Oh, It’s Tuesday: Raising Bi-Racial Kids
So at #1 on the Top 5 things that I’m worried about as a soon-to-be mom is raising Betty to be a happy and well-adjusted bi-racial child. The only problem is that I have no idea how to do this. I read books to teach me how to do everything from writing to cooking — and yes, I even read Blogging for Dummies before starting Fierce and Nerdy. However, there are very few books on raising bi-racial children, and none that I can find with a publish date after 2005. Note: for this post only, when I say “bi-racial,” I mean half black and half white.
Back in the 80s and 90s when I was growing up in St. Louis, I knew few bi-racial kids, and the few that I did know struck me as sad and confused about their identity. All but one of them had white mothers, absent fathers and went out of their way to be “black” — usually in negative ways that were detrimental to their self-esteem and educational development.
In college I met a few bi-racial women, who were secure in their identities, happy, well-adjusted, intelligent, and most importantly, generally awesome. However, they also had extraordinary and worldly parents with globe-ranging back stories. And to tell you the truth, I encountered even more bi-racial chycks in college who were uncomfortable around most black people — which was understandable, since I’ve seen first-hand that many in the black community can be severe in their emotionally-traumatizing unkindness to bi-racial children. However, the black community at Smith was very open and accepting, so I was saddened that they carried this discomfort with them into college.
So here are my main concerns on this subject:
1) Should we encourage Betty to identify as black? There was a huge backlash in the black community when Tiger Woods identified himself as “Cablinasian” as opposed to black. I heard a lot of black people say, “Well, the world sees you as black, so that’s what you are.” And then there’s our “first black president,” Barack Obama. And our “first black female Oscar winner,” Halle Berry. Now, until recently I’ve been firmly in the camp that Betty will be a black baby, but lately I’ve been wondering if that’s not a bit unfair. Though, there’s a ton of identity to being a black person, why should I deny her her white heritage?
CH’s family is basically a font of Santa Barabara-Carpenteria history. I love that when we drive to these places, that CH can say, “Yeah, my grandfather built this house” and “my father used to play on this land near Hearst Castle.” It’s a wonderful and rich history that dates all the way back to Scotland and Germany — depending on who you ask. Should Betty be taught that this is less important than her black history, which is mostly contained to St. Louis and Mississippi?
Also, Cassandra from “Baby Smiling in Back Seat” was kind enough to send me this Times piece, which claims that children who identify as multi-racial tend to be happier and better adjusted. It occurs to me that I should probably be encouraging Betty to embrace being different as opposed to fitting in by taking on the label of “black.” And I don’t think that’s a betrayal to my race, I think that might simply be what’s needed. So far the happiest people I have met in this life are those that are most comfortable in their own skin and those that don’t go out of their way to try to fit in. I would love for Betty to be one of those people.
2) The Beauty Factor. Now this is something that a lot of dark-skinned black mothers don’t talk about very often. But I had horrible problems growing up, with people telling me that I was ugly, simply b/c I was dark. For a very long time (more than half my life), I had issues with light-skinned people until I became world-conscious and realized that light-skinned women have their issues, too. I might have been called ugly growing up, but at least I grew up in a huge mostly-dark family and I always felt like I belonged. A lot of light-skinned and bi-racial girls didn’t have this luxury. So now, some of my best friends are light-skinned and/or bi-racial, blah, blah, blah.
However, I have had so many people say that Betty is going to be beautiful because she is bi-racial that I already want to scream. I know for a fact that this almost never happens to black mothers expecting one-race babies, and I don’t quite understand why people feel that claiming that bi-racial babies are more attractive than one-race babies is an appropriate thing to say. Halle Berry is attractive, yes, but is she more attractive than Gabrielle Union, simply because she is bi-racial? I would argue no. Beauty is a complicated thing. Believe it or not there are places in this world where men would pass up Halle for a chance with Gabrielle. I think my dark-skinned, best friend Monique is the most attractive woman I know, and I don’t think she’d be any more attractive if you lightened up her skin.
