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Get Your Glass Off My Face [What The Tech?!]

Google Glass was released this week via their “Explorer” program for developers who:

1)  went out of their way to tweet in 50 words or less explaining what they would do if they had glass, via the creative hashtag #ifihadglass

2)  were selected by someone at Google who was paid to sift through these tweets and pick the “best” ones

3)  were then granted the right to pay $1500 for a pair

4)  went to one of their unboxing ceremony locations to be initiated into the Glasshole Society of America

There’s a good chance you could use some familiarization with Google Glass in general. So allow me to offer you this crash course.

Google Glass is a device which sits on your face.  It’s hardware includes a tiny screen, a speaker and a camera, all which reside on the right side of the wearer’s face atop half a frame of glasses. It connects via Bluetooth to your cellphone. It is designed to enhance connectivity to information, notifications, and whatever else these “explorer” developers can come up with.

You may be asking yourself why you would need such a thing encroaching on your face and field of vision. Well it turns out you don’t. I will now give you a highly opinionated, biased list of what I think about Glass.

The good

1. For those of you who hate “wasting the arm motion” of checking your phone whenever someone double-taps your instagram photos, ‘likes’ your check in to Mike’s Philly Grill or takes their turn on Words With Friends, you’re in luck! Glass now delivers that information straight to your face.

2. One of these “Explorer” developers might be able to use the technology to  produce something helpful, (don’t let me get all Minority Report on you but…) like something to help law enforcement pinpoint crime before it happens… or recognize someone’s face… or something. Oh wait, that technology already exists and can easily be strapped to someone’s face.

3. Honestly….. I’m having a hard time here. Onto list 2!

 

The bad:

1. There will come a time where we will be pulled over for wearing our own damn glasses because this thing will be banned while driving:

michele is sooooo cuteNo officer I am not texting while driving. I’m sorry for attempting to combine fashion with function minus peripheral vision. I’ll just wear my contacts next time.

2. Google’s voice to text and voice command technology still leave a lot to be desired. It’ll be nice when they perfect it for those times when I don’t feel like talking so I can send a text that I don’t feel like typing so I can talk-to-text straight from my Glass.

3. I’m just not comfortable with Glass changing selfies as we know them. Do you look in the mirror to take the photo? Do you hold the Glass in front of you, pointing it at yourself to take the photo? Do you look at a friend who is wearing glass so that they can take a picture of you while you’re wearing YOUR glass? Do you look at your friend who is wearing glass while you’re wearing glass and take a screenshot on your phone of what’s happening? How would you even Skype with this thing? The last time I talked into a mirror it was during a rehearsal for my final project in freshman speech class and I felt like a total tool then.i can't even with these guys

Whooooaaaa, it’s like you’re right in front of me, bro!

4. I already get enough shit for checking my phone whenever it DINGs because I’m invited to another friend’s anniversary of their 21st birthday via Facebook event. I can’t imagine what my girlfriend and mom would have to say should I passive aggressively protest their protesting of my looking at my phone by just putting Glass on my face. I would be disowned.

5. Camera. On someone’s face. Connected to a network. I’m already extremely uncomfortable every single time I whip out my phone to take a picture of a person of Wal-Mart. These Glassholes can walk around taking photos and videos of anything/anyone they want- and what’s worse, yes, it can be hacked. Uncomfortable yet? You should be. I can guarantee that any chick who’s taken the walk of shame will think twice about waking up next to Glass on the bedside table. Which may significantly reduce the ability to get some of anyone wearing Google Glass . (Just in case the pure aesthetic of Glass isn’t cock blocky enough for you.)

The ugly:

Unfortunately, that’d have to be the face of whoever’s wearing it.

Moving on…

This direction is definitely where things are going as far as connectivity and information sharing is concerned. Cell phones are about to get smaller (once again) with both iPhone and Windows Phone moving into a smaller interface all to create a more smooth transition to in-your-face (and brain)  interfaces.

As for now, I’m not taking a stand for or against Glass. I don’t know enough about what good it may be able to do. I’m not counting it out because I know that inevitably this is the direction cellphones and computers are heading in, but until it’s proven as secure, productive and useful… keep your Glass off my face.

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