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Ice Cream Puss – Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

My super sweet roommate always dates creeps but this last one is the worst! They have a long distance ‘relationship’ and I’m sure he cheats on her, but she thinks it’s love. She’s always way too excited to get anything from him especially his emails and she forgot to sign out last weekend, so I read some just to see if it would explain what she sees in him. These emails were beyond graphic sex scenarios about stuff he wanted her to do to herself. Not a big deal but in one he wrote for her to put ice cream in her Cootchie and have the cat lick it all up! That freaks me out AND it’s MY CAT! Isn’t that considered either a. gross or b. animal abuse? I mean, I guess you are not hurting the animal, but it just seems so morally wrong. I’ve heard stories about guys doing that with peanut butter on their genitals, although it seems could be dangerous depending on the pet.


Anita Neu Dormmate

Dear AND,

Reading your Roomie’s private sex correspondence aside, you would be amazed at how many women are getting it on with their beloved animals. I just know I am going to hear it from the animal lovers out there but here it goes… There is quite a large population of folks who enjoy a bit of licking on their special sexy bits by their kitties with those rough tongues or by their dogs with all that canine saliva. Talk about receiving love from your pet!

In this context it may sound bizarre, but when there is no damage to the animal it is therefore not animal abuse. Sure it may be gross to one person but it could also be a total turn on to another! Unless someone, or something, is forced to engage in an activity against his or her will, I do not see a problem. I am NOT talking about inserting ANYTHING into an animal. This is purely a discussion regarding tongue on erogenous zone. And yes, it would be dangerous IF the cat was forced to do something against its volition because it is an ANIMAL and as such, would not stand by quietly or peacefully for that nonsense. The claws and teeth would definitely come out and deservedly so.

Now, the fact that it is your feline, creates a different scenario, all together. What your “sweet” roommate involves in her sexual repertoire is her business (meaning: it is NOT your concern) UNTIL she utilizes your possessions whether it is your bed, jump rope or cat. This is disrespectful on many levels. She probably is not allowed to eat your food or use your shampoo, so why would she have a green light with your Fur Ball?

Keep in mind, you do not know if she is actually doing what her Long Distance Lover is fantasizing. She may feel the same way you do about that particular suggestion. Plus, there is always the possibility they thought you might be reading her emails and decided to throw something good in for you to freak out about!

Honestly, I am more concerned about Dorm-mate’s Vag developing a yeast infection from the ice cream or her becoming numb from the cold and not realizing she hurt herself. Maybe that is because it is not my pussycat in question. Why don’t you just ask her what is different about this guy instead of snooping through her personal things? You may also want to drop some major hints regarding the sugar levels in ice cream being really bad for your beloved kitten.

Lust & Happiness,

Dr. Miro

featured image credit: ©hristopher