to stand up in anyone’s wedding. Part of the reason for this is that both my friends and I know that if gifted with this responsibility, I would totally eff it up. On one hand, not having organizational aptitude has been the source of more guilt than I can quantify. On the other hand, I take solace in knowing that I could never eff up the details as bad as Annie does in this movie. So I found the situation both relatable and ego-boosting. 3. Well-written situations. I really loved that all the situations in this comedy were either totally fresh or if derivative had something going for it that made it feel really fresh. Screenwriting students would do well to study the way situations are escalated and executed in this comedy. 4. Maya Rudolph. With IDIOCRACY, AWAY WE GO, and now BRIDESMAIDS under her belt, Maya Rudolph is gradually becoming one of my favorite actresses. I love that she isn’t insanely thin. I love that you never have any problem understanding why her...
Are You a Pioneer? [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
This BBC News article about astronomers identifying 54 potentially habitable planets got me to thinking, and what I ended up concluding was this: I’m not a pioneer. I won’t be in the first wave of people that travel to these new planets. I’ll never be the first person to test out a totally new technology. The only reason I tend to early adopt technology is because both my husband and my BFF are early adopters, and they either gift me or convince me into giving new technology a try. People will probably never say, “Oh, Ernessa T. Carter was the first person to write about…” In fact, before I came out with my own debut novel, I very rarely read authors without a track record — still don’t, really, but I’m getting way better. Still, I’m okay with that. I’m what the Seth Godin’s of the world would call a sneezer. I give new things the nod after the early adopters have adopted them. I love reading that book that everybody’s buzzing about or seeing that movie that has amazing word of mouth. I just read A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD — Jennifer Egan’s third novel, not b/c I read the product description and thought it sounded good, but b/c two friends suggested it to me and because it won the Pulitzer right after they suggested it to me. I didn’t actually have any idea what it was about when I downloaded it, but unlike my early adopter friends, I’ll be spreading Egan virus much farther, because not only will I be doing a book report this Thursday, which will be read by hundreds, but I’ll also be talking about the book with everyone I know, at every brunch or event I attend....
How to Try Again [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
After deciding to move to a more desirable neighborhood (read: not a suburb), we had to give up a few amenities, like our guest room/home gym in the basement. Yet, we were both also determined to continue losing weight. So despite having never managed to have made full use of a gym membership before we moved to the suburbs, we decided to once again join a gym. In our new neighborhood, we found not one, but three gyms within walking distance. Two of the gyms, nationwide chains, were offering rock bottom prices, which made a membership at the gym closest to us, a hoity-toity one in which local mom and dad celebrities can occasionally be seen grimly maintaining their bodies for the cameras, come to approximately five times what a monthly membership at the two chain gyms would have cost. The fancy gym was a five minute walk, one chain gym was a 10 minute walk, and the last chain gym was a fifteen minute walk. The cheapest gym was the ten minute walk, but it didn’t offer any extra amenities and it had a very masculine, steroidy vibe to it. I could see myself having to blast the music on my headphones extra loud to avoid hearing the grunts of the hardcore muscle-builders. The farthest gym was only a little bit more expensive, and it also happened to be the one that we’d had a membership with before starting to work out at home. But it didn’t have any day care options for our daughter. The expensive gym was five minutes away, offered an array of classes that I might or might not take and a number of extras like a spa, nursery, juice bar, spin classes, zumba and free towels. We went back and...
Writing Music [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I don’t know why I always feel the need to cite past blogs that I’ve done whenever I recover a subject, even if that blog was years and years ago, but for whatever reason I do. So I’m just going to say, for all fifty of you that used to read my personal blog back in the day, I once did a post on the music I listen to when I’m writing. I think it was back in 2008. Basically I said that when I’m writing, I can’t listen to my usual music, b/c it’s too distracting and I can’t listen to classical music, b/c it’s too boring. So I started searching for other types of upbeat music to keep my mind elevated, but not engaged while I wrote. Back in 2008, I found Yelle (French), Belanova (Espanol), Ratatat, and the Vitamin String Quartet –– a California outfit that does string versions of everything from Coldplay to Kanye West, and whose Radiohead covers or pretty much perfect accompaniment for writing somber moments in your story. Now, I listen to … Yelle, Belanova, Ratatat, Vitamin String Quartet, and all-girl violin groups (which are weirdly popular in Britain) Bond and Escala. So though, I’m grateful that my original four groups have produced enough material to keep me going this long, I’m getting a little sick of sitting down to same acts plus two every weekday. Got any suggestions for new foreign and music-only acts to add to my iTunes writing mix? Also, I’m wondering what everybody else listens to while they’re writing. Sound off in the...
SOURCE CODE and YOUR HIGHNESS Movie Reviews [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
YOUR HIGHNESS Other than the blatant sexism, woman-based ageism, Danny McBride’s general mien and delivery, rape jokes (hilarious!), and the ridiculous amounts of gay jokes (attn: straight male comedians – this meme is way past it’s due date, please start coming up with fresh material already), YOUR HIGHNESS was … okay. But James Franco and Natalie Portman were both really good in this, and there were a few chuckles, so it’s not a complete thumbs down. Anti-Paul Report Were There any People of Color In It? Yes. One black guy and a couple of Asian guys. Did Any of Them Have Speaking Parts? Yes … I think so. I can’t remember what any of them said, but I’m fairly sure that they spoke. How Many of Them Were From THE WIRE? Zero Were Any of Them Were Bad Guys? Sadly, every person of color with a speaking part was. However, there were a few cheering peasants in the background, who seemed perfectly nice. SOURCE CODE What’s It About? A soldier is sent back in time in 8-minute intervals to discover the identity of the terrorist who blew up a Chicago-bound metro train. What Makes It Different: We only get tales like GROUNDHOG’S DAY once or twice a decade. 4 Things that I Loved: 1. Instant adrenaline. The story begins with the soldier waking up on a metroliner with no memory. He then has to figure out what’s going on from there, finally piecing the story together with the little bits of information he’s been given. As a result we as the audience are invested from minute one. This isn’t the kind of movie that you pause. Once you start watching it, you’re in. 2. The structure. I’m a sucker for a repeating storyline, and...
SUPER Movie Review [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
It seemed that I kept on reading about this indie movie, SUPER, starring Rainn Wilson (best known as Dwight Schrute from THE OFFICE) and Ellen Page (a now-perennial favorite of mine). But I hadn’t bothered to watch the trailer or even read any of the SUPER-related posts, so when my husband asked me if I wanted to see this movie last Friday for date night, I thought, “Sure, why not?” It’s so rare that I get to go into a movie knowing very little about it. And all I knew about SUPER was that it had been getting somewhat strong buzz from two of my favorite sites Jezebel and i09. So, of course, this feminist sci-fi nerd was in. What’s it About: Frank, a sad sack diner cook has only two joyful memories: his wedding day to his recovering addict wife (Liv Tyler) and the time he pointed a police officer toward a purse-snatching criminal. When his wife gets turned out by a strip-club-owning drug-dealer (Kevin Bacon), Frank decides to become a pipe-wrench-wielding superhero dubbed the Crimson Bolt. Call it KICK-ASS with way more motivation and grown-ups. What Make it Different? You know how a lot of movies have gore and violence, but the violence in this movie is extremely verite. I think the majority of the budget might have gone toward make-up — specifically making it look gruesomely real when someone got whacked across the head with a pipe wrench or hit over the head with a glass vase. Respectively we see skin split open as blood comes rushing out and glass embedded in the face of an attackee. No one ever passes out in this film. When hit they scream and writhe in what looks like very real pain. This makes for...
The Awkward Side of Dropping 40 Pounds [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
We live in a culture where dropping 40 pounds is supposed to solve all your problems, make you feel like you can do anything, and moreover make you feel GREAT! But I’ve been 40 pounds lighter for almost three months now, and while I welcome the extra energy that comes from being at my pre-baby weight, in the case of trying to get pregnant again, dropping 40 pounds has made things a bit … difficult. For one thing nothing really fits right anymore. Though, I’m technically at the same weight that I was at pre-baby, as any mom can tell you, that weight is not at all deposited in the same places. The Anthropologie dresses that looked banging on me last summer, now sag in the chest area. The tops that I used to wear before getting pregnant cling a bit too tightly to my now soft middle. I can no longer fit the designer jeans that I purchased pre-baby. But I also no longer fit the designer jeans that I brought when I was 40 pounds curvier. The answer of course is to buy designer jeans and dresses in my old size that are made for curvier women or get the larger stuff tailored. But then why spend money on new dresses and jeans and tailoring if I might be pregnant now or if it doesn’t work out again, a few more months from now? So … awkward. I don’t want to even talk about the bra situation. That’s just a state of pure chaos right now. I think the solution might be to be more careful about my purchases in the future. Yes, this looks great on me now, but how will it look with a belly? If it turns out that a...
Open or Closed Door? [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Maybe it was b/c I shared a room with my sister until the age of of 13. But as long as I can remember having a room of my own, I have much preferred a closed door. If I’m going to be in a room for more than fifteen minutes, I close the door. I only had my own office for two years, but I didn’t even spend two days of those two years with the door open. If I had one of those jobs that gave you an office and demanded that you leave the door open, I’d have to quit — even in a recession. There’s just something about an open door that makes me … itchy. I can’t relax, I can’t work, unless the door is closed. Weirdly enough, my husband is the opposite. Once he’s up and dressed, he’s totally fine with leaving the door to our room open to the point that I often find myself having to get up to reclose the door, b/c he’s once again left it open on his way out of the bedroom. In our marriage this is our toilet paper over or under issue. But how about you guys? Do you prefer the door to your office or bedroom space open or closed? And does your significant other feel the same way? Let me know in the comments. featured image credit:...
IVF Part Tres Update: Hearts Fully Braced [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So we had to make a few complicated decisions when deciding our new IVF protocol. First of all, let me update you on the situation as it stands: I thought we had 8 embryos in storage, but that was because I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been during the process. Basically what happened was that we had 14 eggs make it out of me for the retrieval. 12 fertilized, 8 qualified as “good.” One (Betty) was actually transferred, and of the seven left, 5 made it into the freezer. 3 of these embryos were grade A, and two of them were grade B. I’m still a little confused about what happens to the embryos between fertilization and freezing, but since there’s a thin line (for me) between education and obsession, I’ve chosen not to research it. The main point is that when we got ready to try for Baby #2 we had 5 frozen embryos. This is where things get a little tricky. There’s been a push by some doctors in the IVF community to reduce the number of multiple births. My doctor, who advised us to only transfer one with our first cycle of IVF, was on the front end of that push. However the clinic and storage facility were not. So though my doctor advised individual transfers, our 5 embryos were frozen in three containers. One contained one grade B embryo. One contains two grade A embryos. One contains one grade A and one grade B embryo. Most doctors and IVF patients at the time we did our first transfer were opting for transfers of two embryos. In fact, we would have opted for it back then if our doctor hadn’t advised us against it, since twins make...
IVF Part Tres Update [Philosophical Monday]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So as of this writing, I’m waiting for my period, which usually comes on Sunday or Monday. Then the day after I get my period, I go into the doctor’s office for an exam. At this exam, the doctor does an ultrasound to make sure that both my uterus and ovaries are good to go for the coming cycle, and then if that’s the case, we’ll talk about our protocol for the next cycle. Our original protocol was that we’d try with one embryo, then if that didn’t take we’d try with two. That’s a great protocol when you have no children to start with, but maybe not as great when you already have one child, and no real desire to have more than two children. But then again, we’d rather have twins than say, no second child at all. And timing being what it is, we’d rather have our second child this year, within the budgeted three tries that we’ve set to have it. So maybe inserting two as opposed to one frozen embryo is the way to go for this cycle, if only to increase our chances. I’m sure our doctor will have thoughts on this, as will I, as will my husband. So basically I’m waiting to have a big family-planning conversation with my husband … and our fertility doctor. I think that perhaps I should be upset that I’m in this unusual position, gnashing my teeth and cursing the fates and all that. But instead I find myself incredibly grateful. Not b/c I’m one of those people who always sees the bright side of life — I’m totally not. I can be an awful, miserable cynic about lesser things like my daughter getting an ear infection when I’m on deadline...