Also, I don’t think women should be raised in general to think of their beauty as something that defines them on some kind of societal hierarchy. It’s much better to develop other facets like intelligence and personality — in that order. So what to do about this beauty situation? If it’s this bad now, sight-unseen, I can already see random people telling Betty all the time that she’s so very, very pretty because she’s bi-racial.
My extended family has a really embarrassing story they like to tell about me. Basically, when I was a child, I had a really awful habit of informing other children and adults that I was smarter than they were. My mother ignored this, but one of my many aunts was always like, “So, that don’t make you no better than anybody else” — and I’d judge her for her bad grammar and decide that I was also smarter than she was. Often out loud.
I cringe at the thought of Betty ever doing anything like this where beauty is concerned. I can see her calling a dark-skinned black girl ugly to her face and it drives me crazy.
I would really like her to be the kind of woman that thinks all women of all races are beautiful, period. But what to do when the world isn’t telling her that?
3) The Undue Pressure. I’ve had the feeling lately that more is expected out of bi-racial kids than one-race children. My father was thrilled when I told him I was pregnant. “Maybe you’ll have the next Obama.” He’s not the only one that has said this. If she’s athletic, will she be expected to be the next Tiger Woods. If she becomes an actress, will she be expected to be the next Halle Berry? I spent a lot of my 20s, feeling like I didn’t measure up to all of the expectations put on me, because I was an intelligent child. I don’t want Betty to feel the same way.
And last but not least:
4) I don’t know any other black and white parents in Los Angeles. In fact, I barely know any black people in Los Angeles. I’m not quite sure how this happened, and I’m rather ashamed to admit it, but somehow my life has become rather white-washed. Sometimes I go days without seeing another black person. This used not to bother me. I talk to my sister and by BFF on the phone a lot, almost every day. I Facebook with many of my black friends from St. Louis and other places. But somehow, I just don’t seem to know a lot of black people out here. I mostly stopped making deep-connection IRL friends after grad school, and for whatever reason a lot of my black friends are still on the east coast or in other parts of the country or world.
However, Betty probably won’t learn a lot from my long-distance black community. I’ve been feeling very, very confused about this. On one hand, I don’t want more friends. I have a lot of friends and I’m always feeling vaguely guilty about not making enough time for them. Also, I find something distasteful about going on a black friend hunt, just to up my Los Angeles numbers. However, how weird would it be for Betty to grow up with just me?
CH, interestingly enough, came up with the solution that I couldn’t see for this dilemma. As much as we love Silver Lake, the schools are mostly white and Latino. We need to move to a neighborhood with a more diverse school district before Betty turns six, so we’re working on that. I’ve also decided to up my annual 4-day visit to St. Louis to at least twice a year. And when Betty gets older, I’ll probably send her to live with my sister for 2 weeks every summer.
Still, I wonder if I’ll be able to pull off being a good mom to a bi-racial kid. It’s actually been keeping me up at night. But I guess in the end, I’m no different from every other mom on the planet. You can only do the best that you can and hope that it all turns out.
.
Ernessa you'll be a great mom. I was born and raised in the SF Bay Area, in my opinion the bi-racial capital of the world… and bi-racial of many stripes mostly black/white but also white/chinese; black/filipino; mexican/black… Silver Lake is a great place. As far as schools and diversity (as a former teacher) I can tell you there is no place with great diversity in LA. You'll have to move to the Bay Area. I loved my upbringing because before I was 10, I could recognize someone speaking Mandarin, Tagalog, Spanish or Vietnamese. I knew children from Cambodia, China, Vietnam, Mexico, El Salvador… I knew children who were Irish, Italian, Creole. There is an awesome school in LA called Crossroads which though private (and very expensive) works towards an ideal of diversity that I really admire. In order to get the best for Betty, her school environment is most important. My mother always told my sister and I, 'you too are pretty but anyone can be pretty, its important to be smart." And therein lies why I never took looks as important but admired folks who were intelligent– and strove to garner more knowledge each day I live and breathe. Bi-racial people are always in my life and I guess when I get down to the nitty gritty, I am multi racial myself (though I've always identified as Black.) Let me know if you ever want to talk to the bi racial folks I know here in LA. I am so very proud of you. Once you begin raising Betty (God, I love that name) you must write that book.
