Fierce Anticipation: October 24-26, 2008
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A blogumn by Ryan Dixon
FIERCELY ANTICIPATING
The Original Faces of Death: 30th Anniversary Edition
Before the internet allowed us to watch footage of people being mauled by animals for free, any aspiring video age Percival had to search high and low for quality smut, and there was no relic so highly prized as the Grail of gross, Faces of Death. Often shelved in the backrooms of those pre-Blockbuster video stores located in strip malls, grocery stores and along lonely roadsides, this mondo masterpiece was spoken of by those who had seen it in a hushed, foreboding tone reminiscent of Large Marge’s admonition to the hitchhiking Pee-Wee. A dark fate surely awaited anyone brave enough to press play. However, as the new 30th Anniversary DVD makes clear, aside from the rather pedestrian suicides, autopsies, and much deserved baby seal clubbing, the most fondly remembered scenes– everything from the eye-bleeding electrocution to that cute grizzly nibbling on a little foie gras d’ humain –were, alas, fake. In hindsight, the fact that a “Dr. Francis B. Gross narrated this film” should have been a red flag regarding its legitimacy. But like most of you, I too really wanted to believe–if only for a brief glimpse into the unfathomable Hellmouth very few of us will ever enter– that someone had actually shot footage of young women (surprisingly buxom, considering the supposed Third-world location) sacrificing a willing man, eating his flesh and engaging in an orgy where the corpse’s blood proved a far better lubricant than K-Y Jelly ever could. In an age where unrelenting cruelty and violence is easily accessible both on our computer monitors and at any local multiplex, there is something magical about stepping into this not-so-long ago analog sideshow that returns you to a time when there were movies out there that you actually had to search for, at your own risk.
Now on DVD and Blue-Ray
KINDA WANNA READ
Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith by Joe Ezterhas
Thanks to Joe Ezterhas, a generation of men will forever be more intimately familiar with Sharon Stone’s vagina than those of their own wives. It may come as a surprise then to learn that the estimable scribe of Showgirls, Basic Instinct and Flashdance has forsworn the money shot for the Mass. In his new book Crossbearer, Ezterhas chronicles his path from Hollywood Babylon to Ohio Catholicism. However, unlike many of his newly acquainted Christian-lit contemporaries, Ezterhas has the benefit of being a wicked good writer– for example, American Rhapsody, his delightful chronicle of the Clinton / Lewinsky scandal, reads like a literary threesome between Henry Miller, Bob Woodward and Hunter S. Thompson– and Crossbearer seems poised to step over other recent hardcore born-again memoirs by Brian Welch of Korn and Stephen Baldwin of the Baldwin Brothers to become the Speak, Memory of this fledgling genre. Recent Obama convert, Christopher Buckley, probably best summed up the memoir in his recent Sunday Times Book Review when he said, “Joe Eszterhas is God’s fool, all lit up in neon, and it’s quite the show. You will be appalled, you will be revolted, you will almost certainly go, Oy gevalt, but you won’t be bored.”
In Bookstores now.
WOULDN’T GO IF YOU PAID ME
Saw V
Like the Bush administration, one can only hope that Saw V is the last of its kind. Unlike Faces of Death, which celebrated the naughty thrill of seeing atrocities such as mustachioed suburbanites killing and eating the brain of a monkey with a certain joie de vivre, the Saw franchise–the Rosetta Stone of “torture porn” — is missing all traces of humor and fun. In fact, Saw and other films of its ilk have more in common with The Passion of the Christ than with Halloween or The Evil Dead. By its very name, “torture porn” forces the audience to become, like poor Mr. Ezterhas, cross bearers who must feel the pain of the horror as opposed to reaping enjoyment from observing it. If you ask me, having to watch any more films from this moribund sub-genre is the real torture.
In Theaters today
I’d want to read the Joe Es novel, too, but I already know what it’s going to say. I was heavy into drugs, sex, and the Hollywood lifestyle, then the Lord save me from all of that — because that’s the plotline to EVERY born again novel by a famous person. So boring. Borders on cliche.
Also, I’m not sure of the movement to use God as a crutch to do what you should do for yourself alone and not because a deity demands it. I think Tom Perotta’s “The Abstinence Teacher” covers this AA to Born Again trend really well. You should check it out this weekend, since I know that you don’t have any plans for Saturday or Sunday. :)
i liked the first saw movie. parts of it were gross, but overall i thought it was more psychological thriller than torture porn. danny glover and carey elwes were in it, for pete’s sake.
i’ve had zero interest in seeing the sequels, however.
i liked the first saw movie. parts of it were gross, but overall i thought it was more psychological thriller than torture porn. danny glover and carey elwes were in it, for pete’s sake.
i’ve had zero interest in seeing the sequels, however.
It’s not the grossness that annoys me about these films, it’s that this sub-genre doesn’t allow the audience to enjoy the grossness. The gorier the better, but let’s get a kick out of it.
While I thought the first SAW film was an Ok horror film (better than the worse, but not close to the top tier), my anger/boredom stems from what came afterward. It was a gateway movie.
Danny Glover and Carey Elwes have to make a living like everyone else and if you watch carefully, it will become apparent that they probably spend no more than a few days on the set.
It’s not the grossness that annoys me about these films, it’s that this sub-genre doesn’t allow the audience to enjoy the grossness. The gorier the better, but let’s get a kick out of it.
While I thought the first SAW film was an Ok horror film (better than the worse, but not close to the top tier), my anger/boredom stems from what came afterward. It was a gateway movie.
Danny Glover and Carey Elwes have to make a living like everyone else and if you watch carefully, it will become apparent that they probably spend no more than a few days on the set.
Danny Glover and Cary Elwes were slumming for a paycheck in SAW – and they didn’t spend that many days on set, but then again neither did the rest of the cast and crew because it was a low-budget cheapie (by Hollywood’s standards) that was shot in only 18 days. Effective, but low-budget.
I remember the “Faces of Death” videos (WOW, note I said VIDEOS!) being on the same shelf as “I Spit On Your Grave,” another somewhat naughty horror film your parents forbid you to rent (but which your friends rented and you watched anyway.)
Danny Glover and Cary Elwes were slumming for a paycheck in SAW – and they didn’t spend that many days on set, but then again neither did the rest of the cast and crew because it was a low-budget cheapie (by Hollywood’s standards) that was shot in only 18 days. Effective, but low-budget.
I remember the “Faces of Death” videos (WOW, note I said VIDEOS!) being on the same shelf as “I Spit On Your Grave,” another somewhat naughty horror film your parents forbid you to rent (but which your friends rented and you watched anyway.)
I hope they keep making saw movies. Not because I’ve ever seen one or care to, but I adore seeing what random body part they will put on the poster each time.
I hope they keep making saw movies. Not because I’ve ever seen one or care to, but I adore seeing what random body part they will put on the poster each time.
You’re right about that. The one sheets are pure genius.
You’re right about that. The one sheets are pure genius.
I am very happy that I found this site.