Musings on Amusing: Obnoxia, USA
.
A blogumn by Jessica Glassberg
If a comedian is on stage and no one hears her…did she tell a joke?
Since moving out to LA, I have returned to Long Island numerous times and, whenever possible, will work in some stage time…it’s usually a grand ‘ol time.
This past weekend, however, was different.
I walked into the club…and instead of the usual stragglers in attendance at a comedy show on a Sunday night; the entry way was filled with people. It was a huge event for local soccer teams…the more the merrier…or so I thought.
I met up with my fellow comics in the greenroom backstage as the MC warmed up the crowd.
We couldn’t hear what was going on, but when the MC returned, he looked beaten and said in a most sarcastic way, ‘Good Luck.”
I went around to the showroom …the crowd only responded to jokes involving putting one’s balls in the toilet or shitting one’s pants.
Eventually, it was my turn, and I thought…do I go dirty? My dirty material is barely PG-13 and this was an NC-17 crowd.
I heard my intro, but I might have been the only one. 95% of the audience was talking…not whispering, not on it’s way to quieting down, but in full on conversation mode.
As I approached the mic stand, the only thing I could decipher was a masculine voice heckling, “Okay…next.”
Apparently, someone was of the chauvinist mindset that women aren’t funny.
However, amongst the tumult I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from and figured that once I started up…the noise would go down.
I was wrong… I did my first joke to a mild reaction, I tried to quiet the crowd down by talking louder…talking lower…pretending we were in a library…and by flat out calling them “Obnoxia USA.”
It was useless…
My brain swirled, “Do I try my blow job joke from 2001? Do I make up a poop joke? A dick joke? Have a conversation with my labia?”
Would anyone hear it?
I continued on with my material. About 20 of my family and friends had shown up to support me, and I wanted them to have a good time…but I could feel their tension as they struggled to hear.
A few people at the foot of the stage looked to me, strained to listen, and smiled broadly signifying their encouragement.
I continued on, not rushing or turning on the crowd, until I anticlimactically completed my 12- minute set to the continuous sound of gabbing, my family’s attempt to both hoot and holler over the din, and the applause of the few strangers who were able to hear and enjoy my set.
After the show, I apologized to my guests especially those who could not even hear a single joke.
Mid-apology, an audience member I did not know came over and told me he thought I was hilarious…and wasn’t just saying it (like my family might have been)
Still, I wondered how I could have made it all better…how I could have tamed the crowd…how much raunchier I should have gotten to get people’s attention…
The self doubt still swirls, but I knew I made at least one person proud when my Grandma pulled me aside the next day and declared that I was such a classy lady.
This is precisely why I could never do stand up.
You got some class, kid.
This is precisely why I could never do stand up.
You got some class, kid.
Time to go to the desk and write your “Stupid Audience” act…just in case…:-)
Time to go to the desk and write your “Stupid Audience” act…just in case…:-)
Jessica, are you thinking of writing a “Stupid Audience” act? As someone who would never ever set foot in front of a hostile audience, I often wonder how comedians handle this. What do you think you’ll do/say the next time you get in front of a loud audience that is only receptive to penis jokes?
jessica, you poor thing.
i had a similar experience singing at a club in colorado. i went out with a cabaret act and wound up booked at a local bar/rock club where the management resented my presence and rushed me to end my one hour show early each night.
so there i was trying to do a mini-play with song, and the drunks in the back just wouldn’t shut up. i tried responding to them and it didn’t make a dent. so i just had to plug along, too. there didn’t seem to be a way to make them stop.
i remember hearing patti smith talk about this on a radio interview. apparently when she first started, she was doing poems in punk clubs and would spent the first 10 minutes of every set arguing with folks in the audience before she actually got to read anything.
jessica, you poor thing.
i had a similar experience singing at a club in colorado. i went out with a cabaret act and wound up booked at a local bar/rock club where the management resented my presence and rushed me to end my one hour show early each night.
so there i was trying to do a mini-play with song, and the drunks in the back just wouldn’t shut up. i tried responding to them and it didn’t make a dent. so i just had to plug along, too. there didn’t seem to be a way to make them stop.
i remember hearing patti smith talk about this on a radio interview. apparently when she first started, she was doing poems in punk clubs and would spent the first 10 minutes of every set arguing with folks in the audience before she actually got to read anything.