CAMELOT on Starz Channel: Philosophical Monday
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Okay, well the CAMELOT redux has sneak-previewed its first episode on the Starz Channel. I’m a nerd. I’m a British scif-fi nerd. Jonathan Worth, the head writer of CAMELOT, previously did stints on TORCHWOOD and LIFE ON MARS. I should have adored this series opener, except I didn’t — it all came down to the women and sadly, the writing. Here are my thoughts: Why I Decided to Watch It: For the same reason I watch everything having whatsoever to do with CAMELOT. I’ve even watched the first season of MERLIN ya’ll — I’m not playing. What It’s About: It’s basically the Arthur legend in minute and somewhat historical detail. We get to hear the origin story of baby Arthur, which is pretty much a soap opera plot with magic. But we also get to hear Morgana’s side of the story which includes fifteen years of forced exile in a nunnery and a realm that she cannot rule, because she is a woman and also held in contempt by her father, Uther. What Makes it Different: Unlike Merlin, the storyline isn’t tidy. Other than the suspicious lack of split ends or body hair on any of the women, design-wise this series feels much more accurate than anything we’ve seemed before. Armies that would have been depicted as CGI-enhanced hordes on the hills in a Camelot movie are reduced to bands of 20-40 men in this much more realistic depiction. What I Loved: Eva Green (best known as the Bond girl from CASINO ROYALE) is an arresting presence in this series and given lots to do. It feels as if her talent has finally found a character worth of her considerable screen presence. James Purefoy (Mark Antony in HBO’s ROME series) as King Lot is...
Philosophical Monday: What Kind of Dresser Are You?
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
The other day I decided to write at a nearby grocery store as opposed to my usual Starbucks, and — small world! — ran into editor mate and fellow author, Attica Locke (BLACK WATER RISING). Now normally I’m happy to run into someone I know while out and about, but in this case she happened to catch me in my work uniform, which is basically an orange scarf, flowered blazer and floppy-eared hat worn over sweatpants and a bright-pink 32 CANDLES T-shirt. This outfit is comfortable and warm, and also garners me nods of solidarity from the area’s homeless population. Attica on the other hand was dressed in a nice pair of jeans and an equally nice non-T-shirty top. After exchanging a few words with Attica, I saw her again two weeks later for drinks with our editor, Dawn Davis, and fellow editor mates, Dolen Perkins-Valdez and Kelly E. Carter (no relation as we keep on having to tell folks). This time I put in some effort, going as far to throw on an Anthropologie dress and some slouch boots (praying to the Universe that no one would notice the Soft Scrub stains on them from the ill-advised cleaning-the-bathroom-in-my-only-pair-of-cute-boots incident). Attica on the other hand, showed up looking much the same as she had when we ran into each other at the grocery store and as she did at both of the group readings we’ve participated in together. Except this time she had swapped out nice jeans with a a nice skirt. She reminded me of one my old bosses, a woman who always looked simply-but-impeccably put together, no matter what the venue. I, on the other hand, match my look entirely to the situation. I’m sloppy when I’m writing. I bring out skinny...
Philosophical Monday: Finishing up, Thank You, and Happy Valentine’s Day...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
First, I’m finishing up the last big draft of THE AWESOME GIRL’S GUIDE TO DATING EXTRAORDINARY MEN, and I’ll have to to hunker down if I want to get it off to the copy editor on time. This is the rather interesting part of the process, where you’re both satisfied with and sick of your novel. It’s kind of like flipping a house. You’ve put all this work into it, now it’s time to sell this place and move onto another tear-down fixer upper. Of course your realtor (agent) and buyer (editor) will do their own inspections and negotiate more changes, but for now the big remodel is done, and all I have to do is bring in a cleaning crew (copy editor) to make the house sparkle. Second, I want to say thank you for all of the comments and private messages that you’ve sent. Last week was hard, not just emotionally, but also work-wise, because I was both recovering and catching up. You made it easier. Thank you especially to all of the women who shared their miscarriage stories with me. At my lowest, I took so much solace in the fact that I was not alone, and I cannot thank you enough for that. Third, Happy Valentine’s Day! CH and I actually celebrated yesterday, because of his weird work hours, but then cut the evening short because he had a chest cold. I don’t have any problems with or high expectations for Valentine’s Day, but I think I might be from the Black-History-Month school of thought on this. Why not celebrate black history every month? Why not celebrate your love every day? Anyway, I’m wondering how many other people celebrated yesterday as opposed to today and what your plans are. Sound...
Philosophical Monday: A Very Early Miscarriage [IVF Part Tres]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
[Ed. Note: This will be my only blogumn this week, but it’s super-long, and I’ll be back next Monday.] Remember how last Tuesday, I said that an IVF pregnancy is very different from a non-IVF pregnancy? As it turns out, a IVF miscarriage is also very different from a non-IVF miscarriage. Thursday: I keep coming back to Thursday, because I don’t feel like getting out of bed. This is often the case on what I call “Is she still there” days — days on which your fertility doctor checks that you are or still are pregnant. CH had to talk to me for 30 minutes on Monday, before convincing me to go in and get the blood test over with. And when I was pregnant with Betty, we had the “Why you should get out of bed” conversation for every single doctor’s appointment until I cleared my first two months and was transferred to a regular OB. Basically, you don’t feel like getting out of bed, because what if it’s bad news? Why get out of bed for bad news? But we have a very busy day on Thursday. I read 100 pages of my non-fiction book, get out of bed, meet with a realtor about a business we’re looking to start, rush to the doctor’s office for the blood test, plug in a late article on FaN, promote Fierce and Nerdy, clock two pages on the 32 CANDLES screenplay — the next thing I knew it’s time to eat before my writing hours begin. I had resolved early in the year to do this pregnancy right, not to forget to eat as I had with Betty, to feed myself regularly and nutritiously. So when lunchtime rolls around, that means I watch a soap...
Philosophical Monday: Cleaning
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Don’t drop dead of shock, but I’ve found a new passion: cleaning. Yes, I said, cleaning. Did I just hear the thumps of several of my IRL friends as their bodies hit the floor. Dangit, I told you NOT to drop dead of shock. Let me explain how this all came about. First, due to a series of events that I won’t go into, we fired our increasing flaky bi-monthly housekeeper. Then after reading APARTMENT THERAPY, I came up with a simple plan to to keep our home clean. Simply vacuum and mop downstairs on Sundays, vacuum and mop upstairs on Mondays, pick up our room on Wednesdays, clean Betty’s room on Thursdays, no housework on Fridays or Saturdays. The minute you start feeling resentful or annoyed, I told myself, pick up the phone and call in a maid service. But to my great surprise, I didn’t feel resentful or annoyed. Here was the dealy, I got 30-60 minutes to myself after dinner (my MIL gladly volunteers to sit with Betty while I do this) to exercise in a way that didn’t really feel like exercise. Then when I was done with my cleaning for the day, I got the extra thrill of having accomplished a small, but meaningful task. So as often happens with me, my passing interest juggernauted into complete fascination. So I ordered REAL SIMPLE: CLEANING from the library, a book about how to REALLY clean your house with natural or at the very least non-toxic products. I couldn’t wait to try it out. But then I was informed that I shouldn’t do anything even slightly strenuous until we found out whether I’m pregnant or not. I thought I would miss the picking my daughter up the most — and indeed I...
Philosophical Monday: I Wish I Had a Tiger Mom
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I find the controversy over this “tiger mom” Wall Street Journal article interesting in that I had maybe a different reaction to it than most. My initial thoughts went in this order: Man, though I would love to have Betty grow up to be an Intel Science Talent Search award winner or something along those lines, I really, really don’t have the passion or the energy to be a Tiger Mom. And I wish I’d had a tiger mom. My mom encouraged me to get good grades and to speak “good english,” but she didn’t really push me. For a few weeks after this article hit, I got caught up, wondering what I would have been like, how much more I could have accomplished if I’d had a tiger mom. But then another thought hit me, while watching an episode of Private Practice while on bed rest from IVF. This episode featured a case that revolved around what can maybe best be described as a Tiger Wife — a woman who sacrificed her time and youth in service of her husband’s brilliance, only to find out that he had gotten another (younger and not-all-that-smart) woman pregnant. It was pretty tragic, but that’s when I realized … I don’t wish I had a tiger mom growing up. I loved being nurtured and getting lots of non-academic-based hugs. Also, I think it’s important to explore a lot of different interests of your own choosing when you’re young, because when are you going to have a chance to do that again? Certainly not when you’re hustling to make a living. My next opportunity to do a lot of something else other than mothering and writing probably won’t come along again until I’m at retirement age, so yay,...
Philosophical Monday: The Birthday Bestseller List
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So HERE’S the bestseller list from the year I was born. And here’s how many books I’ve read on it: 0. No, I haven’t read ROOTS. It’s on my list. Somehow, it never got assigned to me, and I’m kind of bad about reading books that weren’t written within the last decade. There were authors that I’d heard of or read other works by, including Kurt Vonnegut, Agatha Christie, Clive Cussler, Saul Bellow and of course, Alex Haley. But there were more authors that I didn’t know, including the #1 bestseller for the week I was born, Leon Uris. It made me realize that in most cases, fame, even the big bestselling kind is fleeting. It blows my mind that many of the people on this week’s bestseller list will be either dead or forgotten in thirty-four years. And while reading over the list, I wondered not for the first time, what does it all mean? Why are we all here? What is the point if we’ll eventually be forgotten anyway? I think this must be why so many artists insist on “living in the moment.” Living in the past is too upsetting, and living in the future is too disheartening. So if you, too, want to be thrown into an existential crisis, go HERE to see what books were on the bestseller list when you were born. And then check out this fake NYT bestseller list by author Steve Healy (HOW I BECAME A FAMOUS NOVELIST), which snapped me right out of that crisis with a laugh. Tomorrow: My Fellow...
Philosophical Monday: Reason #1 For Parking Tickets
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
When I depended on street parking, I used to get parking tickets all the time for leaving my car on the wrong side of the street on street cleaning days. But now that I’ve been living either in a residential area or in a place with a dedicated garage for almost two years, I’ve found that I get parking tickets for one reason and one reason only: good conversation. I’ve only gotten three parking tickets these past two years, but in all cases, the reasons for getting them were the same. I would be embroiled in some great conversation with a friend and hadn’t see in a while, it would occur to me to look at the time and (gasp!) my meter had expired. The fact that I’ve only gotten three tickets is a bit of a miracle, b/c the truth is this has happened quite often and it might be more exact to say that I’ve only been “caught” three times. However, I was particularly angry about the $50 ticket I got in Santa Monica last Thursday, because it was the first week of the new year — you know the one I’m calling “The Year of Saving Money.” Not a good look at all. So if you’re one of my IRL friends and we’re scheduled to meet for lunch or whatnot over the course of the next year, do me a favor: even if we’re having a terrific conversation, after an hour or two, please remind me go and check my dang meter. But how about you? What’s currently your #1 reason for parking tickets? featured image credit:...
Philosophical Monday: Welcome Back, Carter … And T.E.
