Nerd in Transition: My 32nd Birthday Quinceanara

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a blogumn by Kelly Kaboom Lett

Photo Credit: peppercorn pixie

Friendship has always been difficult for me. Even among outsiders I am often the castout. Whenever I feel I have finally found my tribe, I end up getting voted out somewhere along the way. The people that do stay in contact with me are generous to a fault and I’ve been known to take advantage of that generosity. It isn’t one of my better qualities. Yet some people see something in me and they hold on, it’s comforting to say the least, and for those people I am eternally grateful.

I can be a good friend. When you run out of gas on the side of the road at 3am and you don’t have AAA, I will not only pick up the phone, but I will head out in my pj’s. Get locked up and I’ll take your one phone call, even if it is charged to my bill. I will put together a radical 80’s hip hop/break dancing themed birthday party for you regardless of the fact that I will be out of town the same weekend it is going to happen. My couch is always open to the wayward. And I really love a Thanksgiving dinner away from the family because I’d rather spend it with a bunch of misfits.

Yet I can’t seem to hold up the other basic requirements of solid friendships. Phone calls bug me in the middle of the day, so I often don’t answer the ring. There is a part of my personality that is rather negative and the closer I get to a person, the more it comes out. You know how opinions are like asses? Everybody has one and they all stink. Well I have not only a big ass, but big opinions and rarely do I hesitate to share, this has put many people in uncomfortable situations. I’m perfectly capable of doing basically anything on my own, in fact I much prefer shopping, dining and seeing movies alone. I miss birthdays and baby showers and never have money for wedding presents. Plus I really hate karaoke.

In dealing with my recovery from my marijuana addiction I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that weed was not the only thing keeping me from people. It did end up being a major contributing factor by increasing my negativity, tendency towards isolation, aggressiveness and overall selfishness, yet I can’t place all the blame there. In fact I really don’t want to place much blame anywhere. I just want to recognize that there are things to improve upon and do so.

And I have been. I have been calling people and picking up my phone. I have been making plans then following through on them.  I have been listening, responding and REMEMBERING conversations and events. Every time I talk to people I make a concerted effort to stay fucking positive, which though difficult I find to be rather enjoyable. I go to the special things that my friends are up to and then invite them to come to mine. Whenever I get together with folks I chip in financially, accepting the fact that we are all struggling, not just the unemployed writer/actor in the group. And that line in the sand, I’m trying not to take a flying leap over it so much anymore. If you are having a problem with Mom or whatever I’ll listen and not slap you in the face with it later on.

These are difficult behaviors for me. Please don’t ask me why, because I can’t tell you why I find civil human interaction to be so difficult. If I could then maybe I wouldn’t be lonely on my birthday every year. In fact my birthday is coming up, May 11. And this new improved experiment in friendship seems to be paying off. The group of people that I have been hanging out with are throwing me a quinceanera. That’s right I am a white woman about to turn 32 and I am having a quinceanera. Everybody is encouraged to wear a big poofy dress and we are getting a bounce house. The very thought of grown women, mostly rollergirls, jumping around a bounce house in big poofy dresses tickles me to my soul.

How did this whole idea come about? A couple Saturdays ago while on the way to a friends book signing I noticed a store window with those amazing dresses and began remarking on my desire to wear one. Later while enjoying a pitcher with a group of ladies the dresses came up again and we began talking about my upcoming birthday, before I knew it a hand that wasn’t mine slapped the table and a firm decision was made. Ka-boom is getting a quinceanera for her birthday. May 22 was set as this special date and plans started forming.

I’m really excited. I can’t tell you what means more to me, the thought of wearing the poofy dress as I eat cake, or the fact that people calling themselves my friends have decided that it was time for me to have a good birthday celebration. Off the top of my head I would have to say the latter. Maybe this year when people ask me how my birthday was I won’t have to force a smile and lie, saying I’m sorry you missed it cause we had a great time. Maybe this year there will be less people asking how it went and more people talking about how it went. If a quinceanera is to celebrate a girl’s passing into womanhood, I’ll take that at 32, cause it seems like my time has finally come, and my friends are going to help me mark it.