Ernessa you'll be a great mom. I was born and raised in the SF Bay Area, in my opinion the bi-racial capital of the world… and bi-racial of many stripes mostly black/white but also white/chinese; black/filipino; mexican/black… Silver Lake is a great place. As far as schools and diversity (as a former teacher) I can tell you there is no place with great diversity in LA. You'll have to move to the Bay Area. I loved my upbringing because before I was 10, I could recognize someone speaking Mandarin, Tagalog, Spanish or Vietnamese. I knew children from Cambodia, China, Vietnam, Mexico, El Salvador… I knew children who were Irish, Italian, Creole. There is an awesome school in LA called Crossroads which though private (and very expensive) works towards an ideal of diversity that I really admire. In order to get the best for Betty, her school environment is most important. My mother always told my sister and I, 'you too are pretty but anyone can be pretty, its important to be smart." And therein lies why I never took looks as important but admired folks who were intelligent– and strove to garner more knowledge each day I live and breathe. Bi-racial people are always in my life and I guess when I get down to the nitty gritty, I am multi racial myself (though I've always identified as Black.) Let me know if you ever want to talk to the bi racial folks I know here in LA. I am so very proud of you. Once you begin raising Betty (God, I love that name) you must write that book.
great post. lots of interesting thoughts.
"… all women of all races are beautiful, period. But what to do when the world isn’t telling her that?" — yeah, i see how this is frustrating, but since when does the world (esp. a world controlled by media) teach us what is truly important in life? those lessons come from parents, friends, and — hopefully — a solid community (school, church, neighbors).
it sounds like you're already doing your work as a responsible mother in just thinking about these things; you and CH seem to be on the right track, thinking about moving to a more diverse school district; and it's a great idea to send betty to your sister's, not only for the reasons discussed in this post, but because it's great for a child to experience other households. i used to spend summers with my aunt (without my parents) and i remember the first summer was such a wake up call… there was a whole new routine, new foods, new rules, new experiences — all of which i hated at first, then came to love, because difference is the essence of life.
like you said, you can only do your best. good thing your best is better than most, since you're more intelligent ;)
great post. lots of interesting thoughts.
"… all women of all races are beautiful, period. But what to do when the world isn’t telling her that?" — yeah, i see how this is frustrating, but since when does the world (esp. a world controlled by media) teach us what is truly important in life? those lessons come from parents, friends, and — hopefully — a solid community (school, church, neighbors).
it sounds like you're already doing your work as a responsible mother in just thinking about these things; you and CH seem to be on the right track, thinking about moving to a more diverse school district; and it's a great idea to send betty to your sister's, not only for the reasons discussed in this post, but because it's great for a child to experience other households. i used to spend summers with my aunt (without my parents) and i remember the first summer was such a wake up call… there was a whole new routine, new foods, new rules, new experiences — all of which i hated at first, then came to love, because difference is the essence of life.
like you said, you can only do your best. good thing your best is better than most, since you're more intelligent ;)
the fact that you're thinking about it means that you will do great! i am a biracial woman (white immigrant mom/black dad) and i think your daughter's growing up in a time when it might be easier for her to be biracial –at least easier for her to say it without any backlash. that's our hope with our podcast the the Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival http://www.mxroots.org.
the fact that you're thinking about it means that you will do great! i am a biracial woman (white immigrant mom/black dad) and i think your daughter's growing up in a time when it might be easier for her to be biracial –at least easier for her to say it without any backlash. that's our hope with our podcast the the Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival http://www.mxroots.org.
Side Note: The Tiger Woods “Cablinasian” thing drove me crazy! Not because I do not support his right to identify however he chooses, but because one minute he is stating that he does not want to be referred to as merely black because that it ignores his rich cultural heritage. But in the next breathe he is doing an million dollar advertisement for Nike, talking about “there are some golf courses I’m not even allowed to play on.” That ain’t because you’re “Cablinasian!”