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Were we only apart for two weeks? It feels like two months! I’ve got a big post on our Mexican cruise coming up tomorrow. But first a bit of housekeeping for 2011. First of all, we’ve got the return of Monique King-Viehland from “Political Physics” and R.B. Ripley from “Indie Chronicles” this week, so do look forward to their blogumns. Also, as you might have already noticed, our own CH has returned from his “Buy Me This” hiatus with a 365 day photo project — I’m so excited about having a photo journal on Fierce and Nerdy. And last but not least, as stated in my New Year’s resolution list, I’ve decided to bring a co-editor into the Fierce and Nerdy fold — one of my favorite in-laws, a fellow sci-fi geek, and a hopefully-soon-to-be-published writer: T.E. Hibbard. T.E. will be taking over our “Procrastinate on This!” and “One More Thing Before We Go” blogumns, and will also grace us with a personal blogumn called “DIY Nerd,” starting next Wednesday. Til then, please be as nice to T.E. as you’ve been to me these last two and some change years. Also, T.E. being a long time lurker and somewhat the opposite of me, is just now starting to develop a web presence, so if you’re looking for more Facebook friends, do feel free to send T.E. your friend request HERE. Other than that, I’m really excited about the coming year of FaN. We’re going to keep on providing you with quality procrastination, and we’ve got a few surprises coming up along the way. So let’s go’on ahead and make 2011 our Best Year Ever, shall we? All my best,...
Philosophical Monday: I Cut Off All My Hair
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So I cut off all my hair — yes, again. I had been thinking about doing so for a while now. The last time I cut my hair (got rid of my locs and rocked a small fro) I got pregnant, I got an agent, I got a book deal. In 2011, I’m hoping to get pregnant and to sell the two books that I wrote and rewrote over the course of 2010, sooo… Back in October, it occurred to me that I should cut my hair off again. I mean look what happened the last time. But there were also other things that happened: I quit my job, we decided to sell our house — these were great decisions in the long run, but both actions kept me up at night. The fall out that comes with cutting off your hair isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. “You’re very brave,” a friend of my husband’s said at a recent party that we both attended. “Well, it will grow back,” my MIL said with a tsk in her voice after a stunned, “What did you do?” My husband cut it off for me before going to bed on Wednesday and the next morning, my daughter looked at me with a most quizzical look, then laughed when I ran her little hand over my fuzzy pate. “Your hair is your crowning glory.” A lot of black women say this. I got the idea to cut it off in October, then waffled back and forth, until just like when I cut off my locs, I found myself with an itchy head of hair, two weeks from my last wash. I needed to either deal with it or cut it off. And I didn’t feel like dealing with it, so...
Philosophical Monday: New Project Fear
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Ugh! I’ve officially not written for five whole days. If you’re not familiar with my much self-described writing practice, I start spiraling into a really unattractive version of myself if I go more than 72 hours without writing. I get bleak, I get depressed, I ask questions like “Why does anyone write anything? Seriously, who cares about anything that anyone else has to say?” Usually my husband intervenes after three days and gently reminds me that it’s so much nicer to live with a halfway decent human being than you know … a neurotic gremlin, “So please, baby, write, even it’s only for a little while.” But I’ve been visiting my family in St. Louis, so the usual three-day intervention didn’t happen. And now… Well, let’s just say that I really need to write, but I can already feel my willpower flagging. I think about all of the email I still have waiting in my inbox, all the deadlines I’ve missed for other smaller things. There are so many ways to avoid this new project, that I can already see that drastic measures are in order. So I’m just going to put this out there: My next project is a draft of the 32 CANDLES screenplay. Why am I writing the 32 CANDLES screenplay when I’m no longer in the business of screenwriting? I’ve no idea. Actually I do know. I hate “writing into nothing,” having no idea if anyone will ever appreciate or cosign something I’m currently writing. Also, failing yet again at screenwriting scares the bejeezus out of me. So I’ve got to do it. If no one picks up the script, ah well, I’ve failed again, but at least I know that I wrote it, that I didn’t let the fear...
Philosophical Monday: THREE JUNES by Julia Glass [Book 39 of 2010]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Welcome to BOOK WEEK 2 everyone! Here’s the dealy: I have 13 more books to read and review for you by December 31 — totally doable; I assure you. So every day this week, I’ll be bringing you my thoughts on a different book. And all of our other posts will be book-centric, too. I do think you should thank me for this, b/c you really did dodge a bullet. If not for BOOK WEEK 2, I’d be whinging on about the toils of moving in this space. And we all know how fun it is to hear other people’s moving stories, right? All jokes aside, though, here are my thoughts on THREE JUNES by Julia Glass. Why I Decided to Read It: Another Altadena Library grab. Now that I’m back to ordering all of my books through the library’s online system again, I’m going to miss the lovely surprises that came with grabbing whatever looked halfway interesting before my daughter got too fussy. What It’s About: The book has three narrators, the father of three Scottish boys; one of his sons, a gay man who expatriates to New York; and a random American woman, who shares an ex-lover with the gay son. What Makes It Different: Well, Julia Glass is an American author writing intimately about a Scottish family, mostly from a male POV. The one female narrator only gets to talk for a little bit. Also, this was Glass’s debut novel, and it won the National Book Award. What I Loved: Well, I picked up this book shortly after traveling to Scotland, so it was a nice change of pace to read something literary, set in one of my favorite countries. Also, I finished the book a couple of months ago, but...
Philosophical Monday: The Importance of Being Nice
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
For the most part I agree with this Seth Godin post, in which he says that it doesn’t matter if people like you, only that they like your work. In many ways being a writer is great, b/c it doesn’t matter if I’m boring or nerdy or awkward, people are either going to like 32 CANDLES or they won’t. However, when I read this Godin post, I was reminded of two authors who I met in college when I was young. They were both great writers, and they were both snobby, condescending, and flat-out rude. That was a decade and a half ago. Before meeting them I loved their work. I haven’t read a thing they’ve written since. Don’t get me wrong. I adore characters, and as I’ve said before, I love mean women. But by being particularly rude to me when I was a student, these two authors lost about forty bucks in royalties each, because I’m never, ever going to buy another one of their books. That’s not a lot, no. But I’ve met quite a few people since that day who have also been treated rudely by these two people. Now those royalty losses are adding up. One of these authors is still thriving, and the other is struggling and often rants about the “lazy reading public” and the “publishing industry.” I often think about these two authors as I go about my day-t0-day business. When I get mad about some minor customer service infraction or social insult, I remind myself that everyone I meet is a potential reader. I can either express my displeasure and lose $40 or be patient and possibly gain $40. Weirdly enough, when I think about it that way, I’ve found my patience grow by leaps...
Philosophical Monday: Blame the Next Book For No Philosophical Monday
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hey Guys! Deep into my beta reader edit of my second women’s fiction novel, which I’m supposed to be sending off to my manuscript editor tomorrow, so I’m going to have to abandon you today. Back in full force tomorrow, tho. 100% Love! etc
Philosophical Monday: MEGAMIND [It’s hard out here for a feminist]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Guys, I tried to enjoy MEGAMIND. I really did. However, I couldn’t help but be disappointed that in 2010 the one (and sadly, I mean that literally, there was really only one) woman with any speaking lines in this movie was only good for encouraging the guys in the movie to be heroes and take action in between getting kidnapped, stalked, and tricked (several times). Seriously, the one time she actually gets to handle a gun, she accidentally shoots it, setting in motion a plot twist that will serves as a catalyst for her getting kidnapped, stalked, and tricked even more. I wanted to throw my glass of wine (we were at the fancy-schmancy theater) at the screen, I was so enraged. Even Tina Fey’s wonderful and sassy voice work couldn’t save this part for me. I think they were going for a send-up of Lois Lane, but if that was the case, then the satire just really didn’t come through. From a writing stand point, it felt like all the male roles were character-driven while hers was story-driven, which made her seem less spunky (as probably intended) and more like an illogical puppet. Still shaking my head over this...
Philosophical Monday: Refusal of the Call [What a FELA!]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So thanks to constant nudging from the fabulous Gina Ko, I ended up seeing FELA! yesterday. It doesn’t seem enough to say that it was a revelation or that I spent near bout the entirety of the second act in tears. No, to do it justice, I pretty much have to talk about it all week. Yes, seriously — because the thoughts it inspired in me don’t really make sense when presented together. FELA! has a very interesting structure, in that for a good 4o minutes, you think it’s going to revolve around the last Nigerian-based concert of real-life Nigerian activist/singer Fela Kuti. But then it surprises you by taking on a narrative, and you find that this show isn’t centered around the concert, so much as it is centered around the main dramatic question, which is simply, “Will Fela leave Nigeria?” This all got me to thinking about refusal of the call. In the Hero’s Journey, there’s always a bit where the hero resist going on a mission, falling in love, entering the karate competition, etcetera, etcetera… Most people’s real lives don’t fit into a neat hero structure. But I find that refusal of the call is the one act that we all have in common. For example, on my writing journey, I’ve attempted to do many other things outside of writing stories as originally attended. That was refusal of the call. Though I enjoyed and was inspired by my year in Japan, I would call that a 365-day refusal of the call. And I now wonder if pursuing screenwriting wasn’t a seven-year refusal of my true calling. Most writers have a huge refusal of the call in their past — maybe not Jonathan Safron Foer — but it really is shocking how...
Philosophical Monday: Loops
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So this week is going to be a bit wiggy since I’m off my routine. Usually I preset the week of blogumns, writing all of my personal blogumns on Sunday night, so that outside of blog promotion, my week can be dedicated to novel writing. The weekend is spent with Fierce and Nerdy, the week is spent with my novel — that’s my routine. And it’s one that I’ve managed to stick to through book tours, computer failures and other life happenings. But last Thursday, I got a phone call that someone dear was in the hospital and an hour later I headed out to the airport. And after many delayed flights I finally headed out of Los Angeles, back home to St. Louis. So for the first time in a long while, we’re going to have to take this personal blogumn of mine day-by-day. It’s been interesting spending the last three days at someone’s bedside. I had a lot of time on my hands, but I couldn’t write under those conditions with nurses and the occasional doctor coming in and out of the room. But it was very conducive to reading. I finished one reading project for someone else ahead of schedule, while my own pages piled up. The patient sometimes wanted to talk, sometimes watched TV while I click-clacked on my computer. I found myself partially viewing a few movies. I dozed off a few times. Hospitals are a surreal, black hole of time. And my three and a half days spent in one are already fading away. Where did they go? My to do is on code red. And now that both doctors and nurses have assured me that the patient will be fine, I feel the real world nagging at...
Philosophical Monday: Party Anyway
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So yesterday we went to a 2yo’s birthday party. The party was gorgeous with doggie-themed decorations and these clever little gift bags and a to-die-for kids table and a Sesame-Street-themed inflatable bounce house. Everything a toddler could hope for. The only thing was it was raining. They say it never rains in Southern California, but maybe that song was written before global warming, b/c it does rain quite often during the winter here, and occasionally during the fall, paying no never-mind to the fact that it’s a little one’s birthday. I looked at the large bounce house as we rushed into the covered space and I thought, “Oh, that’s too bad. Betty would have loved that if it wasn’t raining.” Whatever, we found out less than 40 minutes later that Betty would love that bouncy house even if it was raining. She toddles over to the bounce house and set to looking up at it so longingly, that I would have felt like the world’s worst mom if I didn’t take her up there. So I took off my shoes and we both slipped and slided through the bounce house. She face-planting and falling on her butt several times, until she found an area where she could safely practice her much-desired jumping skills. I jumped with her, forgetting for a moment that I was in my designer jeans. That my feet were cold, and that bounce houses were usually reserved for sunny days. We both laughed, then we went and played on the wet slide. We had SO much fun. Life Lesson Learned: If it rains on your party — even if it’s only a metaphorical one, go out and enjoy yourself anyway. I’ll have to remember that...
