Ghost Confused By Science On “Ghost Hunters”

Pasadena, CA – Monday
By Joshua Mauldin

The apparition of a deceased scientist admitted during an interview with Skeptical Science Monthly that the methodology utilized by paranormal investigators is curious at best.

“If one were tracking bears,” the ghost of physicist Helmund Kliffe illustrated, “one knows certain truths about those animals that allow them to be identified. Fur or defecation samples for example. There’s no reason to think that myself or my fellow spectors emit heat or electro-magnetic fields, so measuring fluctuations of either cannot be considered evidence of our existence.”

Kliffe further pointed out that EVP is also useless. “Since I have no physical body, I lack the vocal chords to create the necessary vibrations to leave words or phrases on a tape recording. If you think you’re hearing myself or my contemporaries, you’ve either picked up a secondary corpreal frequency or you’re falsely interpreting static.”

What about psychics or mediums? Kliffe says they’re either liars or crackpots. “First of all, they’re probably lying for money or attention, but if they’re genuinely hearing voices, it’s time to check their medication because trust me, we’re not talking to them. We can’t.”