Side Note: The Tiger Woods “Cablinasian” thing drove me crazy! Not because I do not support his right to identify however he chooses, but because one minute he is stating that he does not want to be referred to as merely black because that it ignores his rich cultural heritage. But in the next breathe he is doing an million dollar advertisement for Nike, talking about “there are some golf courses I’m not even allowed to play on.” That ain’t because you’re “Cablinasian!”
Oh Ernessa, what a thoughtful, thought-provoking post. I've got 2 half-black, half-puerto rican daughters (and maybe it's just me, but I think the issues multiply for girl babies) and I think about this stuff ALL the time. Especially because my first-born is considerably darker than the baby and people are always commenting on that, and comparing the two. I could never fit all my thoughts/experiences about this into a comment box, but if you want to chat, email me (the addy's on my FB page).
Oh Ernessa, what a thoughtful, thought-provoking post. I've got 2 half-black, half-puerto rican daughters (and maybe it's just me, but I think the issues multiply for girl babies) and I think about this stuff ALL the time. Especially because my first-born is considerably darker than the baby and people are always commenting on that, and comparing the two. I could never fit all my thoughts/experiences about this into a comment box, but if you want to chat, email me (the addy's on my FB page).
My best friend is raising 2 bi-racial kids (white/black) in Ohio, not LA, but I think the issues would apply — if you'd like to talk to a mom who's doing it (and I think pretty well), I would love to hook you two up. Let me know.
My best friend is raising 2 bi-racial kids (white/black) in Ohio, not LA, but I think the issues would apply — if you'd like to talk to a mom who's doing it (and I think pretty well), I would love to hook you two up. Let me know.
Betty's going to be a lucky girl. She's got parents who actually think about how to raise her to be happy and well-adjusted. That puts her ahead of the game already.
So here's a statement that might seem simplistic: I think the key is raising her to be a happy and well-adjusted child, not a happy and well-adjusted bi-racial child. I know: Bi-racial is a part of who she will be and can't be ducked or given short shrift, but remember to center yourself on the primary goal, and I think the secondary one takes care of itself. Because what you'll do is be honest with her in age appropriate ways.
Betty's going to be a lucky girl. She's got parents who actually think about how to raise her to be happy and well-adjusted. That puts her ahead of the game already.
So here's a statement that might seem simplistic: I think the key is raising her to be a happy and well-adjusted child, not a happy and well-adjusted bi-racial child. I know: Bi-racial is a part of who she will be and can't be ducked or given short shrift, but remember to center yourself on the primary goal, and I think the secondary one takes care of itself. Because what you'll do is be honest with her in age appropriate ways.
(Part two: my comments are always too long.)
To some extent you don't get to choose how she identifies yourself. And you're raising her in a different time and place than where and when you grew up. Not post-racial. But post-election of Obama, certainly. I look around at kids in LA and race doesn't seem to be as important to them. They seem to hang out in multi-racial, multi-gender groups much more easily than when I was a kid. Look at how many comments you got from people with experience with this. It's just more common than ever. Betty is who she is and she has two great parents with great backstories; all of that folds into who she will become. By all means, though, expose her to all of that, and as deeply as you can. Now I'm just blathering. She'll be fine. I can't wait to meet her.
(Part two: my comments are always too long.)
To some extent you don't get to choose how she identifies yourself. And you're raising her in a different time and place than where and when you grew up. Not post-racial. But post-election of Obama, certainly. I look around at kids in LA and race doesn't seem to be as important to them. They seem to hang out in multi-racial, multi-gender groups much more easily than when I was a kid. Look at how many comments you got from people with experience with this. It's just more common than ever. Betty is who she is and she has two great parents with great backstories; all of that folds into who she will become. By all means, though, expose her to all of that, and as deeply as you can. Now I'm just blathering. She'll be fine. I can't wait to meet her.
I'm going to be writing a post about this:) I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way! All you need to be worried about really is just raising your child to love themselves, love both their cultures, loves others. Cause when it comes down to it at the end of the day, its just important that your child is happy and loved. Not that your child is "black" or "white".