Philosophical Monday: This Is What Happened Next…
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Our first kitten, Baxter, was stolen by our upstairs neighbor in a fit of pique, after we turned our duplex into a single-family. We shrugged it off. Their young daughter adored Baxter and we figured he was better off with the little girl. Two years after taking an old indoor/outdoor cat named Gibson off a friend’s hand, he did not come back indoors one day. We were sad but not surprised. Gibson was old. He had either carried himself away to die or been carried away by something else. So we got another cat, named Cornelious, and made him a purely indoor cat. But Cornelious seemed to hate us, so we went to the shelter to get one more cat to keep him company (and hopefully help with his socialization skills) and somehow came back with two. One was overweight, obnoxious, friendly and blond, so we named him Brian after our much loved obnoxious, friendly and blond friend, Brian V. The other was shy and sad, so we named him Steve, after our very gregarious friend Steve C, in the hopes that he would stop being scared and shy. Nothing changed and only Brian liked us, which was fine until while selling our house, the buyer accidentally let out Brian while showing her contractor around. We looked all over the neighborhood for him. No luck. He had disappeared. So that left us with Cornelious and Steve, who had now banded together in their dislike of us. They never let us pet them, only played with each other, hissed and scratched whenever we came near them, pooped outside their litterbox whenever we had too many visitors. I won’t call them feral, but I will say that they forced us to learn how to love pets...
Philosophical Monday: My Pet (Word) Peeve [Trying]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
There is no other word that I hate more on the planet than “try.” It feels weak to me, and whenever someone (including myself) says something like, “I’m trying to lose weight,” or “I’m trying to finish my novel,” I doubt both their sincerity and effort. Life has been so much better since I struck this word from my vocabulary. Now I either am doing something or I’m not doing it. There’s no in-between. “Trying” is no longer good enough. And every time I inadvertently use the word “trying,” little alarm bells go off. That’s why “trying” is my biggest pet (word) peeve. Do you have any pet-peeve words? Seemingly innocuous words that you’ve given all sorts of negative connotations? Sound off in the...
Philosophical Monday: This Is What Happened [Tulip]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
This is what happened. Tulip had a seizure. It was very scary. But then she was given baby food, which perked her right back up and we were told that it looked like she had a tumor that was keeping her from producing enough insulin. We could go on our Hawaii vacation, but she would have to have a rather expensive surgery when we got back. Also, the tumor might be so small that they wouldn’t be able to find it, we were warned. Much like the two surgeries she’s had to remove cancerous growths on the outside of her stomach, she might have to have more follow-up surgeries to find this tumor that they think she had. We got back from vacation and Tulip greeted us at the door, happy to see us, her old self, except for an occasional pee puddle on the floor. I went to DC, so no surgery yet. But the day I got back, Betty got a terrible ear infection and while I was picking up her antibiotics, my MIL called to say that Tulip was having another seizure. I rushed home and gave her corn syrup and the last of Betty’s old baby food. She once again became her old self, and CH scheduled the surgery for the following Monday. On Monday I got up and I felt good. I hadn’t exercised in a while and I hauled myself downstairs for 20 minutes of JUST DANCE, while CH dropped Tulip off at the vet. We had planned to go to a Weight Watchers meeting to weigh in that morning, but when I came out of the shower, I could smell vomit wafting down the hall. Betty had thrown up in her crib. We rushed her to the...
Philosophical Monday: Finally Went and Saw SCOTT PILGRIM [Movie Review]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Finally went and saw SCOTT PILGRIM for an impromptu date night, and a few things occurred to me while watching it. 1. I think I might be officially over Michael Cera. His usual schtick undermines his performance here and it’s gotten to the point that I seriously wonder whether he can actually act or if he’s been coasting along on his affected personality all this time. Either way, I think he could benefit from acting classes as it would be nice to see him make an actual choice one of these days. 2. The love interest, Ramona, is shockingly unlikeable, which is sad, b/c she looks like a non-Hollywood-processed woman and her hair is clever. I really, really wanted to like her, and unlike Michael Cera, I don’t think the actor is to blame in this case. She is written rather poorly: she seems to have no agency beyond her apparent and continuous disdain for Scott Pilgrim. I found it hard to root for them. It reminded me that when it comes to romance, conflict is great, but at the end of the day, you’re characters do actually have to like each other. If it’s one-sided, it’s just not going to work. 3. As for the other women, they were all either harpies, who were mostly ignored by the male characters or complete puppets. I can’t eat tons of organic cookies on Weight Watchers, even though they’re made out of much better stuff than the processed stuff. And I’m realizing that indie films aren’t going to do better by their female characters than say, a Judd Apatow movie. 4. Scott Pilgrim is soooo awesome to look at that it made me want to ignore Thoughts #1 and #2 and #3. People make fun of...
Philosophical Monday: Big Things Poppin – HUGE News re: 32 Candles [FaN Favorites]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I think it’s fairly obvious why I chose the below as one of my FaN Favorites: From May 4, 2009 Photo by Kalimba Bennett So as you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t been talking about the writing process much lately. Many of you might have thought this was because I got sick of navel-gazing. But c’mon, I’m a neurotic writer — which means that I will never, ever stop obsessively picking at my own belly lint. I mean ever. So get that thought out of your pretty little heads. Alas, I haven’t been writing about writing lately b/c the saga of my first novel has been changing too fast to keep you up to speed til now. Here’s the recap, if you haven’t been with us up to this point — oh, and if you don’t want to go through the whole chronicle, just skip down to #4. That’s when it really gets good. 1) Around Christmas 2007 I finished the rough draft of a novel about an ugly duckling named Davie Jones who becomes obsessed with getting a Molly Ringwald Ending (a beyond perfect 80’s movie ending), even though she’s completely unpopular, the daughter of the town hooker, and extremely poor. She eventually escapes her small Mississippi town, reinvents herself as a lounge singer in Los Angeles, only to re-meet her high school crush 15 years later. I dubbed the book Molly Ringwald Ending, and I worried on my then-one-person blog that no one would like the novel that I had spent almost two years cobbling together. 2) After months of rewriting, I emailed the book to my sister. She declared it good, so I sent it off to a fabulous book and screenplay editor named Karin Gutman, who I...
Philosophical Monday: The Big Chop
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So those new hairdo pictures I promised on Monday? They’re actually coming tomorrow due to a tight schedule. Sorry about that! Meanwhile, please visit Black Girl Long Hair to check out my guest post about how I came to big chop my locs in the first place. This all has many wondering how others came to choose their current style. Sound off in the...
Philosophical Monday: What’s Up With 32 CANDLES? [5 Things]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hey, guys, just a few 32 CANDLES items today, then I’ll get back to my regular blogs for the rest of the week. 1. Hey-oh, I’ve been nominated in the category of “Author of the Year – Female” for the African American Literary Awards Show. Voting is easy and open to everybody, so please cast yours HERE. (My category is at #14 if you want to scroll down). 2. Many thanks to Lori Tharps who wrote a wonderful VOGUE BLACK item about 32 CANDLES. I’m actually reading and thoroughly enjoying the ARC of Ms. Tharps novel, SUBSTITUTE ME, as we speak, so do think about pre-ordering her insightful book HERE. 3. Want to read 32 CANDLES but low on dash? Evelyn N. Alfred is giving away a copy HERE. and Shalema McGhee is giving one away at “Authors in Color.” 4. If you’ve already read the book, would you do me the favor of an Amazon review? If so, you can leave yours HERE. 5. Last but not least 32 CANDLES is once again available on The Nook. If you order a copy before August 2010, please email Barnes & Noble about re-downloading. But other than that, the complete version is now ready for downloading HERE. Happy Reading! Friendly reminder, we’re hosting a 20-minutes-a-day writing challenge next month, so start thinking about projects that you might want to tackle in 20 minute spurts for the month of September! Oh, and as always, click on the pic to buy 32...
Philosophical Monday: And Our New Tagline Is…
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
. We’ve got your geek right here. . It barely won, and when I say “barely,” I mean by like only 2 votes, so apparently a lot of people are not happy about the changeover to a new tagline. But we’re debuting the site redesign on September 6, just in time for our two-year anniversary. Yay! Til then, we’ll just keep on puttin the chic in your...
Philosophical Monday: Make New Friends OR Keep The Old?
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Okay, so “We’ve got your geek right here” won by a very narrow margin over “Geek and destroy.” HOWEVER, I’ve received a few offline, email, and Facebook messages from folks claiming to like the original tagline. So… I guess we ought to do one more poll. We’re going to do a site redesign (just b/c it’s time) anyway, but for the officially record, what do we prefer? Please vote in the poll below. [poll...
Philosophical Monday: Let’s Pick a New Tagline!
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Big thanks to those who weighed in about possible new taglines for Fierce and Nerdy. There were so many good suggestions that I gave them half the slots. But in the end, our new tagline will be entirely up to you, dear readers, so do pick well in the poll below. Geekily yours, etc [poll...
Philosophical Monday: GTRL on Summer Hiatus [Listen to the Wave Machines!]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hey Guys! I adore GTRL. It was the very first thing I ever wrote for Fierce and Nerdy. But unfortunately, the closer I get to the book launch the less time I have. And since after cutting GTRL last week, the numbers not only didn’t suffer, but also went up to the point that we couldn’t post on Monday, b/c we were out of bandwidth, I decided that I needed to put GTRL on a Summer Hiatus. So that’s the bad news. The good news is we’ve got a whole mess of great things coming at you this summer, and GTRL will be back in September, just like school. Till then I’ll try to hep you to more of the music I’m listening, so that you guys won’t be so stymied every time I post something that came out after the 90s. Let’s start with the Liverpoolian group, the Wave Machines. I discovered “Keep the Lights On” on the plane to France and Scotland back in April, and promptly became obsessed with it. I downloaded the whole album almost as soon as I landed back in the States, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that the whole album was very listenable — especially if you like I, went to “lounges” in the your early 20s. Anywho, here’s the song that kicked off the love. Let me know what you think of them in the...
Philosophical Monday: The Politics of Spoiling
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I don’t want to be insensitive, but is there really anyone who expected to watch LOST at their own leisure without spoilers? I watched it in real time yesterday, which felt surreal, since we’re one of those nerd families who will pause a show for 30 minutes and do something else just so we don’t have to watch it our favorite programs real time — but we watched LOST commercials and all, just so we wouldn’t get spoilers. We also had to give up the internet for a whole two hours, b/c it had already aired on the East Coast and twitter and Facebook was abuzzin. Just saying that if you didn’t watch the LOST finale as it happened, you were setting yourself up for spoilers. This along with the season finale of GREY’S ANATOMY has me wondering about rights vs. privilege, when it comes to spoilers. Back in the 90s, I was in college when Seinfeld went off the air, but I’m fairly sure that people who had office jobs were all talking about it around their retro, non-Keurig coffee pots the next day. There surely weren’t any fellow workers getting pissy and saying, “NO SPOILERS PLEASE!” But since the advent of DVR, it’s actually made it harder to talk about TV shows in real life. And somehow the onus of spoiling has fallen on the people who have watched TV shows within a reasonable time period. Over the past few days, I’ve begun conversations with a tentative, “Have you seen the season finale of Grey’s?” If the person says no, then I say, “Oh, I was hoping you watched it, b/c I really wanted to talk to someone about it.” And they’ll say something like, “No spoilers! No spoilers!” If the person...
Philosophical Monday: Not So Happy Mother’s Day
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So I hate Mothers Day, have done so since my mother died in 1996, and I realized that what used to be a cute little holiday, was acutally a 2-4 week reminder that I no longer had a living mother. It’s not a time when I’m at my best. I have little to no tolerance for friends who complain about their mothers, and the only reason I don’t say, “Well, at least you still have a mother,” is because it would be cliche and I dislike cliche more than I dislike people who complain about their mothers around Mother’s Day. Still, I become insanely jealous that so many people seem to have still-living mothers, and I wonder why I got put on the list of people who don’t. Brothers & Sisters is one of my favorite shows, but right around Mothers Day, I want to slap each and everyone of the privileged Walker siblings every time they say yet another mean word to their mother, Nora (as played by the wonderful Sally Fields). It’s gotten better over the years, what used to be a general month-long funk decreased to a week, then after I got my radio writing job down to a mere weekend, because I was way too busy to dwell on being a motherless child. Last year was the best actually, b/c CH’s birthday was on Mother’s Day, so I got to concentrate on the happy celebration of his birth as opposed to what had become for me the most depressing holiday of the year. Now this is usually the part of the blogumn where I stop complaining and say something positive, life-affirming, or aspirational. And actually my Mothers Day weekend was working out that way. On Thursday, I watched the first...
