![Oh, It’s Tuesday: The Guilt of Leaving [Wassup Scotland!]](https://fierceandnerdy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/castlestalkerscotland.jpg)
Oh, It’s Tuesday: The Guilt of Leaving [Wassup Scotland!]
Castle Stalker Credit: bluestardrop
So I’m five chapters away from being done with the rough draft of the follow-up to 32 CANDLES, and I just found a fairly cheap ticket to Scotland, which will allow me to stopover in France on my way back to the States. And oh hey, I would be leaving at the end of this month. Since it’s just me, I’ve got places to stay in both Scotland and France, and I can write most of the trip off, since it’s for research.
Exciting, right?
Not so much, I can’t stop feeling guilty about leaving Betty and CH and my MIL for a whole week.
The practical side of my brain says that I’ve got to work and that it would be silly not to layover in France for a few days, since my writing exchange partner lives there, and when will I get such an opportunity again? Also, of all the times to leave Betty, this is probably the best, since she’s in full routine, taking regular naps and going to sleep fairly easy; and while she’ll definitely notice that I’m gone, she won’t remember it in the long-run.
But the guilty mom in me feels bad that I’ll be having fun while others attend to my baby, that I’ll be going to two countries that my husband would love to visit himself, that Betty will not be happy for a day or two before she gets used to my missing presence.
And the feminist in me is just mad, because if I was a male writer had the resources I had, he’d probably be off without near this much fret. I’m reminded of this Malcolm Gladwell article about a write-at-home dad who made several trips to the Dominican Republican to research his short story collection — and he didn’t even have a book deal.
Still, I’d be interested to hear from moms and dads on this subject. How did you handle it the first time you left your family for an extended period of time? Any suggestions would be mightily appreciated.
The first time we really left Sekou for an extended period of time was this past January when we went away for 8 days to Jamaica for our ten year anniversary. Even though this was a trip that was in the plan for years, I felt pretty guilty leading up to it. Plus we were taking Sekou out of his comfort zone (and awaye from his normal child care provider and routine) and leaving him with my in-laws. I felt like the worst parent in the world when I put him down that night knowing that I would not be there when he woke up in the morning.
But alas, we all survived!
Sekou spent some precious bonding time with his paternal grandparents (maybe a bit too much according to my MIL) and we spent some much needed time together reconnecting as partners, not just as parents. We had an amazing trip and we made arrangements in advance to talk to Sekou every other night on Skype, which worked really well (more for my benefit then Sekou's).
The first time we really left Sekou for an extended period of time was this past January when we went away for 8 days to Jamaica for our ten year anniversary. Even though this was a trip that was in the plan for years, I felt pretty guilty leading up to it. Plus we were taking Sekou out of his comfort zone (and awaye from his normal child care provider and routine) and leaving him with my in-laws. I felt like the worst parent in the world when I put him down that night knowing that I would not be there when he woke up in the morning.
But alas, we all survived!
Sekou spent some precious bonding time with his paternal grandparents (maybe a bit too much according to my MIL) and we spent some much needed time together reconnecting as partners, not just as parents. We had an amazing trip and we made arrangements in advance to talk to Sekou every other night on Skype, which worked really well (more for my benefit then Sekou's).
Kids are so unbelievably resilient Ernessa. She might wriggle a little bit at first but in the long run, she won't remember (or care) one little bit. The only person this will affect is you. In the long term, Betty will grow up to be an independent and self-assured woman who will be proud and inspired by the accomplishments of her mother. You must remember that once you are a mother, part of all your achievements are for your kids and family as much as they are for you. So come over and see us and pack your excitement so you can return to your beautiful little girl with tales to inspire her!! I'm sure that's worth missing out on a few days' cuddles…
Kids are so unbelievably resilient Ernessa. She might wriggle a little bit at first but in the long run, she won't remember (or care) one little bit. The only person this will affect is you. In the long term, Betty will grow up to be an independent and self-assured woman who will be proud and inspired by the accomplishments of her mother. You must remember that once you are a mother, part of all your achievements are for your kids and family as much as they are for you. So come over and see us and pack your excitement so you can return to your beautiful little girl with tales to inspire her!! I'm sure that's worth missing out on a few days' cuddles…
(CONTINUED….) I know it always feels like we are torn as working mothers between our careers and our children, but they both encompass who we are and that is okay. No guilt. Your're daughter is in a great place with a firm routine and excellent caregivers. Go on your trip, make arrangements to talk on Skype and in between working get some rest (I bet you could use it).
(CONTINUED….) I know it always feels like we are torn as working mothers between our careers and our children, but they both encompass who we are and that is okay. No guilt. Your're daughter is in a great place with a firm routine and excellent caregivers. Go on your trip, make arrangements to talk on Skype and in between working get some rest (I bet you could use it).
i haven't gone that far away, but think of it this way. when she's older and she starts asking about what you do and what sacrifices you made, when you answer you know you will be teaching her. you will know that you are showing her how to look out for herself, follow her own dreams. skype or do whatever you need to do to stay connected. have a wonderful trip.
i haven't gone that far away, but think of it this way. when she's older and she starts asking about what you do and what sacrifices you made, when you answer you know you will be teaching her. you will know that you are showing her how to look out for herself, follow her own dreams. skype or do whatever you need to do to stay connected. have a wonderful trip.