I'm going to be writing a post about this:) I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way! All you need to be worried about really is just raising your child to love themselves, love both their cultures, loves others. Cause when it comes down to it at the end of the day, its just important that your child is happy and loved. Not that your child is "black" or "white".
I think you'll do a great job raising your daughter. When she is born color won't even matter, but when she gets older she will probably start to learn about color thru others. Then the questions will start. Teach her to love both of her cultures. Let her learn yours and your husbands.
I'm not going to say my son is "black" because I am black, I will teach him he's white & black.
Biracial babies are cute, but so are all babies.
I use to get that a lot when I was pregnant. Oh your son is going to be so cute.
I also was told "oh you did good cause you married white, your husbands rich"-that one was so funny, especially since I make way more than hubby.
People have so many opinons on this matter, but I guess in time you and your family will figure it out.
When are you due?
I think you'll do a great job raising your daughter. When she is born color won't even matter, but when she gets older she will probably start to learn about color thru others. Then the questions will start. Teach her to love both of her cultures. Let her learn yours and your husbands.
I'm not going to say my son is "black" because I am black, I will teach him he's white & black.
Biracial babies are cute, but so are all babies.
I use to get that a lot when I was pregnant. Oh your son is going to be so cute.
I also was told "oh you did good cause you married white, your husbands rich"-that one was so funny, especially since I make way more than hubby.
People have so many opinons on this matter, but I guess in time you and your family will figure it out.
When are you due?
I absolutely hate when people say that things like “biracial children are so cute.” I actually find that statement incredibly offensive as a dark skinned black woman, because in effect what they are saying is light is more beautiful then dark. And that attitude is why young, dark skinned, black girls have severe self esteem issues that follow them throughout their lives. At least I know I did.
Sekou is cute and it is not because he is light skinned. And I am going to be very real with him about the whole light skinned/dark skinned thing and how that impacted African American history, literature and culture. How there was and still is places where your skin color dictates your social status. I hope to share with him my own struggles growing up and how that profoundly affected me for years. And then I am going to plead with him not to buy into any of that bullshit. Then I am going to pray that I never hear him saying that one girl in his class is prettier than the other because she is light skinned.
I absolutely hate when people say that things like “biracial children are so cute.” I actually find that statement incredibly offensive as a dark skinned black woman, because in effect what they are saying is light is more beautiful then dark. And that attitude is why young, dark skinned, black girls have severe self esteem issues that follow them throughout their lives. At least I know I did.
Sekou is cute and it is not because he is light skinned. And I am going to be very real with him about the whole light skinned/dark skinned thing and how that impacted African American history, literature and culture. How there was and still is places where your skin color dictates your social status. I hope to share with him my own struggles growing up and how that profoundly affected me for years. And then I am going to plead with him not to buy into any of that bullshit. Then I am going to pray that I never hear him saying that one girl in his class is prettier than the other because she is light skinned.
Every time I look into Sekou’s eyes, I worry so very deeply about whether or not I am prepared to raise a child let alone a biracial child, in his case half black and half white, in a racially-conscious and sometimes racially-charged world.
I am actively going to try and not encourage Sekou either way. Now this is hard for a mother who is a former African American Studies major, loves everything afro-centric and wants to loc is hair as soon as I can. But, I plan to tell him that he is biracial and expose him to both his white (actually German) roots and to his black (somewhere in West Africa) roots and see what happens. But I also plan to tell him that for a lot of people in America today, the one drop rule still applies. So socially, politically and economically he may be viewed as black no matter what. Hence why Barack Obama is referred to as “the first black president” and why Halle Berry is referred to as “the first black female Oscar winner.” But that just because other people want to put him inside a box, doesn’t mean he has to embrace that – the choice is his.
Every time I look into Sekou’s eyes, I worry so very deeply about whether or not I am prepared to raise a child let alone a biracial child, in his case half black and half white, in a racially-conscious and sometimes racially-charged world.