Philosophical Monday: Learning to Swim
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
This Saturday, by husband will don a pair of swim trunks and take our daughter to her first swim class, and so the real teaching begins. All of my adult life, I’ve thought about lessons I’d like to pass down to my children: The Golden Rule, Respecting Money vs. Loving or Hating Money, How To Be Different. I was practically chomping at the bit to instill all sorts of values into Betty as she was incubating inside my belly. But then for the first few months of her life, she’s pretty unteachable. Forget values, she was way too busy learning how to breastfeed and swallow and smile. Smiling! She had to learn it from scratch. It was a bit anti-climatic, really. Here I was ready to be the teacher, only to realize that for first few months, my only duties were to keep her alive and give her plenty of nuture. That was all. But as it turned out, keeping a baby alive is a pretty intense job. I can’t imagine what would have happened if she had come out needing both diaper changes and life lessons. God did good with his design of the parent-baby relationship, I think. As she learned to do things for herself, I learned to do things for her. But now, she’s ready to be taught something. CH will take her to the pool and gently show her how to put her head underwater. Then I’ll continue with the lessons when I come back from Europe. She’ll eventually learn how to swim and I will learn how to guide her in learning to swim. That’s what I hadn’t counted on when envisioning my role as a mother. I thought I would be the teacher and Betty would be the...
Philosophical Monday: A Week Without Childcare
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So my MIL is currently enjoying a week in Las Vegas, complete with a Cher concert and a ton of penny slots. And so that means no childcare this week. I’m determined not to get depressed and completely abandon you this time, though. I’m a stronger mother now, and perhaps more importantly, Betty can sit up on her own and takes regular naps and goes to sleep at the same time every night. That means I can write when she naps and take walks when she’s being fussy. And I’m fairly sure I can handle being a full-time stay-at-home mom for the next five days. Fairly sure. We’ll see. Wish me...
Philosophical Monday: When to Disney?
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So CH and I have been low-grade arguing about this since before Betty was born. Basically I hate Disneyland — it’s too clean and sterile and 50s. Whatever. But CH feels exactly the opposite. Before Betty was born this wasn’t an issue, b/c it didn’t seem cruel for me to not go to Disneyland with CH, who is an adult. But even I would classify myself as a bit Cruella if I refused to take Betty and her hypothetical sibling to this place of wonder (for people other than me), considering that we live so close. Here’s the problem: I think we should go when Betty is maybe eight or nine — at an age where she will truly, truly appreciate going to Disneyland. CH feels we should take her when she’s like two. So far, he’s successfully negotiated me down to six, pointing out that many of Betty’s same-aged, local peers have already been to Disneyland, in some cases, more than once. So I decided to put this question to our readers. When do you think is the best time to take your kid to Disneyland if you live close by? Is sooner really better than later? And if so, why? Let me know you’re opins in the...
Philosophical Monday: The Best Laid Plans Ignored
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So you know how a lot of parents want their kids to hit all of the milestones early in order to prove that they’re special, to set them ahead of the competitive pack ahead of time? Well, I might have been one of those parents, but then Betty started sitting up. And I realized that every developmental milestone for her was a lot more work for me, which means that if she starts hitting developmental milestones early, then I have to do a lot more work earlier than planned. I’m not a huge fan of work outside of you know… my actual work. So after three weeks of running down Betty every time she tried to crawl outside, or avail herself of Tulip’s (our dog’s) water, or get into the dog bed with Tulip, a certain chill hit my heart, when she figured out how to stand on wobbly legs. Yes, I much prefer Betty’s current adventurous personality to the mercurial lump she was as a newborn, but I have to admit that it was nice to be able to put her down or wrap her up in a sling, and know that she’d stay there as I went about my business. Now I have to keep one eye on my computer and one eye on Betty, who will often fake innocent play before breaking into a fast crawl in an attempt to hug Tulip before one of us catch her. So I started hoping that she’d wait until she was 18 months until she started walking. But then she not only stood up, but also creeping around the coffee table and from person to person on our sectional couch. Mind you, she’s not going out of her way to hug any of us....
Philosophical Monday: Three More Months
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So the funny thing about having a book come out on the same day as your baby’s birthday is that they kind of get entwined. This morning I woke up thinking, “Three More Months…” Three more months until Betty turns one. Three More Months until 32 CANDLES makes its debut. Re: 32 CANDLES, I’m feeling a little pregnant again. I’m scared, unable to sleep well, desperately trying to learn as much as I can about raising a book before the due date. The nightmares are off the hook. I spent last night getting chased around by body-snatching aliens. The night before that I woke up at 3 am in the morning from a nightmare I thought was real, but turned out to be just another incarnation of general event anxiety that’s been slowly but steadily rebuilding up in my system. Much like when I was pregnant, I feel like I’m not doing enough to make this book a success. But also like when I was pregnant, I don’t know what else I could be doing, or I would be doing it. Most of all, much like when I was pregnant, I can’t help but feel that my whole life is about to change. But I don’t know exactly how yet. Three More Months…. . Ernessa T. Carter is the author of the novel, 32 CANDLES, which will be released on June 22, 2010. Pre-order your copy on Amazon...
Philosophical Monday: The New-New Controversy – The First Word
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Okay, why come nobody told me that there is always a little controversy surrounding baby’s first word. While in the womb, Betty was told by her mother who was sick of carrying her around after 37 weeks, that her first word had betta be “mama” — you know in compensation for my pain. But a few weeks ago, she started saying “Dada” quite clearly, which was fine, b/c at that point I was excited to hear her say anything that I could actually understand. Then she started saying “Mama” quite clearly. Only thing is, we don’t think she knows what either means. She kind of babbles “dada” over and over again when she sees either of us in the morning or when she’s particularly happy and excited. Then when she’s upset, she fusses and says, “mama!” in this really put-upon whine. So I’m refusing to mark either down as her first word. Still, I’m wondering how other parents ruled or plan to rule on the first word. Lemme know in the comments. By-the-by, my blogumns are going to be super-short and to-the-point this week, because of visiting in-laws, travel and what-not. So if you like the new writing style, don’t tell me, b/c the old one will be back in full effect next...
Philosophical Monday: How Not To Raise A Night Owl?
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Over at BabySmiling in Back Seat, they’re talking about things you don’t want your baby to inherit from you. The list is so long for me, and I’ve already covered most of it here, but just in case you’re not a regular reader: my artistic passion, my ridiculously short attention span, my general anxiety, my mild stutter, my tendency to interrupt … I could go on, but we don’t have all day, and the point of this post is that it’s now become clear that she’s already inherited at least one thing from me. One of the first stories I remember my mother telling me was how hard I would fight sleep as a baby. Apparently it didn’t matter how exhausted I was, I always heavily protested being put in the crib. And as early as five or six, I remember sneaking back out of bed after I was sure my parents were asleep, so that I could watch reruns of Solid Gold, I Love Lucy, and Love Boat. And by the age of eight, I had learned to use my camp flashlight to read under my covers. My mom, to her credit, did try to put the kibosh on it, but even after a few midnight raids and sending me back to bed or taking away my flashlight, I would just lay low for a few nights, b/f sneaking back up to do it again. And she had a full-time job, so she couldn’t spend all night on policing duty. So she just began to accept occasionally finding me asleep in front of the television when she woke up and getting notes from my teachers, complaining about how I was always falling asleep in class. And as my college and grad school classmates...
Philosophical Monday: How to Nicely Not Volunteer
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So one the of things that attracted us to our church as a then-childless couple was the promise of a nursery during service. However, this was before we found out that the one thing Betty would not “grow out of” was her aversion to being handled by strangers. She likes to look at new people, but she’s never been good with baby sitters, and as I’ve explained it to my friends when she burst out crying at their touch, it’s not you, it really is her. The first attempt to leave her in the church daycare was a bit of a disaster. I signed her in, got my beeper and rushed out of there, before she could get upset as many books and websites have advised. By the time the offering plate was passed, my beeper was going off with the message, “PLEASE COME.” I rushed there to find Betty hysterical, but she calmed down as soon as I took her into my loving arms … and deposited her on the floor to play with toys by herself. Yes, as long as I was there watching, Betty was perfectly fine playing quietly by herself and she even smiled a few times at the nursery workers that she had seemingly despised just a few minutes ago. This past Sunday, I tried a different tactic (also culled from the internets). I started out playing on the carpet with Betty for a few minutes. Then I sat in a rocking chair about five feet away for a few minutes. Then after Betty was happily playing with the other babys and a few toddlers on the toy rug, I went to make a bottle near the door. After the bottle was made, I advised the nursery worker to...
Philosophical Monday: The Happy Feminist Mother
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to raise daughters with feminist ideals. There are so many examples of mothers who do big things in their careers only to have their daughters turn around and opt not to do the same. Erica Kennedy, the writer of Feminista, actually wrote a great article on the subject from a single Careerist point of view, in which she talked about a certain Daily Mail feature: The writer is a feminist who worked hard to carve out a career and she was aghast when she learned that her daughter, a recent Oxford grad, didn’t plan to follow in her footsteps. Even before I clicked through and read the Daily Mail article in full, I could tell you two things about this writer: she was divorced and she wasn’t able to spend a ton of time with her children while carving out her career. Lo and behold, I was right. I think what is not be being said about the modern day disconnect between 80s-era feminists and their daughters, is that the disagreement might be more personal than political. While many feminist mothers see themselves as blazing a path and setting an amazing example for their daughters (which they did), I think many daughters see them simply as “never home” and “unavailable” — which to a certain extent, they were. For an extreme example, see this article about the rift between Rebecca Walker and her mother, Alice Walker. You know how A-List actors are always saying that their kids don’t give two s-words that they’re a big deal? I think the modern day feminist might be running into the same problem. Our kids won’t care if we do big things if it means that we neglect them in...
Philosophical Monday: Enjoy Them Now
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
One of the more unsettling things that strangers have said to me while out with Betty is, “Oh, what a great age. Enjoy them now.” What a strange thing to say, I thought. Why do people keep on entreating me to enjoy Betty now? What happens later? Meanwhile, the Jaws theme is playing ominously in the background. Eventually, I chalked it up to people just really, really liking newborns. Don’t get me wrong, newborns are pretty frickin’ cute and also they let you cradle them in your arms for long periods of time and perhaps, most importantly, hand them off to others — unlike Betty, who pretty much decided after four months that no one except her parents and grandmother can hold her for more than a minute w/o her completely freaking out. However, for the most part I’ve only welcomed the changes in Betty that age has brought. Motherhood became eons more rewarding when Betty started smiling and laughing. Eating out at restaurants has become way easier now that she can sit up in a high chair. And I can’t tell you how beyond thrilled I am that Betty can now entertain herself with toys and other play for anywhere from 20 to 60 minutes ( usually more towards the 20 minute side). But most of all, Betty’s sleep schedule has only gotten better and better with age. After Thanksgiving, I began planning my day around her three daytime naps and her 10 to 12 hours of night time sleep. I couldn’t see what all these strangers were talking about. Then Betty learned to sit up. This new skill was awesome at first. It meant I could set her on the floor and do things like put things away with both hands or...
Philosophical Monday: The Good Voices in Your Head
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
It’s interesting how you’ll read something randomly, and you have no idea how much it will come to mean later on in your life. Back in 2004 or 2005 — I can’t remember which — I read a wonderful Mother’s Day article about a woman who found herself hearing the echo of her dead mother’s voice, dispensing practical advice like, “Eat a little something before you leave the house to run errands” and so on. At the time, I loved the article, simply because someone with a dead mother was actually speaking up on Mother’s Day. Having a dead mother on Mother’s Day is a little bit like being single on Valentine’s Day — but 100 times worse, b/c there’s always a chance that you won’t be single on an upcoming Valentine’s Day, but your mother is never coming back, which means Mother’s Day will always feel a little awful and weird. However, lately that article has meant more to me, b/c I now totally get it. The other day, I was driving above the speed limit on the wet freeway and I heard my mother say I should slow down, because I’m a mom now and I want to get home to my daughter. So I slowed down. She’s also been encouraging me to hold on to banisters when I walk down stairs, read to Betty more, and schedule an eye appointment to get that red-flag, glaucoma-like cup behind my right eye investigated. “And while you’re at it,” she says, “You might as well schedule your next physical.” And it makes me realize that Betty might not seem to be listening to me as she grows up, but she’ll definitely hear my voice later on in life. It also made me wonder if...
