FED Proposes Stimulus, 15 to 20-Year-Old Males To Make All Purchases [DAILY NEWS BRIEF]

Washington, DC – Wednesday
By Joshua Mauldin

FED Chairman Ben Bernanke released the details of a revolutionary stimulus plan that he hopes the Obama Administration will enact in time to take advantage of the summer months. The controversial plan would ban all citizens except for 15 to 20-year-old males from making all purchases, ranging from the trivial to the very important.

“Americans are making more prudent decisions with their money, saving more and spending less. The lack of aggregate demand is stifling employment,” remarked Bernanke.

“What we need is a period of reckless, impulsive spending to boost the economy. The best way to do this is turn the country’s purchasing power over to the demographic most responsible for flippant allocation.”

Critics say the FED’s plan, though stupid, isn’t much worse than what its been doing. “Well, let’s see, they’ve been funneling billions of manufactured dollars into banks in the hopes it’ll free up capital to lend out,” scoffed economics blogger Olympia Hedland.

“At least this plan stops propping up the same geniuses responsible for the mess. So junior blows the family’s retirement on video games and sports cars, it’s better than having it disappear in an quagmire of complex derivatives. At the end of the day, they still have a sports car.”

Image Credit: Wikipedia