I am actively going to try and not encourage Sekou either way. Now this is hard for a mother who is a former African American Studies major, loves everything afro-centric and wants to loc is hair as soon as I can. But, I plan to tell him that he is biracial and expose him to both his white (actually German) roots and to his black (somewhere in West Africa) roots and see what happens. But I also plan to tell him that for a lot of people in America today, the one drop rule still applies. So socially, politically and economically he may be viewed as black no matter what. Hence why Barack Obama is referred to as “the first black president” and why Halle Berry is referred to as “the first black female Oscar winner.” But that just because other people want to put him inside a box, doesn’t mean he has to embrace that – the choice is his.
Hmm. I grew up in LA, and I went to (private) schools with tons of diversity. I had friends of every imaginable race, including many many kids of mixed ancestry in every possible permutation. But yeah, if we're talking public schools in LA proper, then there is a fair amount of segregation. Plenty of surrounding communities that are more diverse racially, though economic diversity doesn't seem to vary as widely as in the Bay Area within single schools.
Hmm. I grew up in LA, and I went to (private) schools with tons of diversity. I had friends of every imaginable race, including many many kids of mixed ancestry in every possible permutation. But yeah, if we're talking public schools in LA proper, then there is a fair amount of segregation. Plenty of surrounding communities that are more diverse racially, though economic diversity doesn't seem to vary as widely as in the Bay Area within single schools.
I know someone (who grew up in LA, of course) who is biracial but looks neither Black, nor White, nor biracial — often pegged as Latino, but anyway. He doesn't talk a lot about race, and has friends of every background, but he does check African-American when asked to check official boxes. One time in college he won an academic award from the African-American students association. He brought his White mom to the awards ceremony, because she's his mom and that's who you bring to awards ceremonies, never thinking about the racial implications. She was the only White person there out of hundreds, and they both felt like they got a lot of strange looks all night. Afterwards, people asked him who "that White lady" was. This was less than a decade ago.
Going back further in time, there's a story I always liked about Lenny Kravitz, whose mom was Roxie Roker (from the Jeffersons, half of one of TV's first interracial couples!). He was a light-skinned baby, and Roxie said that when she pushed his stroller through NYC, people assumed that he was White and that she was the maid.
I'd like to think that it will be better for Betty. Maybe she won't get so many of the stupid "What are you?" questions that I used to get, and people won't give strange looks when a certain parent accompanies her.
(FYI, Ernessa knows this, but I am not Black-White biracial. I am another combo.)
I know someone (who grew up in LA, of course) who is biracial but looks neither Black, nor White, nor biracial — often pegged as Latino, but anyway. He doesn't talk a lot about race, and has friends of every background, but he does check African-American when asked to check official boxes. One time in college he won an academic award from the African-American students association. He brought his White mom to the awards ceremony, because she's his mom and that's who you bring to awards ceremonies, never thinking about the racial implications. She was the only White person there out of hundreds, and they both felt like they got a lot of strange looks all night. Afterwards, people asked him who "that White lady" was. This was less than a decade ago.
Going back further in time, there's a story I always liked about Lenny Kravitz, whose mom was Roxie Roker (from the Jeffersons, half of one of TV's first interracial couples!). He was a light-skinned baby, and Roxie said that when she pushed his stroller through NYC, people assumed that he was White and that she was the maid.
I'd like to think that it will be better for Betty. Maybe she won't get so many of the stupid "What are you?" questions that I used to get, and people won't give strange looks when a certain parent accompanies her.
(FYI, Ernessa knows this, but I am not Black-White biracial. I am another combo.)
I always liked that commercial. When that commercial came out, his statement was true — certain courses (and the people who ran them, along with many other people) didn't care what kind of mix he was, they only saw a Black man. The discrimination was real, even if the justification for the discrimination was false. Just like 18th century "octoroons" were still considered Black if they were 1/8 Black and 7/8 White. There's a lot of rounding up (or rounding down, depending how you look at it) with race, esp. by those who are not interested in our rich cultural heritage.
I am well aware that the statement was true. However, I think it is hypocritical to identify as black only when it's profitable.