Philosophical Monday: Eye of the Betty
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So as many of my Facebook friends already know, Betty was miserably sick from Tuesday to Thursday, then we took her to the doctor on Friday to find out that she had an ear infection and would need antibiotics. And now she’s on the happy mend. What’s been kind of amazing about almost a whole week of sick baby is that she came back so big. First of all, she can sort of balance on all fours now. This is b/c during the few hours that she wasn’t miserable, she was practicing her pitching forward and general going-somewhere skills. Second of all, she is even more herself now. I missed my Betty. She was actually a lot easier to take care of while sick, b/c she slept more and she pretty much just wanted to veg out and cuddle. But it wasn’t the true version of her, and I discovered that I much rather have her hyper and healthy, than laidback and sick. So it felt like a big “welcome back, Betty!,” when the antibiotics kicked in and she was suddenly ready to play. I was even happy yesterday when she resumed sticking her fingers in my mouth and up my nose while I was bottle-feeding her. It’s not the coolest thing to do while your mom is feeding you, but it is Betty’s regular MO. And I’m happy to have her back and in many ways better than ever. I can almost hear her humming “Eye of the Tiger” when she lines her little fingers up with my nostril. Right now, we’re dealing with a couple of new developments though. Betty’s decided to roll over on her stomach in order to sleep, which freaks us out. We’ve tried putting her back on her...
Philosophical Monday: Good Enough for Me
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I know you might find this hard to believe, but sometimes I look at the blank screen for my daily column and I think to myself, “I have nothing to say.” Today, I wrote “Philosophical Monday” in my title bar and I thought, “I have absolutely nothing left to say about motherhood.” A couple dozen ideas sprang into my head, “Talk about your birthday with Betty” and “Talk about going to brunch at Jill’s and Clark’s w/ Betty” and “Talk about how Betty is thisclose to being able to rock a Pebbles Flintstone look” and “Talk about your art — call it your ‘other child’!“ A shot all of these suggestions down. Many of them seemed like retreads, and I didn’t think I had 300 words to give the ideas that weren’t. I suppose I’m at the point in motherhood where things are just going fine. No more nightmares about losing and/or dropping Betty. I’ve learned to shut down thoughts of anything bad happening to Betty immediately. I don’t think I’m the best mom in the entire world, but I’m doing the best I can and that’s enough for me. Enough. I guess that will be what this article is about. Lately, I haven’t been able to get up the energy to be overly critical of the job I’m doing as a parent. It feels really strange, b/c I’m pretty harsh with myself and this was the one job that I thought I’d be worrying and worrying over. But lately, I’ve actually felt less anxious. In fact, it’s like the anxiety just turned itself off and I don’t exactly know why. I always thought motherhood would be a rather Martin-Luther-in-his-Catholic-days sort of thing, with me flagellating myself with guilt over every motherly misstep and...
Philosophical Monday: Routines and Other Little Things
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So when I was trying to figure out a schedule that would allow me to spend time with Betty, write, run Fierce and Nerdy, and if possible, spend some time with my husband when he came home at night, I didn’t find very many resources. They all seemed designed for complete stay-at-home moms or work-away-from-home moms. And the few part-time schedules that I did find, assumed that your partner worked a regular nine to five. So here’s what I’ve managed to cobble together after 6 months of write-at-home motherhood. And I’m sure it’ll change when Betty decides that she no longer wants to take a nap every 2 to 3 hours. Maybe this will help other newish moms who are looking to get back to their writing. Also, if you don’t have anyone to help you with the baby during the day, I’d suggest just writing whenever your baby is napping. To make the most of your time, identify something you want to work on every morning, and stick to just that. I used to be the queen of multi-tasking, but now I’ve found out the hard way that if I try to multi-task during nap time, then I don’t get anything done, which only leads to lots of frustration. 7am – 11am: CH takes care of Betty, while I exercise, eat breakfast, shower, promote FaN, and answer emails. Betty usually naps from 9 -11am. I’d read a lot of schedules that suggested handing off the baby when your partner got home from work, so that you can take care of other stuff, but obviously that wouldn’t work for me, so I pushed that up to the morning time, which is good, b/c it’s the only quality time many days that CH gets with...
Philosophical Monday: The Division of Labor on Vacation
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
One of the most interesting aspects of going to Hawaii with a baby has been splitting the baby work w/ my husband. Since I’m a write-at-home mom, it’s usually my MIL and I doing the majority of the work, with CH taking care of Betty in the mornings — she’s asleep by the time he gets home. But since it’s understood that when I say “Yay, vacation!” I mean “Yay! More time to write!” CH has taken on more of the Betty care and we’ve fallen into a bit of a rhythm. CH makes most of the bottles, but I always feed Betty her first and last meals of the day. CH loads everything into the car, while I put Betty in the car seat. I carry Betty from the car at the end of the night, while CH pushes the stroller. I put usually put Betty down for naps, but CH is there when she wakes up. And I write while the baby sleeps, while CH watches episodes of Angel — which he shockingly didn’t watch first-run like I did. He’s also been taking Betty for walks between her first and second naps, so that I could finish working on that day’s chapters. Consequently, I got the sci-fi novel rewrite done two days ahead of schedule. Amazing. It’s been so nice, and we’re both a little sad about going back to the regular schedule on Tuesday. But like my friend, Kalimba, once said right before she decided not to move out of LA and settle down in a less complicated city, “I’m not sure if I love it here because this is how I want to live or if I love it here because I’m on vacation.” Of course, it would be awesome...
Philosophical Monday: Happy Christmas Eve!
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So you’re probably wondering why I have a Christmas Eve pic up as the mood photo. Well, here’s what happened: CH and I decided to go to Hawaii with Betty for the holidays, so we said that we weren’t going to decorate or get a tree this year, since we weren’t actually going to be in the house for Christmas. Then we got back from Thanksgiving and we decided that we would get a tree, but wouldn’t decorate the house. But then we got the tree and decided to decorate, even though we still weren’t going to celebrate Christmas in the house. Then my MIL started making plans to bake lots of stuff before we left, and we decided that since she got a free turkey a couple of weeks ago (long story), we’d have that to eat on Tuesday night before we left for Hawaii. Then I got CH all of his presents. And three presents for my MIL basically jumped into my basket while I was walking past them. So I wrapped them all up and put them under the tree that we weren’t supposed to have in the first place. Then CH saw my presents for him and he got presents for me and wrapped them all up and put them under the tree, too. Then I got a present for Betty — something that we were already going to get her anyway — and made plans to put that under the tree. Then suddenly presents from my MIL appeared under the tree. It was like The Trouble With Present Tribbles. So on Sunday we decided to have a special Christmas dinner, then open the presents, then have dessert and coffee, all while CH takes pictures of “Baby’s First Christmas” …...
Philosophical Monday: The Princess & The Frog [Interracial Relationships]...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Is this the #1 trending topic among black bloggers are what? I saw this movie yesterday and absolutely loved it. The songs weren’t quite as there as other Disney movies, and I wished that they had hired a Broadway team as opposed to Randy Newman, whose music I’ve always liked but never loved (save of course, “I Love LA,” which is one of my favorite songs of all time). But other than that, I was very happy with this movie and think I will be able to put up with Betty watching it again and again and again on DVD when she gets older. Maybe. Now let’s move on to the heavy stuff: Race. Specifically, the IR romance between Tiana and the vaguely European prince. I’ve read so many black bloggers, saying things like, “I don’t have a problem with interracial relationships, but I wish the prince could have been black” or “Why couldn’t they have an African Prince?” or “I guess they had to make the prince non-black to sell it to middle America.” People bring up the recent spate of Will Smith films, in which he has a non-black love interest as proof that this is officially a catering trend. Okay I’m going to try to talk about this w/o including too many spoilers. Though there’s one spoiler about something that happens within the first 10 minutes of the film, which you can pretty much see coming, b/c it’s a Disney film. On the subject of Black Love, I adored Tiana’s parents. I loved the way that they treated her and interacted with her. I loved that they cooked together and that both of her parents put her to bed at night. And I loved that her father was a continuing influence...
Philosophical Monday: The Three Tools I Wish I Had Known About BEFORE I Had a Baby...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So Betty is 6 months old today in medical terms at least — according to our insurance company, she won’t be 6 months until Dec. 22nd, which means she won’t be able to get her 6 month check-up until then — one day before we’re supposed to get on a plane for our two-week vacation, so I’m going back and forth about whether I should just wait for the 6 month check-up. But that’s a whole nother blog. The point of this blog is that I’ve been thinking a lot lately aboutthe things I wish I had known before I had Betty. So I put a list together in the hopes that it would benefit somebody else out there. 1. I wish I had downloaded every baby book I liked to my Kindle. My husband didn’t get me an official push gift, but he kind of did, b/c the Kindle he got me for our paper anniversary has been used even more since Betty was born. Kindles are awesome for new mothers, b/c you can turn the pages and nurse at the same time. Or you can turn the pages and hold your sleeping baby on an airplane at the same time. Or you can turn it off and go pick up your infant who decided to wake up early from her lap and when you come back to it hours or days later, you don’t have to waste time finding your page. In short, I probably would have stopped reading if it hadn’t been for the Kindle. Fathers-to-be, if your wife likes to read, do her a great boon and get her a Kindle as a push gift. And publishers the reason I didn’t buy your perfectly nice book that any new writing...
Philosophical Monday: My First Mother-Inflicted Injury
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So it looks like I’ve strained one of my back muscles, which is making it hard to do everything from picking up Betty to sitting down quickly to laughing or sneezing. I’m not only annoyed as I have like no time to nurse my stoopid back, but I’m also fairly chagrinned that I’m going to have to ask my 67yo MIL to do most of the bending over for me for the next few days. Also, the baby & me exercise tapes that I had used to shave off two pounds pre-Thanksgiving are out the door for now. Also, I’m worried about getting on the plane home, b/c CH will have to carry Betty in the Baby Bjorn and how about if she gets all worked up, because it’s not my soothing voice in her ear before we board? Seriously, eff. Today while running errands with my SIL and her family, I found myself looking resentfully at whole mothers who could actually carry their babies for more than 5 minutes without intense back pain. I tried on a few pair of glasses while we were at the optometrist, picking out glasses for my youngest nephew and when I looked in the mirror, I felt a little bit … well… old. Basically, spraining my back did what not being able to shed my pregnancy weight quick-like-a-bunny, buying a mom purse, and actually having a baby didn’t: I finally feel like somebody’s mother. Somebody’s old mother. Anyway, if anyone else has ever strained their back before, I’d appreciate any and all advice. I’m mostly wondering how long it takes a strained back to stop hurting, b/c I’m more than ready to be on the other side of...
