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Oh, It’s Tuesday: What Kind of Annoying Facebooker Are You?

Photo Credit: Sarah Perez
Photo Credit: Sarah Perez

One of my Facebook friends posted this CNN rundown of the 12 Most Annoying Types of Facebookers w/ the note, “You know who you are!”

Well, I definitely know who I am. I’m an unabashed mix of the “The Let-Me-Tell-You-Everything-About-Your-Day Bore” and “The Self-Promoter” — most of my 9 to 5 posts involve promoting Fierce and Nerdy. And the rest are things like: “Reading a wonderful book by Attica Locke” and “Betty just head-butted me” and “Should I be embarrassed or proud that little Betty is big belcher?” and “Thinking of buying some running shoes. Any suggestions?” and “Trying to work up the inspiration to get out bed. Mind is willing. Body is all ‘I don’t think so.'”

I have been de-friended for being not one but two annoying types of Facebooker, but I don’t care. I love FaN and I think my Facebook friends should know about the posts that go up here. I also love my Facebook friends who along with me post about every aspect of their day. I don’t find it boring, I find it interesting, and apparently so do a lot of people or Facebook wouldn’t be so popular.

In the end, what’s annoying to one person is “the very reason I use Facebook” to another person, and I think complaining about these types when you have a perfectly useful de-friending option is probably just another way to feed the ever-hungry content dragon.

Still it was a pretty funny rundown. See the list after the jump and let us know which kind of annoying Facebooker you are in the comments. In my opin, we’re all at least one of these annoying types of Facebookers — unless you’re one of those people who gets on Facebook, posts one pic, engages a bunch of friends then is never heard from again, in which case you should still confess in the comments, b/c that’s kind of annoying, too.

Here’s the list:

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. “I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.

The Town Crier. “Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. “Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. “So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. “Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you’ll be talking to them and they’ll mention something you posted, so you know they’re on your page, hiding in the shadows. It’s just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realize how idiotic they are.” [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party — a photo you didn’t authorize and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Maddening Obscurist. “If not now then when?” “You’ll see…” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious — just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. “Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which ‘Star Trek’ character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ’25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?”

[Source: CNN]