I always liked that commercial. When that commercial came out, his statement was true — certain courses (and the people who ran them, along with many other people) didn't care what kind of mix he was, they only saw a Black man. The discrimination was real, even if the justification for the discrimination was false. Just like 18th century "octoroons" were still considered Black if they were 1/8 Black and 7/8 White. There's a lot of rounding up (or rounding down, depending how you look at it) with race, esp. by those who are not interested in our rich cultural heritage.
I am well aware that the statement was true. However, I think it is hypocritical to identify as black only when it's profitable.
Hi, just stumbled across your blog –
Check out http://www.mavinfoundation.org/ – good resource for multi-racial children/parents.
best wishes!
Hi, just stumbled across your blog –
Check out http://www.mavinfoundation.org/ – good resource for multi-racial children/parents.
best wishes!
Here by way of Womanist Musings.
It seems that you have answered your own questions. At least, I hope you have. I realize that you pose the above questions because you are searching. However, nobody can tell you how to raise your child, bi-racial or otherwise. I think that success in child rearing comes from deep, regular and continuous self-examination of the self. Not many adults do it- parenting or non-parenting, White or of color, male or female, etc. But, I cannot see how anyone who decides to parent can raise a healthy and well-adjusted child without doing so.
You say that there aren't many books on the topic of bi-racial child rearing. Really? I just did a Google search, which produced some titles. You may also want to check out the blog, Anti-Racist Parent, if you haven't already discovered it.
Re: where you live: I think it's more important to surround your child with as many different types of people as possible, and not just Caucasian and Black. I am, however, perplexed re: the following: "I’m not quite sure how this happened, and I’m rather ashamed to admit it, but somehow my life has become rather white-washed." If this isn't what you really want, you need to give serious thought to what it is that you do want.
That said, I, as a non-biracial Black woman, grew up in a predominately White suburb, and, as you say, my entire life has been "whitewashed." But, I think in many ways for the better. The decision my parents made back in 1971 to move to a predominately White suburb changed my life and my brother's life in ways that have been so very positive, and have made us into the very people we are today. Of course, there have always been Black folk in our lives, but, we've reached out and expanded well beyond our own racial group.
I do think that many people enter into bi-racial relationships and begin producing children without doing much thinking beforehand. I am not saying that this is your situation, but, given my experiences with bi-racial children, I have seen this scenario bare itself out too many times.
Best.
Here by way of Womanist Musings.
It seems that you have answered your own questions. At least, I hope you have. I realize that you pose the above questions because you are searching. However, nobody can tell you how to raise your child, bi-racial or otherwise. I think that success in child rearing comes from deep, regular and continuous self-examination of the self. Not many adults do it- parenting or non-parenting, White or of color, male or female, etc. But, I cannot see how anyone who decides to parent can raise a healthy and well-adjusted child without doing so.
You say that there aren't many books on the topic of bi-racial child rearing. Really? I just did a Google search, which produced some titles. You may also want to check out the blog, Anti-Racist Parent, if you haven't already discovered it.
Re: where you live: I think it's more important to surround your child with as many different types of people as possible, and not just Caucasian and Black. I am, however, perplexed re: the following: "I’m not quite sure how this happened, and I’m rather ashamed to admit it, but somehow my life has become rather white-washed." If this isn't what you really want, you need to give serious thought to what it is that you do want.
That said, I, as a non-biracial Black woman, grew up in a predominately White suburb, and, as you say, my entire life has been "whitewashed." But, I think in many ways for the better. The decision my parents made back in 1971 to move to a predominately White suburb changed my life and my brother's life in ways that have been so very positive, and have made us into the very people we are today. Of course, there have always been Black folk in our lives, but, we've reached out and expanded well beyond our own racial group.
I do think that many people enter into bi-racial relationships and begin producing children without doing much thinking beforehand. I am not saying that this is your situation, but, given my experiences with bi-racial children, I have seen this scenario bare itself out too many times.
Best.