Philosophical Monday: Your Facebook Pic [Baby or No Baby]
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hey Guys, I’ve decided to abandon the Month of Advice, because on second thought, I wasn’t all that excited about it. So if you’re wondering, “Hey, why no advice?” That’s why. In other news, a dilemma did come up yesterday. I took two pictures of Betty of such everlasting cuteness that I wondered if I shouldn’t use one of them as my Facebook Profile Pic, which is an issue b/c I’ve vowed to never ever use a lone picture of Betty as my Profile Pic. Now I know everybody has their own theories about what makes for a good Facebook pic, and I’ve seen it all. Some people use a pic of their child or children as their Facebook picture. Some people use a picture of their dog or a celebrity. I think I’ve even seen one friend use a picture of her boyfriend, but I can’t remember who it was, so m/b I just imagined that. That’s all well and good for other folks, but I’ve always been of the opin that I should be in all of my Facebook pics. So when Betty came, I decided that all of my Profile Pics would either feature Just Me or Betty and Me, but never Just Betty, because I don’t want to be represented purely by motherhood and all that jazz. However, that was before I took these two pictures of Betty, which have seriously made me question all that I had decided about Profile Pics. Anywho this all got me to wondering, do you guys have rules about your Facebook Profile Pics like I do? And I’d also be interested in know how other moms feel about using their children in their Profile Pics. And non-children havers, tell the truth: Do you judge...
Philosophical Monday: It’s Time for Some Advice OR Flying With Babies...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
I just wanted to thank you guys once again for making our Month of Minefields so ridiculously awesome. I really appreciated reading your comments on a range of topics that we hadn’t really talked about before, and I am convinced now more than ever that Fierce and Nerdy has the best readers in the history of ever. Though I’m sure every blog feels that way about their kids readers. This month I also wanted to go with a theme for my personal columns and that is ADVICE. I decided about a year ago to stop giving my sister unsolicited advice and that has worked out pretty awesomely. Though I’ve had my weak moments, I’d say that our relationship is better than ever because I finally realized that she is an adult and just like I am fully capable of living my own life without following every piece of advice given to me, so is she. Sill, I’ve always been awfully fond of advice. I love giving it and I love receiving it even more. My mother was awesome at advice, so is CH. And most of my friends give GREAT advice, so I’m forever quoting some wisdom that someone else has given me. Now that I’m a mom, I appreciate advice more than ever. Seriously without friends and the internet and child-rearing books, I don’t know know how I would have done it. So this month I want to not only give, but also pass on, and recieve GOOD ADVICE. I haven’t firmed up the topic list yet, so if you have some thoughts on what to talk about for the month of November, please advise (hee! hee!) in the comments. But today, I wanted to talk about Flying With A Baby. One of...
Philosophical Monday: The Imperfect Family
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Greetings from St. Louis! I’ve been here for three days, and I must say that being with family now that I have a daughter of my own has been an interesting experience. First of all, there is something about a baby that turns your family into a font of unsolicted advice. There was the 30 minute Sock Debate, which ended with me wearily putting a pair of socks on Betty’s feet even though she was in a perfectly warm house and did not need socks. But I was broken down after every relative over 50 (of which I have many) asked me why she wasn’t wearing socks and then proceeded to tell me why she should be wearing socks, seemingly unable to hear my practical counter argument of “it’s not cold.” I was also told by another aunt that Betty was “spoiled already,” because I had to hold her and rock her when she got upset. And I won’t even go into how many family members have chided me for being overweight (apparently baby weight was lost a lot faster back in the day) and having a “fat” baby. “You can’t even see her eyes!” one of my aunts proclaimed. When I tried to explain that the baby MO was to grow out then up, an older cousin said, “Not anymore. There’s an epidemic on you know. These kids just stay fat these days.” It’s like they have just enough knowledge about current childcare trends to make them ridiculously hard to argue with. I’ve also received several compliments on my hair and my new boots. And everyone has congratulated me on my book. It’s basically like having an affectionate visit with both the super-positive and specifically negative voices in my head. And heading into...
Philosophical Monday: This Biracial Baby Business
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So by far one of my most popular posts has been “Raising Biracial Children,” which I wrote before I had any actual Biracial children living outside my womb or the gleam in my eye. I suspected as I was writing it that my perspective would change once I actually had said child, and I have to say that I was pretty much right about that. I think what has been most surprising is how little I think about Betty being biracial. Beforehand, I thought this would be a subject that would stay on my mind 24/7, but in reality being a new mother eclipses all issues of race. For example: Day 1: Oh my God, she turns red when she cries! Is that normal? (I am assured by my white husband and Betty’s doctor that it is). At 1 week: I’m not thinking about the color of her skin, I’m thinking about the color of her poo. What’s up with the green tint? (Doctor says it’s the formula we’ve been supplementing her with for the jaundice. At 2 weeks: Oh no, not diaper rash! At 6 weeks: Yes, let’s talk about Betty’s skin. Seriously, what’s up with this baby acne all over her face, back, stomach, and neck? That can’t be normal. (Doctor once again assures us it is and it goes away in 2 weeks.) 3 months: Look at Betty’s gums. Do you think she’s teething early? Also, Betty seems to get a little confused when my sister comes to visit. (Though she doesn’t really like strangers at this point, Betty decides that she digs this Sorta-Looks-Like-Mommy. This will kick off a trend of her being extra smiley with dark-skinned black women. Funny.) 4 months: I love this baby fat! In fact, I...
Philosophical Monday: Black and White is the New Gray
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So it’s been interesting having my BFF and her husband in town for Betty’s baptism. Quite frankly, I understand why community living was so popular in the 70s. It’s been really nice always having people around to pick up the extra slack. I ran around after by BFF’s 18-monther while she and her husband negotiated with Continental Airlines to get their seats together (btw, Continental said no and they officially suck hard for not having some kind of way to make sure that families with small children can sit together and then having Customer Service reps who are rude about it). And my BFF’s husband gave Betty a bottle while I helped my MIL unload the dishwasher and CH ran to the store. Sekou and Betty are getting along so well that it’s making us both want to add second additions to our own families. But I will also say that this short visit hasn’t gotten me to wondering how Betty will feel about having parents that don’t look like most of her friends’ parents while growing up. So this seems like a particularly great week to talk about interracial relationships. I want Betty to not just tolerate being different from her peers but proud of herself and her parents. And I think part of achieving that is to make sure that we give her a story about our interracial relationship before her peers do. I will say that it was a nasty surprise to find out that I was “dark and therefore ugly” according to my peers when I got into first grade. It was like, “Wait, I’m dark? I’m ugly? I had no idea!” I hope that we’ll be able to somewhat avoid that with Betty by feeding her a script that...
Philosophical Monday: A Month of Minefields
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So we’ve gone over how I curse like a sailor and how I need to start a curse jar or somethin’ unless I want Betty to be one of those children that cusses on a regular basis. I personally find kids like that hilarious. However, the hubby put the kibosh on raising a Seth MacFarlane cartoon character. But really there’s a bigger problem that I need to conquer before Betty hits the year mark, and that’s saying things without thinking about what I’m saying first. Foot-in-mouth disease becomes particularly painful when you bring children into the situation. I think crediting CH’s whiteness with my now hard-won sense of timeliness is hilarious, but to a biracial child, that’s just confusing. Also, it’s not completely true. Though, CH is a stickler for getting places on time if not early, I decided on my own that it’s just ridiculously unprofessional and disrespectful not to show up to places on time. I also got in trouble at my old job a couple of times, so lesson taught. Now that’s a much better explanation about why I always try to be on time these days, isn’t it? So with that in mind, I’ve decided to take on a challenge that’s been a long time coming. A whole month of thoughtful dialogue on “Topics I Have Heretofore Avoided.” I know what you’re thinking: Ernessa, you liveblogged your effing birth. Really what have you NOT talked about on this blog? And my answer to that is, “You’d be surprised, yet not-surprised about the topics I have been avoiding.” So without further ado, here’s what to expect during this Month of Minefields: This week: Religion (nobody requested this, but I’ve been feeling a deep need to speak on the subject) Next week:...
Philosophical Monday: The Great Wide Betty
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
It’s funny, because when we were getting ready for Betty to come, we often told people that it was like throwing a wedding all over again. We had a list of weekend-consuming things that we had to buy for the big event, lessons and all sorts of consultations, and a pre-party thrown by others. If you throw in the new used car, just having a baby cost about as much as our wedding. But now that we’ve actually had the baby, I realize that it’s actually nothing like a wedding. When I married CH, we had already been living together for almost two years, we knew that children were in our future, and we were determined to spend the rest of our lives together. We even set and invested in retirement goals. Our life together was pretty well-planned. With Betty, we have no idea what the future will hold. It’s interesting meeting people as a fairly new mother. You look at them in a different way. Like Betty, your best friend used to be a baby. Your pediatrician used to be a baby. That guy that cut in front of you in line at the grocery store used to be a baby. Your worst enemy used to be a baby. I hope that Betty grows up, goes to college, gets a job that she enjoys, meets or re-meets a nice person in her late 20s/early 30s, gets married, gives me grandchildren and dies at a ripe old age. But even if she lives the absolute perfect version of her life, there are many different routes that her personality could take. She could live this life and be shy. She could live this life and be abrasive. She could live this life and be one...
Philosophical Monday: It’s Time to Make a Will
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So this Wednesday, CH and I are meeting with a lawyer to draw up a will. A will is suggested for everyone, and once you get married, the gentle suggestion becomes a little firmer. But once you bring children into the equation, well then you start pressuring yourself. Usually, I love planning for a worse-case scenario. It makes me happy to think of the survival kit we have in our garage. The only thing that allowed me to put my novel out there was promising myself that I would self-publish if I couldn’t find an agent or a publishing company. In fact, I often say that it’s not the important decisions that people fear, it’s dealing with the repercussions of those decisions. For example when I decided to move to Los Angeles, I decided that if I didn’t find a job as a writer within two years, then I would move to a cheaper city. That so didn’t work out. Not only did I not make it within my prescribed period, but my plans to move were (thankfully) interrupted by going out with CH. Still, when I was a poor grad student, contemplating a move to Los Angeles, it made me feel better to have a Plan B. So you’d think I’d be all over making a will. Well, not really. Having lost my mother at 19, I realize that there is no worst-case scenario that will help a child completely get over the death of one or both of her parents. And though we can make sure that she has some financial stability and the best care possible if she is forced to grow up without us, my mind shuts down with such sadness whenever I try to imagine Betty not having either...
Philosophical Monday: Emmy Edition or Bye-Bye Ms. American Pumpkin Pie
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So by popular (if by popular you mean a couple of people said that it might be cool) demand, today’s usual baby-centered post is being pre-empted by the Creative Arts Emmys. Saturday morning I woke up in a wet shirt. Apparently I had turned over onto my side during the night and one of my girls had fallen outside the perimeters of the nursing pad, and voila uncomfortable mess of post-natal bodily fluid. In a way I was sort of grateful. I’ve been worried about my milk production lately after finding out the hard way (while trying to pump milk to tide my MIL over during Friday’s hair appointment) that my left teat has almost run dry. Upon consulting the internets, I was advised to just have Betty keep on nursing on that side and to pump it often to encourage milk production. So on Saturday, when I woke up engorged on both sides, I was grateful that I was indeed producing more milk on both sides now and maybe, just maybe Betty wouldn’t have to switch to formula. Still, I completely drained both girls, b/c the last thing I needed was a lopsided rack for the Emmys. This is all to say that I began the morning feeling real glamorous. As I rushed about getting ready for my 11:30am make-up appointment, it became apparent to me that though I had hinted at liveblogging on Facebook, unlike my Labor and Delivery, getting ready for the Emmys requires more attention than pushing new life out of your womb. First I had to Nair down my legs and armpits and do my high-maintenance-extra-moisturizer getting ready routine as opposed to my usual Nascar-like just-enough routine. And at my make-up appointment with the fabulous Lyric Cross, I totally...
