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Modern Love Week: Oh, It’s Tuesday: Should We Put Deadlines On Love?

Photo by ElenAndrea
Photo by ElenAndrea

I found this Jezebel article, which argues against puttting a deadline on love interesting. While I agree that you can’t predict when love will find you or you will find it, I do believe in healthy love-based goals.

I consider the search for love the same as the search for the perfect career. I came to LA prepared to leave if I didn’t “make it” in two years. I searched for writing jobs through different venues nearly every single day. I applied for jobs online, through friend referrals; I padded my resume with DIY film projects and by writing plays; I often wrote for free or for a laughable pittance.

This was extremely depressing and it seemed like I would never actually be paid to write, but then lo-and-behold, 3 years after my arrival in this fair city, I actually found a full-time writing gig. So while I wish I hadn’t beat myself up so much during my first 3 years of looking, I do credit persistence with getting me what I wanted.

And I feel the same way about love. In my opinion if you say to yourself, “I want to find somebody to spend the rest of my life with” and you steadily work towards that goal, consistently putting yourself out there, trying new things, and engaging with people, even when you’re feeling fragile and bleak, then you’ll find what you’re looking for love-wise.

However, if we don’t give ourselves deadlines, how do we organize our search for love and career? As extreme as putting a deadline on love or the perfect career might seem, I’d rather deal with an unfair deadline than the frustration and depression that comes with “no deadline.”