Here are the two titles I located via a Google search:
Is That Your Child?: Mothers Talk About Rearing Biracial Children (2008)
You're Chocolate, I'm Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World (2000)
Here are the two titles I located via a Google search:
Is That Your Child?: Mothers Talk About Rearing Biracial Children (2008)
You're Chocolate, I'm Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World (2000)
Ernessa – I saw your blog on mixedchild and loved it! I'm an Irish/Scottish/Ukranian woman married to a Jamaican/Chinese man! We have two beautiful boys, aged 2yrs and 4yrs. Right now, they are happy, well adjusted and confident kids. I have to admit that I didn't give much thought to how my kids would identify or what I would tell them about being mixed. My husband and I mix and match lots of things in our lives. For example, when we have a birthday party, we not only have birthday cake but also black cake. Easter brings apple pies and bun. Fun!
We are fortunate to live in the Bronx where there are MANY mixed children! Our neighbors are a nice couple -he's black and she's Puerto Rican and our kids play together. Check out Loving Day and Swirl – both are located here in NY, but there's no reason they can't spread to the west coast!No matter how you cut it, parenting is flying by the seat of your pants! Best of luck to you!
Ernessa – I saw your blog on mixedchild and loved it! I'm an Irish/Scottish/Ukranian woman married to a Jamaican/Chinese man! We have two beautiful boys, aged 2yrs and 4yrs. Right now, they are happy, well adjusted and confident kids. I have to admit that I didn't give much thought to how my kids would identify or what I would tell them about being mixed. My husband and I mix and match lots of things in our lives. For example, when we have a birthday party, we not only have birthday cake but also black cake. Easter brings apple pies and bun. Fun!
We are fortunate to live in the Bronx where there are MANY mixed children! Our neighbors are a nice couple -he's black and she's Puerto Rican and our kids play together. Check out Loving Day and Swirl – both are located here in NY, but there's no reason they can't spread to the west coast!No matter how you cut it, parenting is flying by the seat of your pants! Best of luck to you!
I to have a biracial little girl. Teach her that everyones beauty is based on their personality. Teach that she does not have to fit into a label. Bi-racial is not what or who she is it is apart a small part of where she came from. It has nothing to do with who she is or what she grows up to be.
I to have a biracial little girl. Teach her that everyones beauty is based on their personality. Teach that she does not have to fit into a label. Bi-racial is not what or who she is it is apart a small part of where she came from. It has nothing to do with who she is or what she grows up to be.
The fact that you care means you'll be a great mother. i would not push them in either direction. i am biracial and my mom is black. that is what my parents did and i came out fine. though unlike most i never really took a side i am as neutral as they come,as a result nearly all of my friends are Asian, really . Though i don't advise encouraging going that far , just encourage your kids to respect both.
Yes, I think letting her know that she can choose to identify as both, even when others tell her she has to choose will be the must. I don't care what race her friends are, as long as she's comfortable with herself.
The fact that you care means you'll be a great mother. i would not push them in either direction. i am biracial and my mom is black. that is what my parents did and i came out fine. though unlike most i never really took a side i am as neutral as they come,as a result nearly all of my friends are Asian, really . Though i don't advise encouraging going that far , just encourage your kids to respect both.
Yes, I think letting her know that she can choose to identify as both, even when others tell her she has to choose will be the must. I don't care what race her friends are, as long as she's comfortable with herself.
It bothers me that you appear to be very hard and negative towards “black” people. Black is not one dimensional but in your descriptions you tend to put them all in a box. And, if you ask the right person or eavesdrop on the right conversation you can hear the same negative backlash from whites. Have you heard the flack that Obama has been getting lately from the GOP and largely white conservatives? So, be fair. Ultimately, raise your child the way you see fit. And, know that the whole sweeping generalization about biracial children being sad and confused unttrue. If you read correctly, you would know that they tend to fair just as well as whites and better than their black counterparts. I had been wondering why I am having trouble reading your book and now I see… Why not take it upon yourself to illustrate the beautiful diversity within the black community instead of allowing yourself to be completely “whitewashed” as you put it? I mean, do you pride yourself in feeling like you are token black? The lone ranger? It is really cliche. And, please do not do that to your child.