Philosophical Monday: Inherit the Longwindedness or Is Betty Left-Handed?...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So my father and stepmother came to visit Betty this weekend, which was interesting on a few levels. I think every girl worries about becoming like her mother and I’ve certainly inherited quite a few of my mother’s bad traits, including talking too much, worrying too much, overthinking too much, and fearing too much. But I didn’t realize until this trip that I had also inherited a few bad traits from my father, including rambling on (at least my mother didn’t go to a thousand different places when telling stories), thinking dumb commercials are way funnier than perhaps they really are (I found this out when he cracked up at the same Stride “spit out your gum” lederhosen-wearing dancers commercial which also never fails to put me in stitches), having strongly-held theories about everything (though we’re both happily married, we found ourselves having a rather intense conversation about how one should go about dating and then complaining that no actual single people ever took the dating advice we tried to force upon them), and playing the exact same set of low-grade practical jokes over and over again (ask CH — on second thought, don’t ask CH. He suffers enough as it is). I also have his short and stubby teeth and the gap that goes with it — though I love my teeth and especially my gap, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Of course, this got me to wondering what bad traits Betty will inherit from me. I’ve talked before about being concerned that she’ll inherit the fear and worry gene. But I also don’t want her to inherit my tendency to procrastinate, my slight stutter, or my intense level of messiness. However, it occurs to me that it’s almost impossible to...
Philosophical Monday: Stranger Engager or “How Old Is That Baby in the Stroller? Wanh! Wanh!”...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So far there’s been one huge unexpected side effect to having a baby: having to talk to a ton of strangers. You see, I’m one of those people who almost never starts up conversations with strangers due to shyness and intense focus when I’m out and about — I don’t go anywhere to just walk around or hang out. Whether it be a mall or restaurant, I’m always there on a mission, w/ little time for chit-chat. So I was rather surprised to discover that newborns are basically stranger-magnets. There are few guarantees in life, but I do know now that if I’m out with Betty, somebody will ask me about her. Stranger: “How precious! Is it a boy or a girl?*” Me: Girl. Stranger: “Oh, she’s new isn’t she? How old is she?” Me [usually I have to think about it]: She’s [however many] weeks. Stranger: Well, I have [insert: grandbaby, niece/nephew, etc] that’s [whatever age] Me: Wow, that’s great… This conversation, which I’m guaranteed to have at least once whenever I’m outside of my house w/ Betty, wouldn’t be so bad, except it often takes place at awkward times. Like when I’m trying to change her in the bathroom or load her into the car or buy something — it’s weird to have to carry on a separate conversation with the cashier about your baby whilst checking out. Oh, and did I mention: it’s almost the SAME conversation every single time. And it’s super-awkward, b/c what do you say after this exchange? Usually the conversation peters off, while I try not to feel rude for not saying anything further. The journalist in me knows how to keep a conversation going on the barest of steam, but the time-conservationist in me won’t allow...
Philosophical Monday: Not So King of the Road
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Hey-ho! We’re back from our road trip to Santa Fe and back. I’ve been joking on Facebook that this was basically guerilla diaper-changing training, but that pretty much nails it. Somehow I had never noticed the lack of changing tables in all but the family friendliest of restaurants. Those cute little cafes that you discover in the middle of nowhere — no changing tables. Gas stations — no changing tables. Even non-chain diners, which were supposed to be family-friendly — no changing tables. And then even if there’s a changing table in the women’s room, there’s often no changing table in the men’s, which makes it really hard to receive any help from your partner. And let’s not even get into nursing. I was shocked that so many childcare books basically browbeat you into nursing without mentioning how hard it is to do anywhere but in the privacy of your own home. But the upshot of this is that I can now change Betty just about anywhere. I even changed her on my lap a few times. Same almost goes for nursing. I can’t feed her while walking around a store at the same time as one friend can do, but I have pretty much mastered the art of the car feed and so has Betty. She’s become 10x more efficient at eating during the course of our 5 days on the road, and she even occasionally unfrogs her legs to help us with diaper changes. Part of me feels like, “Well, you just shouldn’t take Betty anywhere, as this always seems to be a problem when you go out, even in LA.” The other part of me is annoyed, b/c I saw tons of families on the road with babies in diapers and...
Philosophical Monday: Dubious Achievements or How I Finally Broke Down and Hired a Babysitter...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
“This is the first time that I ever had a girl pee on me,” the babysitter informed us, when we got back from our second official date night. CH laughed, and I said, “Good job, Betty” in the chagrinned way of a mother whose baby has just peed (and later spit-up) on her 50+ babysitter. In retrospect, the more appropriate response would have been to apologize on Betty’s behalf. But instead I added this to the list of Betty’s Dubious Achievements. Other than being the first girl to pee on our babysitter in her triple-decade career, this list also includes 1. Protesting and then later managing to pee down the back of the pretty dress we had put her in to meet her great grandmother — but only after she had actually met her great-grandmother and we had taken her back to the hotel room. This required great cunning on Betty’s part, since I knew she was gunning for the dress and I was ready for her. She waited 5 whole minutes into the change and somehow managed to arch her back just as I was making the clean diaper switch. I was really impressed … as I changed her into a simple onesie. 2. Looking really angry, whenever we give her a pacifier, even though she was literally just crying for a pacifier. See the pic. This also happens in regards to nursing, but I’m not going to post a picture of that. 3. Looking really sweet in the morning, as if to say, “Did I wake you up 5 times last night? Pardon moi. And if it’s not too much trouble might I have some more milk now?” See the other pic. In other new mom news, last Monday I decided to...
Philosophical Monday: Baby Interuptus or Is There Anything Such as a Cool Lullaby?...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Sorry, sorry, guys. Not able to turn in my behind-the-scenes Jimmy Kimmel report due to time constraints — read Betty’s waking up. But I promise to tell you all about it later in the week. Meanwhile, I want to make these three observations about new motherhood: DY-NO-MITE! 1. You know how I used to begin a lot of posts with, “I was up all night with racing thoughts”? Total thing of the past. Racing thoughts are no match for new mother sleep deprivation. Now if my head gets anywhere near a pillow, I’m asleep. So if you’ve been on the fence about having children, and you have problems with racing thoughts and/or insomnia, let me just say that having a kid is a great cure for that. 2. I’ve realized the hard way that nearly every song I have memorized, is deeply inappropriate as a lullaby. For example songs like LL Cool J’s “I’m Bad,” Peggy Lee’s “I’m a Woman,” and just about every song George Michael put out before the mid-90s (“Monkey,” “Faith,” “I Want Your Sex”) probably won’t fly once Betty starts to actually even sort of understand words. On the other hand, you can only sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” so many times w/o falling asleep yourself. I’ve got to find some cooler lullabies and memorize them. Meanwhile, I’m meeting propriety halfway and singing her a bunch of showtunes. “Ohhhhhhhhk-lahoma!” 3. On a similar note, before labor I was inspired by Betty to stop cussing, but actually having a baby hasn’t exactly been conducive to that goal. I mean what else are you supposed to say when your baby manages to both poop and squirt pee on you during the course of one diaper change? Saying “Shit!” seems like the most...
Philosophical Monday: Level 3 in the New Mother Game or Do I Smell Desitin?...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So CH goes back to work tomorrow and in many ways it feels like this new motherhood thing is really about to begin, because I’ll be on my own with Betty for the first time. This wouldn’t be quite as completely terrifying if there weren’t a few important things that I haven’t quite conquered yet, like working novel writing back into my schedule or getting up before 12pm after a night of feeding Betty every 2 to 3 hours. I also haven’t figured out how to use our coffee maker or gotten up the guts to drive anywhere with Betty by myself — though I did ride in the front seat with CH the other day, so you know, progress… It’s funny, because a lot of being a writer is about facing up to your fears in order to get stuff done. I thought I had this fear thing down. But it’s a little different with a newborn. You can’t say “If something scares me I’m going to do it anyway” b/c the stakes are too high. Still I’m aware that I’m eventually going to have to drive Betty somewhere by myself and more importantly, learn how to work the coffee maker. Being a new mother is a bit like learning a new video game. You have to keep on working the problems until you figure out how to handle every monster (projectile poo) and fireball (houdini baby figures how to get her arms out of any and every swaddler, including the ones made with Velcro) and ravine (baby wakes up the minute you start working on your Fierce and Nerdy post) that’s thrown at you — then you’re racheted up to a new, harder level, and you have to work those problems. I’ve...
Philosophical Monday: New Motherhood or How I Learned to Do Just About Everything with One Hand...
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
Not to sound too much like an airport bearhug, but man did I miss you guys! I’m just happy to be back, and so many thanks to our beyond awesome slpc for being the best guest editor ever (even if she did give full GTRL points where I would not have). First, let’s tackle the elephant in the room: Back in October when I announced that I was pregnant, I promised you that this wouldn’t become a mommy blog, but obvs two things have changed since then: 1) Some of my most popular posts are the “becoming-a-mommy” posts, and we likey the higher numbers here at FaN, so it behooves us to keep that theme in the rotation. And 2) Well, I am a mommy now, and that’s kind of hard not to talk about, considering that this is my personal column and my new status is a huge part of my personal life. So here’s my compromise. Mondays will be dedicated to “new mom” topics, and then I’ll just be generally nerdy for the rest of the week. Hopefully that’s cool with everyone. That all said, here are a few observations that I’ve made during my first two weeks of new motherhood after the jump: 1. Don’t ignore advice from your doctor and your nurses. The results if you do can get really gross, not to mention painful. I found this out the hard way. I won’t go into it, b/c you know, TMI — but seriously take my advice on taking advice. 2. If you’re breastfeeding, hire a lactation consultant, no matter what the cost. Your new (really really) fun bags will thank you for it. Another breastfeeding tip: download audiobooks on your iPhone. It’ll give you something to listen to in...
Philosophical Monday: Here’s Betty!
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
So by the time you read this, I’ll probably have delivered Betty. And hopefully if I wasn’t able to liveblog the pregnancy, I at least sent you a few updates. Anyway, I’m writing this last Tuesday, so I have no idea how this will all turn out yet, but it occurs to me (last Tuesday) that I should let you know how this first 2 weeks of maternity will go: Basically all articles will go up as usual, but no daily personal column from me for obvious reasons. slpc from “Fierce OR Nerdy” will be here to make sure everything goes smoothly for the next couple of weeks, so if you have any questions, please let drop her a line at slpc at fierceandnerdy dot com. Please be as nice to her as you are to me. That all explained, let’s get a little more philosophical today. Though I complained (a lot) towards the end of my pregnancy, I must admit there will be some things that I miss about it: 1. Being able to fart loudly and then say, “I’m pregnant” if anyone looks at me sideways. Actually the pregnancy card will get you out of pretty much anything. 2. Actually appreciating exercise. It used to seem like a chore, but now I literally dream about doing things like running, biking, and lifting weights. Also, I’m committed to going into my second pregnancy healthy as a horse, so that I feel a bit stronger throughout next time around. 3. The belly shelf was awfully convenient. I’ll miss being able to balance cups and the like on my stomach hands-free. 4. Maternity jeans. SO comfortable. Seriously, if I could get away with wearing them post-baby, I would totally go for it. But CH has...
Philosophical Monday: The Things We Threw Away
posted by Ernessa T. Carter
This story about an Israeli daughter who threw out an old mattress that she later found out had her mother’s lifesavings in it (over a million USD) stopped my heart cold. You see while my sister inherited my father’s packrat gene, I totally inherited my mother’s love of throwing things out. Photo Credit: Eric Kilby If I haven’t worn something in a year or more, it goes to goodwill. Thanks for the birthday card, but no matter how beautiful it is, it’s going straight into recycling. And I get especially horrible when I travel. If my bag gets too heavy, it’s time to leave some stuff behind before I head to my next destination. I might be the only person who cleans out her bag before she heads home. This attitude has actually served me well throughout my life. I already have enough emotional baggage, it’s nice not to have to carry real baggage along, too. Also, there’s just something so satisfying about throwing a bunch of stuff out and keeping the things that I keep lean and mean. However, this practice has gotten me in trouble a few times. Ask my best friend MMKV from “Political Physics” about the time I had to call her in the middle of the night to ask her to buy me a bus ticket from New York to Pittsburgh over the phone. I had just returned from London, had no money left in my bank account, and I had accidentally thrown out my Greyhound ticket for the last leg of my trip during my pre-return bag clean-out. Still, this hasn’t stopped me from loving to throw the things out that I no longer use or need. But how about you? Are you a pack rat or thrower...