Thank you all for your sympathy and empathy… sorry for the delay in responding…
I think performing in front of unresponsive crowds comes with the territory… sometimes it just because of the notion that you can’t please everyone and they just genuinely don’t like my act… other times (like this one) the audience isn’t really there to see a show…
And if you can ‘handle it’ – whether it’s by trudging through the performance, fighting back or crying… if you get back on stage, you win.
I think if I had to do it over again, I would have handled it similarly… maybe yelled an expletive to get their attention or something, but wouldn’t go totally blue.
Thank you all for your sympathy and empathy… sorry for the delay in responding…
I think performing in front of unresponsive crowds comes with the territory… sometimes it just because of the notion that you can’t please everyone and they just genuinely don’t like my act… other times (like this one) the audience isn’t really there to see a show…
And if you can ‘handle it’ – whether it’s by trudging through the performance, fighting back or crying… if you get back on stage, you win.
I think if I had to do it over again, I would have handled it similarly… maybe yelled an expletive to get their attention or something, but wouldn’t go totally blue.
This is exactly why you should not go to Long Island, for any reason, but to visit family. Long Island is not a source for entertainment, unless you are making fun of it.
This is exactly why you should not go to Long Island, for any reason, but to visit family. Long Island is not a source for entertainment, unless you are making fun of it.
How awful! I don’t know how you do it. I probably would’ve cried and run off stage, which could have gotten a few laughs… and years of therapy. Good for you for hanging in there!
How awful! I don’t know how you do it. I probably would’ve cried and run off stage, which could have gotten a few laughs… and years of therapy. Good for you for hanging in there!
Yes – Long Island is a place easily make-fun-able… from the way we ‘tawk’ to going to the “mawll and getting a cawfee.” And unless you are in need of the aforementioned mall or a high priced coffee, there really is not reason to go to Long Island… (outside of visiting family) and it’s proximity to THE city!
I’m glad I didn’t cry and run off stage, there have certainly been shows where crying has ensued post-show…
Yes – Long Island is a place easily make-fun-able… from the way we ‘tawk’ to going to the “mawll and getting a cawfee.” And unless you are in need of the aforementioned mall or a high priced coffee, there really is not reason to go to Long Island… (outside of visiting family) and it’s proximity to THE city!
I’m glad I didn’t cry and run off stage, there have certainly been shows where crying has ensued post-show…
I did that room once and make fart noises under my arm for 15 minutes.
I killed. Totally killed.
Myself.
In the car.
I did that room once and make fart noises under my arm for 15 minutes.
I killed. Totally killed.
Myself.
In the car.
Tim, the sad thing is that I would totally laugh at that. I’m part of the problem aren’t I?
How annoying! Seriously, they went to a comedy club to hear comedy. If they want to talk go to a talking club (ie bar, coffee shop, living room) and talk! So rude! However, maybe next time flash or moon them? No?
How annoying! Seriously, they went to a comedy club to hear comedy. If they want to talk go to a talking club (ie bar, coffee shop, living room) and talk! So rude! However, maybe next time flash or moon them? No?
Tim… I think you would have killed – but who knows, to that audience, you might have been too tame :)
JMIT :) There was a moment there where mooning them crossed my mind. I think flashing them would have just encouraged everyone to squint to see if I was facing forwards or backwards… everyone loves a food flat chest joke, right… anyone anyone (cricket…cricket…)
Tim… I think you would have killed – but who knows, to that audience, you might have been too tame :)
JMIT :) There was a moment there where mooning them crossed my mind. I think flashing them would have just encouraged everyone to squint to see if I was facing forwards or backwards… everyone loves a food flat chest joke, right… anyone anyone (cricket…cricket…)