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Dating Ell-A: A Prescription For…?

I guess I consider myself a bit of a catch.  The well-educated girl next door type must – eventually – be able to find her version of Prince Charming.  With that attitude in mind, I went out on a blind date the other night with the best of intentions.  The “advert” served up to me on this guy seemed promising.  He was a writer on a hit show, the kind of guy that should have potential – at least enough potential for several dates.  He came from a good Jewish family, grew up in Monterey and had even gone to grad school out East.  That was exciting information for me –maybe he actually read the paper and knew a bit about politics.  Intellectual hope springs eternal when dating in LA.

I met him at a cheesy Mexican restaurant for flour tortillas and drinks.  As I crossed the crowded bar, there he was, just as my friend had described him. An average-looking guy, but with an inquisitive mind and a flair for knowing how to blow up boats in the Miami Harbor and make it look sexy on TV.  At the very least, I thought, he must know a thing or two about how to make a bomb.  A girl must be prepared if she finds herself stuck in a refrigerated cooler with nothing to help her escape except a piece of barb wire, electrician’s tape and an oil drum. I was looking forward to an enticing conversation.

As I got closer to where he stood at the bar, I watched him slowly open his arms for a hug… he also went in for an open-mouth kiss.  “Eeew,” I thought. “I don’t even know this guy and he wants to tongue tag.” After the awkward half-hug pose, we sat down at the table and ordered our food.  It’s always weird on a blind date to have to make conversation while eating.  I wasn’t sure if I should tell him he had a bit of burrito stuck in his teeth or not.

He was already one margarita in when we started talking about his life and continued talking about his life.  The conversation was all about him. Thank God the food came but it did little to slow down the conversation about him. (Check, please!?)

As I moved on to margarita number two, he continued to talk about himself and his show. The magical properties of the margarita began to make him seem somewhat funny. As the date continued, so did the magic of the margaritas.   I began to laugh at some of his jokes.   After we left the restaurant, he made another joke.   “Hey,” he said, “It was nice to meet you and thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I’ve got to pick up my prescription at Walgreen’s next door.  Have a good night.”

I started to laugh, but when he turned to walk away, I realized he wasn’t kidding about picking up a prescription. “What could this prescription be for?” I wondered.  Also, why the sudden burning need to pick it up right away and end the date so abruptly?

This was, in fact, the worst blow-off line I’ve ever experienced.  Guys, take note. Don’t make yourself look like you have some kind of disease in order to get out of a date quickly.  At least try to be smooth about it.   There’s always the non-existent dog that needs to be walked.

featured image credit: clevercupcakes